


carpe noctem

by annarasumanara



Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon (Main Video Game Series), Pocket Monsters: Sun & Moon | Pokemon Sun & Moon Versions
Genre: Alola isn't a perfect vacation paradise, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anxiety, Coming of Age, Cultural Differences, Depression, Gen, Heavy Angst, How on earth do people not have a problem with their first champion being from another region, Politics, Team Skull addressed in a serious manner, Worldbuilding
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-09
Updated: 2018-11-04
Packaged: 2018-11-29 16:42:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 105,641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11444886
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/annarasumanara/pseuds/annarasumanara
Summary: When Professor Kukui first revealed his plan for a Pokemon League, he was met with heavy resistance from an Alola lost without its guardians and afraid of change. Beneath the region's pleasant tourist image lies a cruel battleground of politics and controversy, so when a Kantoan girl gains the favor of Tapu Koko, Alola rushes toward a point of no return. Pokemon Moon novelization.





	1. event horizon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An attempt at a novelization of Pokemon Moon with three goals:
> 
> 1\. Characterize the player character, with a focus on what it would take to become the first champion.  
> 2\. Expand upon the UB and Pokemon League plots presented in the game.  
> 3\. Focus on interesting characters who didn't get the same story presence as Lillie - Tapu Koko, Gladion, Professor Kukui, etc.
> 
> Please bear with me - I hope I've imagined up a story worth telling! I won't be adding any elements from Ultra Moon, so if any do appear, it's really just a coincidence.
> 
> A thanks to the friends who gave me the confidence to make this story a reality. You know who you are. : )

**o. event horizon**

* * *

Moon rubbed at her eyes once, twice, before she moved a hand to cover yet another yawn. She'd been staring at her laptop monitor so long that, that -

That -

Where on earth was she going with that train of thought?

With a weary sigh, the girl pinched the bridge of her nose, but the action only made her feel even more exhausted and lethargic than she already was. The thirteen year old girl slumped forward onto her desk, resting her head on top of her arms, before squinting frustratedly at the bright screen for the hundredth time that hour. It'd be nice if she could somehow will Professor Kukui into calling her soon.

Not that things worked like that, of course.

The professor was most certainly a busy man, and Moon had no delusions that she was at the top of his priority list when he probably had much better things to be doing. It was already incredible that the man insisted on having consistent video calls with her, some girl who just happened to be moving Alola. Though now that she thought about it, Professor Kukui seemed unreasonably involved in the arrangements - handling the paperwork for her mother and her own application for Alolan citizenship, finding them a house, taking the time to get to know the mother-daughter duo...

The girl shook her head and let out a low sigh. She honestly wasn't sure why he was doing so much for her and her mother, but she probably wouldn't be able to figure it out herself anytime soon.

Having deprived herself of something to mull over, Moon nervously shifted in her seat a few times, not sure how else to channel her anxiousness. It was maddening almost, the way nothing was really happening - no wonder anticipation could drive people mad with paranoia. All she could was sit there, dutifully waiting by the computer for Professor Kukui's call, and try not to scream because of how helpless she felt, trapped in a situation that just feel so wrong.

Moon and her mother had spent the past week preparing to leave Kanto forever, but she still couldn't accept that fact, couldn't accept what her senses told her.

In the unsettling silence of a now barren, impersonal bedroom, Moon could make out the incessant, unnervingly loud sound of her mother's slippers shuffling across the wooden floors of their soon to be not-home. For the past week, the soft scraping sound had plagued the girl, maddeningly lodging itself into her ears.

It didn't make sense, really. With her mother holed up in her room for work most days, her slippers used to be a comforting reminder of the woman's presence. Now, it only filled the girl with dread and strange sort of sadness that she couldn't stand, as if her mother was part of some week long funeral procession.

Then again, wasn't life as she had always known good as dead now?

Grimly, Moon regarded her bedroom. Her once precious safe haven from the world was now featureless and cold and not really hers anymore. If anything, the haphazard stacks of boxes that she'd mindlessly put together felt like the bars of a prison cell. Somewhere along the way, home had become suffocating, unbearable, not home, and her heart, weary and tattered and somehow still beating, had resigned itself to that fact long ago.

 _Right_ , the girl thought.  _It wasn't like I was actually any happier before._

Days where she'd been happy… Those days felt like a distant, fleeting dream. Ever since a year ago, when she had been told they were moving to a place far, far away, ever since almost two years ago, when her childhood had met a tragic, miserable end, Moon had forced herself to make it through each and every day because her mother deserved so more than the little her own daughter could give in return.

If her mother wanted to move, then Moon would follow without question. That was all there was to it. Her own feelings weren't important if her mother could be happy.

Her mother deserved whatever she wanted.

Unfortunately, her mother wanted Moon to be happy, and the woman had become convinced that a change of scenery could help her daughter out of her slump.

Was it really that easy, though? If she really thought about it, the prospect of moving to Alola wasn't so bad, but the reason behind it only left a sour taste in her mouth.

Would moving really change anything? Was it even the right thing to do in the first place?

Plagued by these questions yet again, the thirteen year old girl let herself sink back into her swivel chair, her mind numb with doubt and indecisiveness. Moon could argue either - the pros and cons were pretty straightforward. However, her problem was that she hadn't been able to choose between a simple yes or no in the first place.

She couldn't choose.

How could she choose when the one variable of the situation could ruin everything? How on earth was she supposed to have any faith in herself? How could she do anything right when she was afraid of all the what if's? All of the things that she would lose by picking one over the other? All of the obstacles that she didn't believe she could overcome? All of the room for failure, regardless of what she chose?

It was like trying to build a tower of cards knowing that it would come crashing down if she so much as breathed funny. Moon couldn't handle that disappointment, much less pick herself back up afterwards and steel herself to try again. One failure was already one too much for her to bear.

She was so fragile, so pathetic, so  _shameful_ , and the cold, hard truth made the familiar burn of tears seize her throat and eyes. Everyone else was better than this.

Why couldn't she?

A faint sense of resentment, anger even, bubbled amidst all her self loathing. Moon had been the victim, the one who had been undeniably broken by what had happened two years ago.

So why the hell was she the one still trying to piece herself together? Why was she the one forced to find some place else? The sudden injustice of it all left Moon with the urge to want to smash something again.

But at the edge of her peripheries, the gray urn lying by the base of her desk came into view, and Moon instinctively went rigid.

Right. She  _had_  screwed up, and someone else paid the price in her place.

Disgusting.

A familiar sorrow bubbled up in her throat, unspoken sorries and pleas for forgiveness drying up as they left her mouth. They came out strangled and ugly - a long, shuddering exhale that, somewhere along the way, had transformed her grief into a pathetic kind of self pity.

Moon could feel herself trembling, trembling as if she was struggling to rein in some terrible evil that lurked inside her, and she wanted to laugh at the stupid analogy. She was just a silly little girl who had barely lived longer than a decade, and here she was, trying to drown herself in the tears she had shed over silly, stupid reasons.

Even so, the whole situation was unbearable.

Absolutely  _unbearable_  to that point that she almost wanted… almost wanted to... almost wanted to die, just so that she could spare herself her own self inflicted misery.

Yet, at the same time, the thought of dying absolutely terrified Moon, trapping the girl in a torturous limbo where being alive was both a punishment and a relief.

And wasn't that just pathetic? Her whole existence seemed to center itself around contradictions that she knew she should ashamed of harboring. Regardless of what she did, her thoughts knew exactly which bits of mental gymnastics to use in order to bruise her self confidence, leaving ugly blemishes upon her person that would inevitably disgust other people.

She really was hopeless, wasn't she?

A soft coo broke the silence, as if to tell her  _no, you're wrong_. Moon blinked once and found herself back inside her dark not-bedroom, eye to eye with her rowlet. The little pokemon regarded its trainer with such visible concern that the girl felt guilty for letting such unhealthy habits get the better of her.

"Thanks," the girl murmured as the rowlet landed onto her lap.

Right. She  _wasn't_  hopeless.

There were definitely things she could do, things she could think to stop herself from plunging headfirst down slippery slopes. She just had to try harder. Just had to pay more attention.

The girl gently stroked the rowlet's head, the pokemon delicately hopping forward so that it could nuzzle her stomach. Not satisfied with just that gesture, the rowlet carefully nudged at her arm with one of its feet, prompting Moon to pick it up and let it perch on her shoulder. It did its best to bury its face into her neck, and the girl closed her eyes, savoring the familiar, soothing sensation. The rowlet's quiet, little chirps always grounded the girl back to reality, and Moon let herself focus on the sweet sound, on the soft feathers brushing against her neck, on the proof that Moon didn't have to face her demons alone.

So when her computer began to ring, the little video call icon shaking furiously, Moon opened her eyes and took a slow, deep breath.

She could do this. She was capable of amazing things if she put her mind to it.

Determined, the girl moved the mouse cursor over to the video call icon, only to falter and let it dither there. Her rowlet lightly nipped at her ear, clearly disapproving of how fast she'd lost her conviction.

"I can't help it," Moon whispered pathetically. "When you think about it, the odds of me screwing up aren't going to magically improve."

The rowlet only snorted into her ear, familiar with its trainer's usual nonsense.  _With that attitude, of course not._

"You just don't get it," the girl insisted. "There's choices to make, expectations to meet, people to disappoint… D-don't give me that look! Y-you know it's true!"

The rowlet rolled its eyes, bracing itself for the inevitable ramble.

"...Though it would probably be really bad if I didn't take the call, right? The professor would just call again and again and then Mother would find out and ask me why I didn't just pick up the first time -"

Moon found herself paling at the thought of that confrontation.

"I, I can't deal with that! (Her rowlet chirped in agreement. It would be disastrous.) I'd have to explain, no wait,  _apologize_  to the professor why I couldn't just click on an icon, but he might hate me anyways and I, I c-can't have that! Not when -"

The faint click of the computer mouse made the girl pause, and much to her horror, Moon looked down at her right hand to find the rowlet sitting on it. When it met her gaze, the little pokemon offered her a simple tilt of its head towards the laptop monitor.

"You didn't," the girl said in disbelief, revising that thought as the rowlet shamelessly nodded in disagreement.

Helplessly coming the realization that the screen was now buffering, Moon shot her pokemon a frantic look. If the rowlet was going to toss her headfirst into this uncomfortable situation, it'd better have the decency to offer some moral support. As the video sharpened in quality, putting herself face to face with the famous Alolan Professor Kukui himself, Moon took slight comfort in her rowlet softly scratching the back of her hand with its feet.

Plastering the most picture perfect smile she could on her face, Moon hoped that she could hold in the scream.

"Hang on now," the man said, reaching up to adjust his camera. "Just gimme a sec."

Gifted with a quite detailed close up of the professor's, erm, chest, Moon bit her lip, attempting to stave off the inevitable blush and keep her mouth shut. Oh  _why_  did the man hate shirts?

Not that she would ever ask him that to his face. Explaining that to her mother would be quite…

She shuddered. Let's not think about that.

"Hey there, Moon! Good evening!" Professor Kukui said cheerily, waving a hand rather obnoxiously in front of the camera.

He paused for a moment, clearly noticing something as he leaned his face further into the camera. Out of instinct, Moon scooted her chair back a little, trying not to cringe at how the wheels of her chair loudly scraped against the wooden floor.

"Pretty sure it's not evening over in Kanto," he commented. "Why is it so dark on your end?"

"Er..." Moon weakly offered in response, mentally scrambling to come up with an acceptable explanation.

Even though calls with the Alolan professor had been monthly for almost a year, Moon had always kept the man at an emotional arm's length. She had never been completely honest to him about her feelings, a behavior that really defeated the purpose of having regular conversations to help her with her moving anxieties.

As the dreaded day had come closer and closer, Moon had taken to sleeping whenever she could. The girl couldn't standing being left alone to her own thoughts, thoughts that always expected the worst. Curtains drawn and lights off, she could pretend that it was night all the time, and when it was night, Moon wasn't obligated to do anything other than lie in bed and think herself to sleep. No having to deal with things like moving to another region, gradually tearing her home apart until it became a house she didn't recognize, having to say awkward goodbyes to people she didn't really know…

Yes, Moon knew how childish it was to think she could avoid the inevitable forever, but she'd try to anyways.

The girl faked a cough to partially obscure her face and avoid answering the man's question, feeling uncomfortable under the professor's growing scrutiny. Yes, she had probably dug herself into a hole yet again, but being honest with the professor on the eve of the move seemed like a terrible idea.

It probably wouldn't hurt to sweep this one incident under the rug, right? She could start off on a clean slate from here on out, and nobody would know any better.

Silently trying to reassure herself about such things, Moon moved to get up out of her chair, mumbling an inaudible "sorry" to the professor that he simply waved off. She halted when the lights came on by themselves, her rowlet dutifully flying by the switch.

"Thanks Watmel," she told the pokemon, praying to Arceus that the professor would drop the question. If she didn't have to deal with the topic any further, she'd feel a lot less guilty. It wasn't like Moon was trying to deceive the professor or anything, she was just… reluctant to divulge that kind of stuff. Yeah. Let's go with that.

Thankfully, the professor only smiled, seemingly distracted by the off screen presence of her pokemon. "Good to see that you're getting along well with the rowlet I gave you."

"Yeah," the girl agreed, the response coming out a bit too much like a relieved sigh.

_Damn it, don't think about that, it makes perfect sense in context._

"Pretty cute and also pretty smart, in spite of how she looks." Watmel cooed in agreement, flying over to Moon upon hearing the professor's familiar voice. It silently landed on the desk, walking over so it could get a look at the laptop monitor, chirping happily upon seeing the man's face.

"Hey there Rowlet!" Professor Kukui said, grinning widely upon seeing how well the pokemon had adjusted to living in another region.

"So, you like it in Kanto?"

The rowlet nodded repeatedly, as if to get the point across.

"You like Moon?"

Even more furious nodding.

"...You wanna come back to me?"

The rowlet paused to consider the question before it turned away from the screen and walked over to Moon. With a single, sharp chirp that Moon had come to recognize as "hold me!", Watmel promptly hopped into its trainer's arms, squirmed around until it was comfortable, and then turned to face the professor.

With that done, the small pokemon began shaking its head, doing so even faster ("Watmel!" Moon scolded, affronted by this behavior that she hadn't taught the rowlet) when the professor pretended to gasp in offense. However, the man soon broke out into laughter, having to remove his glasses for a moment so he could wipe away the tears from his eyes.

"Guess it's my loss then. She's all yours, Moon." He chuckled a little before shaking his head in defeat, though the proud smile on his face suggested otherwise. "But I have to get this straight - you nicknamed her after a  _berry_?"

Moon shrugged. "Why not? And how'd you guess that?"

"Well, everyone calls me  _Professor_  Kukui for a reason," he pretended to boast, giving her a big, infectious smile and a firm thumbs up. "Gotta be pretty smart, you know - they don't just give the 'Professor of Pokemon' title to any ol' person."

"Considering that they gave you of all people that title..." she replied jokingly, resisting the urge to giggle at how dramatically the man threw up his hands.

"Kids these days… Not one drop of respect for their elders!" Professor Kukui said in disbelief, exaggeratedly shaking his head. "So, little miss genius, why don't  _you_  tell me why Alola is chock full of nothin' but rare pokemon?"

"Well, Alola is made up of several islands that are separated by water, so it's kinda of like how there's unique pokemon in different regions? Just… on a smaller level, I guess."

"Oh my, you don't sound so sure of yourself."

Moon faked an indignant huff. Having this kind of conversation with the professor was always nice. "I'm not the expert - you are!"

"All right, I'll give you that one," he laughed. "Anyhow, that's the most accepted explanation for the diversity of Alolan pokemon. Such mysterious creatures! You find 'em all over - in the grass, in the caves, in the sky and sea…"

Towards the end, the professor's voice began to drift off, and Moon felt almost uncomfortable to be witness to how much passion the man had for his work and region. It just seemed too good to be true. No matter how much the adults around her tried to reassure again and again that she could follow her dreams, could do whatever she set out to be, she could only think of her mother.

No one would ever wish to be trapped in her own home by her own daughter, alone in raising a child. Yet in spite of all her hard work, all her hopes and dreams, fate had brought her mother here, leaving her to the mercy of things far out of the woman's control.

"But yeah!" Professor Kukui continued. "Here in Alola, we love our pokemon, and we depend on them heaps, too. Some of us even battle with 'em, if we call ourselves Pokemon Trainers!"

Here, the professor paused, and Moon, though still troubled by her previous train of thought, immediately picked up on how his smile seemed to tighten at the corners. What did Pokemon Trainers have to do with…

 _Oh no,_  Moon thought with dread.  _Not this again._

And the professor recognized this too, starting off slow in hopes of easing the girl into the touchy topic he was approaching. "Moon…"

However, to Moon, that softer, more serious tone only felt foreign and that much more terrifying.

"Are you sure you don't want to reconsider getting your trainer's licens - Hey!"

All of a sudden, a small pokemon shoved its face in the camera, and Moon's heart almost stopped then and there. Not out of fear as she was bracing herself for but because it was so adorable.

"So cute..." Moon said weakly, a pathetic sort of longing in her voice that cute things just coaxed out her. The little puppy pokemon barked happily at the comment, leaning forward to lick the camera, though with quick thinking, the professor managed to grab and pull it away before that could happen.

Watmel, still nestled in its trainer's arms, let out a single loud chirp, as if demanding its trainer's attention, but Moon only nodded absently, giving the rowlet a distracted, half hearted pat. Not fully satisfied by the gesture, the rowlet wriggled out of Moon's arms, returning to its favorite perch on her shoulder where it could leer at the offending pokemon on the computer screen.

"Rockruff!" Professor Kukui exclaimed, ducking out of his webcamera's line of sight, probably to set the pokemon down on the floor. "Can you wait until I'm done talkin' to play?!"

As he came back into view, the man gave Moon a mildly apologetic look. Though when Watmel accepted the apology in its trainer's place with a pleased coo, Moon could tell that the man was trying very hard to suppress an amused snicker.

"All right, where was I?" the professor said, scratching his head, more distracted by his rockruff's interruption than the girl had expected.

"You said last time that you wanted one last call before we left so you could finish up some paperwork," Moon quickly cut in. The professor's rockruff had given her an incredible opportunity, and she wasn't going to let it go to waste. "You also wanted to check up on Watmel, but I think you can tell she's doing fine here."

"Right!" the professor exclaimed, sifting through a decently neat stack on papers on his desk. "I gotta ask you some questions about yourself so I can introduce you to everybody!"

"I already finished all your paperwork by the way," the man added, carefully picking out a few sheets and setting them aside "I may not look like it, but I actually try my best to get things done ahead of time - Hey! Cut the certified Professor of Pokemon some slack over here!"

"I can't help it," Moon giggled. "You look absolutely nothing like - Arceus, I look terrible."

An assortment of photos had popped up on the screen, and instinctively the girl recoiled. When on earth had her mother had given the professor all those photos? Covering her eyes with one hand, Moon cursed her mother's tendency to shamelessly show off pictures of her precious little girl. Without said precious little girl's opinion.

"You're right. I most certainly look nothing like a legendary pokemon," Professor Kukui said with a hint of amusement. "Speaking of appearances, you like any of these?"

"The one that's the least ugliest. I trust your opinion."

The man only shook his head, sadly familiar with Moon's usual lack of self esteem.

"All right then, don't blame me if you hate the one I've picked. ...This one good?"

One of the photos expanded to encompass the entire screen, and Moon couldn't help but smile at what she saw. This… this one had been taken at the very top of the famous Celadon Department Store during an impromptu visit to the city. The girl was pretending to rest her chin upon her rowlet, the small pokemon doing its best to try and look up at her.

The sight made Moon feel nostalgic - back when she had first gotten the pokemon, Moon had been afraid for doing so, wary about hurting the rowlet. However, with time, she eventually learnt that it had no problem with being her headrest, even if it wasn't a particularly good one. It still had yet to warn her before flying off though, leading to many sore chins.

Imagining both the soft plumage of her rowlet and the familiar pain on her chin, Moon realized that she wasn't ever grateful enough for having the pokemon as her companion.

"Sure, Watmel's cuteness will draw attention away from my face," she said jokingly, affectionately petting the rowlet. It let out a trill in approval and leaned further into her hand.

"All right then," the professor said, pretending to crop the photo so all that remained was Watmel and a little bit of Moon's chin at the top. He let out a quiet chuckle when Moon stuck her tongue out at him. "Next question. You're thirteen, correct?"

The girl nodded. "Yeah."

"And your next birthday is a ways off if I remember correctly."

"It's in a few months, so not too near, not too far."

"Would you be mad if I got lazy and called Watmel the gift for your fourteenth birthday, then?"

"If you're going to put it like that, yes."

"Heh, nice to know. Now, do you have any preferred name that you would rather the folks o'er here to to know you as? Or is it perfectly okay for me to dramatically introduce you as the beautiful Moon among the stars that moves even the greatest oceans?"

Moon flushed a horrible shade of red, moving both her hands up to cover her face. "Please don't. In fact, please don't ever say that again."

"Aw, I thought it sounded amazingly poetic!"

"You're a professor, not a poet," the girl huffed. "Though, now that you've brought that up…"

The girl stiffened for a moment, wondering if she should really go through with what she wanted about to say. Already, she could see the professor's raised eyebrow as he expectantly awaited her response.

Suddenly, Moon found herself frowning - exactly what was she afraid of?

She was already talking to Professor Kukui, finishing up the last steps for moving. The boxes had been packed, the house had been sold, the tickets purchased. If anything, it would be more selfish to try and insist to stay at this point, wouldn't it? After all, her mother and the professor had already gone to a lot of time and money to arrange this move, for her. And whether she stayed or went, Moon knew that she'd still be plagued by a constant feeling of dread, so what difference did it make?

So why was she hesitating?

Taking a deep breath, she decided to go for it. At the very least, it would be rude to keep the professor waiting.

"Selene."

She could see the confusion begin to tug at Kukui's brow. The way fear pooled into her stomach, making it twist and churn, she knew that her troubles were far from over. If she could barely get through this, how was she supposed to handle the move to Alola?

Dammit. Don't get cold feet. Don't cave in.

Kukui remained oblivious to her turmoil, instead looking rather contemplative.

"Selene?" he asked, trying the name on his tongue as if he was sampling some bizarre, foreign food. "Something wrong with Moon?"

The girl made it a point to not look at the professor, knowing how much it would hurt to see another piteous expression that she didn't deserve. No, there was nothing wrong with the way he said it, but others -

Others had been so  _horrible_  to her.

"I… I just… I prefer Selene," she said flatly, hoping that it didn't come off as rude. "When I'm in Alola, I'd like you to call me that instead."

Moon exhaled slowly, praying that she wouldn't start crying. She just couldn't, especially in front of the professor.

"But," she felt herself automatically adding, "I guess it's okay if you call me Moon in private."

It felt wrong of her to make Professor Kukui adopt something new when he had spent the last year coaxing out the person he had come to know as Moon. Even if "Moon" didn't really feel like it was her. Even if it just felt like a polite facade that she put up so that she wouldn't worry others. Even if she didn't even know what she wanted out of herself outside of expectations others had already set for her.

Much to her relief, the professor didn't appear as if he intended to prod further on the matter. If he, the girl probably would have caved then and there. Moon wasn't exactly sure how much her mother had told the professor, but she was certain he didn't know all of it.

Surely her mother wouldn't have, the girl thought nervously.

"10-4, good buddy!" Professor Kukui said a bit too cheerily, acting as though the previous moment hadn't been so awkward. "I'll let everybody out here know you're on your way! Selene! Yeah, that's a name that hits you like a Thunderbolt outta the sky! Woo!"

Moon wanted to cover her face out of embarrassment; he was laying it on a bit too thick. Actually, way too thick.

Gods, what would everyone in Alola think of her? Who knows what he would tell everyone?

"That was all I really needed - can't wait to see you in person then, cousin!" With that said and done, Kukui moved to end the call, all while lightly waving at the camera.

Staring blankly at her computer's desktop, Moon felt herself slump back into her chair, feeling more fatigued than she had expected after a call with the professor.

"...Cousin?" she weakly asked her rowlet, trying to process what had happened.

Watmel only tilted its head once more, offering an equally confounded chirp.

* * *

Moon hated the color white.

It was much too easy to stain, and she couldn't stand how even the slightest touch of color would permanently blemish it, something that was supposed to be pristine and perfect. What good were such qualities if they could be so easily ruined?

Yet here she was, trapped in an endless expanse of disgusting white, and all she could do was run. Run and run and run and not look down because at the edge of her sight, red and pinks stained the ground like watercolors on paper. If Moon could ever consider the color white beautiful, she would have lamented its fragility.

But the hideous taint rushed past her feet, devouring the white land, sky -

And finally her.

"Moon!"

"O-oh?" Moon stammered, jolting up from her slumped position. She turned a little red, embarrassed to caught dozing off at her desk, her laptop still open but now probably out of battery. Not that those were the kind of things that would anger her mother. As expected, the women took in the sight with mild amusement, Watmel dutifully flying above her shoulder.

"Watmel let you doze off for an hour before she decided to fetch me - I'm guessing Professor Kukui called?" the woman asked gently.

Moon slowly nodded, trying to process how much her back ached now that she was sitting upright.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

Moon tried to ignore how those four words had made her feel sick and dizzy, as if she had gotten off an adrenaline high and finally found her crashing and spiraling out of control.

"It's not that I was intentionally putting it off," the girl explained, trying to convince herself more than her mother of that fact. "I just… fell asleep."

The girl shivered, wondering why her insides felt so  _empty_. She couldn't remember exactly what she had been dreaming was about, and yet… she just had a bad feeling, as silly as that sounded in her head.

Arms wrapped around her, and Moon instinctively stiffened, shrinking away at the touch as if she could make herself smaller than she already was. However, after a brief moment of recognition, she forced herself to return the hug, awkwardly squeezing her mother, as if she could wring out all the tension and distance that she had built between the two.

"You know," her mother began softly, using the feather light, almost whisper of a voice that she had always used when speaking to Moon about uncomfortable things. Like she had two years ago when  _it_  happened. Like she did now, trying to dancing around the lines that Moon had forcibly drawn between herself and everyone else.

Between child and a mother who only wanted the best for her.

"It's okay."

Moon tried not to frown, biting back the whisper of " _lies_ " that wanted to escape her lips.

"...What is?" she asked, pretending to not know.

"This!" her mother answered, pulling away from her daughter so that she could make a gesture at, well, everything. "I know that you've been having a rough two years. And I'm sorry that I couldn't be there for you, there for you as a mother should."

 _You have nothing to be sorry for at all,_  Moon couldn't say.  _You've always been there, always been in reach. It's not your fault -_

"Did you at least say goodbye to your friends?"

Moon stiffened. What friends?

Acquaintances, perhaps, but friends? She remembered hideously crying in the Pokemon Center, alone before the adults that only shook their heads and gave her the empty sorries that they were supposed to give a heartbroken child. Old classmates that didn't even bother to talk behind her back. Children who were sweet and kind but far too young to understand.

Would anyone even notice that she was gone? Would anyone even remember her?

"Said goodbye to them all," she responded flatly. Not that she could ever bring herself say any of those things out loud.

"And to your -"

"Yes," she said shortly, cutting off her mother in a rare case of deliberate impoliteness. "I visited earlier today."

The statement felt like a lie, even though it wasn't. Even if she had finally taken the time to visit, against a decade of indifference, it had only felt like a shallow attempt to make last minute amends, to try and find some sort of connection.

In reality, Moon didn't feel anything other than mild frustration that the whole thing had just been a waste of time. How on earth was she supposed to mourn something that she never known she had lost in the first place? There was no need for her mother to say anything more. What point was there in wasting breath on words with no meaning?

"I see," her mother said quietly. Moon looked down at her feet, disturbed by her volatile reaction. "Did you…?"

The older woman trailed off, inclining her head in the direction of the urn, cold and gray and lifeless, that had remained unpacked. Moon nervously glanced in its direction, afraid that another look would burn. Burn her fragile heart as cruelly as it had the first time, permanently branding that terrible day two years ago into her being.

Moon was struck with immense guilt. Maybe she herself couldn't really care, but the people she cared about… like her mother… like… if they felt like how she was feeling right now…

Dammit, why was she being such a brat? She had been raised better!

"Of course," Moon managed to get out, feeling sick with herself. "It's the right thing to do. I… couldn't ever force myself in between -"

"They both loved you," her mother said softly, taking the girl into a gentle embrace. Moon felt as though she was being smothered by her own shame. "I want you to let go, but you don't have to do it all at once."

Moon bit back the scathing remarks she wanted to make. Wasn't two years long enough? If people could move on, if her mother could move, why couldn't she?

All she had done was shut herself in with her own misery and wallow around in it. Her room was a cage. The whole house had been one. Hadn't she spent the last year in hiding, pretending that her little moments out in the sunlight were great escapades?

The cage was now open, but could she really bring herself to leave the confines of familiarity for the uncertainty promised of the outside world?

Who exactly was she afraid of confronting? Everyone else? Herself? Moon didn't want to think about that.

Pushing herself away from her mother, Moon kept her eyes on the floor, determined to avoid the disappointed look that the woman surely had on her face. She walked towards the accursed urn because anything was better than having to face her own mother, especially after having such thoughts, treacherous thoughts that she would be ashamed to have her mother know of.

She shivered, cool porcelain on her fingertips as she picked it up and looked around the room for an empty box she could place it in.

"Well, might as well pack it now. Knowing me, I'll forget to do it in the morning," she said jokingly, immediately cringing at her own pathetic attempt to lighten the mood.

She pretended to examine the urn with interest (but really, these were standard grade, and she'd seen so many of them before), waiting with bated breath for the inevitable confrontation. Mother was probably going to have one of  _those_  talks with her, wasn't she? They'd spent a year, two years dithering about the lines that Moon had drawn between them, and eventually, someone would have to do  _something_.

They couldn't live like this for the rest of their lives, right?

"Then you should also pack up everything on your desk," her mother laughed, acting as if those last few minutes had simply not transpired. "Unless you want write out all your homework by hand in Alola."

Moon felt her heart crawl back into the bottomless hole it came from, not even bothering to try and stop it. Just as it had always been between them - Mother treating her like a ticking bomb that might go off yet again, she herself waiting for someone else to make the first move. They weren't going to get anywhere, were they?

Of course, Moon didn't think the gap between her and her mother - one that had existed a year, two years, a decade even - was going to be bridged any time soon but...

"Aether Foundation, huh?"

The girl coughed a little to hide her surprise. "I'm sorry…?"

Her mother waved a white pamphlet at her.

Professor Kukui had sent her tons of different brochures and papers in his campaign to sell her on moving to Alola. Feeling pressured into not letting his goodwill go to waste and anticipating that the man would expect a follow up if (now when) they arrived in Alola, she had briefly looked over every attachment, printing out the ones that caught her eye.

"It's a pokemon... conservation group based near Alola," Moon mumbled, wondering exactly why she felt so meek. "I thought that maybe, maybe I could shoot for applying there once I finished school. Or volunteer... I guess."

Her mother's features softened at the thought, giving Moon a sad smile. Moon tried not to frown, turning away when she could tell that she was failing.

_No. Don't do that._

"It could be really good for you, but you don't have to think so far ahead, dear."

_Please don't pity me._

"But I want you to know that it'll be all right. I'll be fine with whatever you choose for yourself."

_I won't be fine._

_I could be wrong. I could fail again. I have to be better, have to do better, because if I don't -_

"Though, this Aether Foundation looks top of the notch!" her mother exclaimed, exaggeratedly looking through the pamphlet. "You've got a nice eye, dear!"

The girl blinked. Right, ongoing conversation.

"Yeah…"

"And, oh my! Look at how beautiful the president is!" her mother continued, all but shoving the pamphlet in her daughter's face. Moon blinked yet again, rather startled by her mother's sudden forwardness. Finding herself face to face with a small square photo of a blonde woman, Moon couldn't help but find her seemingly flawless - not a single blemish on her skin, strand of long silky hair out of place, wrinkle on her pristine dress.

The Aether Foundation President Lusamine was perfection in human form.

She shivered. How unnatural.

"Oh no. No, no no. There's no way… This lady can't be _my_  age," her mother gaped as she more carefully examined the paper. "Can you believe it, Moon?"

Moon squinted at the photo again when her mother offered it up for a second examination. She was determined to find a single flaw but, wow, not a single one. How was it that almost every famous person was so disgustingly photogenic? The more she looked at the photo, the more the woman printed on the paper felt less real.

Could that woman… really be someone like her mother? Surely being that flawless was a crime in itself.

"Maybe?" she admitted, ignoring her mother's offended gasp.

"Though I could see them touching up the photo," Moon quickly added, hoping to placate her mother.

"Yes, that's probably it," her mother mumbled, repeatedly patting her own face and hair. "Probably. Has to be."

Moon rolled her eyes at her mother's dramatics. "If it makes you feel better, I think I'd prefer you over her."

Her mother smiled so brightly that the girl felt like she had the wind smacked out of her. "Sure it does, dear."

Her mother had done nothing wrong. Nothing to be stuck with a daughter like her. A daughter who didn't know anything. A daughter who couldn't do anything. A daughter who wouldn't amount to anything.

All her mother's blood, sweat, and tears? All of it would only lead to further suffering and disappointment, and her mother didn't deserve that kind of fate.

"Tomorrow, we leave for Alola! Oh, I can't wait!" the woman exclaimed, jumping up and down a little. Selene tried not to frown.

_Mother... are you happy?_

"Right… that's tomorrow," the girl said slowly, trying the word on her tongue. The momentous day had come so fast. Too fast.

"Mom," she said quietly, throat aching with tears that she refused to shed. "I'm sorry."

That look on Mother's face again. That look that she donned so many times before her daughter - a year ago, two years ago, even long before that. That look that was directed to the one person who could not see it. That look of What have I done wrong? How have things come to this? How can I do better?

_How can I make sure my daughter will be happy?_

Tossing the Aether Foundation pamphlet aside, Moon silently watched her mother close the physical distance between them in five steps. If only it were that easy.

"For what, Moon?" her mother asked, eyes bright ( _So bright, too bright_ , Moon thought.) with concern as she ran her thumbs over the girl's cheeks.

How cruel, Moon thought, that she couldn't breathe the truth to her mother. For all of her mother's love and worrying, Moon had given her empty words and hope. She had chosen to lie to her mother, or rather -

"...This," Moon said simply, using a slight handwave to gesture at everything and nothing.

She had been unable to be honest in the first place.

"It's fine, sweetie!" her mother laughed, ruffling Moon's hair and ignoring her daughter's squeak of protest. "I've always wanted to visit Alola. And we have to thank Professor Kukui for helping us with the entire moving in process."

 _But we're not just visiting,_  Moon treacherously thought.  _And even I know that the professor is doing so much more than he has to. Why?_

"Besides," her mother continued, "it's too late to change our minds now!"

"Yeah," the girl grimly agreed. For a moment she wondered where Watmel had gone, only to freeze up upon seeing where the pokemon had perched itself.

"Too late," Moon echoed hollowly, unsure what she was supposed to feel upon seeing her current pokemon obliviously preen itself upon the urn that had once held ashes of her last.

In all honesty, it felt like a sick joke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rewrote this one because it felt comparatively lower in quality than the rest. This fic is also crossposted to FF under the same name. 
> 
> Moon will be referred to as Selene from here on out, to clear any confusion ahead of time. Also, I will refer to pokemon with it/its pronouns, though the characters will typically use masculine or feminine pronouns. I'm already getting stressed out writing the mother-daughter scenes because the shared "her" pronoun, so let's not make things more complicated.
> 
> I really hope Selene's thinking process comes off as natural. She tends to overthink things, and it's hard to express that compactly in a written form…
> 
> story notes:
> 
> Here, I'll just talk about some random bits of world building that I allude to in each chapter. Hopefully, the integration will feel natural and not forced. By having this section, I can talk as much as I want about the things I've thought up without shoehorning it into the actual writing. Heh.
> 
> You've probably noticed that I've taken liberties with when Selene meets Kukui and her starter pokemon, mostly because I wanted to provide tones for the relationships that she has with them and emphasize how important they will be in her life. I have them set as main characters for a reason, and I hope I've done a good job of getting that across.
> 
> On that note, the use of "Professor of Pokemon" is something I came up with to emphasize the significance of the pokemon professors in each game. It holds pretty hefty political clout, on par with the Elite Four and perhaps Champions even, so keep an eye out for a certain someone. Though, as you'll see in a few chapters, in Alola...


	2. heteromaton

**o1. heteromaton**

* * *

The air was warm.

Much too warm for Selene's taste.

Instinctively, she raised an arm up in front of her face to try to shield herself from the Alolan humidity. However, the effort was as pointless as trying to block an ocean wave. The moment she had opened the door, Selene had felt it wash over her - an uncomfortable, sticky wetness that snuck underneath her clothes and clung to every inch of her skin.

She dropped her arm and pinched her cheek once to feel her skin, grimacing at the subtle dampness she felt beneath her fingers.

"I feel gross," the girl mumbled, aggressively wiping her cheek with her thumb, not at all concerned with how she had let the cabin door close on itself behind her.

Perched on its trainer's shoulder, Watmel responded with a confused chirp into her ear. It lightly ran its beak over the girl's other cheek, trying to imitate what the girl had done earlier. The innocent gesture coaxed a small smile out of Selene, though it only widened as the rowlet then tried to rub its tiny body against the side of her face.

"Well, at least someone's enjoying herself," she said with a weary exhale, scratching Watmel's head. The pokemon cooed once in agreement, relaxing into the crook of Selene's neck.

Abrupt knocking on the cabin door made both trainer and pokemon start, and Selene immediately whirled around to pull it wide open for her mother. The girl offered her mother a sheepish, but awkward grin as the woman strode out of the cabin, duffel bag in hand and camera around her neck. Whoops.

Selene had already seen the woman's eyes beginning to crinkle at the ends, long before her mother had even began to shake her head. The girl tried her best to inconspicuously bite down on her bottom lip - it wouldn't do to frown now.

"Perk up Moon!" her mother said cheerily, placing her free hand behind her daughter's shoulder.

The girl averted her down to the floor, away from her mother's expectant gaze. She'd been expecting a light scolding for forgetting to hold the door open, at the very least.

"I don't... I'm not sure I know what you mean." She faked an awkward cough, moving her hand up to cover her face. "Well, whatever you mean by  _that_  anyways."

"Sweetie," her mother began in that soft, motherly tone of hers, "we're finally here in Alola!"

The woman was already making a beeline towards the nearest exit, Selene gently being pushed along at her mother's faster walking pace.

"Um, yeah," the girl lamely replied.

Rather than look at her mother, Selene now had her eyes on the meowth following right at her mother's heels, squinting suspiciously at the little cat pokemon when it gave her an innocent wave. The toothy grin didn't reassure the girl either.

"We, er, didn't forget anything in the cabin, right?"

Her mother laughed, airily waving off her daughter's worries, as usual.

"Nope. Also made sure I grabbed those fancy shampoos and soaps on my way out!" The woman raised her hands in mock surrender upon getting a sorely unimpressed look from her daughter. "Hey now! Pretty sure the staff would have thrown out the ones we used."

Selene relaxed a little, caving underneath the pleading look her mother was giving her.

She… she had a point. Throwing perfectly good toiletries felt like such a waste, and Selene couldn't  _stand_  the idea of wasting money.

Though, the little smirk on her mother's face made the girl contemplate (for just a moment) the treacherous idea of rummaging through her mother's duffel bag and tossing the soaps overboard. The girl shook her head to rid herself of the thought and let out a sigh, not exactly sure why people like her mother enjoyed teasing her for being a cheapskate.

Her mother too sighed, though she probably wasn't thinking the same thing as her daughter.

"Well, if only for a little bit, I can pretend that we're still getting the VIP treatment…" her mother said dreamily, already lost in her reminiscing about the past week. "Moon, remember to thank the professor for pulling the strings for this cruise. We're probably never going to experience the VIP life ever again..."

The girl quietly nodded, deciding that it would ruin the otherwise pleasant mood to point out that they weren't exactly important people in the first place, much less  _very_  important people.

The thought almost made her frown.

Now that her mother had brought Professor Kukui to her attention...

Why Kukui  _had_  paid to get them such luxuries? Getting them VIP accommodations on a first class cruise seemed, no,  _was_  overly excessive, even if they had been in contact with him for over a year.

They didn't deserve any of this.

No. That's wrong.

Her mother certainly did.

Selene wasn't exactly privy to what her mother and the professor discussed on their own time, but her mother was a respectable, productive member of society. Someone with valuable skills and experience. After all, she had worked her way up to a respectable position in Silph Co. before quitting of her own choice. Nowadays, her mother worked from home for the Kantoan Pokemon League, and that too was a good job -

Wait.

Her mother  _had_  worked for the League. After all, they were moving to Alola.

This time, Selene frowned.

… What  _was_  Mother going to do now that they had moved to Kanto?

Selene tentatively glanced over at her mother, who was happily humming a Alolan tune she'd heard on the cruise. For moment, Selene thought she was prepared to open her mouth and ask the loaded question, only to feel it crushed beneath all the guilt she had let pile up over minutes, days, months -

Perhaps even years.

For a moment, the girl felt a flash of white hot anger pass through her. Perhaps it had been festering in the pit of her stomach, but now the feeling had shot up her spine and flowed into (around?) her ribs.

She wasn't exactly sure how to explain it, but it was suffocating. Suffocating to feel her heart beat within that cage of self-loathing and frustration, as if her soul itself was being smothered underneath all of her emotions.

She.. she didn't deserve any of this, did she? Didn't deserve anything that her mother and the Professor were trying to do for her now.

Why? Why did they even  _bother_  with her?

It was such a waste of their time really, to try and fix something only broke again and again. Things like those… useless,  _worthless_  things like those... you were supposed to know better and throw them away!

The girl shook a little, oblivious to the curious tilt of her mother's head and Watmel's worried chirp into her ear.

She had always done nothing. Always watched as doubt gnawed away at what was left of her self confidence. Always let herself and everyone else down.

A waste of everyone's time.

After all, even if the location changed, even if the people changed -

Did it matter if  _she_  didn't, couldn't change?

The girl noisily tapped at her rowlet's pokeball, the sound increasingly unpleasant to her ears.

Her mother came to a stop, clearly worried about the mood that her daughter was in.

"Moon, are you all right -"

"Hey! YOU!"

Watmel squawked in indignation from the sudden noise, flailing its wings. Selene instinctively shrunk back behind her mother, clinging to the woman's free arm.

Arceus no. She recognized that voice. Judging from the way Watmel's feet had sunk into her shoulder, it had too.

"I'm not a trainer," the girl nervously chanted under her breath, eyes focused on floor instead of the man who had yelled at them. "Not a trainer. Don't battle. Don't have a full team. No money. None. Nothing to give."

The girl's sweaty hands desperately clutched at her Pokemon Caretaker's license, which hung from a lanyard around her neck, as if her life depended on it.

Her mother's free hand, cool and steady, reassuringly stroked her daughter's clammy, shaky ones.

"I'm sorry," her mother said innocently, a pleasant smile on her face. "Do we know you?"

Selene glanced up for just a moment to see the man's face rapidly turning a nasty shade of red that contrasted unpleasantly with his white suit. With a wild flourish that made the girl flinch and hide behind her mother, he jabbed a finger in their direction, his arm trembling horribly.

"Why you… How could you not… Unbelievable!" he seethed, fumbling for words because he was so angry. " You're, you're the bitch who made off with my money!"

Wait, what?

Selene felt her panic evaporate into the air. He hadn't recognized her, but he'd recognized her mother?

"Oh, I think I'm starting to get the picture," her mother said, seemingly not worried at all. Selene slowly looked up at her mother's face, feeling her own twist into a mix of disbelief and disappointment. She tried not to double take - her mother hadn't even bothered with the decency to look apologetic.

"Now, now," the woman said slowly, in a tone of voice most appropriate for speaking to a child. "That's the risk you run when gambling. No matter how much money you put in, there's no guarantee that you'll get any back!"

She lightly patted her daughter's head.

"Moon, don't be like your mother, okay? ("Um," Selene felt compelled to reply. "Sure?") You might end up like this man right here."

"Why you little -"

The man took a sudden step forward, as if he was going to lash out. Selene let out a little squeak and fully retreated behind her mother, who in response had taken her own step forward.

"My daughter's right here, sir."

Selene shivered. She'd never heard her mother used a such a hostile tone of voice before, and she didn't like it at all.

"Um," the girl mumbled, hesitantly tugging at her mother's arm. "...Mother?"

Upon going ignored, Selene began to squirm, not sure if she was more worried about the other patron or her mother at this point. Judging from her mother's paper thin smile, the woman knew exactly where she was going to dump the man's dead body after this conversation.

The girl gave a small squeak of terror. Mother it was.

"M-mother -" she stuttered, trying to be louder than before, yanking at the woman's arm now. "Mother-"

She felt her mother take a menacing step towards the man. Selene immediately stiffened up, bracing herself for -

"I see that someone's trying very hard to keep up an unpleasant reputation."

Selene looked up, mildly terrified to find out that she also recognized this new voice.

The angry passenger sputtered for a moment as a young man clad in red nudged him in the sides with the spiked guitar case he held in one hand, pushing the former aside. The man in red gave a little wave to Selene, who weakly offered one back, not sure what to make of this turn of events.

"Respectable in its own way," the young man said, all but ignoring how the other man was working himself up into a fit over his now scratched suit. "But if I am a star... "

Here he gave the older man a nice close up view of his wide, toothy grin, smirking as the latter took a step back into a wall.

"You're more of a black hole. And no, that's not a compliment."

Selene winced at the jab, not entirely sure if she found it impressive or cringeworthy. The soft but the amused "ohoho" she heard above her, however, seemed to suggest that her mother very much approved this turn of events.

"Now, if you want to settle this with a battle, you know exactly how it will turn out, right?" the young man asked, his grin widening even further. Tossing a pokeball into the air and catching it with his guitar case, he gave the other man a wink that made his mask wrinkle.

After a tense silence, it looked as though the other man was going to say something, but instead, he gnashed his teeth once then pushed his way past Selene, her mother, and the young man, grumbling under his breath as he angrily stomped off.

"Good riddance," Selene's mother said cheerily. "Sore losers are only fun the first few minutes you rile them up."

"Mother!"

"What? It's true!" her mother said, hands once again raised in mock surrender. She gasped for a moment, realizing something. "Where are our manners!? Moon, we have to thank Mister… Ryuki, was it?"

Selene was impressed that her mother had even remembered the man's name. They had only attended one of the dinners on board that Ryuki had performed at, and the girl was pretty sure that her mother had been very preoccupied with the first class menu.

"Heh. Just call me Ryuki. Mister makes me feel old," the young man chuckled, scratching the back of his head. "Nice to know some people here are starting to recognize the name."

The woman giggled, daintily putting a hand up to her mouth. "Well then,  _Ryuki_ , thanks for your intervention! Though if I really had to, I would have wiped the floor sparkling clean with that man's dignity~"

Selene rolled her eyes at her mother's boasting, noticing from her peripheries how Ryuki had perked up.

"Mother," the girl began with a sigh, "when was the last time you seriously battled?"

"Moon!" Her mother gasped. "I will have you know that when I was young, I crushed Saffron's fighting dojo with just  _two_  pokemon!"

"How long ago was that?" the girl retaliated, having heard this story one too many times. Mother and her glory days, all right… "Besides, Gym Leader Sabrina did that with just one pokemon."

Selene was curious to see how her mother was going to counter that argument, though the woman made no move to push the topic any further, only giving a little huff and a look that Selene reminded of the "kids these days..." spiel that older adults were prone to.

"Anyhow, young lady," she said, giving her daughter a stern look. "Aren't you forgetting something?"

"O-oh," the girl stammered, bowing lowly. " Right. I don't know how to… how to thank you… I, uh, don't think I did the first time."

"Oh, uh, Mister Ryuki," she added hastily.

How could she forget to say that?

"Er, please get up," Ryuki said, hands raised in the air nonthreateningly. "You're making me a bit uncomfortable kiddo."

Relaxing when the girl did so, he continued.

"Also, you can seriously just call me Ryuki. Ah! I see that spark of protest in your eyes. I already said it's okay. ("It doesn't feel okay," Selene grumbled under her breath.) So, still got that signed album from me?"

"Um," the girl fumbled, trying to pat the backpack she was wearing while avoiding the intrigued look that her mother was giving her. "...Yes?"

He gave her an exaggerated thumbs up, clearly pleased to hear this.

"Well, spread the word! I gotta spread my famed music to Alola! And if I make it big here…" He gave her a wide grin, which showed pristine white teeth and freakishly sharp canines. "You'll be getting all sorts of behind the scenes perks! Can't guarantee any free stuff, but feel free to hit my number up on the business card I gave you."

"Ah, sure…" the girl mumbled, still trying to process what had just happened, even after the young man strode off with a polite goodbye.

She hadn't thought she'd run into the man for a third time. Even if they were on a cruise ship with limited space, the ship itself was still pretty big...

Looking over at her mother, she could see the widening grin on the woman's face, the deviousness of it making Selene shiver.

"Soooo," her mother began excitedly, "since when have you known a  _celebrity_?"

Selene blanched. "Is he really a celebrity if no one knows him here?"

_Yet_ , the girl amended in her head. Arceus, it was even hard for her to hypothetically speak ill of other people.

"But still," her mother puffed, "you have  _got_  to give your mother the details."

"Mother, please act your age."

Her mother gave her that motherly I-am-not-amused look, that one that she always used on the rare occasions Selene got smart with her. "I am acting on the expectation that you're acting yours. Don't be such a killjoy, Moon."

Retaliating with an unimpressed look of her own, Selene thought for a moment about where she should start.

... She sighed. It was probably best to start from the beginning, wasn't it? Even if she wasn't exactly proud of what had happened.

"You know how Mister Ryuki performed at one of the dinners? Well, the next day..."

* * *

"So yeah…" Selene mumbled, finally losing steam. "That's what happened. He helped me when that other man from before wanted to battle me and got mad when I refused."

"And you ran away because you recognized him from his performance." Her mother sighed, all sorts of worried thoughts probably running through her head. "Selene…"

"Made him recognizing me at the theater really scary," the girl admitted. "But he's actually really nice in spite of how he looks."

Selene winced the moment she said the last part.

_I shouldn't be judging people like that in the first place…_

"Well, I'm glad you're getting better at talking to people!" her mother said, patting her daughter on her head. "Though if you were having trouble with some of the other guests, you should have let me known…"

Selene saw the slightly mournful look in her mother's eyes and gave her mother a thin smile, now feeling guilty about the fact that she had tried to deal with her problems on her own. She'd even failed at that.

So much for trying to get better, she thought, letting out a disappointed sigh.

"Yeah," the girl mumbled, admitting defeat. "I probably should have. I'll do that next time."

For a moment, mother and daughter had made eye contact, and immediately, Selene averted her gaze, wondering if her mother too had doubts cross her mind when the girl had said that. After, even if she had said that…

She still probably couldn't, no,  _wouldn't_  do it.

Selene could feel an awkward silence approaching, and with that, the girl retreated back into familiar territory - eyes focused back on her feet, posture slumped, head down.

"You know what?"

Selene hesitantly dared a glance in her mother's direction. A fire was lit in her mother's eyes, and the woman slammed her fist menacingly into the palm of her other hand.

"I want to see every person who wronged my daughter and have them on their knees!"

Selene weakly coughed, embarrassed but relieved that the topic had changed. "Mother, please."

"What? You think your good old mother can't do it?" her mother asked, puffing up her chest. Don't disrespect your mother and her pokemon!"

"You mean my glorified babysitters?"

"That's right," her mother said, ignoring that little jab. "Don't underestimate the power of parental love!"

Her face suddenly became serious, and Selene felt her stomach drop.

"You know that I would do anything for you, Moon. And same goes for each and every one of my pokemon… You  _do_  know that you can always go to me right…?"

Selene quickly nodded, biting her lip. Her mother only gave her a sad smile.

"Or at the very least, my pokemon. I can understand people can be… hard to deal with. Sometimes, it's just easier, no, better to have someone who can be there for you but won't force you to talk."

Selene nodded again, praying that the conversation would end soon.

"You know, I'm really glad that Professor Kukui gave you Watmel."

"Yeah," she said flatly, walking faster to outpace her mother. It unnerved by how open her mother was being. It just wasn't right.

Something about this whole thing - moving to Alola, the way her mother was going out of her way to make sure that she didn't… didn't do something she'd regret, her own decision to start over -

Selene had a bad feeling it simply wouldn't work out. Rather,  _she_  wouldn't.

A chirp started the girl, and she looked over to Watmel, whose eyes big with worry. Selene felt her stomach sink a little - she even forgotten about her own pokemon, so caught up in herself.

"Sorry," Selene mumbled. Watmel only tilted its head to the side. "You'll understand soon enough."

_Give it a few more years._

She walked down the gangway, now face to face to Hau'oli City's port and ferry terminal.

The sky was dark with no signs of stars yet. However, judging from how the girl could see most of her surroundings with passable detail, the sun must have set only recently. Surprisingly, there weren't too many people on the docks, though Selene supposed it made sense. Her mother, anticipating the potential for a large crowd, had made them pack all of their things an hour before the estimated time for docking.

_Maybe even just a few months._

She was almost at the bottom, but her legs were moving slower and slower, as if she had to push her way through water -

_You'll hate me too, won't you?_

Afraid.

She was so afraid.

_If love and hate are two sides of the same coin, then you'll stay. But -_

She hesitated for a moment, staring blankly at the concrete. One more step.

"Whoo! Hel- _lo_  Alo-l _a!_ "

Selene stopped mid thought, staring in mild disbelief as her mother excitedly skipped, yes,  _skipped_ , down the gangway past her, doing little twirls that made her skirt flare as she stepped onto the port. The woman let out a delighted laugh, but the joy Selene felt only filled her heart for that one moment.

As soon as her mother's eyes had met her own, Selene felt it all come back to her. Her mother's pokemon, who were forced to tiptoe around the house just to keep an eye on her. Mother, who had given up the promotion at the league so she could work from home. Mother, who hadn't even hesitated to leave everything behind in Kanto, for what?

A daughter who, who, who -

_You will love me, and you will hate every moment of it._

As she took that final, damning step, Selene did the only thing she was confident she could do: smile and keep her mouth shut as if she hadn't done anything wrong at all.

Then a warm, calmly breeze came rolling into the port, and Selene immediately grabbed at the nearest bit of railing for support, knees shaking like a newborn deerling. The chill clung to her bones, and Selene wondered how it was possible to feel so uncomfortably warm yet cold at the same time.

Thankfully, she wasn't wearing her usual Kantoan clothes. If she had been covered from head to toe, she would have either melted in a puddle or jumped headfirst into the ocean. Selene wasn't exactly keen on the outfit that her mother had picked out for her, but it was definitely suitable for the tropical environment of Alola.

The shirt was definitely cute; she'd have to give her mother that much. The soft pastels and simplistic floral patterns were easy on her eyes, and the feel of the material was so smooth, so soothing under her fingertips…

However, Selene felt so vulnerable wearing short sleeves that left her arms bare to the air. Not to mention, she was pretty thin too.

She wasn't sure what was worse - the comments about how she should be eating more because she was all skin and bones or the ones that envied her condition - because either way, she had looked at her arms and realized with horror at how fragile and flimsy she was. With just a bit force, Selene had a terrible feeling that the average person could probably snap her in two.

What a gruesome thought.

She shivered a little, tugging at the hems of her cargo shorts to give her fingers something to do.

Right. The shorts.

For a moment, she remembered one of her old neighbors back in Lavender Town, a young boy probably a year or two under ten, who had gotten quite the kick out of challenging the trainers who passed through the town all while shouting "Hi! I like shorts! They're comfy and easy to wear!"

Hopefully, he was doing alright, Selene thought with a twinge of guilt.

The younger children of Lavender were obvious to the somber atmosphere that weighed down on the older residents, and in the year before the move to Alola, she had taken to keeping an eye on them, nervously hovering behind them while they heckled all visitors to the town. It had always worried her, really, how foolishly bold they could be before strangers, and while she had doubted her own power to diffuse a potential situation (thank the gods that it had never come to  _that_ ), at the very least she had hit an age where she could appreciate the option of being able to turn to an adult for help.

Regardless, the children of Lavender Town were the closest Selene had gotten to having friends in Kanto. At the very least, her quiet presence didn't seem to bother them, and that had been good enough for her.

Until the day of departure.

She remembered it so well. The reds and oranges that painted a vivid background against the Pokemon Tower. The melancholic, morning silence that was so easily shattered. The group of children frantically running at her, telling her to wait. The disbelief that made her stop in her tracks.

To think that people would remember her. That people would consider her a part of their lives. That people would believe she was someone worth crying over.

Selene had always thought crying was a hideous thing.

Her opinion on that did not change as she speechlessly accepted the gift that the children had bought with their faces blotched red and stained with their tears. Shaky breaths in between stuffy sniffles. But worst of all, the sadness of parting in eyes normally alight with joy.

"We'll m-miss you," her neighbor had blubbered, trying to stop crying long enough in between his words to speak coherently. "W-write okay? But if it's a-lotta of money, y-you don't have do it. Just d-don't, don't forget us."

"I won't forget any of you," she had said automatically, the words coming off her tongue smoothly as practiced.

_I don't know any of your names_ , she couldn't confess.

Selene's smile did not falter, even if her heart did, filling with regrets and what ifs and the unchangeable past.

Another breeze rolled into the port, and Selene mentally cursed and praised the shorts that the children had gotten her. Her preference for pants back in Kanto was starting to bite her in the back. Or rather, in her legs. Every time she felt a slight draft, it seemed to permeate her flesh and sink into her bones. Perhaps the long jeans that she always wore back in Kanto would have been excessive here, but you know what?

She would really appreciate not crumbling to her knees every time a nice sea breeze came in.

Making a mental note to ask her mother if they could go buy some extra clothes as soon as they could, Selene slowly pulled herself back up to her feet using the railings' post. A worried chirp came from behind, Watmel clearly concerned for its trainer's well being.

"Don't worry, Watmel. I'm fine," the girl muttered, before another breeze turned her legs into jello, making her lean heavily on the railing.

Unconvinced that its trainer was indeed fine as she had said, the rowlet flew off its perch upon her backpack to land on the railing so that it could facing her. With one wing extended, it comically offered Selene a little pat on the head, repeatedly trilling at the girl in an attempt to be moral support.

Cute but not actually helpful.

"Can't you help me?" the girl whined, envious at how unfazed the little pokemon was regarding the new climate.

Watmel chirped confusedly, tilting its head to the side as it always did when it looked to her for further prompting.

Feeling rather betrayed, Selene almost wanted to tell the rowlet to figure something out, but then it occurred to her that she didn't have any ideas either.

Back in Kanto, whenever Selene had gone out, Watmel made itself at home in her jacket hood, hopping up onto her shoulder whenever it felt the girl shiver as that it could nuzzle into her neck, sort like a loving, living scarf.

She tried to imagine the little bird pokemon as a legwarmer and found herself shaking from something other than how cold her bare skin felt. She'd probably need multiple rowlets on either leg for that to work, and the idea of walking around like that was just -

The girl couldn't help but snicker as Watmel continued to look at her expectantly, clearly unsure why its trainer was acting the way it was. Worried that something might be wrong with the girl, the rowlet flew closer to get a better look, hovering at a steady height so that it was face to face with its trainer.

Watmel tried to check the girl's temperature by putting a wing on her forehead, though it quickly found out that it couldn't do such a feat while flying. Hesitantly, it tried using a foot instead, and Selene only broke out into full laughter when it did.

Now very worried, the rowlet immediately flew over to the girl's mother, who was taking pictures of the port to her heart's content with the new camera she had bought. It panickedly prodded at the woman's shoulder with its feet, trying to gesture at Selene and keep itself airborne at the same time.

The woman paused to glance over her shoulder at the rowlet.

"What's wrong?" she asked, clearly enjoying herself.

Watmel tilted its head over at Selene, who was now using the railing to support herself as she continued to laugh her head off.

"And?"

Watmel gestured against at Selene.

The girl's mother shook her head, smiling at how much the pokemon cared for her daughter. "She's laughing, Watmel."

The rowlet shook its head in disagreement because its trainer never openly laughed. Well, not like  _that_  at least.

And  _definitely_  not in public.

"Laughing is normal," the woman tried to explain, speaking slowly in case the the pokemon hadn't understood her the first time. However, that only upset the rowlet further, and it chirped rather frustratedly, flapping its wings frantically in an attempt to gesticulate exactly how serious the matter was.

"All right, all right," Selene's mother said, patting the unassured rowlet's head. "I'll 'fix' her for you."

Walking over to her daughter, who had managed to calm herself back down to snickering, the woman leaned over so she could whisper in the girl's ear.

"Dear, we're in public."

With just those four words, Selene immediately straightened up, awkwardly coughing so that she had an excuse to partially cover her red face with a hand. Her eyes nervously darted around the port to see if what her mother said was true, though after a second they dropped down to the ground. She didn't want to check.

"Well, looks like someone's off to a good start now, no?" Her mother said cheerily, smiling from ear to ear. Teasing the embarrassed girl by giving her hair a good ruffle, the woman gave a thumbs up to the rowlet. "See? She's okay!"

Watmel slowly nodded, trying to figure out whether or not Selene's mother had actually solved the problem.

Trying to pat her hair back down into some semblance of neatness, Selene let out an exasperated sigh, one that always accompanied her mother's antics. "Worry about Meowth, Mother, not me. I'm not the family troublemaker."

Speaking of which, where  _was_  the little cat pokemon anyways?

Selene froze in place. Aw, shit.

By Mother's feet? Nope.

At her own? Nope.

Within eyeshot?

Triple nope, nope, nope.

Frantically, she whirled around, hoping to spot a sign of the cat pokemon, wondering how they could have forgotten it.

Nowhere.

The girl felt her heart stop.

_You've got to be kidding me._

"Moon, what's wrong?" her mother asked, oblivious to the new problem.

"Meowth," Selene answered, feeling a little breathless. "Where is she?"

"Isn't she right here - Oh. Ohhhhh..."

Selene cringed, her chest warming up as a familiar wave of stress rolled over her. Not even a minute into Alola and something had already gone wrong. Unbelievable.

What was she supposed to do? Was her fault for not paying better attention?

Normally, she wasn't like this… but unable to fully grasp the fact that they were actually moving to Alola, she had been so preoccupied with her own thoughts…

What kind of excuse was that? Meowth was prone to running off like this, and she should have know better.

Staring down at her feet because she didn't want to look at anyone, much less her mother, Selene felt a horrible thought creep its way into her mind.

What if they never found Meowth?

She bit her bottom lip, staving off the urge to cry at this worst case scenario she had thought up. Worriedly, Watmel perched upon its trainer's shoulder, lightly pecking the girl's cheek in hopes of getting her attention.

What was she supposed to do -

"Hey, this Kantoan meowth belong to you?"

A voice.

A familiar one at that.

Selene looked up and gaped at the sight of Professor Kukui in all his shirtless glory. The lack of shirt shouldn't have been surprising anymore, yet her face still flushed red with thoughts of scandal… and reluctant appreciation.

And standing right next to the professor, clearly amused at all the whispers and not so covert photos from nearby locals, was Mother's meowth.

Selene pinched the bridge of her nose once to make sure that she wasn't seeing things. Took a deep breath. Reminded herself that tossing the small cat pokemon headfirst into the sea would undermine all the stress she had just underwent and greatly upset her mother.

Not a good start to their lives in Alola at all.

She felt her fingers twitch a little, but she quickly shoved them in the pockets of her shorts. There were more important matters right now.

"H-hello, Professor Kukui," the girl stammered, horrified at how high and soft her voice sounded. She definitely hadn't been ready to meet the man face to face, much less in public with the same, lacking-in-shirt get up he had worn during their regular video calls.

"Hey to you too!" he responded cheerfully, walking over to give Selene a big hug.

Arceus. She wasn't ready for this.

However, he smoothly moved to instead clasp a hand on the girl's shoulder and affectionately ruffle her hair, an action that made the girl flush red and Watmel, on Selene's other shoulder, squawk for whatever reason. She must have made quite the face to cause the professor to change his course of action, and while the thought of getting a face full of, um, yeah, was rather unnerving, the girl couldn't help but feel a twinge of disappointment that it hadn't happened.

… She needed holy water.

"Professor!" her mother said with equal delight, as if Meowth hadn't gone missing just seconds ago. "Thanks for looking after Meowth for me!"

You mean we lost it, Selene didn't say, keeping her mouth shut because she half expected her brain to offer up something indecent instead.

Damn you Professor Kukui and your refusal to wear shirts.

"A Kantoan meowth is quite a rare sight in Alola, especially since the locals prefer the Alolan variant," Professor Kukui explained, waving off her mother's thanks. "Not to mention, this little fella was smart enough to recognize me and get me to follow… him? Her?"

"Her," Mother laughed, gesturing at Meowth to come back to her side. "See, Moon? You didn't have to be so worried!"

Out of the corner of her eye, Selene saw a flash of recognition, followed by confusion, pass through the professor's eyes.

Immediately, Selene felt herself panic. Of course, the professor actually remembered that she had asked him to refer to him Selene.

Admittedly, she found it difficult to see the man as observant, though the familiarity that she had established with the professor through the weekly video calls had probably made her forget that he was a certified professor.

Then again, she wasn't exactly sure what professor walked around in a lab coat but no shirt.

Selene pinched the bridge of her nose.

… She really needed to stop mentioning the professor and shirts in the same thought process.

Putting a finger to her lips and mouthing an "I'll explain later", Selene hoped that the professor would get the the memo. His slow nod wasn't exactly comforting, much less the stern look that reminded her of her mother when Selene had been young child with little self awareness of her own troublemaking.

That look that said, oh, yeah, we're going to have to talk.

That only reminded her that she still hadn't told her mother about wanting to be called Selene.

… She'd get around to it. Eventually. It was just that the right time hadn't come up yet.

She had always faltered every time. The words that she wanted say had gotten stuck in her throat, and all that came out was the her means of retreat from the conversation.

How could she done it while they were still in Kanto? How could she have done it while they were en route to Alola?

How could she do it now?

How could she say that she hated the name that her own mother had given her?

"Moon!"

She stiffened.

But that was the thing.

She  _did_  hate it.

Even if her mother had given it to her with all the love that she had, it couldn't erase the not so subtle mockery of her peers. The strange looks from all other adults. The self loathing that boiled up in Selene's heart over the course of days, months, years -

Shame was a learnt emotion.

Selene looked towards Professor Kukui, her stomach twisting into knots.

"...Yes?" she hesitantly asked, bracing herself for a potential confrontation. Who knew what the professor would do?

The professor walked over to her and -

He ruffled her hair again, an unnervingly pleasant smile on his face.

"Let's not dawdle around too long. I think you'd rather be in bed in a few hours to adjust to the time difference here, right cousin?"

"Right," the girl responded absently, wondering why the word left an aftertaste of disappointment on her tongue.

Her mother laughed, clearly amused at the professor's suggestion. "Oh, don't worry about her, Professor. Moon's still on her Kantoan internal clock - just woke up!"

"Mother!"

"Anyhow, less talking, more walking!" her mother exclaimed, immediately taking off for the city streets with camera in hand, seemingly not weighed down by the duffel bag hanging from one arm.

Professor Kukui skeptically raised an eyebrow, impressed by the woman's walking speed.

"So… does your mother have any idea where we're going?"

Selene shook her head.

"Nope, but she'll act like she does."

"Well, we better catch up to her, unless you want a repeat of Meowth. Speaking of which…"

"A-again?" she stammered, feeling her blood pressure spike again. You can't be serious -"

"I'm pulling your leg, kiddo - she's right behind you."

The girl whirled around to give the professor a disapproving look of " _Really?",_ only to see a beige blob fly at the man's face.

* * *

Watmel squirmed and wriggled uncomfortably. It let out a pitiful coo, trying to convince its trainer to let it free, but Selene remained unwavering, refusing to relax her arms.

"Don't worry, I'll only do this for another minute or so," she breezily told the rowlet in her arms. "Got to make sure you don't make a habit of pecking people whenever you feel like it."

It chirped sharply in protest, clearly insisting that it wasn't in the wrong.

"Watmel, you can't just decide on your own to do things like that, understand?"

The rowlet twittered rather nonsensically in a way that reminded the girl of how other kids grumbled under their breaths, so Selene gave the rowlet a good squeeze. It let out a surprised squawk but went quiet upon seeing the disapproving look on the girl's face.

For a moment, Watmel seemed to be contemplating something, though it quickly relaxed and stopped struggling, a gesture the girl decided to interpret as reluctant acquiescence. Feeling a bit exhausted, she exaggerated a sigh, hoping Watmel would get the point.

"Now, if I tell you to peck Professor Kukui,  _then_  you can do it. Okay?"

It nodded frantically, clearly hoping to appease its trainer and be free of her rather tight grip.

She suspiciously squinted at the rowlet.

"Are you sure?"

Even faster nodding.

Satisfied with that response, Selene loosened her grip on Watmel, and the rowlet immediately flew back onto its preferred perch on her shoulder, preening its feathers. For a moment, the girl felt a little bad at the punishment she had acted out, but remembering how embarrassing it felt to be forced to pry the little pokemon off of the professor's face, she really wasn't.

It was a little heartwarming to know that Watmel would defend her when it felt she had been wronged, yet at the same time, it reminded Selene that raising pokemon was far more difficult than people made it sound.

How did pokemon trainers manage a powerful team of six? Or more even, if they rotated members in and out?

She just couldn't imagine herself being able to do that. Her own mother had only three pokemon she regularly used in battles, the others rescues that she gotten long after her old glory days as a trainer.

Watmel chirped into her ear and lightly dug its foot into her shoulder, which brought Selene back out of her thoughts. The girl then quickened her walking pace, noticing that Professor Kukui, her mother, and Meowth had managed to get quite a bit ahead of her and Watmel, even though the professor was giving quite a detailed tour of Hau'oli City.

No offense to the professor, but lectures like his just went in one ear and out the other. While Selene had tried to pay earlier on, her attention slowly drifted to whatever mildly interesting thing she had spotted, after a few minutes of trying to keep up with the professor's talking, she had given up, having gotten her a boredom induced headache.

It made her feel bad - in the way that slacking on schoolwork or skipping classes would make her feel. Such behavior was rude to the professor, and while she didn't find the information interesting, she could respect its significance and the effort it took to remember such things.

Awkwardly, she followed behind the Professor and her mother, unsure of how to make her presence known. Quietly, she listened to their conversation.

"You know for Alola's largest city, Hau'oli City doesn't seem so - oh what's the word for it - well, it's nothing like Celadon or Saffron City…" her mother airly commented.

As the three passed by an empty lot where a lone man was instructing machamp to flatten the foundation, the woman seemed to have an epiphany.

"Ah, yes! Crowded and cramped! There were so many people back in Kanto, but here, it feels like I have breathing space!"

Her mother had a point, Selene thought, soaking in what she was seeing.

Hau'oli City just  _felt_  more spacious and free.

Its buildings did not aggressively encroach upon the evening sky the way that the lofty skyscrapers and buildings of Celadon and Saffron City did. Its alleys were not dark and dirty brick mazes but patches of tall grass, most likely brimming with wild pokemon, cleanly lined off with pristine white and red fences. Its sidewalks were much wider than in Kanto, and the streets were, for the most part, empty.

Every once in awhile, a vehicle would pass by, though it seemed to Selene that they were either public service, business related, or from the looks of it, rentals of vastly varying qualities.

Strange really that there was a lack of personal transportation in what was supposed to be the biggest city in Alola -

"Girl! Move a little to the right, would you?"

Expecting that she was the one being shouted at, Selene did just that. However, she felt the professor tug her further right, a hand on the shoulder Watmel was currently perched on. The girl was startled by the strong breeze she felt as a tauros barreled past her, a person in protective gear riding on top of it. Watmel let out a squawk of indignation (at the tauros or the professor, Selene wasn't sure) before worriedly examining its trainer for any injuries.

"I'm fine, Watmel," the girl said gently, hoping to calm the pokemon down. "Er, Professor, is that even safe?"

Selene wasn't exactly sure who in their right mind would entrust their safety to a tauros in such a manner.

The professor gave her what he thought was probably a reassuring smile, but Selene was instead reminded of one of those awkward door to door salesman.

"Oh, don't worry, Alola has a dedicated PokeRide system, where you can rent pokemon to use as transportation throughout the various terrains you'll find in the Alolan wilderness!" the professor explained, pulling out a small pager so that Selene and her mother could examine it. "Most of the Ride Pokemon are raised on one of the other islands - Akala Island to be specific. A lot of them are bred for that purpose, while others are rescued pokemon that are too injured to safely be returned to the wild or allowed to participate in battles."

Selene glanced at the screen, overwhelmed by all the tiny icons on the interface. Not to mention, how complicated a system like this would have to be to work. If it involved a connection to a PC system, should the pager worked as Selene suspected…

The girl shook her head - it was too confusing to think about. The logistics of the poke ride pager seemed like it would be something right up her mother's alley though.

"That sounds wonderful!" her mother exclaimed, clasping her two hands together in delight. "In fact, Selene, weren't you interested in pokemon conservation?" She turned to look at Selene, clearly expecting the girl to start talking.

"...Um, yes?" Selene said hesitantly, not very good at being put on the spot. Professor Kukui gave her a bright smile and a big thumbs up, which for some reason embarrassed the girl enough to make her break eye contact and stare down at the concrete.

"So, you actually looked at all the program fliers that I send you?" he said, sounding quite pleased.

The girl flushed red and wasn't sure why.

"Was I not supposed to? I, um, I even have the ones I was interested in printed in… in my backpack..." Selene said, trailing off as she became more and more self conscious.

The professor shook his head. "Nah, you did a great job! (She flushed even redder at the minor bit of praise.) In fact, why don't I get you a malasada as a reward?"

"E-eh? There's no need!" the girl stammered, raising her hands up in protest. "P-please don't spend money on me -"

"Spend it," her mother cheerily cut in. "She won't spend her own, so you can do it for her."

The girl gaped and frantically began shaking her head in disagreement. "Wait -"

"Right there, Moon!" Professor Kukui finished for Selene, already with wallet in hand. "Lemme go grab you one of them delicious malasadas!"

Before Selene could get out another word of protest, the professor had already ran off across the street (the girl was mortified to see that he hadn't looked both ways) towards the nearest malasada shop. She winced at how he yanked the door open then jogged right in.

While wearing no shirt.

Didn't most stores have a no shoes, no shirt, no service policy -

Selene felt all her pent up embarrassment burst forth as though it had been broken free of a dam, and from the way her mother giggled, the blush was obvious enough to spot even by the dim lighting of evening.

"Mother! How could you tell him that?" the girl sputtered, trying to bury her face in her hands. "It's not like I'm that hungry anyways."

Her mother lightly pried the girl's hands off her face, gently running her thumbs over her daughter's flushed cheeks.

"Is there really anything wrong with indulging in yourself?"

"No, but when other people do it for you -"

"Moon. The professor made that offer because he wanted to. Are you going to tell the professor what to do with his money?"

Selene stopped mid speech to consider this argument, horrified when she realized that her mother had a point. She had been trying to tell Professor Kukui what to do. She was rudely rejecting his hospitality. She was coming off as -

"Now lighten up, would you?" her mother asked, giving the girl a hug. "If this is how you're going to react to someone doing a nice thing for you, I'm a bit worried for when you run into people with not so good manners."

"Yeah, I get it…" Selene said distractedly, still trying to process the implications of what her mother had said earlier. Arceus, had she already screwed up her social life? Did Alola have social customs she wasn't aware of? Had she already committed an egregious faux pas? Should she have looked this stuff up back in Kanto?

"By the way, Meowth followed Professor Kukui into the shop," the girl quickly added, hoping to get some space. No offense, but mothers just seemed to know exactly what to say to kill their children from embarrassment.

"Oh, that little rascal!" her mother exclaimed, pulling away from her daughter. "I might need to get her a leash!"

With that said, her mom jogged off, across the street (she too did not look both ways, and Selene felt as though she had been stabbed once again in the heart), and into the malasada store, leaving the girl outside. Alone.

…Was that really okay?

A cursory look at her surroundings gave Selene the impression that people didn't seem too worried about leaving kids to themselves. The girl couldn't help but frown at the thought, remembering the heavy air of caution that loomed over the Kantoan people in spite of the disbanding of Team Rocket ten years earlier.

In Lavender Town, the group's presence seemed to linger long after former Champion Red had chased them out, and while the younger children might not have listened so carefully to Mr. Fuji's stories, she had. Even if she found it hard to believe that a ten year old, beginning trainer had done what the residents of Lavender Town couldn't, she could see the marks that Team Rocket had left behind.

The exhaustion that plagued every wrinkle of Mr. Fuji's face. The stiffness of the Pokemon Tower's channelers towards visitors. The apprehension that long time residents of Lavender Town had towards new faces.

It was unsettling almost, how overly carefree and relaxed people seemed to be in Alola. She couldn't have imagined such a thing in Kanto, Selene mused as she watched two young children play tag along the sidewalk with no parents seemingly in sight. Not to mention the astounding number of passersby who had waved at her with both hands and a friendly "Alola", prompting the girl to awkwardly return the gesture and mumble "Alola" back.

Selene squirmed a little, growing more uncomfortable by the minute at the prospect of staying put. How long had it been since her mother and the Professor had entered the malasada shop?

Seconds? Minutes?

She wasn't sure, and that made her even more nervous. She didn't even have a phone or anything - she'd never had a need for one with how dutifully she stuck to her daily routine of going from school to home, to just staying at home and remaining in Lavender Town.

Suddenly, a slight movement caught her attention, and Selene's eyes focused on the slight rustling of the grass behind the fence next to the malasada shop.

A flash of ...blue? Definitely wasn't green though.

Selene squinted a little, feeling the slightest inkling of curiosity.

A pokemon? She did want to know what pokemon made their homes in the patches of green between Hao'uli's building.

A meow.

Selene perked up, remembering what Kukui had said about meowths in Kanto and Alola being different. Admittedly, she'd love to see an Alolan meowth…

A disapproving coo brought her out of her thoughts, and she felt Watmel prodding at her shoulder with a foot, making the girl realize that she had almost walked onto the street.

"Huh."

The rowlet began angrily flapping its wings, clearly upset with how thoughtless the girl had been.

"Don't worry," she told the unassured rowlet. "I just thought I heard a meowth, and I wanted to see if they're different from the ones back ho- I mean, back in Kanto. Anyhow, can you check on Mother and the professor for me?"

Watmel gave a chirp of acknowledgement before flying across the street so that it could peek through the windows of the malasada store. Selene shook her head.

While the rowlet was definitely sharp, it was still young and inexperienced. Not to mention, easy to trick.

...She'd have to work on that.

With the rowlet distracted, Selene saw her chance. She immediately sprinted across the street (and yes, she looked both ways before, during, and after) and snuck up behind the pokemon, chuckling when the bird pokemon turned around and let out a startled chirp. It then began twittering at her furiously all while exaggeratedly flapping its wings.

"All right, I won't do it again," she said breezily. "I mean it! I only did it because there were no cars or anything on the street."

Ignoring the unimpressed face that Watmel was giving her, Selene walked past the malasada store, surprised to find that Mother and the professor were still in line, towards the gate that closed off the sidewalk from the grassy area that lay between the store and the next building.

A chirp.

Selene ignored it.

Another chirp.

Ignored.

Selene paused when the rowlet gave her a little headbutt, taking the pokemon into her arms in hopes of placating it with a good head rub. She tried to not roll her eyes at how the rowlet seemed to turn into putty in her hands.

"Don't worry Watmel, I want to see one of these Alolan meowths…"

A much too content coo made it clear that the rowlet's mind was elsewhere.

"Maybe I'll catch one later to annoy Mom's."

Watmel responded once more, though the girl doubted that the Rowlet was actually paying attention at this point. Still, it was nice to be humored.

Not that that was important right now.

After all, it was Alolan meowth time.

The girl tried to tiptoe over to the fence, fearing that any sudden movements might scare off the meowth. However, much to her despair, the speck of blue that she had spotted only retreated deeper into the tall blades of grass.

"No, no, no…" the girl mumbled in disapproval, as if the scolding would coax the meowth back. In an attempt to get a better look, Selene thoughtlessly placed a hand on the red gate to lean in close - only to find herself jerking away due to the sudden cold, wet feeling the action had brought.

"What the -" the girl began, bringing her palm up to her face.

She stopped, stunned speechless at the familiar sight of hideous red staining pale, oh  _so_  pale hands -

"Just paint," Selene mumbled, trying to still the heartbeats that reverberated through her entire body. Mindlessly, she let her thumb trail down one of her other paint stained fingers, shivering when she could feel a pulse throbbing just beneath the skin.

_Just paint, Selene. Just paint._

As if to reassure herself, the girl looked back at the gate, noticing the neat sign that had been staked into the ground to the side in front of the fence.

"Careful of wet paint! - Ilima and Smeargle."

She let out a breathy exhale.

"See, just paint -"

Then she noticed the very distinctive handprint left on the gate.

Aw shit.

Was this technically vandalism?

Just the thought of committing vandalism made the girl reach out to smear the handprint that she left behind, her stomach twisting with regret the moment she had rested her hand back on the gate. Face twisted into a grimace, Selene figured she might as well finish what she had started, though she didn't feel any better after the deed had been done.

"Now what?" Selene muttered nervously, already anticipating the consequences of being caught, erm, red handed. Probably even worse than the awful pun she had just made. The girl felt Watmel nudge at her shoulder, making her turn her head to look at the rowlet.

...She was just going to ignore the rather unimpressed, half lidded gaze it was giving its trainer.

"What is it?"

Rowlet turned its head towards the malasada shop which only confused the girl.

There was absolutely no way that she was going into the shop like this. The last thing she wanted to do was cause a commotion in public because there was no way that her mother or the professor would let such a thing slide and even they were able to catch on, wouldn't it look fishy? What she needed was to clean off her hand -

Oh wait, bathroom.

Mumbling an embarrassed thanks to her rowlet, the girl power walked over to the shop, the pokemon trailing behind her.

_Act natural_ , the girl tried to tell herself as she tugged at the shop door.

Wait a minute. She paused to make sure that she hadn't grabbed the handle with her paint covered hand.

Thank Arceus she hadn't.

Balling that hand into a fist, she yanked the door upon and walked in, trying not to shudder at how a cold woosh of air had rushed forward to greet her. She did her best to ignore any signs of heads that turned in her direction, though the girl felt like she was going to wither if someone made even the slightest of eye contact with her.

Act natural.

You are doing nothing wrong. There's no reason to be afraid.

Professor Kukui, still in line, had turned around upon hearing the door open, bells chiming as she had done so.

"Hey Moon -"

"Gottausethebathroombye!" the girl squeaked, making a break for the women's bathroom. She yanked the door open like her life depended on it, trying not to grimace at how loudly the door had creaked when she had done so.

Hearing the door shut behind her, Selene immediately looked around, eyes wide.

No stall doors closed.

No one by the sink.

No sounds to indicate that anyone else was in the bathroom but her.

Definitely not the men's bathroom, thank Arceus.

The girl let out a slow exhale, feeling the stress leave her now relaxing body. She didn't exactly feel like hiding in a stall until the place was empty.

_Now_ , she thought, _time to get rid of the evidence_.

She cringed. That sounded awful.

Then, she looked at the sink, one of those ones that required you to push on it every ten seconds to keep the water flowing, and to the soap dispenser, which seemed to be almost empty.

Selene sighed.

"Watmel, do me a favor and sit on the faucet would you?"

* * *

Selene looked at her hand, examining it again in case she hadn't scrubbed off all the paint. Thankfully, no one had come in while she had spent about five minutes desperately scrubbing at her hand.

"Does it look good to you?" she asked her rowlet, showing both sides of her hand to the pokemon.

It nodded once, though Selene was more certain it wasn't too happy about getting water splashed on its feathers.

"All right, let's get going."

She reached her arms out to offer to carry Watmel, but the little bird pokemon immediately flew onto her shoulders instead. Selene tried not to roll her eyes. Her hands were most definitely dry.

Shivering a little as she grabbed the door handle (maybe she should have gotten a paper towel to open the door with), she pushed the door open and strode out as if nothing wrong, like she hadn't made an outburst earlier.

Which she had.

… She didn't feel good about this at all.

Almost immediately she spotted her mother and the Professor sitting at one of the tables, talking animatedly with their malasadas forgotten. They seemed to be hitting it off surprising well, all things considered. The thought that they could be talking about her, since she had been in the restroom, crossed her mind, and Selene faltered, not exactly sure what would be the best way to insert herself into the conversation with being as awkward as she usually was.

However, Watmel, clearly tired of her nonsense, let out a loud squawk, turning all heads in the store including her own, the girl's eyes wide with disbelief.

"You little traitor," the girl hissed under her breath, all while smiling pleasantly at Professor Kukui, who was waving over at her. She offered a delicate wave of her own. "You better sleep with one eye open tonight."

The rowlet made a noise that was sounded like it was trying to strangle a laugh, and Selene mentally swore to dunk the pokemon in the bathtub first thing in the morning as she walked over to the table her mother and the professor were at. Instinctively, she took a seat next to her mother, now face to face with Professor Kukui.

"So, uh, Professor," she began, feeling like she was expected to talk. "What did you… um, get me?"

Very smooth, Selene. Judging from the little scoffing sound Watmel made into her ear, it agreed too.

"Hey there, Moon! Got you a sweet malasada," the professor answered, leaning forward across the table to offer the girl the treat.

Eyes on the malasada, Selene. Eyes on the malasada.

Unaware of what was going on in the girl's mind, he continued. "Your mother says you have quite the sweet tooth."

"Sugar's not good for you," the girl mumbled, allowing the blush she'd been holding back rush into her face. She feigned interested in the treat the professor had bought for her, holding it at different angles.

"Heh, a little right now to fix your sleeping schedule won't hurt," Professor Kukui argued, and Selene suddenly had a suspicion he was speaking from experience. "Now let's get moving so that I don't have to drive to your house in pitch dark."

"Wait," Selene said, having finally gotten comfortable in her seat, "we're leaving...  _now?_ "

However, by the time she had finished that sentence, the girl was already halfway out the door, being marched out the door by the professor, her mother right behind them.

Selene grimaced at how warm and sticky the air felt as it pressed against the front of her body. If Professor Kukui hadn't been pushing her along, she probably would have taken a few steps back.

This whole living in Alola thing was going to take some getting used to.

Well, she'd have to deal with it, Selene told herself as she took a bite out of her malasada, pausing for a moment to really savor the flavors and texture in mouth.

Not bad, she thought, unconsciously nodding her head in approval.

"Want some?" she asked, offering her rowlet a chance to savor the treat. It gave a little chirp and nodded furiously, and the girl tore off a chunk, shoving it into her pokemon's face and muffling its squawk of surprise. She held back a snicker.

"You like it?"

Giggling, she wiped the rowlet's face with a napkin, letting the pokemon peck her hand as she did so. Shoving the dirty napkin into her shorts' pocket (she'd throw it into the nearest trash can if she uh, didn't forget it was in there), the girl took another bite of her malasada, now in a better mood than she had been earlier.

Unfortunately, it seemed like she had jinxed herself. For some reason, the malasada now felt hard to swallow. The moment it had touched her mouth, she hadn't been hungry anymore.

In fact, she felt a little sick almost.

Lowering her hands, Selene decided she could probably save it for later, maybe breakfast even with her poor appetite.

"What's wrong? Don't like your malasada, Moon?"

Selene looked up from her barely eaten malasada to look at the professor, who was looking expectantly at her. Immediately the girl moved her gaze back down to her malasada, feeling guilty. Without hesitating, she quickly tore off a big piece of the malasada with her teeth and swallowed, wincing at how painfully it went down her throat.

"It's f-fine!" the girl nervously laughed, patting at her chest to make the pain go away. She looked back at the ground and nervously began to nibble away at the malasada, if only to placate the professor's concerns.

Something felt very wrong.

Selene inhaled slowly, hoping to calm herself down. Maybe, she was just being paranoid.

After all, this wasn't school.

But that thought only made her remember, made her remember what had happened a year ago, a day after _it_  happened.

Everyone's eyes focused on her. Their pity, perhaps, had hurt more than their previous indifference.

Whispers that she'd never know, that she could only imagine up herself. And she knew best where to hit herself where it hurt.

Their scrutiny crawling up and down her skin. And she couldn't be rid of it, even if she wanted it to go away.

She couldn't help but shake. That's right - she still probably wouldn't be able to escape it here.

"Hey, you cold?" the professor asked, looking over at her worriedly. "You're shivering pretty badly, Moon."

Selene couldn't help but stiffen, as if she had been caught doing something wrong.

"No,no, no," she stammered, hands raised in an attempt to back out of the professor's generosity. "I don't need one -"

"Let me go get you a jacket," he said gently, patting her on the head. "Just stay right there guys!"

Before she could say a word, Professor Kukui had taken off for the nearest apparel store, leaving the girl looking rather silly with hands still held up in protest.

"My, my," her mother giggled. "Everyone in Alola is so courteous and generous. It's a nice change of pace from Kanto, I have to admit."

"Yeah," Selene mumbled, not exactly why she felt so… on edge. Her mother had a point. There wasn't really any good reason to think something was off here. That's right. She was so afraid of repeating the past, to the point she was letting it get to her now.

That had to be it, she was just being unreasonably paranoid -

Then she saw it.

Saw the slight frown of an elderly woman that the professor had run past.

Saw a pedestrian step out of the way just a few seconds too early, a few inches too much.

Saw a woman place a hand on her child's shoulder to pull him away.

Selene blinked and -

It was almost as if the spell had broken, and the girl couldn't help but wonder if she was simply projecting her past demons on her new life in Alola, let them fall upon the distorted faces of strangers by shadows cast by the light of the city.

_Surely, that's the case_ , she tried to tell herself.

Even so, Selene could feel it.

Feel herself dangerously dance along the line between now and a year ago, as if she had never left it behind in the first place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully, the chapter isn't too long for no reason. I ended up adding more and more things to it because a lot of it ties into later, it's just a matter of remembering it all at this point. But yeah, most of the things mentioned should be relevant soon or later.
> 
> Creative writing is really hard. When I say that, it's mostly because my writing experience is largely essay writing and what not, so things like scene descriptions, character interactions, and dialogue are crucial parts of story writing that I'm lacking in. I'll do my best to improve with my writing - so I hope you'll stick around! Though if you've gotten through this behemoth...
> 
> story notes:
> 
> You'll notice that Selene has a Pokemon Caretaker's License, not a Pokemon Trainer's License. The difference is that Selene is restricted to owning 3 pokemon, and she's not allowed to have them in rigorous battles where they can get badly hurt. This is a work around for all the little kids running around the world with pokemon, because a Caretaker's License would permit the possession of pokemon, mostly as pets or service pokemon, with no age restriction. Of course, most people get their Trainer's License as soon as they meet the age requirement of 10, even if they don't really plan on having a full team. Selene's a full three years past that.
> 
> Also, a justification for people not having full teams in the first place - just think about the costs with having to care for each pokemon on your team! Of course, that doesn't mean the games themselves should shirk on the difficulty, but that's a GameFreak problem so eh.
> 
> The PokeRide system! The way I have it written here is that it's like a miniature PC system, vaguely inspired by the new (and amazing!) options you now have when you capture a new pokemon in SuMo with a full party. When Selene actually gets a pager, it'll be explained more in depth, but hopefully, I've addressed some other logistical concerns - mostly regarding where PokeRide pokemon come from - they're either bred on Akala or rescued pokemon with permanent injuries that prevent them from participating in battles. I honestly don't get how you'd be allowed to borrowed other people's pokemon whenever you felt like it... I've probably worked Kiawe's charizard to death. Take note of how the whole PokeRide system ties into pokemon breeding and conservation, as well as Alolan politics later on.


	3. for whose sake (1)

**o2. for whose sake (1)**

* * *

It didn't surprise Selene to find that a jeep was waiting for them at the edge of Hau'oli City's boundaries. Professor Kukui just seemed like the type of person who would drive a jeep of all things. What had thrown her off was how the vehicle looked as though the professor had left it unattended out in the open. It just felt wrong – there was absolutely no way someone like him could be so lax, right?

The girl tentatively snuck a glance in the professor's direction, feeling a little uncomfortable at the thought of somehow butting into the conversation he was having with her mother. For some reason, she found herself mildly surprised to see that the man didn't look worried at all.

Okay, maybe she wouldn't have put it past him, but still –

He was an adult, and as far as Selene knew, adults were supposed to be prime role models and people who knew exactly what they were doing. People she could turn to for the guidance that she needed at seemingly every turn. People who probably wouldn't think about leaving their cars out where they could be stole.

It really bothered her, and after getting over her usual reluctance to speak up, the girl weakly waved at the professor to catch his attention. The moment his eyes caught the motion, she wondered if she could somehow take back the action. "Hey, uh, Professor Kukui –"

The girl paused midsentence as a pokemon had stuck its head out of the passenger side window of the jeep, dimly wondering if she'd feel more stupid if she had managed to finished the question.

The pokemon's light brown fur stood out against the dark green of the jeep, eyes shining a brilliant blue as they caught the evening light. It regarded the group of humans with a slight incline of its head, an action that quickly wiped the grin off of Professor Kukui's face.

"Easy there, Lycanroc…" Professor Kukui said slowly, a sense of urgency creeping into his voice." However, the pokemon seemed uncertain of what its trainer was trying to tell it, hesitantly pulling its head back into the vehicle. As it did so, one of the spikes around its neck sunk deeper into the jeep door, the audible sound causing the professor to panic.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa there! Lycanroc, you're going to scratch the jeep again!" Professor Kukui shouted, suddenly breaking out into a swift jog toward the vehicle, frantically making an x with his hands. "Just stay still – yes, just like that!"

The wolf pokemon gave a soft whine, still very confused, but complied to Professor Kukui's command. It perked up considerably when the professor reached the vehicle, comfortably draping itself over the man's shoulder when the professor gingerly lifted it out of the window. It made a face almost like a pout as Professor Kukui set it down, slumping onto the ground without intention of moving away from the man's feet.

"Lycanroc, please," the professor groaned, trying to crouch down so he could examine the jeep door. Granted, he seemed to be having trouble thanks to the pokemon sprawled at his feet.

Her mother giggled a little at the sight. "How cute!"

"Well," Professor Kukui replied, a slight hint of exasperation creeping into his voice, "like any pokemon, he can be quite the handful. Like now." Gently nudging the pokemon with one hand, the man gave a sigh of relief as the lycanroc finally got up, huffily ambling its way over to Selene and her mother.

Her mother gave an shamelessly enthusiastic squeal, running over to pet the pokemon with impressive speed giving the long skirt she was wearing. Hesitantly, Selene trailed behind the woman, giving her rowlet a nervous squeeze upon seeing how large the lycanroc was up close. If it were to jump on here… she honestly didn't think she would be able to shake it off.

The girl pressed her lips together. What an unpleasant thought.

Cautiously regarding the wolf pokemon, Selene kept her distance from behind her mother, hoping it would be too preoccupied with her mother to notice her –

Before she could finish that thought, the pokemon wriggled its head through the gap between her mother's side and her arm, nudging her calf with its nose.

Its uncomfortably wet, warm nose.

On bare skin.

The girl felt herself recoil and heard herself let out an undignified squeak, sorely regretting all the life decisions that had led up to this moment. It was just a pokemon, she tried to tell herself. After all, she had never felt this way around any of her mother's pokemon.

Well, if she had, she certainly didn't remember it.

Before she could do anything else, like apologize, she felt Watmel squirm its way out of her arms, flying over to angrily squawk at the much larger pokemon. For the slightest of moments, the larger lycanroc seemed off put, though it quickly got over itself, moving to give the rowlet a nice, big lick. Almost immediately, the little pokemon gave a horrified shriek, barreling its way back into Selene's arms so it could frantically rub its face clean against the girl's new jacket.

"You poor thing," the girl mumbled absently. Though she was offering Watmel a sympathetic pat on the head, Selene's attention was actually directed at the professor's lycanroc, who refused to be consoled by her mother's soft coos and reassurances.

"Um, sorry," the girl said awkwardly, doing her best to avoid her mother's jokingly disappointed stare. Carefully crouching down, she reached a hand out towards the pokemon in an attempt to appease it. The hopeful look in the lycanroc's eyes only made the girl hesitate, and she could feel herself turning away, eyes closing as she tentatively reached further and further in its general direction.

Feeling nothing but open air, the girl couldn't help but crack one eye open just the slightest bit, and seeing just how close she was, Selene leaned a little more and –

"Whoo!"

Selene started, jerking her hand back as if she had been burned. Instinctively, the girl focused her gaze on the professor further off in the distance, doing her best to look anywhere but at her mother or the lycanroc.

"Looks like you're off the hook, Lycanroc!" Professor Kukui cheered. "Thank the guardians! I honestly don't have the money to be fixing this thing every time you scratch it!"

Without need for any further prompting, the pokemon whirled around and bounded straight for its trainer, leaving Selene awkwardly crouched on the ground.

The girl sighed as she brought herself back up to her feet.

"I really am a loser, aren't I?" She said quietly, directing the question at no one and everyone.

Watmel, nestled in her arms, looked up at her and –

"Yes, dear, you really are one." Her mother teased, gently nudging Selene in the direction of the jeep. "But that's why we're here in Alola."

"Yeah, you're right." The girl replied, a thin smile on her face. "Well, I'll do my best to get better."

The rowlet kept quiet, feeling the girl's arms – bony and fragile like matchsticks - quiver uncontrollably from how tightly she was holding the pokemon.

* * *

Selene had always been bad with conversations.

They moved too fast – everyone else. They were all too confident, too comfortable, and their words kept piling higher and higher and higher as she struggled to sift through them all. And even when things made sense, sorting out what she wanted to say in response just took disappointingly long.

How did it come so naturally to other people?

How could they proceed so easily, so naturally, through the countless pitfalls along the way. The socially appropriate response, the amount of information that should be divulged, the proper phrasing, the way she spoke, the way she moved -

How, how, how?

How could she not falter?

How could she not be left behind as the conversation moved on without her?

How could she say anything under everyone else's gazes, eyes and ears that expected more than she could give?

All she knew how to do was use as little words as she could, ambiguous nods, shakes, and tilts of her head to add some sort of empty meaning that the other party could fill in for themselves. Hope that they would fall for what she knew was mostly worthless nonsense.

So she fumbled through a language she had never been fluent in, praying to something, anything that the false image she had put up could hope to hide the treachery beneath its pathetically thin skin.

So she smiled when her lungs tore and bled on the jagged remains of her self-confidence, cried when anger run through her arteries and veins like liquid fire, pretended to be a foolish, stupid child who didn't know anything as she let everything she wanted to do, say, have slip through her fingers.

So when the professor gently assured her that retrospect would make things easier to appreciate, Selene had nodded politely, smiled, and thanked Professor Kukui for the advice.

"I'll take that into consideration," she said softly, deliberately letting her gaze trail to her right, outwards to the ocean. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see the professor's mouth move, as if there was something else he wanted say, but he faltered as the girl made no indication of noticing him.

The girl swore that she heard him sigh, the sound unsettling the little she had in her stomach, before he refocused his attention to her mother, asking how she intended on handling all the paperwork the move had brought about.

Good, the girl tiredly thought, glad that Professor Kukui had not pressed that topic further.

After all, she'd heard words like the professor's before, words that were kind and gentle and utterly useless to her if they couldn't bring someone back from the dead. So damn useless to someone as useless as her, a girl who smiled when she felt her lungs tore and bled on the jagged remains of her self-confidence, cried when anger run through her arteries and veins like liquid fire, pretended to be a foolish, stupid child who didn't know anything as she let everything she wanted to do, say, have slip through her fingers.

Arceus, why was she such a joke? So pointlessly melodramatic and pitiful?

Unconsciously, her fist curled into balls, as she bit back the burn in her eyes and the shivering of her body. The sound of crinkling newspaper in her hands made Watmel, nestled in her lap, stir a little in its sleep. The little rowlet let out a strangled, blubbering sort of sound, snoring through the crackling of tires against the rocky road, the whoosh of the wind, and the somewhat distant voices of her mother and the professor.

Selene sighed and began stroking the little pokemon's head, the rowlet unconsciously leaning further into her hand. Somewhere along the way, Watmel had gotten bored of staring at its relatively monotonous surroundings, ocean on the left, forest on the right - both hard to make out in the dark of night - opting to snooze until it absolutely had to be awake.

Careful not to wake the rowlet up, the girl examined its head a little closer, carefully running a thumb over its down. Earlier, the pokemon had tried to perch on top of the jeep, only to fall off the moment Professor Kukui had got going. As funny as that had been, Selene couldn't help but feel a little bad for not knowing better. After all, that ignorance had just delayed the drive a little longer, and it was already starting to get dark. Speaking of which…

Selene squinted at the newspaper in the dim light, the shadows it cast spilling over the black text.

She…

She couldn't see shit.

The girl pinched the bridge of her nose once, twice. Just an hour ago, it had sounded like a great idea to buy herself a copy to read on the ride to their new home, but she hadn't expected the professor to have an open roof jeep of all things. Now she was starting to feel a little antsy at having nothing to do.

Well, nothing except think.

However, Selene always did a lot of thinking, and she knew that wasn't necessarily a good thing.

She always assumed the worst about herself, about the future, about other people -

The girl stiffened. Ice water ran through her arteries and veins.

Professor Kukui.

Selene looked over at the man in the driver's seat, animatedly talking to her mother in the passenger's seat. (Meowth had been relegated to the back seat along with Selene and Watmel, but it seemed content to just meow occasionally with that terribly devious look on its face.)

Perhaps it was just a trick of the light, but Selene knew that she hadn't exactly been paying attention to the professor and his surroundings up until that moment. For now, all she had was that brief moment when Professor Kukui had ran off to get her a jacket. It wasn't a lot to go off of, but…

Those subtle actions in Hau'oli.

She'd seen them all before.

After all, in the wake of what had happened a year ago, the way her schoolmates had treated her had been branded into her memory, made her so attentive to little gestures that she still didn't understand. Made her heart spike with poisonous anxiety that left her breathless and so afraid.

She exhaled slowly, feeling a lightness in her stomach that threatened to go higher, higher, and higher –

She tugged nervously at the thin, white jacket that the professor had gotten her, the words I HEART ALOLA printed in bold red font along the front, trying to ground herself back to reality. She didn't know what to think, much less feel about what she had seen.

She always assumed the worst. It was best that way, but –

She liked the professor.

He was an easygoing, likeable man, who didn't let life get to him, which was far more than Selene could ever say about herself. He was confident and comfortable with himself, and underneath the girl's mild horror at his state of dress, his lack of shame was something she envied. For an adult, he was surprisingly in tune with how to speak to children, treating her as a person who could think for herself.

Selene scowled, trying not to think about how others adult had coddled her until she felt as helpless as they had made her out to be. She knew they were trying to be helpful, that she needed help because she was young and inexperienced, but…

Anyhow, back to the matter of Professor Kukui.

As far as Selene knew, Professor Kukui's credentials were quite respectable. Having been certified as Professor of Pokemon, a title that was not lightly given out to those who studied pokemon, Kukui was being held to the same standards as legendary intellectuals Professor Oak of Kanto and Professor Rowan of Sinnoh themselves! Given his age, that was an incredible feat that most could only dream of.

In spite of his uh, casual appearance, the girl knew that the professor had penned several groundbreaking, acclaimed papers (Theses? Theories? Selene wasn't too sure what was the best term for them would be) about pokemon moves. Not that Selene could really appreciate those yet, having gotten a headache after trying to read past the first few paragraphs of one. Maybe in a few years.

And back in Kanto, Professor Kukui was an legend of sorts for his impromptu challenge of the Kantoan league, popularly televised throughout the region. Though from what Selene could gather from listening to her mother and seeing snippets of reruns, the media were a bit more preoccupied with his, erm, state of dress than his career as a pokemon researcher.

Selene put a hand over her mouth, dimly wondering if all that talk had brought about her current obsession with -

Anyhow, Selene had seen that Professor Kukui was a talented battler, barreling through the 8 gyms of Kanto with an impressive display of brute force that hid the professor's knack for strategy. His battle style had been calculated and incredibly thought out, even if it didn't seem to fit him as a person. Behind slow set ups, the professor had a tendency to finishing battles with an impressively efficient use of moves and energy. His pokemon were so adept at using their moves that not a single move was wasted, purpose behind each one. Perhaps that's what made it work - no one seemed to expect that from a person like him.

It was enough to get him through most of the Kantoan Elite Four too, though his run had come up short against Lance (who at this point had been serving as both Champion and the final member of the Elite Four, in the wake of the weird succession issue with both Red and Blue declining the title for other pursuits). Against such a seasoned trainer, who seemed to have figured out a plan of attack for most strategies used against his team of dragons, the professor had put up a good fight, succeeding in taking out over half of Lance's team.

The battle had cemented Professor Kukui as a popular figure in Kanto, a star almost. In fact, from what Selene could tell (after a quick internet search), the general consensus in non-Alolan regions was that he was a respectable man of study and battling. Of course, there were also  _those_  comments, the ones that –

Blood rushed into her face, and Selene angrily smacked her cheeks a few times.

So, why were things different here in Alola? The way that people had treated him was both subtle yet glaringly obvious. Though Selene didn't really have a grasp of Alolan etiquette, it seemed pretty rude, especially given how friendly the locals had been to her.

And the professor…

Well, it seemed like Professor Kukui was feigning ignorance to this treatment in front of her and her mother.

But why?

_Why?_

What had the professor done to merit this?

It probably wasn't disapproval of Professor Kukui's erm, lack of shirt, though admittedly that had been a huge talking point when the man had been running around in Kanto's much less temperate climate.

The girl felt her blood run cold once more.

...Had he actually done something wrong?

Something here in Alola that never made it out to the other regions?

After all, Alola was considerably isolated from the rest of the world, and global coverage of the region was quite lacking…

Selene shook her head.

Here she was, going off an hypothetical tangent about how the professor could maybe be a bad person when he probably wasn't, as far as she was concerned. Professor Kukui had become an adult she could trust, and she refused to judge the man for anything that she did not see him do herself.

She had to believe in him…

After all, she couldn't just cling to her mother for the rest of her life, right? Eventually she would have to let go and reach out to others herself, not just rely the ones that had been handed to her by other people.

Perhaps it was cheating, but Selene liked to consider him the first person she had chosen to trust.

For a moment, it came back to her, that question that had shattered her younger self to a million pieces, that question that had haunted her for almost a year, that question that only left bitterness on her tongue now.

_Why would they do this to you?_

No, she needed to believe in him.

She'd been half asleep when the jeep came to a stop, her head jerking forward in a way that made her neck hurt a lot.

"What's the matter?" the girl tiredly mumbled, massaging the back of her neck. Already, she was dreading the possibility of having to spend the night in the jeep in the middle of nowhere, cold and exposed to anything and everything.

"Tauros in the road," Professor Kukui explained, standing up so he could get a better view. "Oh man, this one looks like it might be a bit uncooperative."

He turned around, leaning on his seat, Selene trying her best to ignore the way his right arm had draped over its back.

"Moon, you mind helping me out?" he asked, looking far too calm for someone had said there was an angry tauros in the middle of the road. "Your mother can stay by the jeep to make sure nothing, uh, happens."

She must have given him some weird look because she swore the man was trying to hold back a smile.

"What's gonna happen…?" the girl replied weakly, already imagining a ton of awful scenarios. A lot of them ended with tauros horns in someone's guts. "Mother, you okay with this?"

"I'll admit I'm a little curious as to why you asked Moon over me," her mother yawned, slowly stretching her arms up and back. She didn't sound concerned at all, much to the girl's disbelief. "I've got half a team of battle ready pokemon while Moon over here doesn't even have a trainer's license."

Selene gave herself a mental pat on the back for suppressing the urge to flinch at the comment about her lack of trainer's license.

"Oh don't worry," the professor said lightly. "I just need you here in case the jeep does something funny ("Funny?" Selene mumbled weakly. "Did I willingly step inside a gigantic coffin for three?"), and I thought Moon might want to see something exciting."

He gave her mother a reassuring thumbs up.

"Don't worry. My pokemon and I are more than capable of keeping Selene safe from a wild pokemon."

"All right! Then I'll leave you to it!" her mother said cheerily, easing back into her seat as she pulled out her phone.

Selene slowly nodded, feeling a tiny bit better but still pretty nervous. She could trust adults…

But when she herself was thrown into the mix…

Selene sincerely hoped she wouldn't screw anything up.

Having gotten permission from her mother, the man immediately hopped out of the jeep, turning around to expectantly look over at Selene.

She couldn't help but sigh, resigning herself to whatever she was getting herself into. Nudging Watmel awake and ignoring its confounded chirps, she scooted out of her seat and hopped out as well, wincing a little at the force of impact on her ankles. The crunch of her shoes on the rocky trail, as if she was walking on gravel, made the girl shiver, the coarse sound cutting through the otherwise quiet night unpleasant.

Upon seeing the tauros, eyes flashing angrily by the light of the jeep's headlights, Selene instinctively took a step back, inching behind Professor Kukui as subtly as she could. The gravity of what they were doing sunk in. She'd heard plenty of rumors about the short fuse temper of tauros and she was deathly afraid of something terrible happening.

All the grisly headlines about how yet another trainer in the Safari Zone had been mauled by a provoked tauros came back to her, and she could remember the way her mother shook her head, newspaper in hand, as yet another incident sparked more debate how to ensure protection of trainers in the area.

She really didn't want to end up as another statistic. She  _especially_  didn't want the professor to end up as one either. That would probably be quite a story, and public reaction to such things… could be so unpredictable.

She gave Watmel a tight hug, worried about what Professor Kukui would have them do.

Though pokemon could deal with other pokemon far better than other humans could, she didn't like the idea of endangering Watmel for her own sake. At the very least, it felt like it should be a choice for the rowlet to make, not her. The little pokemon made no sound and remained still, something which made the girl a little more antsy.

Watmel hadn't ever acted like this before.

The tauros pawed at the ground with its front hoof once, and the moment that its leg had come forward, she had felt Watmel squirm in her arms, angrily chirping for whatever reason. Afraid that she had done something wrong, Selene immediately let go, allowing the rowlet fly free.

Much to her horror, it flew to hover between her and the tauros, who seemed even more incensed by this gesture.

"Ah!" Selene squeaked, a hand up, reaching out toward the rowlet, to urge it back. "Watmel! W-what are you doing?"

Still flying, it turned its head around a full 180 degrees to look back at its trainer, a rather determined look on its face, as if, as if -

Selene felt herself freeze up.

("I'll go get help!" she had said a year ago. It came too late, and there was nothing she could do but cry over how her own decision had brought her, them to that end.)

"Hey, Moon."

The girl started, looking over at the professor, who, if anything, only look mildly concerned about the situation. For some reason, that only made her feel worse.

"It looks like Watmel wants to take on this tauros," Professor Kukui commented. He gave her a rather serious look. "As its trainer, do you think you two are capable of doing that?"

Selene looked from the professor, whose face remained surprisingly neutral, to her rowlet, who was furiously nodding, to the tauros, who seemed huffy but unsure of what to do.

"I'm sorry, but what did you just say?" she said slowly, not sure if she had heard him correctly. This had to be a joke. There was absolutely no way that she and Watmel could do this.

The professor raised an eyebrow. "What makes you say that? Don't you have faith in your pokemon?"

Watmel twittered a little, seemingly a little upset in its trainer's lack of vote of confidence. A slight twinge of guilt twirled around inside Selene, and for a moment, the girl wondered if she should change her mind -

No.

She wouldn't repeat the mistakes that she had made in the past. Not again. Especially if it was someone else's life that could possibly be on the line.

"I don't have battle experience nor does Watmel. (At this comment, the rowlet gave a little chirp in offense, though it was so cute that it worked against the pokemon.) Th-th-th-hat tauros is clearly angry or upset in s-some way, which adds an extra layer of danger and unpre-unpredictability to the whole s-situation."

She could feel it, her voice starting to shake, quiver uncontrollably like a vase ready to fall off a table - only to shatter to pieces against the floor.

She took a deep breath to steady herself then continued. "Against a trainer, I wouldn't feel too bad because of the restrictions put in place to prevent harm to pokemon, but a wild pokemon doesn't adhere to those rules."

Professor Kukui looked at her thoughtfully, something that only made her more anxious because she hated not knowing others were thinking about her. "Well, it's good to see that you took the time to make a careful assessment. Most people would probably just attack the pokemon to get it out of the way."

"But," he said slowly, in the way that teachers always usedto emphasize a point, "a little bit of observation goes a long way."

The girl nodded, a paper thin smile on her face.

She had no clue what he was talking about.

"Moon, what do you notice about the tauros?"

Selene stiffened up a little, reminded of how poorly school had gone. Being called on to ask a question was still so stressful. She squinted in the direction of the tauros, who was menacingly lit by the headlights of the jeeps. Just the look on its face made Selene want avoid even looking at the pokemon all together.

"Er, it looks mad, like if something were to provoke it, it'd attack…?" the girl answered weakly, not exactly sure where Professor Kukui was going with this.

The professor nodded. "Well, you're getting there. ( _Getting where?_  Selene nervously thought.) So based off that, is there something off about this situation?"

Selene couldn't help but shoot Professor Kukui a pleading look, having expected an answer as opposed to another question.

Something was off about the whole situation?

There wasn't anything really. If anything, they were facing off a tauros who would fly off at a moment's notice, but surely an observation that simple couldn't be it…

"No…?" Selene said, feeling less and less sure about her answer the moment it had come out of her mouth.

"Well, I'm pretty sure you're well aware that tauros are easily provoked, right?"

"Yeah."

The girl grimaced as the headline, 3rd Tauros Incident This Month! What Should Fuchsia City Do About Its Dangerous Safari League? flashed through her mind.

"So, why didn't this one respond to us getting out of the jeep? You've probably read enough stories to know that tauros easily feel threatened when approached."

"Oh," Selene mumbled. She had been right.

Damn.

"But instead, it's just been glaring at us. In fact, the only time it's really made a move was when…"

"Watmel approached it," Selene finished, starting to get the picture but not really. "But how does that change anything?"

Making an attempt to look somewhere near the professor's face as opposed to looking at the ground, Selene saw Professor Kukui shake his head.

"Cousin, I still can't believe they don't have a mandatory class on wild pokemon in the curriculum.  _This_  is the sort of thing that trainers need to know when they start out." The professor visibly frowned, pressing his lips together as he tried to choose his next words carefully. "Might cut down on all the incidents where people and get hurt or quit… Or worse yet, the pokemon…"

Selene felt her stomach churn.

She knew, no, experienced, exactly what he had meant.

Bile bubbled up her throat, and Selene nearly choked on it, the sour, acidic taste filling her mouth. She felt her body breathe faster, harder, as if that would somehow make things better.

"Moon, you okay?"

Selene nodded frantically. "Yeah, I was just distracted."

The girl desperately hoped that Professor Kukui wouldn't try to get a good look at her expression, because if he did, she might actually throw up.

"Anyhow, what this tauros wants is a good ol' display of strength," he continued, looking over at said pokemon.

Thank Arceus.

Selene swallowed once, ignoring how the taste seemed to eat away her throat.

"Okay, that makes sense," she began slowly. "But –"

Catching the professor's expectant gaze, she felt the blood draining from her face.

"Oh. No, no, no. I just told you that Watmel and I don't have what it takes."

Professor Kukui clasped her shoulder, an apologetic smile crinkling his face when he felt how stiff she'd become. How she'd tensed up, shoulders rising slightly. How she must have had that unpleasant look on her face again.

That made her feel even worse.

"You honestly need to give yourself a little credit," Professor Kukui said gently, giving the girl a sad smile that twisted her stomach into all sorts of unpleasant knots. "I think you and Watmel have the potential to be great battlers but I won't force you into doing anything that you don't want."

Selene suppressed a scoff. Watmel seemed quite pleased with the praise on the other hand.

"In fact," he continued, reaching inside his labcoat to rummage through a few pockets that had been sewed into the interior, "I wasn't planning on making you fight the tauros in the first place."

Finally pulling out a pokeball, Professor Kukui gave her a rather wicked grin, a face that Selene remembered so well on the cheap TV that she and mother used back home. The face that the media had proclaimed had stolen the hearts of Kanto. "I just wanted you to watch and learn from your good ol' professor."

With that said, he casually flicked the battered pokeball into the air with a snap of his wrist, the tauros taking a step forward as a pokemon materialized in front of it.

"All right, Lycanroc! It's time... to rock!" the Professor shouted enthusiastically, pumping a first into the air. The pokemon growled lowly in response. "Let's give the first attack to the tauros! Give me a taunt, buddy!"

The wolf pokemon, already unimpressed by the foe in front of it, took the command as permission to sit down, calmly licking its paws clean as the tauros seethed before its opponent's lack of interest.

With a ferocious bellow, the tauros reared back, preparing to charge.

However, before its feet had returned to the ground, a volley of rocks had shot like arrows across the distance between the two pokemon in a mere second (Selene swore she even heard that whizzing-through-the-air sound effect), knocking the tauros over onto its side.

The lycanroc made a little noise that sounded somewhat like a snort, still sitting comfortably as it promptly went back to grooming itself.

"What the…" Selene breathed, certain that no pokemon could accomplish a Stone Edge or Rock Throw so fast. Then again, could she think of any other rock type pokemon that looked so agile?

"Nice job! Let's see what it does next!" the professor said breezily, hands in his pocket and Selene blinked at the vague command. He was leaving it up to the pokemon to interpret his orders, and that was just…

Well, it went against all the childish, pretend battles she had with the fellow children back in Lavender Town, where they used grandiose orders and flourishes left and right. All they had been doing was parroting what they had seen on TV, or rather, what they had bothered to remember. After all, the trainers on TV just looked so cool when they gave the order for the finishing blow.

Of course, Selene was aware that battling wasn't just as simple as trainers telling their pokemon what to do, but this added a whole new layer of complexity to battling, something that already made her as nervous as it was. Not that she didn't trust Watmel, but -

A loud, rumbling noise ripped the girl right out of her reverie and tossed her face first into a state of panic, the girlunable to restrain the terror on her face as the tauros charged. Straight towards them. Horns first.

She really didn't want to die.

However, the lycanroc was now back on all fours, already tensed as if ready to spring forward to meet the pokemon head on.

The girl frowned, even to someone as inexperienced as her, that didn't really seem like such a good idea.

"Lycanroc, relax a little!" From the looks of it, Professor Kukui seemed to agree. "Use Stone Edge on the road!"

With a mighty roar, the earth shuddering and heaving, enormous, spiked rocks erupted from the road, blocking the tauros from view.

An equally loud crackling sound made the girl flinch as the tauros barreled through the first obstacle. Followed by another and another, in some sort of horrible crescendo that matched her growing state of panic, Selene heard the tauros smash through each obstacle, each time letting out such a pained bellow that the girl shook more than then she had when she could see the pokemon.

Louder and louder approached the crashing of rock, the clatter of hooves against the ground, and the skittering of stone shards across the road, until Selene felt the impact of the wild pokemon against the last rock between it and the lycanroc. The echo of the sound reverberated through the air, rattling her bones and organs, though the girl was trembling for another reason.

A scream tore through the night, wretched and hideous and  _inhuman_. If Selene hadn't known better, she would have thought that the awful noise had caused the web-like cracks to run along the face of the rock.

"Hey, Professor," the girl began, frowning, "is that tauros -"

The last rock began to quiver, the cracks widening further and further, so Selene cut herself off to nervously step behind the professor. Without warning, it shattered to pieces, causing the girl to instinctively raise an arm to shield her face.

However, the shards flying towards them shattered like fireworks of pebbles, pulverized by yet another unbelievably fast volley of stones from the professor's lycanroc. which only tilted its head at the tauros, daring it to come forward.

Selene felt her breath catch in her throat. She'd never seen such a one sided battle before. Terror lingered in the back of her mind because this sort of power was undeniably dangerous, volatile, deadly even, and yet, yet -

She -

She wanted -

The lycanroc only tilted its head a little, as if offering its opponent the next move. Selene glanced at Professor Kukui out of the corner of her eyes, the man not looking concerned at all as he stood idly, hands in his pocket.

She wanted that strength.

The strength to not be the one cowering, to be the one who would not give in, to be the one who wouldn't have to run away.

Who wouldn't have to beg for help from others.

Who wouldn't be pitiful and useless and a crybaby and -

Selene let out a little gasp.

The tauros, sorely regretting its poor choice of action, had actually taken a hesitant step back, back into the light of the jeep's headlight. Its left horn had now lost its tip.

It too seemed to have realized this, for it gave an angry bellow, preparing for another charge.

"Selene, you might want to cover your ears," the professor said, sounding as if there wasn't a tauros in close enough range to maul them.

"What -"

"Roar."

Selene wasn't sure what she was expecting but  _Arceus_ , that lycanroc had pipes.

Crouching low to the ground, the pokemon opened wide, letting out a roar that disproportionately loud to the size of its body.

Selene, hands frantically clutching at her ears, couldn't help but gape at the power of the move.

Against the tauros's will, the move caused the wild pokemon to stumble back as if it had been struck by something tangible. Broken shards of rock shook as they skittered backwards, the clatter drowned out by the powerful roar. Trees shook, bird pokemon startled from their perches, and all Selene could hear were countless echoes ringing in her ears.

Worriedly, she remembered Watmel (How had she forgotten in the first place?)and paled. The little pokemon was trembling, even though it hadn't been the rowlet that the attack had been directed at. Immediately, the girl reached out and to hold the little pokemon, who immediately buried its face into her shirt and continued to quiver and chirp fearfully.

The tauros, on the other hand,actually looked afraid, which was saying a lot given the species. The professor's lycanroc regarded its opponent, thoroughly unimpressed, daring the wild pokemon to try another attack.

The lycanroc took a step forward.

The tauros took a step back in response, seemingly mulling over what to do next.

Nervously, Selene held her breath, expecting another confrontation. Her ribs felt like they were going to cave in on themselves and a heavy heart that seemed oversaturated with tension and stress.

However, the tauros actually had the intelligence to back off, giving a huffy snort before ambling back off into the wilderness.

Selene exhaled, the weight inside her lessening just a little.

Thank Arceus.

The professor gave a low whistle. "Well, that went better than expected. I thought that the tauros was going to be a bit more stubborn than that. Usually, they won't let go of tests of strength until they're soundly beaten."

"That wasn't a sound beating?" Selene sputtered, trying her best not to crumple to her knees.

"Well, the reason wild pokemon seek out trainers to fight is because it's a way for them to test their strength," Professor Kukui explained, dusting off his lab coat. "Human trained pokemon tend to be stronger than wild pokemon because they have more diverse battle experience. So pokemon often go looking for trainers in search of a good fight."

"But that battle, well, it wasn't a really a battle," Selene argued. How did that comment answered her question? "There was no way for that tauros to win."

The professor turned his head in her direction, and Selene wasn't exactly sure how to feel about the way he regarded her. Was that a slight frown she saw? A crease of the brow? A flash of… disappointment?

The girl felt it, the pressure beneath her ribcage began building again, higher and higher and -

Professor Kukui gave her an amused smile, and for some reason, the girl felt a horrible sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach, as if she'd pushed off a cliff.

"Well, you never know. The battle isn't over until one party can't fight, whether that's by choice or not."

"Right," Selene murmured. "Choice."

She didn't like the way that word rolled off her tongue.

"Though," he continued, thankfully not privy to Selene's emotional turmoils, "that particular tauros was unusually aggressive for its species. Normally, they'd think twice about acting up in places humans normally frequent."

He fished his phone out of his coat and squinted at the bright screen.

"Dang," he muttered. "No signal here. Moon, remind me to give the trial guides and the Kahuna a call when we reach your house."

"Uh, sure," the girl replied, mentally running the word "Kahuna" through her head so that she hopefully wouldn't mispronounce it later. Whoever the Kahuna was, they sounded important.

Eyeing the debris that filled the road ahead, the girl hesitantly poked at one of the loose rocks, balking at how big it was in comparison to her foot.

"Professor?"

"Yeah?"

"Is it safe to drive on the road if it's like this? Because if you're going to say we have to walk the rest of the way, I'm not going to make it."

The professor chuckled.

"None of that. I was honestly expecting something like this, so that's why I called you out here! Don't give me that look - either we get to your house or we're sleeping in the jeep."

"Well then," he said, rolling up his sleeves. Selene pointedly looked away. Why was she like this? "Time to get to work, Selene!"

The girl's head immediately spun around to look back at the jeep, though from the looks of it, her mother was busy… on her phone. Of course. She let out a sigh of relief before shooting the professor a rather frantic look for the slip of tongue.

"It's Moon!" the girl whisper hissed.

"Sorry about that," Professor Kukui said softly, his tone making the girl feel guilty. "Though you honestly have to make up your mind sooner or later."

The girl tried not to squeeze Watmel too hard.

She'd always pushed back unpleasant inevitables until they wouldn't budge any further. Because the stress, the exhaustion always felt like more appealing alternatives to working through solutions that were guaranteed to be uncomfortable.

"I know," the girl began, not sure what she was trying to say. "It's just… well, it's just not something I want to talk about..."

Selene grimaced. She was doing it again, prolonging her suffering because she'd always been a coward. It wasn't even logical.

"With your mother around?" The professor finished questioningly, taking the stricken look that passed over the girl's face as confirmation of his suspicions. "Well, I understand, but at the same time, I don't. But let's leave that talk for another time."

"Oh, uh, thanks," Selene mumbled. She fidgeted a little, suddenly feeling quite ashamed of herself.

Professor Kukui laughed. "Now don't think you can try to get out of this by being cute, Selene."

The girl flushed a little. How embarrassing.

"I-I don't get what you mean."

Watmel gave a little sound that sounded like a snort.

"Man," the professor said, shaking his head even though he was smiling. "There you go doing it again, cousin."

He walked over to ruffle to her hair, and as he reached out with his hand, Selene's eyes were first drawn to its shape and size, then his wrist. However, as it crossed over into the jeep headlights', she was immediately drawn to a sudden flash of light on one of his fingers.

"Seriously," the girl said weakly, taking in the sight of the professor's wedding band. "I-I haven't done anything at all."

Treacherously, her childish heart beat faster.

* * *

"Hey, Moon! Up now! …Do I need to Wake Up Slap you?"

Feeling a hand on her shoulder, Selene automatically swatted it away, groggily coming to her senses. In her lap, Watmel stirred, shifting a little.

"Oh, sorry," she mumbled sleepily, still trying to wipe the sleep away from her eyes. From the sound of that voice, it was probably Professor Kukui, wasn't it? She yawned, stretching her arms and back out. Sure wasn't comfy sleeping sitting up right in a jeep.

"You sure don't look or sound sorry," he said jokingly, though the girl immediately jolted upright upon hearing those words. Though she was still sitting down, Selene did a little bow, squeezing Watmel a little too tightly for its comfort.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, Professor." The girl mumbled, looking down at Watmel's head. "I, um, didn't mean to be rude."

When the girl had looked up, she had sworn a look of recognition passed over the professor's face, for just a moment. Even if she had just been seeing things, the girl could already feel the blood draining from her face.

Immediately, she bowed again, a little lower this time.

"I'm sorry… I really am…" she mumbled, running through everything she'd done after she'd woken up.

"No, not at all…" Professor Kukui said rather absently, though she could see the gears turning in his head. The rather serious look on his face didn't make her feel good at all. "Just surprised you knocked out like a rock the moment we hit the road again. Didn't you get a whole night's worth of sleep before landing in Alola?"

Selene bit her lip, she'd screwed up somewhere, hadn't she? She wasn't exactly sure what but –

She relaxed a little, realizing that she was getting worked up over such a tiny thing. It was probably best to go along with the change in topic.

"Not at all," the girl laughed, trying not to wither at how fake it sounded to her ears. She moved to get out of the jeep, carefully hopping out. Watmel wriggled out of her arms, deciding to hover at her eye level as it took in what would be its new home. "That was a few hours ago. Nothing wrong with more sleep."

The professor shook his head at that statement.

"Oh no, no, no. I won't let you sleep all the time when you're living here."

She raised an eyebrow, skeptically.

"And how are you going to stop me?"

"I live down there," Professor Kukui said, pointing to the girl's right. Following his finger, the girl looked down a few short ledges, tons of tall grass, down toward a small beach, where at the edge by the sea, she could sort of make out the silhouette of a light colored cabin.

"So guess what?" he said, cracking a wide grin. "We're neighbors!"

Oh, Selene thought, not sure whether she should follow up that thought with an "that's nice" or a "oh no".

"That's a relief," the girl said, smiling politely. "Nice to know there will be a familiar face around here."

"Though…" she trailed off, frowning. "Exactly where is here?"

"It's technically the outskirts of Hao'uli, though we're honestly closer to Iki Town."

The professor pointed in the opposite direction from his house, up towards a sizeable hill.

Selene balked.

It wasn't a mountain, persay, but it still towered over the rest of the arena to an extent that "big hill" wouldn't do it justice. Her feet already started aching at the thought of having to trek up there, as she knew her mother would probably drag them both up there to say hello to the neighbors.

Not that Selene would count them as neighbors, but she had learnt to keep those comments to herself.

"Hey! (Selene felt herself jump a little.) Don't dawdle over there, you two!" her mother called over by their new home. By her side, Meowth meowed rather loudly, arms crossed as if it was disappointed in her and the professor.

Ignoring the urge to set Watmel on Meowth, Selene ran over to her mother, who was standing in front of the small wooden cabin, a far cry from the house they'd had back in Kanto.

Well, at least it didn't look terrible. Purple and yellow on a house had to be a crime of the highest order.

"Keeping secrets from your mother?" the woman whispered in her ear. The girl could already imagine the sly smile on her mother's face.

"Not at all," the girl said cheerily, doing her best to deflect her mother's usual attempt at teasing her. Though, if Selene was being honest, what her mother said had made her feel guilty more than anything else. She humored her mother with a good natured smile, biting on the innermost part of her lip so that it wouldn't turn into a grimace.

"So, are you ready to see our new home?"

Not really, Selene thought.

"Sure!" she chirped excitedly.

Looking a little too eager for her own good, her mother ran up the steps leading up to the front door, and with a grand flourish, her mother pulled at the door knob, only to find that it wouldn't budge.

"Um, Mother -" Selene began, tentatively reaching a hand out.

The girl cut herself off as she watched her mother tug a little harder at the door knob before switching to pushing on it instead. Still, nothing.

After a second the woman stopped, giving her daughter a sheepish look.

"Well, then!" the woman exclaimed cheerily. "I don't remember where the keys went~!"

That didn't really surprise Selene for whatever reason. However, now that she thought about it, Selene honestly didn't remember keys being brought up at any time during the few hours that they had been in Alola.

She couldn't help but make a face.

Did they already lose the keys to the house? Really?

Almost immediately, Selene shot her mother's meowth an expectant look, who in turn gave her a rather smug yet accusatory smile, as if she was somehow the guilty one here.

The look became a nasty glare, and the girl dimly wondered if she could somehow kick the

"Looking for these?" Professor Kukui asked, causing Selene to look back at him. He twirled a ring of keys around his finger as he made his way up the stairs. "I kept your keys just in case."

With impressive dexterity, he fished one out from the ring, tossing it to Selene with a flick of his wrist. The girl fumbled to catch it, frantically grabbing for it as she accidentally let it bounce out of her hands multiple times.

Fortunately, a frantic swipe in the key's direction saved it from being dropped into the grass beneath the small deck at the front of the cabin, and Selene automatically turned to hand it to her mother. When the woman made no move to take it, Selene looked helplessly at her mother, not exactly sure what she wanted her to do.

"Now, why don't you have a go yourself, Moon?"

The girl nodded, trying not to scream because there had been no need for keys back at home, after all Mother had worked from home and there were no worries about being locked out the house and –

Not that she was going to say out loud to her mother and the professor that she didn't know how to use a key. The girl wasn't really sure herself but certainly most kids her age could use them, right?

Grimly regarding the door as if her doom lay behind it, Selene prayed to the god of things-you-should-probably-know-by-the-time-you hit-double-digits and tried to insert the key into the keyhole.

It didn't even go in.

Selene bit back the urge to burst into tears when she realized she had the key upside down. How had she not noticed that,  _how_? Thankfully, it fit the second time, though when the girl tried to turn it, nothing happened.

Arceus.

She couldn't even unlock a door.

How was she supposed to do  _anything_  if she couldn't do something so simple?

The girl jiggled the key a little until she finally heard the door click open, her chest suddenly feeling a lot lighter, as if she'd been unstabbed, as silly as that sounded. A hand drifted to her heart.

Her breath hitched.

Was that what she was feeling?

Her hand flopped uselessly back to her side.

But why…

Why would that even matter?

Selene let her gaze flicker over, for just a moment, to her mother and the professor. They hadn't noticed anything.

Yet.

Or perhaps they had, and they were just hiding it.

Pushing the door inwards, she let herself grimace. After all, it wasn't like they could see her face through the back of her head.

"Oh boy, oh boy," her mother giggled. As the woman skipped past her, Selene could see the woman dramatically rubbing her hands together. "Time to see home sweet home!"

Letting Professor Kukui amble in after her mother, Selene finally shuffled in, the slight drop in temperature enough to elicit a shiver. Though she was curious to see the house, she turned back around to close and lock the door.

For a moment, she hesitated. If she didn't look, then she wouldn't have a new home, right?

She inhaled.

Resigned herself to her fate.

Turned around, and -

Selene felt her heart drop.

The house was empty.

Unfamiliar.

Cold.

Not home.

Save for an L shape countertop with a sink, the first room had nothing. No table to eat at, no chairs to sit on, no fridge, no anything that made up a place to live in, much less a home.

_Is this what you gave up your whole life for, Mother?_

Her fingers were playing with one another at her side.

_This?_

They were trying to snap each other in half.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I write too much, and I hate myself for it. I don't know how it happens but it does. Once again, this part is also... split... in... half... but fortunately, that part's almost done! I should have it up before USUM comes out at the latest - I got like 2 scenes left to fix up but a ton of schoolwork to do...
> 
> I'd appreciate any feedback on the pacing or the length of the scenes since in all honesty, I'm not sure how they end up this long. It just happens. orz
> 
> I did try my hands at a sort of battle scene, though I still feel a little iffy doing them. But we'll see.
> 
> Next time, Selene gets into her first legitimate battle and wishes she had an instruction manual. Whoooo.
> 
> story notes:
> 
> Battles are going to be done without religious adherence to the game mechanics. I honestly can't wrap my head around them and write them the way I do. So no PP. Generally battle work as the set style, more because repeatedly switching out pokemon is seen as cowardly. Granted, there are people out there who just don't care... Healing items are also normally not used in official matches unless the pokemon's life is in danger. Held items... I'll try to stick to logic on that one.


	4. for whose sake (2)

**o3. for whose sake (2)**

* * *

Sitting cross legged on the cold wooden floor, Selene tore through the meager contents of her backpack, carelessly tossing everything she got her hands on backwards in the general direction of her bed. Muttering angrily under her breath, the girl paid no heed to the worried chirps coming from behind her.

From its perch upon the headrest of Selene's bed, Watmel nervously watched as a gallon sized plastic bag, full of random toiletries, sailed across half the room and crashed into the wall, sliding onto the mattress with a rattle. Tentatively, the rowlet hopped over and pulled the bag upright with its beak, dodging the various items its trainer was tossing its way.

The cheap wallet Selene had bought right before they had left for Alola.

Ryuki's album, with a scribble for a signature.

A spare change of clothes.

A tattered, beaten journal -

Selene flung it across the room and watched as it crashed into the closet doors, the pages folding hideously, creasing as the full weight of the old notebook settled onto the paper. Watmel squawked at the violent motion, but the girl did not bother look back, resuming her previous task.

Her Pokemon Caretaker's ID.

Watmel's pokeball.

A bunch of pamphlets and papers, messily bundled together with a single rubber band.

Laptop charger.

A pokedoll of a pikachu -

Selene paused for a moment then squinted suspiciously at the toy.

When had she gotten this?

Running a finger over the rough fabric, the girl scowled even further. She didn't remember packing it, much less having a toy like it. Yet she could see the dark blemishes, the places where the color had faded away or bled into brown, feel where the fabric had worn thin - the pokedoll had definitely been well loved, but there was no way it could have been hers, right?

"Meo-"

"What do you want?" Selene snapped, glaring at the meowth who was standing at the door that connected her bedroom to the bathroom, that, in turn, connected to her mother's bedroom.

Her mother's smaller bedroom.

Just the thought of that rekindled the seething that was eating Selene from the inside out, and with that, the girl attacked her backpack with renewed ferocity.

Why did her mother have to be like this?

Couldn't she just take the larger bedroom that was rightfully hers?

With a wild swing, Selene tossed a special wooden talisman from the Pokemon Tower back, narrowly missing Watmel's face. The shocked shriek the pokemon let out in response went unnoticed.

In a disappointingly empty house (not home, not home,  _not home_ ) with an stunning grand total of four rooms, clearly the larger bedroom should go to her mother.

So. Why. Didn't. She. Just. Take. It!?

Just five minutes before, Selene had given the three equally barren rooms in the back a cursory glance while her mother and Professor were still in the empty front room (an unholy union of a kitchen, living room, entryway, and dining room as far as Selene saw it) looking at who knows what.

Selene had quickly looked between the two equally barren bedrooms (at the very least, there were beds), not sure how her mother and the professor were still in the front room when there was absolutely  _nothing_  to see, noting that the one on the left was smaller.

All right then. That one would be hers -

"You can have the one on the right, dear."

Selene had wanted to say something, anything, but before her mother's soft smile and crinkled eyes and the unsettling gaze of the professor, her protests had sputtered and fizzled out as soon as they had hit the air.

Selene felt her hands start shaking as soon as she remembered how she hadn't said  _shit_ and how she wasn't getting better because after all how could she get better if she was going to relive her younger years again and  _again_ and why couldn't she do something so  _simple_  that other people did without thinking and dammit, dammit,  _dammit_ Moon, Selene, whoever you are, you indecisive, spoiled  _brat_ , what on  _earth_  is wrong with you, you worthless waste of time and money, you deserve nothing,  _absolutely nothing,_  it's always your fault and when your mother finds out, she'll leave you, just like, just like-

"What are you doing?" the girl hoarsely whispered, suddenly finding that Meowth had somehow snuck into the room to stand in front of her sitting form.

The cat pokemon simply put a paw on the worn pikachu pokedoll before looking up, directly into the girl's eyes.

Selene tried to swallowed but found that she couldn't. Tried to hold the pokemon's gaze but she couldn't.

"I said," the girl almost screamed, if her scratchy, strained whisper could have been anything like a scream, " _what are you doing_?"

The meowth only shrugged at her, and Selene imagined it - imagined that she had hurled at the pikachu pokedoll right at the pokemon's toothy smirk, but knowing her, she would have missed by a hilariously wide margin.

She shook her head a little, the thought unsettling to her in more ways than one.

"Does Mother want me?" the girl asked distractedly, trying to ignore how in her head the meowth would have then reared back in fear, a confused, almost hurt look on the pokemon's face -

A high pitched meow.

Selene started a little, staring blankly at the meowth for a few seconds to make sure that she hadn't actually gone through with what she had imagined.

"I'll be right there." Discreetly biting her lip, Selene looked back down at her lap in an attempt to obscure her face with her bangs, right into the dead stare of the pikachu pokedoll. She felt even worse. "Just give me a moment."

The door creaked shut, and Selene pinched the bridge of her nose, closing her eyes.

The violent arc of a hand, going down, down, down -

_Don't think about it._

The sound of impact, softness giving way to something very hard, yet so fragile -

_Don't you dare._

Red on white. Red. White. Redredredredred -

Something light fell into her lap, and Selene jolted, opening her eyes to find them staring right into the dark, wide orbs of her rowlet, into the equally terrified reflection of her pale, despair filled face. The little pokemon hesitantly flew forward and, upon seeing no signs of resistance from its trainer, carefully tucked itself under her chin and into the crook of her neck. Selene felt a hand move up from her side to gently pat the rowlet's back, and she leaned back against the side of her bed, her head barely able to touch the wood frame.

The shaking began from her lower abdomen, and it went up her spine, into her ribs, up her neck, and down her arms until her weak, brittle body was quivering, struggling to hold both Watmel and herself up. The pulse of her own heartbeat, erratic and fast and too loud, felt like it would burst from her arteries, her veins, her skin. The sound of her weak breath passing in and out of her mouth, chest rising up and down, maddeningly occupied her thoughts to the point the girl didn't even feel the dull impact of her head upon the wooden floor.

She just laid there, drowning from the inside out, as fire hollowed out her insides, as everything burned into nothing, leaving only a thick smoke of sorrow that filled the empty space and made it hard to breathe.

The tears had been the last straw.

The moment Selene found her vision blurring, she forced herself to sit up despite how much her bones and muscles ached, angrily swabbing at her watering eyes.

As soon as she had put her hands back down, Watmel had flown right up into her face, gently leaning its head forwards to touch her own forehead, and the gesture almost made the girl burst in tears all over again.

"I'm sorry," Selene mumbled, trembling from head to toe. "I'm sorry… so sorry… for… for…"

Instead of saying anything more, the girl drew her knees up towards her face, arms wrapped around her folded legs so that she could hide her face in the small fortress of limbs.

She didn't know how to say it properly.

How could you explain to a pokemon a suffering that you brought upon yourself?

A suffering that you couldn't escape because it was simply your nature, your soul, your entire being?

She heard the flapping of wings, and immediately Selene thought that even Watmel could not put up with her nonsense any longer. That even the pokemon Professor Kukui had given to her for the express purpose of fixing her had deemed her a lost cause.

Selene wanted to laugh at that, and eyes full of bitter tears, the girl looked up from her pathetic little sanctuary and –

She found the rowlet standing in front of her, trying to open the plastic bag full of various hygiene items with its little feet. Regarding the bag as if it was its foe in battle, Watmel repeatedly tried to pry it open, remaining undeterred even as the rowlet failed again and again. Instead it opted to rip the bag open, and with a triumphant chirp, it shoved its face inside the bag to nip at a washcloth with its beak.

Yanking the cloth out with one twist of its head, Watmel then waddled over to Selene and dropped the wash cloth into its trainer's lap.

The girl vacantly stared at the item, not sure what to say or how to feel, but when the pokemon proceeded to pick up the cloth and flew up to try and wipe her face dry, she broke out into horribly ugly sobs.

* * *

After a few minutes, Selene forced herself to calm down (as much as she could, at least) and stood up. Her body still trembled erratically with faint echoes of sobs, and her eyes felt hot, and her nose felt unbearably stuffy, but it was something, the girl supposed.

With a sniffle, Selene picked up the pikachu pokedoll and tattered journal, shuffling across the room to over to her bed. In one fluid motion, the girl scooped up everything that had been on ther and then proceeded to dump it on the floating desk nearby, trying not to smile as she heard an annoyed little hoot on her left.

"Don't worry," the girl said quietly, "I'll deal with it in a moment."

A doubtful snort came in response, though Selene was too distracted by what she was seeing from the windows above the desk.

The backyard was enormous. Even by the dim lights set up along the back, Selene could easily tell the fenced area was largely than the house itself. Mother wasn't kidding when she said that all the space that the house was missing went to the back and that it would easily fit all of her pokemon.

The thought was comforting. For once, the cold, empty replacement of a home actually felt like a place that could be home, especially thanks to the presence of the familiar pokemon out there.

As expected, Fearow and Nidoqueen were at her mother's side, the woman doting over the two companions that she had used for most of her half-baked career as a pokemon trainer. Not at all miffed by how large the two pokemon were (by Selene's standards, anything that reached above her knees was already too large for comfort), her mother was probably reliving her glory days, as short as they had been.

Meanwhile, further out in the open, Selene could see Scyther hesitantly looking around, clearly unnerved by its new surroundings. For a moment, it just awkwardly stood there, unsure of what to do until it spotted its trainer and fellow pokemon. Though it relaxed, Selene noticed that the pokemon seemed to shrink away upon seeing something, though she couldn't help but giggle when she found a sheepish Professor Kukui at the end of its wary gaze.

Angry barking caught the girl's attention, and much to Selene's lack of surprise, Meowth was once again being chased by Growlithe, the former teasing the latter with a pace that barely keep the cat pokemon out of reach. The girl rolled her eyes at Meowth's usual shenanigans of heckling the rest of its teammates, feeling mildly sorry that the canine pokemon had been its victim this time around.

That just left one more pokemon.

The girl scowled, squinting into the darkness. Where was -

A tap on Selene's shoulder made the girl jump. Turning around, she found herself eye to eye with her mother's hitmonlee, one hand on her shoulder to steady her.

"Geez, are you trying to scare me?" The girl said jokingly, feeling quite at ease to see the pokemon that had been most serious in watching over her as a small child.

She couldn't help but smile remembering those times, back when the pokemon would quietly sit by her side and humor her by joining her in playing with her toys.

Perhaps it had been a little too serious, Selene thought, remembering how whenever her toddler self had tried to wander out of the living room, it had extended its leg to gently reel the little girl back in, all while attentively trying to build the tallest block tower it could.

Without a sound, Hitmonlee gave her shoulder a firm squeeze then gave the rowlet standing upon her desk a pat on the head, before walking out the room and closing the door.

Selene shook her head. It was just like the pokemon to check up on her to ease its conscious, even if she hadn't been a helpless toddler for a long time.

"Come on," Selene said to Watmel. "Let's head out there."

A high chirp, almost like a whine, made the girl look in the rowlet's direction. The girl giggled a bit upon realizing that the rowlet had been trying to organize the mess of objects on her desk, which really just amounted to stacking them neatly in piles that made little other sense.

"We can do it later."

Shooting its trainer an almost disgusted look that said "that's not what you said before", the rowlet huffed when the girl laughed a little, before resigning itself to perching on her shoulder.

For a moment, Selene had moved to head to the back, though Watmel's frantic pecks at her head made her changed course for the front door.

"Thanks," the girl told her pokemon as she swiped her shoes. Mother probably wouldn't appreciate her permanently staining a new pair of socks, would she?

The rowlet puffed up proudly at the praise, even more so as Selene ruffled its head a little.

"Don't let it get to your head."

An even more pleased chirp.

Selene simply shook her head as she walked out the door and into the backyard, startled by how the air outside seemed just a little warmer than inside. Immediately her eyes searched for her mother and the professor, finding them right next to Fearow, Nidoqueen, and Hitmonlee.

The professor, examining the battle scars on Nidoqueen's arms, gave a low whistle. "I knew you had your Trainer's License, Thea... (Selene tried not to be weirded out by the mention of her mother's first name.) But this is a pretty impressive team for someone who doesn't battle for a living!"

"Why, thank you," the woman laughed, a hand daintily in front of her face. "I'm quite proud of them - though only half of them can hold their own in battle. (At this comment, Nidoqueen puffed up its chest while Fearow gave a loud screech, Hitmonlee looking unimpressed with the first two.) The others are rescues that I took in."

"I can respect that," the professor said, voice filled with admiration. "Both are commendable on your part."

Her mother lightly waved a hand at the man, looking a bit giddy at the compliment.

"Oh please, Professor, taking in pokemon is sort of inevitable with the Pokemon Volunteer House Mr. Fuji runs - you heard of him right? Most people hear about him in passing through the stories about Red and Blue, but that's not really what they're interested in when they come to Lavender Town."

Here, she sighed, shaking her head a little.

"Everyone always wants to see the  _ghosts -_ it's amazing how it's become such a legend in only a decade - but nowadays, the Pokemon Tower is now off limits to those kind of tourists."

The professor nodded. "I can see why. It's a sacred place that houses the dead, isn't it? Those sort of places need to be treated with the proper respect."

"I pity the poor channelers," she said, sounding a little tired this time. "Having to shoo away all the people who flock in town just for that. Sometimes they look so stressed you'd think they'd been possessed by the ghosts again."

"Were they really possessed by ghosts, back then, I mean?"

"I personally think that Team Rocket's invasion really rattled them, but who knows. Selene here acts like they are, though, right dear?"

The girl choked a little at being called out like that; she hadn't even realized that her mother had seen her, and shyly she walked up to the two adults, as if she'd been caught doing something wrong.

Which she hadn't.

Pretty sure she hadn't.

"They're scary," the girl mumbled. "I sure wouldn't want to be a tourist though." She shuddered at the few times she had run into the channelers who patrolled the floors of the Pokemon Tower.

Usually, it was a simple matter to avoid confrontation, but she'd always been so nervous every time she walked by. Always jumped a little when they spoke in that harsh tone they used to chase unauthorized visitors out. Always felt afraid that they'd see something horrible festering inside her, something that would confirm her suspicions about her true nature.

 _Ah_ , Selene thought with a scowl,  _I'm doing it again. I can't have a repeat of earlier._

She coughed, raising a hand to cover her mouth. "So... now what?"

The moment the words came out of her mouth, Selene sorely regretted them, but seriously -

What  _were_  they going to do now?

"Well, Iki Town is having its Guardian Festival now," Professor Kukui suggested with a casual shrug. "I could walk you both up there right now."

Oh, Selene dimly thought, feeling like someone had swept the proverbial rug from under her feet.

She hadn't been expecting an actual answer to her question.

If anything, she was hoping that this whole getting used to the whole house business would been done with so she could go hole up in her not bedroom and pretend to sleep for the next day or two. Maybe by then, the whole move would sink in, and she'd be able to deal with the fact she was going to be here for a very long time.

Her mother yawned, snapping the girl out of her thoughts. "You two can go on ahead. I need a quick nap."

Selene stiffened. She didn't like where this was going at all. The girl barely had any energy left for socializing and maintaining an acceptable appearance and making a good first impression and having to deal with being the odd one out in what could possibly be a very tight knit celebration.

…Just the thought of that made her tired.

"You know," the girl nervously began, trying not to react to how her voice cracked on the second word, "I'm also feeling a little sleepy-"

"Oh no, you're not going back to sleep after three hours, kiddo," the professor said, a stern look on his face that Selene couldn't really place. Still, it kind of scared her, in the way she was scared of her mother when she broke something. (Not that her mother had gotten angry at her as of late, now that she thought about it.)

"But -"

"Will there be free food?" her mother cut in.

"Yep."

Watmel gave a pleased chirp at the confirmation of free food, though its trainer only whirled her head around to shoot a desperate look at her mother, eyes screaming betrayal.

"Why does that matter?" she sputtered.

Her mother, unfazed by her daughter's typical plea to be helped out of situations she found the slightest bit uncomfortable, let out another long slow yawn before she responded.

"We have no fridge, and l I have Meowth's food if you want to eat that."

Selene flushed red. She would rather not.

"A-alright," the girl grumbled, resigning herself to aching feet and a few hours' worth of anxiety. "I guess it wouldn't hurt to go."

The professor lightly smacked her on the back, knocking the wind out of her lungs.

"Now that's the spirit, Moon!"

She weakly nodded, trying her best not to kneel over.

Arceus have mercy on her poor soul.

* * *

This whole situation was so laughably awkward, that it would have been funny had Selene not been a part of it.

Doing her best to keep several paces ahead of the professor, Selene was hoping she could stall the inevitable confrontation for as long as she could. Even if she had to pick up her walking pace, even if she had to deal with the burn in her lungs as she drew for breath she didn't have, even if her feet felt like they were going to fall apart -

She wasn't not going to dump her stupid problems on other people.

One person was already one too many.

Selene cursed her inability to have more self control, to hide her feelings better because she hated bothering other people like this.

She inhaled a bit more shallowly than normal, only to feel as though something had smacked her head and knocked the breath out of her. For a moment, she swore she heard the footsteps behind her pick up, and she panicked, picking up the pace no matter how much it hurt her everywhere.

If she didn't keep walking, Kukui would catch up, and she  _really_  didn't want him to catch up. She always caved when face to face with other people, just like she had a year ago, when her mother had first put her up to these talks with a person she had then only known as a professor from Alola.

The walls she put always came crashing down, and it was always because she was so… her. Always desperate for someone to be there for her that she clung to any iota of sincerity she was given without hesitation.

She grimaced at the description of herself, not sure if she was more horrified or disgusted by its accuracy.

Anyhow, if she kept him out of eyesight, it was almost like he wasn't there. She wouldn't have to deal with unpleasant things, like every one of her glaring flaws that ruined her life again and again under the scrutiny of others, especially -

"Selene."

Her heart rate spiked.

Especially people whose opinion made or broke her self-worth.

A wave of guilt washed over her. It must have been so rude, but regardless of what she did, she wouldn't like the outcome.

"Selene."

She felt a hand on her shoulder, and she couldn't help but tremble where she stood. Not her mother's hand. Not Hitmonlee's.

"Sorry," she heard Professor Kukui whisper. "Should have asked you first."

"It's fine," the girl mumbled, not actually sure if she believed that or not.

"You know you can trust me, right?"

She paused, unable to say anything. Oh gods, Professor Kukui was going to hate her now. She could feel herself trembling.

What had she done.

What had she done?

_What had she done?_

"Yes?" she said weakly, feeling the last of her breath leave with that word. Gods, her lungs hurt. "You're an adult. Like Mother."

"But you're not being honest with your mother."

Selene winced. The truth hurt more when it came from someone else's mouth. A lot more.

His gentle grip on her shoulder relaxed, but she didn't. Couldn't.

"Look, I'm just worried for you," the professor said as he walked around to face her. She looked away, down at her hands, unable to meet his gaze. "Outside of your mother, is there anyone else you've been able to turn to?"

"No."

Kukui frowned, and suddenly it all spilled out, ungracefully, pathetically, nonsensically.

"I can't do it," the girl muttered frantically. "I keep making her worry. That's all I do, and I can't do that anymore. I need to stop doing that but -"

Selene tried to look up and faltered just short of the professor's line of sight, retreating back to the familiar sight of her own hands.

"How? How do I stop? How I get better? There's too many things to do, and I keep messing up and adding more and more problems to the one she already has, and it never gets better, it only gets worse -"

"Selene -"

A pathetic laugh that sounded more like a broken sob cut him off.

"And all I, all I do is give her more st-stupid things to worry about, yes stupid things because she had friends and a  _life_ back in Kanto, and now, she has to give all, all of that of for what? Me?"

Ironic, the girl barely processed, that this self-loathing tirade was giving her the courage to the look the professor straight in the eye. She couldn't tell what he was thinking, and that made her feel better and worse all at once.

"M-me. The worthless, yes, the absolutely worthless daughter who just costs money and money and  _more_ money and never g-gives anything,  _anything_  back for it."

Kukui stared at her, looking as if he was uncertain how to proceed. As if she was some kind of ticking bomb that would blow up if something didn't go her way.

The girl felt herself tremble.

She didn't want to be that.

She could live with being forgettable, irrelevant, replaceable, but -

She never wanted to be a problem for other people.

"I'm sorry," she began angrily, already regretting that she had even said anything. Slowly she felt her limbs and joint ease back into moving, and before she knew it, she felt herself push past the professor. "Just, j-just pretend you didn't hear any of that."

"No."

Selene halted instinctively.

"I feel like  _I'm_  the one who owes you an apology."

Selene whirled around almost immediately, the words "what the  _hell_  do you mean" on the tip of her tongue. Thankfully, she found that she couldn't even bring herself to speak, overcome with some kind of terror that made it hard to open her mouth, hard to breathe.

Something was horribly wrong with the way the professor was looking at her, as if he was the one who had done something wrong. Dimly, she remembered Hau'oli City, cold gazes, and her vain attempts at pretending it didn't bother her.

"Y-you haven't done a-anything wrong," the girl stammered, horrified at how the little faith those words carried seemed to dry up as they left her mouth.

Professor Kukui was supposed to be always smiling and ready with a silly pun about pokemon moves and utterly shameless about his state of dress and unfazed about whatever the world threw at him and -

The professor gave her a small, sad smile.

She wanted to puke.

"Well, nobody's perfect, you know."

 _Yes_ , Selene wanted to say, but surely, the professor hadn't done anything like -

She trembled uncontrollably. There was absolutely no way that she should say, much less, think something so awful.

"I don't like that look on your face," the professor said teasingly, the comment making the girl flush with embarrassment. "Jokes aside, I just wanted you to know that we all make mistakes."

"Even you?"

He let a short but lovely laugh that made Selene feel warm and fuzzy inside, and childishly she couldn't help but wonder if she could ever make her mother feel like that.

"Yes, even me. In fact, even your mother."

Selene felt the urge to argue against that but caught herself in time - Professor Kukui had a point. A really good one that she had a bad habit of conveniently forgetting so that she had an excuse to wallow in self-loathing.

"Well, what I'm trying to say is that you don't have to have to be perfect, and no one should ever expect of you. If they do, let me know and I'll set them straight." The professor sheepishly scratched his head, looking so awkward Selene found it cute. "Also, you are aware that I know the details of your situation, right?"

Selene stiffened. Moment ruined.

"Figured that much," she said flatly, trying not to think too hard about exactly what the professor knew.

"It was just paperwork and stuff your mother mentioned, but I'd rather hear it from you. Now, you don't have to tell me anything that you're not comfortable telling me, all right? It's completely up to you."

"In fact," the professor said gently, walking forward to close the distance between the two of them, "you don't have to tell me anything right now."

He got down on one knee, hands clasping her shoulders, and Selene just stood there, startled at how she was actually looking down at him for once, because adults were all so tall and she was just tiny and unimportant -

"I just want you to be able to enjoy your life here." He was looking her straight in the eyes, and for some reason, in spite of the sheer fear that she definitely felt (heart racing, feet unable to move, loss of breath), she couldn't look away. "So feel free to talk to me, okay? Even if you have trouble talking to your mother."

Professor Kukui was looking at her expectantly, clearly wanting an answer, but all it did was make her feel unable to say anything - because if she did, she had a bad feeling the butterfrees in her stomach would come spilling out, hideous and warped and disgusting.

She tugged at his hands on her shoulders and told herself not to think too hard when she swore something in his eyes changed - a flicker of disappointment at her lack of response, perhaps. However, the man quickly got back to his feet, dusting off his pants and lab coat, and Selene finally found it in her to breathe freely once more.

"All right, I'll try my best," the girl got out, her voice barely carrying over the sound of the soft breeze. When the professor moved a hand to ruffle her hair as he always did for some reason, she lightly jabbed him in the side with an elbow, trying not to smile as he overdramatically jerked away.

"Just don't do that whole kneeling thing again - it kind of freaked me out."

The professor raised an eyebrow, now grinning from ear to ear.

"And why's that?" he asked, gently pushing her along by the shoulder so they could get back to walking uphill. Selene made a face as the aching in her legs and feet came back all at once.

"It's weird."

"That's it?"

"Yup."

"You sure?"

"Well, you're also weird."

"Ouch. You reaallllyyy sure though?"

"Yes!"

"You don't have a crush on me or anything like that, right?"

Selene stared up at the professor with what was hopefully a horrified expression, though from how hot her face felt, she was failing miserably. The comment had caught the girl completely off guard, and she suddenly had no clue what to say or do with her face or  _anything_  as the professor took in her expression, a terrifying amount of glee in his now enormous smile.

"You  _do_! I was mostly joking, but you really do!" Affectionately, he ruffled her hair again, Selene too caught up in begging the earth to swallow her whole. It did not acknowledge her plea. "That's adorable!"

"You need to wear shirts," Selene eloquently offered in response, wondering if her own embarrassment would put her out of her misery sometime soon. Surely one could die from having too much blood flow into their face, right? "Wait, d-don't smile! You… you, uh, heard nothing! Nothing!"

The thoroughly amused look on the professor's face made it clear she hadn't fooled him, so Selene did the only thing she really knew how to do.

She panicked.

"No shirt, no shoes, no service!" she shouted, accusatorily pointing at the professor. After a brief moment of silence to process that statement, he burst out laughing, arms crossed over his stomach so he wouldn't kneel over.

Selene buried her face in her hands.

High five, brain.

"I, I might need, might need a moment," Professor Kukui struggled to say in between his cackling. "By the Guardians, that, that was hilarious, ha, aha, ahaha-"

Vaguely hoping that the professor would die of laughter so that there would be no witnesses, Selene pointedly looked anywhere but him. Strangely enough, the moment hadn't left her with the usual anxiety induced stomachache, and the warmth she felt was a little more pleasant than she had expected.

Not that she didn't want to die anymore, but still.

Rustling in the tall grass off the road caught the girl's eye, and her hands instinctively flew for her empty jacket pockets. The girl frantically dug further into them as if Watmel's pokeball would magically find its way into her hands.

Immediately, she went for the main pockets of her cargo shorts.

Nothing there either.

"Uh, Professor?" she began, patting down every pocket she had. Shoot, there was absolutely no way she could have forgotten Watmel. "There's something in the grass over there."

As soon as she had finished that sentence, a small bug pokemon emerged from the grass, scooting its way out in a manner that Selene thought was incredibly cute. The pokemon was so tiny and short in length, and the size of its mandibles in comparison to the rest of it's body…

"That's adorable," Selene found herself saying, though she couldn't help but flush at the familiar choice of words.

She looked over at the professor, and tried to ignore the fact the big, goofy smile on his face made her wish she was tall enough to punch him. …Not that she'd actually have the courage to do that, but it was the thought that counted.

"What's this pokemon?"

"It's a grubbin, one of the pokemon native to Alola," Professor Kukui explained, raising an eyebrow at the girl's previous comment. "I think it wants to battle."

Selene froze at those words, having been caught in the act of fishing Watmel's pokeball from her lower short pockets.

"Oh, why don't you battle it, Professor?" Selene asked as casually as she could, discreetly trying sneak Watmel's pokeball back into her pocket, even though the professor could easily see the bright red and white device in the low light. She was going to ignore how frantically the device seemed to wobble in her hands.

"I think Watmel's itching for a battle, if her pokeball's an indication."

Selene made a face, cursing her rowlet for selling her out, though when the professor's eyes softened, the girl felt herself cave, retracting her arm.

Internally, the girl groaned.

Damn him and his puppy eyes.

"Why don't you and Watmel give it a go?"

Selene sighed, resigning herself to her fate. If she was going cave in eventually, might as well not waste everyone's time.

Tapping at the pokeball with her thumb, the girl tentatively tossed it upwards with one hand, hoping that the professor would overlook the clumsy, unprofessional way she had caught the device with two hands.

With an eager trill, the rowlet spread its wings wide as it was released from its pokeball. Not that the little pokemon had much of a wingspan, Selene thought.

Landing on the ground, Watmel regarded its opponent curiously, and Selene pressed her lips into a thin smile.

Shit, now what was she supposed to do?

"Um -"

Without warning, the small bug pokemon burrowed into the ground, moving much faster than Selene would have expected given the pokemon's body shape.

"Oh," Selene said dimly in response, realizing that she still had absolutely no clue what to do. Watmel nervously chirped as it looked around the grass for any sign of movement.

Suddenly, the grubbin shot out of the ground, Watmel giving a little shriek as it narrowly managed to sidestep the attack. Speechless, Selene watched as the bug pokemon dove back into the ground in an elegant arc, shaking her head when she realized she was getting caught up in the battle when she was supposed to be thinking.

 _Think of something,_ the girl told herself, biting her lower lip.  _Professor Kukui is watching._

But what?

She need to remove the unpredictability from the grubbin's attack, but… damn it, she should be giving guidance to Watmel, not stewing in thoughts!

She could see the rowlet occasionally turn its head around to look at her, obviously wanting some input on what to do. Its somewhat cowed expression made her feel even worse.

_Come on, Watmel's counting on you._

_Think, think, think, you idiot!_

"Fly up a bit, Watmel," Selene said unconfidently, hoping that she was getting something started at least. "When the grubbin comes up again, try to counter with a Tackle."

The rowlet give a chirp of assent, hovering at a steady height, twitching with anticipation as it waited for its opponent to surface.

However, with force that Selene hadn't seen coming, the grubbin had launched itself out of the ground, striking the unaware rowlet from behind. Using its mandibles to clamp tightly onto Watmel's left wing, the grubbin refused to let go, even as the rowlet tried to shake it off, shrieking in pain.

Selene froze.

Oh no. No, no, no.

She remembered that day again as if she was there again, and it felt every bit as horrible as it had back then. A dead pokemon. Her fault.

Horror washed over her again and again, filling her lungs and vein with a dreadful chill and -

"Selene, back to earth!" she heard Professor Kukui shout.

Shit.

She remembered Watmel and panicked.

_Shit._

This was too fast.

She couldn't think that fast.

Shit, shit,  _shit_.

However, the rowlet acted on its own, turning its head around nearly 180 degrees so that it could frantically peck at the grubbin's face. Forced to let go so that it could avoid the effective barrage, the grubbin dropped back down to the ground, making clicking noises.

It seemed a bit winded by the attack it had taken head on, but who cared, the more important thing was –

"W-Watmel," Selene stammered, "are you alright?"

The rowlet didn't respond immediately, instead diving towards its opponent in an attempt to snatch it up. However, the grubbin had burrowed back into the ground long before Watmel could reach it, and the rowlet narrowed its eyes at the patch of dirt where its foe had been.

"Sorry," Selene mumbled, wondering how she could be so useless to her own pokemon. While Watmel definitely had some good judgement on how to proceed, it was also up to her to come up with strategies while the pokemon fought.

The bent feathers on the rowlet's left wing and the more irregular pace at which the pokemon flapped its wings made the girl grimace. How should she fail Watmel like that –

Focus,  _focus_!

She grit her teeth.

All right. Think.

_The grubbin is using hit and run strategies since Watmel can't anticipate fast enough where it will attack from. So how do we remove its leeway to attack?_

An idea came to mind.

"Watmel, use Razor Leaf on the ground. We'll force the grubbin to come up and attack us on our terms!"

The rowlet chirped in agreement, firing its sharp leaves into the ground, punching through the dirt with ease. The pokemon slowly moved the attack in a sweeping motion across the informal battlefield, until one spot seemed to cave in when pelted by the attack.

The grubbin had been hollowing out the ground wherever it had burrowed, leaving behind small tunnels. If they could force it out by destroying those tunnels…

She could see loose dirt shaking -

"Watmel, there!" she shouted, pointing at the spot. Though in the time it had taken her to say those two words, much less gesture in that general direction, the rowlet had already dived down, ready to snatch the grubbin.

However, when the bug pokemon shot up, mandibles clicking together, the rowlet instinctively recoiled back, barely managing to swat it away with a wing. Realizing its blunder, Watmel immediately flew after the grubbin, narrowly missing the timing to snatch it up, its feet scraping the back of the wild pokemon.

It let out an affronted chirp, and Selene mentally slapped herself upside the head for yet again forgetting that she was also a participant in this battle.

"It's all right! Don't let it get to you!" the girl shouted. "You'll be ready this time!"

The previously upset look on her pokemon's face was replaced by a one set with determination, and the rowlet gave a little nod.

"All right, use Razor Leaf like we did before!"

The ground was once against being perforated with leaves, and Selene felt a little confidence for once. This time, they were going succeed. There was absolutely no way she was going to let herself be outplayed by a wild pokemon in front of the professor.

Watching as Watmel blindly fired a swathe of leaves downwards, the girl realized that the rowlet had slowly been increasing its hovering height out of anticipation. So absorbed in finding a sign of the grubbin, the girl had a bad feeling that the rowlet was going be surprised anyways.

"Watmel, relax and stay where you are! Let grubbin come to you!"

The rowlet began to nod uncertainly, but then the grubbin shot out of the ground, aiming for the pokemon from behind. With an sudden swivel of its head, the rowlet kept its cool and remembered its trainer's words, kicking the bug pokemon upwards in the air.

"Nice! Don't let it get back into the ground!"

Flying up to reach the flailing bug pokemon, Watmel clamped onto the grubbin's mandible with its talons, doing its best to hold on as the grubbin tried to shake itself free.

Selene felt a smile begin to curl at her lips.

They were getting somewhere, thank Arceus!

"Toss it a few times!"

With a more energetic hoot, the rowlet did so, watching with some amusement as the grubbin's little legs wriggled around in search of a nonexistent foothold. However, Watmel missed on the fourth throw, letting out a startled shriek as its talons found empty air before diving straight at the ground towards the grubbin.

Selene winced as the grubbin hit the ground, though it fired a thick String Shot up into the air, nailing Watmel in the face. With a flick of its head, the grubbin was successfully reeling the rowlet in, the little bird pokemon flapping frantically to stay airborne as it tried to tear off the silk off its face with its feet.

Shoot, uh -

"Use that momentum!" Selene found herself shouting.

Watmel gave a confused, muffled chirp.

"Uh," Selene said eloquently, "don't fight it and use Tackle!"

With a panicked chirp, the rowlet surrendered itself to the pull of the String Shot, nailing the grubbin with a powerful, head on tackle. Though the two little pokemon tumbled across the dirt a few times, thanks to the sticky silk, the grubbin found itself stuck to Watmel, while also being trapped in the very unfortunate position of being stuck on its back.

Her smile became a wide grin. They, they were actually doing it!

The rowlet let out a triumphant chirp in agreement before it let loose with a frantic barrage of pecks to its opponent underside, the grubbin wriggling its little legs to no available, clicking frantically as if in terrible pain.

That wretched sound shattered the feeling of achievement.

"Watmel, stop!"

Selene found herself shaking a little, even as her feet carried her over to the two pokemon, Watmel seemingly miffed that it had not been allowed to finish the grubbin. Carefully pulling the rowlet away from the other pokemon, Selene didn't even notice the mess of sticky silk that clung to her jacket as she crouched down to examine the grubbin.

Without thinking, fingers brushed against the bug pokemon's underside, causing the grubbin to squirm a little. Drawing her hand back as though she had touched fire, Selene immediately whirled her head around.

"Professor, do you have a spare potion I can use?" the girl asked frantically, trying to keep her voice steady. "I, I can pay you back for it!"

"Selene, the grubbin will be okay," the professor said slowly, trying to calm her down. "Generally battles like these, both pokemon are not trying to seriously harm each other -"

"Please."

Recognizing the serious, almost desperate look on her face, the professor wordlessly tossed her a potion, which she carefully applied to the grubbin. The girl couldn't help but wince a little as she felt the pokemon writhe from the sting of the medicine, whispering a quiet, remorseful sorry.

Cautiously laying it down, Selene gave the pokemon a once over, making sure that it was fine.

"Thank you for the good battle," the girl said awkwardly. Was that how battle protocol worked with wild pokemon? Would it really be okay in the future to leave pokemon fainted in the wild grass? Why on earth was she thinking about these sort of things now? "Now stay safe, okay?"

With that, the girl got to her feet, dusting off her knees.

"Selene, you don't want to catch it?"

Pausing at the professor's question, the girl couldn't help but frown a little. Was that what she was supposed to do?

Not that she… uh… didn't want to… but… uh…

Uh…

"Well, if it wants to be caught," Selene responded slowly, doing her best to keep a neutral face, "I wouldn't mind, but I don't feel like I have to catch every pokemon that I see."

Okay, she really wanted to, but now that she'd gotten to this point, Selene wasn't exactly sure what she was supposed to be doing. All sense of initiative tended to abandon her in situations like these.

After all, she had to think about its diet and hopefully she'd be able to get the right food and then she also had to consider whether or not it had any special needs when it came to taking care of it and of course she couldn't just forget about whether or not the pokemon wanted to be caught in the first place, after all what if it didn't and she had just forced it into something that it didn't want -

"Well, I think the little fella wants to be caught."

Almost immediately, Selene's head snapped over to the professor, and she looked at him in disbelief.

"You're joking," she said.

Professor Kukui only raised his hands in surrender, a smile on his face.

"I just call it as it see it. In fact, look behind you."

The girl paused then turned back around to find the little grubbin crawling up to her.

She stepped back a little.

It crawled up.

Back.

Up.

Back.

Up.

Back -

The girl nearly jumped when Watmel nudged her in the back, the rowlet flying over her shoulder to give its trainer an exasperated look that said something like "Deal with it!" Shooting her pokemon a dirty glare, she returned to face the grubbin, crouching down so she could stare into its dark eyes.

After a tense moment of silence, which did not do anything to help her confidence, the girl sighed in defeat.

"You sure about this?" she asked to no one in particular.

No one answered her, and Selene finally resigned herself to the fact the decision would really be hers and hers alone.

"All right," she said hesitantly, hands tugging nervously at her shorts' hems. "Professor, could I have a pokeball – Ow."

Selene slowly looked from the pokeball now on the ground to the professor, a hand palm up to silently ask "Why?".

"Oh, uh, sorry about that, Selene," the professor said sheepishly, scratching his head, "I got a little excited there."

Deciding not to press on why the man found this current turn of events exciting, the girl reached for the pokeball, bracing herself for the moment of truth. She really was going to do this.

_Breathe, Selene. Breathe._

_You can do this._

_It's simple._

_Nothing to worry about._

_There's no way you can screw this up –_

Before she could think herself out of what she had set out to do, Selene tossed the pokeball at the grubbin, hoping that she wouldn't be using too much force. The pokeball all but missed the little pokemon, soaring too high and landing behind the grubbin to roll off into the dark. The girl smacked herself once for good measure, silently bemoaning her stupidity as she ignored the sniggering coming from Watmel and Professor Kukui.

Jerks.

"Nice throw," the professor chuckled. "That was about as accurate as Focus Blast on a good day."

"Oh, shush," Selene grumbled, her measly pride bruised even further by the professor's comment. As if missing from less than five feet wasn't bad enough already.

"Next time, just tap the pokeball to the pokemon's head, okay?"

"All right," the girl sighed, shaking her head in disbelief. Damn. That was actually a smart idea. Why hadn't she thought of that? "Hey, d-don't laugh! It's, it's embarrassing!"

"But you're adorable when you're embarrassed!"

Selene bit down hard on her lip to stave off the blush.

"I have n-no clue what you, uh, mean. N-not a single clue. Nope."

"You keep telling yourself that kiddo."

Biting back the urge to toss something at the professor, Selene realized that she didn't have a pokeball to use on the grubbin, a fact that made the girl feel a little twinge of regret. Sure, pokeballs weren't that expensive, but still…

The girl tried not to make a face at the thought of wasting money, but she couldn't help it. It wasn't even her money in the first place. Note to self - compensate the professor for borrowed pokeballs.

Moving on.

"Hey, Professor, could I have another pokeball?"

"Well, I honestly don't think that you'll need one."

She shot him a confounded look.

"What -"

She stopped midsentence to stare at the sight in front of her. No grubbin, just a pokeball…

Wait a minute.

"No way," the girl muttered, even as she picked up the pokeball and cautiously examined it.

It couldn't be that easy. There had to be more struggling, right? Could it really be called a victory if it was just handed to her?

"Yes way," Professor Kukui said, a note of pride in his voice. "I may not be able to use Mind Reader, Selene, but whatever you're thinking, don't think it. You did a great job."

The girl tried not to puff up at the small compliment, carefully tossing the pokeball into the air and releasing the grubbin.

 _Oh,_  the girl eloquently thought.  _It actually caught itself._

Hesitantly, Selene extended her arms out, watching tensely as the bug pokemon slowly crawled its way over to her. It did not pause once as it settled onto her hands, allowing the girl to gently pick it up.

She sighed once, finding that she had already fallen love with the little pokemon. She was  _doomed._

"Are you really sure about this?" she sternly asked the grubbin.

The grubbin let out a single click, which she decided that she was going to interpret as a yes for the sake of her fragile heart.

"Well," the girl continued skeptically, "I'll do my best to take care of you. If you ever feel unhappy with me, like if I don't get you the right food or if I don't let you out of your pokeball enough or you don't want to stay with me anymore, just let me know and -"

"Selene," the professor sighed, "what if you scare away the poor thing?"

"Well, I need to let it know what it's getting into."

The girl felt the professor ruffle her hair affectionately, murmuring under his breath about kids who were such softies that you wanted to hug them to death and heartwarming maturity and other things that made the girl self-conscious. It was just weird hearing someone call the traits she was generally ashamed of good things.

It… it made her happy.

All warm and fuzzy inside, like how it felt to wake up on a weekend all snuggled up under a blanket without a reason for getting up.

"So, what are you naming it?" Professor Kukui asked, grinning from ear to ear.

"Uh, um…Liechi?" the girl fumbled, saying the first berry that came to mind. "Uh, yeah, Liechi sounds good."

When the professor said nothing, only remaining thoughtful, the girl flushed red. Surely, it wasn't that bad of a nickname.

…Right?

"Liechi," the girl muttered under her breath, trying to reassure herself of that fact. "Liechi, Liechi, Liechi."

"Don't worry, it's a cute nickname. But wow, another berry? I'm going to take a Poison Jab at the dark and say your next pokemon will be named Iapapa."

"Oh no," Selene said with her most serious face, "I absolutely hate those. Death by being force fed sourness in berry form is a gruesome punishment for people who make terrible puns that have to do with pokemon moves."

When the professor burst out laughing for the umpteenth time that night, Selene found that this time, she could laugh along with him.

"But seriously, Iapapa berries are disgusting."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As a general rule of thumb, there really isn't going to be any romance, and Selene's crush on Kukui is more of a thing that ties into her growing up and getting used to people other than her mother. Still, the relationship these two have is going to be very important, and I got a rather serious role for Kukui for this fic outside of him being a sort of father figure to her.
> 
> Next chapter, Selene meets a shitton of the main cast, and the plot really kicks off. Kinda. I think it's plot, but at the pace I'm going, I'm not sure anymore. Heh.
> 
> story notes:
> 
> Selene's mother is named Thea. Hm...
> 
> Once again, pokemon conservation is a huge thing in Alola, and it just so happens that Selene came from a town that would foster her receptiveness towards that. Team Rocket did a stellar job of permanently harming countless pokemon, and many of them wouldn't be able to survive on their own. These pokemon often end up in the care of trainers - though with less strenuous lives such as being a service pokemon or a pet. Thea herself owns more well-adjusted rescued pokemon, so they can handle battling.


	5. firelight (1)

**o4. firelight (1)**

* * *

For once in her life, Selene felt incredible, amazing, alive.

Everything just was much sharper, so much more colorful, so much realer. It was almost as if she was now experiencing everything for the very first time, as if she hadn't actually been living before.

Had the Alolan breeze always felt so good, so soothing on her bare skin? Had the quick pulse of her heart alway left her feeling so warm and breathless and happy? Had she ever felt so optimistic, so hopeful for the future?

Watching Professor Kukui fiddle with his brand new pokedex, eyes narrowed as he tried making sense of the complicated interface and face lit up by a backwash of color, Selene suddenly had a vague understanding of all those movies that her mother adored so much, the ones where two people found their paths crossing and their lives changed forever, for the better and -

Selene found herself shaking her head, not sure if she approved of where that train of thought was going. Though, did it really matter? It wasn't like she was expecting anything out of her present relationship with the professor. No, that would be childish and foolish and lead to indescribable disappointment if she did, and Selene had always thought herself better than that, knew that she was above believing that she could somehow cheat her way around the rules that reality had set for everyone.

But the feelings that she felt were most certainly real, and Selene was content with the fact that they did exist in the first place, that life had been kind enough to let her feel so warm and happy, to let her feel like there were things, however small they were, that made life worth living.

"You know, it's not nice to stare."

The girl blinked once, twice, and the professor's dark eyes, softly lit by the screen of the pokedex, came into focus, twinkling with amusement.

Instinct kicked in. Selene felt her face flush with a mix of shame and embarrassment as she turned away, waiting for the moment to pass. Maybe the girl had come to accept her own feelings, but she was still having trouble processing the fact that she'd been stupid enough to let the truth out so easily, to the person in question, of all things.

Fortunately, the professor didn't seemed bothered by her crush (having to verbalize her feelings, even if it was just in her head, was so embarrassing that the girl turned a little redder). In fact, the revelation seemed to thoroughly amuse the man, as if it somehow endeared her more to him.

Still, Selene couldn't help but worry, just a little bit, that she'd somehow forced their relationship in a direction that she'd later regret. After all, people, even if the girl thought she had figured out how they would act, seemed to dance in and out of her control, taunting her with reminders of her own vulnerability and helplessness.

She closed her eyes for a moment, pausing to catch her breath, and the girl slowly inhaled, savoring the amazing feeling of cool air trickling into the furthest reaches of her lungs and the few precious seconds she had left before…

Well, before she'd have to grace the professor with a response.

"It can't be helped," Selene said slowly, eyes focused down at her feet. Hopefully, this was the right thing to say. "I really do appreciate that fact that you exist. That you've been, no, that you are a part of my life. I'm better off, happier because of it."

The girl cautioned a quick glance in the professor's direction, doing a double take when she saw the startled look that had crossed the man's face. In fact, he almost looked a little… flustered?

Selene, utterly confounded as to what she had done wrong, awkwardly coughed a little before looking away. She'd screwed up somewhere, hadn't she? Why was she always like this, ruining the rare, precious moments -

However, the professor only laughed, and Selene revelled in the wonderful sound as much as she did the comforting feeling of his hand in her hair.

"Wow," Professor Kukui chuckled, having gotten over whatever he had been feeling. "Now I'm certain that in a few years, you'll be breaking the hearts of quite a few of your peers."

The girl huffed indignantly at the comment.

"I don't get what's so funny about offending people when I'm doing my best to being honest."

Selene felt her face scrunch up in confusion when the professor slowly began to cackle in response to what she had said. She could make words like "so sincere" and "oblivious" mixed in with the low giggling, and Selene felt… well, she wasn't really sure.

"Don't ever think you have to change that part of you," the professor said gently, though something about his tone sort of reminded the girl of her mother. "It's part of your charm."

"Charm," Selene skeptically repeated, narrowing her eyes at the professor's probably intentional vagueness. "Not that I know what you're talking about."

Professor Kukui chuckled yet again, only making the girl even squint more suspiciously in his direction. "It's even better that you're not aware of it."

Nodding slowly as if she understood what the man was talking about, Selene let her gaze drift over to the pokedex in the hand furthest from her.

"So," the girl began, "did you figure out how to work your fancy new pokedex?"

The professor perked up, nodding eagerly. "Yep! In fact, you can go ahead and take Liechi out right now, and we can check out what moves it knows."

Selene slipped her hand into her shorts' pocket, feeling around for the grubbin's pokeball, which was in almost perfect condition. It was so smooth and glossy that it almost bothered the girl, who was too used to the scratches and scuffs that littered Watmel's pokeball.

After finding what she was looking for, Selene carefully released the grubbin onto her free arm, doing her best not to disturb the sleeping rowlet perched on her left shoulder. The little bug pokemon clicked curiously as the pokedex projected a thin, horizontal line of blue light on its body, scanning the pokemon with a few vertical sweeps. When Liechi tried to reach over to snatch the device with its mandibles, Selene pulled back a little bit, lightly patting the grubbin on the head in hopes of distracting it.

"All right, let's see. Vice Grip, String Shot, and… Electroweb?"

The professor trailed off confusedly as he said the last move out loud, and he moved the device closer to his face as if he couldn't believe what he had read. Selene's hesitant hand on his arm pulled it back down so that she too could see what was being shown on the pokedex's screen, already worried by his reaction.

"Electroweb...That's obviously an electric move. So, does that mean anything for its future typing if it evolves?" Selene asked, leaning over to tap on the small image of grubbin on the pokedex's screen, opening a new page with the pokemon's basic information.

"Well, the rest of the grubbin line is electric type, so you wouldn't be wrong there," the professor replied, frowning as he fell deep into thought. His fingers twitched as though he wanted to move to another page, but he considerately waited for Selene to finish read the short summary about grubbins in the wild. "Liechi's female, by the way."

"Nice to know," the girl said evenly, eyebrows furrowing when she found nothing that explained the professor's odd behavior. "Any reason Electroweb strikes you as…"

The girl paused for a moment, struggling to find the right word before she shrugged and settled for one that was satisfactory at least.

"...strange?"

"As a Professor of Pokemon who specializes in pokemon moves," Professor Kukui began to explain, still frowning as he scrolled down the page and tapped to expand the section regarding moveset, "I'm pretty good at remembering what moves different pokemon can learn. Well, what they can learn naturally, that is."

"So that means that… er, that…" Selene let her words trail off as she thought a little harder on what she had just been told. Her face lit up the moment her brain had made the connection. "Oh! You wouldn't be familiar with moves that pokemon learn through inheritance!"

"Nice job," the professor said distractedly, looking far more concerned with whatever he was now reading. "And from the looks of it, Liechi's father was from the joltik line."

His scowl deepened as soon as those last two words had come out of his mouth.

"The joltik line isn't native to Alola," he continued, a hint of frustration in his voice. "Hopefully, this is just a case of a breeder releasing some grubbin into the wild unauthorized. If not, this could be really bad…"

"It could just be one male joltik or gavantula, right?" Selene asked, vaguely the girl recalled that when different pokemon bred, the offspring would be of the mother's species, but nothing more than that. Though, now that she thought about it, the girl was pretty sure that was a topic more relevant to the higher level, more specialized classes.

"Releasing just one non native pokemon into the Alolan wild is already a heavily punishable crime here," Professor Kukui said quietly, still trying to process the situation. "We have no clue if the released pokemon in question was female and happened to have offspring, one of which possibly being Liechi's father."

"Oh," Selene said.

She wasn't sure what else she should say, though a terrible thought came to mind that made the girl go white as a sheet.

"W-wait. Does this mean that I'll be in trouble for having Liechi?"

A wave of panic washed over the girl. As far as she was concerned, she hadn't done anything wrong, Liechi hadn't done anything wrong, but there could easily be Alolan laws that said that they were wrong and Arceus no, she could be breaking the law -

She cringed at the last part but willed herself to not think any farther along that train of thought.

"Should I release her - No, wait, that wouldn't fix the problem at all. I, well, then I should, uh -"

"It's all right, Selene. You wouldn't get in trouble," the professor reassured the girl, clasping a hand on her right shoulder. "If there are any problems, I'll be here to fight for you." He gave her a comforting smile. "So don't you ever worry."

Slowly, Selene began to nod, though the anxiety she felt didn't disperse. She could feel it sink to the bottom of her stomach, waiting for the chance to resurface, to make her feel sick to the bone the moment she irrevocably screwed up.

Arceus, Selene thought with dread. That's going to be very soon, knowing me.

"Besides, the moment you go to a Pokemon Center to have your pokemon healed, we would have found out, and the appropriate authorities would have been alerted."

Selene's head snapped up to the professor.

"How?" the girl sputtered. "Appropriate authorities? You sure I'm not in trouble?"

"Relax, Selene," he said slowly, stressing the words one by one in hopes of calming the girl down. "One of the features built into the PC network system here on Alola checks the learnt moves of all pokemon who pass through it and compares them to the natural moveset for their species. If there's a inherited move, then an electronic alert is sent to the Trial Guides and the Kahuna. It's just an extra measure that's taken here in order to make sure that sightseers don't disrupt the local ecosystems."

When the professor saw that the girl still remained tense, he continued. "You wouldn't get in trouble for having a pokemon with an inherited move unless you were running some sort of illicit breeding scheme."

He paused, as if he'd just realized something, then suspiciously narrowed his eyes at Selene.

"... You're not doing that, right?"

The girl scoffed dramatically, well aware that the professor was just teasing her. "Of course not! What kind of person do you take me for?"

"Yeah," the professor snorted as he pretended to seriously consider his accusation. "You'd give yourself away before the whole thing even gets started."

Selene pretended to gasp in offense, though she couldn't help but grin upon seeing the professor's infectious smile.

"Before I forget, how do you know about the whole PC thing? It doesn't exactly sound like information that you'd know just by being a professor." Realizing in hindsight how awful her wording had been, Selene raised her hands up defensively. "N-no offense! It just sounds more like a government kind of thing that… uh…"

She clasped her hands together excitedly as she figured out where she was going with this train thought.

"Like the kind of work my mother could do! Well, if the Kantoan League would let her do stuff like that from home."

With that said, Selene went quiet. That… that had been another sacrifice that her mother had made for her, wasn't it? Because the women had chosen to stay home to be with her daughter, she probably missed out on opportunities for better projects and higher pay, hadn't she?

"Your mother's a brilliant woman if that's the case," the professor said, voice oozing with respect. He lightly pushed at Selene's shoulder. "We should keep going - we're almost there."

 _Yes, she is_ , Selene thought grimly, letting the professor nudge her back into walking.  _Too bad she's got a useless daughter chaining her down. I need to get better as fast as I can._

"A very close friend of mine actually set up the entire PC system here in Alola, and this is one of the features that got people on board with the project. He's quite the innovator - he even invented the current PokeRide system, creating a workaround for the six pokemon carry limit."

_Damn._ _Sounds like the kind of guy Mother would love to meet. If she could get her hands on the coding for all of that -_

Selene blinked once, twice, trying to see if she hadn't gone crazy. She swore that the professor's face somehow darkened, even by the dim light of the night, and the almost unthinkable sight sent a sudden chill racing down her bones. The girl was definitely sure that the professor didn't intend for her to hear the next part, but the cool breeze carried a cold whisper into the girl's ear.

"If pandering to tradition is what it'll take to fix things around here, so be it."

Selene immediately averted her gaze, pretending to be vastly fascinated with Liechi, so that the professor wouldn't know what she had heard.

No. She didn't want to think about it.

There was no way…

The professor, no, he couldn't be -

"You holding up okay, Selene?" the man in question asked, stopping to lean down and worriedly examine her face. "You're not looking so good. Nothing wrong with a little rest now if you need it."

"Actually," Selene replied, looking straight in the professor's eyes and consciously making the effort to smile as wide as she could, "I feel great."

"I can tell," she heard Professor Kukui chuckle. "Happy is a very nice look on you, Selene."

Selene, floored by the innocent comment, could only helplessly look at the professor, who, for whatever reason, seemed incredibly proud of her. As if she had done something incredible enough to be worthy of his highest praise.

Though the girl felt the usual shame-filled rush of heat towards her cheeks, she felt a grin involuntarily forcing its way onto her face. Of course, she hadn't even come close to doing anything that great, but wow, she sure felt like she had.

"Happy?" Selene repeated questioningly. The girl frowned. It had suddenly occurred to her that her anxiety had started bubbling up again, but while the professor's choice of words did bother her, she didn't think getting an answer would solve the problem. Was she forgetting something?

The professor nodded silently in response, a wistful look passing over his face as he mulled over his next few words carefully.

"Yeah, cousin. In the whole year that I've known you, you've always had this really sad air about you." With a soft, melancholy smile, the professor let his eyes roam over the girl's face. "It was like you had yourself convinced that you'd never be happy. Thankfully, I think the Alolan scenery is already working out for you."

"Oh," Selene managed to get out as if they were only talking about the weather. "Is that so?"

Arceus, the professor had been so spot on that it deeply disturbed Selene. She could see a somewhat worried look pass over the man's face, and the girl felt the need to say something, anything so that this precious, rare thing that she had with the professor wouldn't shatter like glass.

She couldn't let things between them end like it had between her and her mother. She wouldn't.

"It's just my strategy, you see?" the girl chuckled, shooting the professor a picture perfect smile. "I call it optimistic pessimism. If you have low standards, they'll almost always be exceeded!"

She heard the professor snicker a little at that. "Well, that's one way of looking at life. I didn't really take you as that kind of person though."

"Yeah," the girl said more quietly.

Now that she thought about it…

She hadn't really been happy for much of her life, had she?

Well, perhaps that wasn't accurate. The girl was pretty certain that she probably had many happy memories that she was just conveniently forgetting, but even at the young age of thirteen, it felt like she barely remembered anything. All the those little moments that she heard adults tell her she would never forget, she wasn't exactly sure where they had gone.

Instead, all she had were disappointments and failures that swirled around in the back of her mind, just out of sight, out of thought, only to come crashing down her everytime she did it again. Stumbled and failed and proved that she really hadn't gotten better.

Reminded her that the melancholy that had so subtly pervaded her life had not just began with one moment. It had been there as long as she remembered, the one constant in her life that was always there for her when she was at her lowest - to kick her a few more times when she was already down.

And the memories of such moments, like a fog of misery that the girl always awoke to - always blotting out the hope, the light, the warmth that people told that she should be feeling - they had made her wish that she hadn't had brief tastes of that joy on her skin that left her longing for something that seemed impossible for her. Almost as if -

She was destined to not be happy in the first place, just like the professor had said earlier.

After all, children, almost everyone told her, were supposed to be happy. You have nothing to worry about and even if you did, you can't do anything about them, just leave it to the adults and enjoy your childhood.

So then, was something wrong with her?

She was supposed to be happy, yet this perpetual sense of gloom had plagued her even before that moment two years ago. Because she did worry and understand that she was powerless and how could she enjoy her childhood when those sort of thoughts loomed over her?

And absurd as this whole thing was starting to sound, Selene didn't think she could stop herself from thinking like that. It was like asking her to not breathe - thoughts came and went so naturally that she probably would need to someone to point out that, yes, she needed to stop.

Was she broken then? Did she need to tear herself apart and find the countless defective pieces and throw them away? Was she really so ashamed of herself?

And yet now, she felt -

She felt -

What was it that she felt?

The professor made her feel not completely ashamed of herself.

The girl flushed. Really, that sentence didn't do it justice, but Selene had had far more experience with her own negative feelings than whatever it was that the professor had done to her. The girl wasn't sure if she knew how to piece together her feelings with the words she currently knew.

Not only that, a spiel about how she was finally happy somehow led back to the fact she almost always unhappy. Why did she always do that?

And for some strange reason, things were just.. different around the professor. The girl wasn't plagued by the pervasive apprehension she felt when in her mother's presence. At most, there was a light simmering of anxiety, but that was just the usual for Selene. It was a weight off her weak heart, and it felt so great to feel as though she didn't inhale and exhale stress for once. Her whole body felt relaxed…

Well, admittedly her shoulder and arms hurt, but that was because of her pokemon. Pokemon as plural this time!

Her rowlet, comfortably dozing off, remained firmly perched on her shoulder while Liechi was carefully cradled in her arms. The whole arrangement felt so natural that the girl occasionally forgot about the two.

Selene was actually looking forward to showing her mother her new companion. It felt like she'd actually accomplished something for once.

Arceus… she'd done something right! (Well, the whole capturing process had been hilariously sloppy, but for the sake of the little victory, Selene was going to ignore that fact.)

The girl was so lost in her thoughts that when Selene next looked up, the Iki town gate had come into sight. Selene felt her legs suddenly turn into jelly, all sense of triumph abandoning her like the traitorous bastard it always happened to be.

Maybe if her legs gave out, she wouldn't have to go inside…? Then again, that'd be such an stupid inconvenience for the professor who had offered to walk her up here in the first place…

So when the professor looked over at her, nothing but genuine concern in his eyes. Selene plastered the biggest smile on her face as if to tell the man that she could, no would go in there, regardless of how terrified she was.

The hand he clasped on her free shoulder was starting to feel pleasantly familiar. "It'll be okay, kiddo, I'll be here."

"I know," Selene said with as much determination as she could. She was going to need every last drop.

"Hey, professor," the girl hesitantly began.

"Yeah?"

"...Is my smile okay?"

The look the professor gave her almost made her legs melt into a useless puddle. Selene wasn't sure how to describe it, but the way he gently regarded the girl, eyes half lidded with the smallest of smiles and the slightest incline of his head -

"Beautiful."

The girl took a deep breath and tried to stop herself from going as red as a tamato berry. Well, shit. She hadn't been expecting that. She really should have, though.

"I-I don't need flattery," she tried to say firmly. Damn that stutter. "The truth would be nice."

"And the truth is what you're getting, kiddo."

The professor, on the other hand, made it look so easy.

"Go have your own kids and mess with them instead."

"Why would I, when you're already ready and available?"

"And here I thought my mother was terrible as it was," Selene grumbled, though any semblance of a sour mood evaporated as soon as they passed through the town gates.

A sense of awe washed over Selene, the town lit almost entirely with wooden torches that cast a warm, golden glow against the mostly wooden homes. People milled around at their own pace along the little dirt paths without any worry, talking to each other casually and plucking food off the plates that many had in one hand. A few young kids were weaving around the taller adults, chasing each other or their pokemon.

In all honesty, this almost matched up to the travel brochures of Alola that her mother had collected to dreamily look through. While maybe not as perfect, Selene couldn't help but think that all the movement and people made the sight that much more interesting. Not pleasant but interesting. Selene still felt horribly uncomfortable as she and the professor greeted the random people who seemed to approached them in what felt calculated waves - she wasn't used to being noticed, much less seeked out just to say to hello. Then again, living in Lavender Town for most of her life had left the girl with some rather unpleasant expectations regarding visitors and newcomers.

If these people were just being courteous, so why was she making a big deal out of it?

"So," the professor began, amusedly regarding the girl's conflicted expression, "welcome to Alola. Brace yourself for some culture shock because this is probably going to be your first Alolan experience."

"Hau'oli and the Tauros incident didn't count?"

"First of all, you weren't even paying attention to my amazing tour of Hau'oli," the professor sighed dramatically, making sure to look quite hurt as he said that. "I spent hours on that! You broke my poor little heart, Selene. How could you do that to your beloved professor?"

He pretended not see the girl's unmoved, unsympathetic expression.

"And as for the Tauros, that was more like  _my_  Alolan experience! Lycanroc did most the work anyways. Maybe you catching Liechi would count, but if I'm being honest, gloriously fumbling your way to your first caught pokemon is a universal sort of experience."

Selene graced the professor with a swift and subtle elbow to the ribs, trying not to giggle at how the professor had nearly jumped. The girl was about to offer a retort when a sudden movement towards the center of town caught her eye, everyone now crowding around the enormous wooden platform which stood in the middle of the large, open area. For what reason, Selene wasn't sure and given her diminutive height (well, at least in comparison to all adults she knew), she wouldn't be able to tell from where they were standing.

"C'mon," the professor said, a twinkle of amusement in his eyes as he caught sight of whoever was standing on the platform. "I think you'll find this really fun to watch."

Offering no further explanation, he too headed in that direction, though the man made sure to pause every few seconds to make sure Selene was still behind him.

Selene quietly shuffled after the professor, nervously sparing a glance downwards at her clothes, vaguely worried that she was going to stand out. The girl almost grimaced at the sight of her jacket, the words I HEART ALOLA printed across it in a glaring red that screamed tourist in a way Selene wasn't sure she could stomach. People wouldn't mock her for it, right?

...Maybe she should take it off and tie it around her waist. She'd probably be a little cold, but it'd be worth it. Recollections of how unnerving cheerful tourists had been in Lavender Town, at times bordering on disrespectful, came to mind, and Selene really didn't like the idea of being the subject of exchanged glances, full of exasperation and disbelief, shared between townsfolk.

Selene couldn't help but shiver a little as she shrugged off her jacket and tied it around her waist. She crossed her arms in a vain attempt to keep them warm, instead becoming self conscious about how thin they were and what if someone pointed out and they made her get food and she didn't know if she would like Alolan food and what if she hated it there was no way she could waste food but why did she have to be so picky -

"People of Iki Town, we have yet another cause for celebration tonight!"

The loud, booming voice made Selene jump a little, startled once again out of one of her bouts of overthinking. Ahead of her, the professor had managed to gently push his way to the front of the crowd, and he turned around to reach for Selene and pull her up there with him. The girl tried to shrink in on herself and make herself smaller, not comfortable at all with having to jostle her way past so many she reached the front, the professor let her stand in front of him, giving Selene a clear view of what was happening.

On the platform stood an imposing, large man. Though dressed rather modestly, with a yellow, floral robe over a plain shirt and pants, the man exuded an almost overwhelming aura of authority, one only magnified by his old age. The wrinkles that lined his eyes, his hardened, rough looking hands, the nonchalant, almost casual way which he stood before the entire town made Selene think of old Mr. Fuji, and the girl felt the inclination to bow her head, just a little, in deference.

Alongside the man was a young boy, mostly likely a year or two younger than herself, dressed simply in a dark shirt and orange shorts, and he was excitedly swaying from side to side. The huge smile on his face made the youthful fullness of his cheeks stand out, and Selene faintly had the urge to pinch them, like she used to do to the kids back in Lavender Town.

"It seems that it is finally time that I, Kahuna of Melemele, should entrust this caring and kind boy ("Aw shucks, Tutu," the boy said with a sheepish scratch of the head.) with a pokemon of his own!"

Cheers ran through the crowd as soon as the man made his declaration, though they immediately died down as the man opened his mouth to continue speaking.

"Though," the Kahuna continued with a hint of amusement in his voice, "young Hau has been so excited about getting his first pokemon that he ended up befriending a wild pokemon on his own earlier this week." He cracked one eye open to look down at the boy, a slight smile on his face. "Maybe we should forgo this ceremony and save the pokemon for more patient youths."

At this, peals of laughter echoed through the crowd, the young boy on stage looking only more and more sheepish as comments such as "of course he would" and "what a wonderful young man" were heard over the din.

"Tutu, you won't!" Hau chuckled. "Did you bring everyone over here so that you could have your pokemon sneak all of the food from the banquet?"

Selene could see a few heads turn in the direction of the tables lined with food, though there were no food thieves in sight. More laughter broke out among the Iki Town residents, and Selene found herself smiling too.

This boy had her impressed. He was handling the whole situation, all the attention directed his way, exceptionally well for someone his age, and Selene was pretty sure that she would have either passed out or had a mental breakdown if she were in his position.

The Kahuna let out a bellow of a laugh, heartily patting the boy several times on the back. Selene couldn't help but feel rather sympathetic when a little "oof" come out of the boy's mouth, even if he showed no outward signs of discomfort.

"You'll make a fine trainer, Hau," the Kahuna said, his voice full of pride, "and I would like to thank everyone here for helping my boy become the young man he is today."

The roar of cheers that followed made Selene jump, startling Watmel awake and making Liechi look up at its trainer. Hau was sporting an adorable blush alongside his perpetual smile, eyes crinkling as he soaked in the attention. Curious about the Kahuna's choice of words, Selene turned to look up at the professor, his wide grin catching the girl's eyes.

"That kid's Hau, the Kahuna's grandson."

Selene started, whipping her head over to her left, where a young girl dressed in white was standing, clutching nervously at her bag like a lifeline. Her delicate face and piercingly green eyes were framed by two braids, the rest of her long blonde hair falling halfway down her back. Coupled with an enormous, equally white sun hat, the girl had features so uniformly pale and untouched that Selene was reminded of a brand new doll - though Selene didn't think anyone would craft a doll with such sorrowful eyes and such a natural dip of the mouth. The girl, who looked perhaps a little younger than Selene herself, was so hauntingly pretty - pristine white everything, perfect hair, a beautiful kind of sadness - that Selene couldn't help but self-consciously comb a hand through her own dark hair.

By comparison, Selene felt so… shabby. While she had never put too much effort into her own appearance outside of looking passable, she was starting to regret it now. Selene couldn't help but quickly eye her clothes with thinly veiled disappointment. A pastel floral shirt that was too big on her thin frame, dark blue cargo shorts, a white tourist jacket tied around her waist… they didn't really fit together, did they? And her hair had awkwardly grown out of its once short bob to reach a little below her shoulder, curving inwards at the tips no matter how hard she'd tried to straighten it.

Selene couldn't help but grimace, which the other girl immediately took as a sign that she'd forgotten to introduce herself.

"O-oh!" the girl stammered, frantically bowing at Selene. "Pardon my manners! I'm Lillie, Professor Kukui's assistant."

"Er, wait, don't do that - I mean, you don't have to apologize," Selene said hurriedly, more bothered by Lillie's reaction than she had expected. "I was just lost in thought, so, uh, it's all right."

"I'm Selene, by the way," she quickly added. "I've just moved here from Kanto with my mother."

A rather stricken look passed over Lillie's face, and Selene mentally ran through her last sentence again and again. Had she screwed up and offended the girl in some way? Or…

 _Ah_ , the girl thought grimly, reminding herself not to make a visible expression for Lillie to see.  _Is her mother…? Well, it'd be rude to ask about that, so let's change the subject._

"You know, I've known the Professor for about a year, but I don't really think I've heard him mention having an assistant," Selene said, hoping to distract the girl from the previous moment. "Not to mention someone so young. You must be really smart."

Lillie flushed red, furiously shaking her head.

"Oh no, no, no... The professor was just kind enough to let me stay at his lab, so being his assistant is the least that I can do."

Selene, rather intrigued by this admission, was trying to figure out what she should say next when the Kahuna's booming voice brought her attention back up to the podium.

"Come, my pokemon! Let's have a look at you!"

With a flick of the wrist, the Kahuna tossed three pokeballs up into the air and caught them all in one hand. Selene wasn't sure what was more impressive - how second nature the deceptively difficult motion was or the fact the man had pulled it off in the first place.

However, a utterly delighted cry from Hau brought her out of her thoughts, just in time for the girl to see Hau be swarmed by all three of the little pokemon, who eagerly jumped on the boy to smother him in affection. He fell backwards onto the platform, laughing in between weak attempts to tell the pokemon to stop.

Selene wanted to wheeze. That was absolutely adorable.

Watmel started to excitedly twitter into her ear, perking up for whatever reason. The girl offered the rowlet a light head rub, about to say something when -

"Hey Kahuna! Maybe you should let him have all three!" a disembodied voice shouted from the audience, and amidst cheers and laughter Selene could hear much light hearted assent.

"If it's Hau, I sure wouldn't mind!"

"They all look so happy!"

"He'll make a great Kahuna when he's older!"

Selene could see the boy's face absolutely light up, and eagerly, he looked over to his grandfather, eyes overflowing with hope.

"Gramps, can I?" he asked sincerely, voice filled with an excited sort of disbelief. Though Hau was sitting now up, all three of the pokemon his grandfather had offered were still clinging to him. Carefully, he adjusted the purring litten on his lap so he could hold it alongside a happily barking popplio. A tiny rowlet, even smaller than Watmel, remained contently perched in his hair.

Selene had to look away from a moment - the boy's smile and eyes were just too bright for her to handle. If it had been her up there in the Kahuna's place, she would have caved on the spot.

Fortunately, Selene was not the Kahuna, who only shook his head and let out a hearty laugh. However, when he spoke, Selene could clearly hear all the pride the man felt. "It won't do to make an exception for my grandson. Other children would like to have pokemon of their own, too."

Selene, being as cynical as she was, was half expecting the boy to break her heart and throw a tantrum, but the boy only nodded with a wide grin on his face, unfazed by the decision.

"Okay!" Hau immediately replied, gently prying all three of the pokemon off him. He took a few steps back, keeping a respectable distance from the little pokemon who now seemed torn between behaving and jumping the boy anyways. "Just make sure the other two get really good friends for their trainers, okay?"

 _Arceus_ , Selene thought, not expecting such a low blow to her heart. What a good, pure kid.

"He really is," Lillie shyly murmured, a small smile on her face as she watched Hau gently coax the pokemon into sitting relatively still with just words and hand gestures alone. "I wish I could be like him."

"Um, yeah," Selene coughed, utterly mortified that she hadn't realized that she had said that last part out loud. "I think any trainer would want to be that good with pokemon."

Out of the corner of her eye, Selene saw the young girl unconsciously reach a hand down her bag, though she caught herself and brought it back up to resume tightly clutching the strap.

"So, what pokemon will you choose as your partner?" the Kahuna asked, eyes crinkling at how torn Hau now looked.

Regarding the boy's familiar selection of pokemon, Selene herself was curious to see which the boy would choose. She had, on a whim, picked Watmel, having not thought too hard about the decision outside excluding the one pokemon she knew that she couldn't pick -

The popplio.

Feeling a twinge of a guilt, the girl was grateful that she hadn't been foolish enough to voice that sentiment out loud a month ago, when the professor had presented her all three of the Alolan pokemon over video call. Nothing against the actual pokemon itself, but it just reminded her too much of...

Selene took in a deep breath, hoping that she could still the sudden wavering in her throat and the aching burn of her lungs. Even now, it was still hard to even think about…

In some sort of sick, cosmic joke, after a moment's worth of deliberation, Hau immediately scooped the little sea lion pokemon in his arms. Selene willed herself to not make a face, to not tremble, to not show any sign that she was rattled.

"So, you have chosen Popplio?"

It had been two years - she should be over it by now. But if she still hadn't been able to move on a month ago, what would have changed for it to be any different now?

"Yup!" Hau said without any hesitation, spinning around the little seal pokemon until he fell over onto the floor again. "I know she hasn't been picked the last few times, so that's given us extra time to bond! It's clearly destiny!"

Even as coos could be heard around her ("How sweet!" "Such a thoughtful boy!" "He's been raised so well!"), Selene found herself directing her gaze at the boy's shoes, unable to bear looking at Hau's carefree face any longer.

Had she been like that a few years ago? So innocent, worry-free, and hopeful about the future?

The Kahuna let out another hearty laugh. "You know how this goes, Hau."

With quick nod of acknowledgement, Hau set the little pokemon down on the platform, taking a few steps back and putting his hands on his hips. A sudden silence came through the crowd, and Selene thought of a single candle being snuffed out without warning.

...That wasn't very pleasant imagery, now that she thought about it.

"So let us see if little Popplio there also decides to choose you!"

A myriad of thoughts frantically whirled around in Selene's head. Choose? In front of everyone? The girl tried to imagine herself in Hau's shoes, tried to imagine how it would feel to start off her relationship with her first pokemon on equal footing.

"Only when you have both chosen each other -"

She tried to think of the warm Iki Town light, of the wood buildings against the star splattered night sky, of the torches which burned with beautiful, vibrant flames.

"- can you truly call each other partners!"

She tried to cling to her first memory with Watmel, of the little pokemon flying into her lap without warning the moment she had released it from its pokeball, making her fall right out of her chair.

"Ho! So little Popplio has accepted you as well, Hau!"

All Selene could hear was a wretched scream, rising higher and higher above the roar of the crowd, real but not real. She'd heard the horrible sound with her own ears, screamed it with her own throat, seen it with her own hands -

The only connection she had to her long dead father painted red with its own blood, its cold, white body the canvas.

* * *

"I… I'm so sorry, Professor," Selene muttered, quietly taking a seat at one of the many benches that lined the edge of the town center. Head down and hands clasped together, the girl couldn't bring herself to look up the the man now fussing over her.

Thankfully, she had already returned both Watmel and Liechi to their pokeballs. As much as she had appreciated their concern, the girl needed a little bit of space.

"Nah, I should have realized that you would have been tired from the trek up here," the professor said gently, lightly pressing the back of his hand against the girl's forehead. "You were shaking really bad, you know..."

"Still," the girl insisted, unable to hold back her frown, "you wanted to go congratulate Hau, and I don't think you're going to get the chance to anytime soon."

Tearing her eyes away from her lap, Selene guiltily looked towards the platform in the middle of town, where Hau sat along one of its edges, talking animatedly to Lillie. The boy was tightly hugging his popplio like a precious childhood toy, and Selene watched with mild amusement as he eagerly offered the pokemon for Lillie to hold. At first, Lillie was frantically waving her hands in front of her, but upon taking a second look at the boy's all too hopeful face, the girl took the sea lion pokemon into an awkward cradle, blushing furiously when both Hau and his popplio started laughing at how uncomfortable she looked.

Without any hesitation, the boy leaned over to adjust the girl's arms so that she could hold the pokemon better, not at all scandalized by the skin to skin contact. Lillie, on the other hand…

"Now that I think about it, Lillie reminds me a lot of you," the professor snickered. "Though your response to being teased is a lot funnier."

Selene raised an eyebrow at his comment but showed no other reaction. "She reminds you of me? Does that mean you've known me longer?"

The man paused from enjoying the spectacle that was Lillie's painfully visible embarrassment to shoot a curious glance Selene's way.

"Sorry, if that was, er, a weird question," she hastily began, realizing what a strange conclusion she must have come to. "You never really talked about her, so I thought…"

"Nah! I just tend to forget how sharp you kids can be!" he said cheerily, reaching over to ruffle Selene's hair. "Usually, I'm drowning in paperwork and research, so the 'how do human interactions work' part of it can get a little rusty. Honestly, I'm not sure how Lillie puts up with me!"

With a silly grin, Professor Kukui leaned down to whisper into her ear. "Don't tell her I said that though. She thinks I do it on purpose."

 _Poor girl_ , Selene thought with a derisive snort. "Your secret's safe with me."

"Kukui!"

Selene felt herself freeze up as the Kahuna himself walked over to them, hands in his robes pockets. Nervously, the girl eyed the banquet tables over by what seemed to be the largest, most elaborate building in town. Could she somehow sneak her way over there before the Kahuna reached them?

"I'm glad to meet you, child!"

Nope.

Her trademark polite smile back on her face, Selene took the large hand offered to her and shook hands with probably the most powerful man on the island. No pressure to make a good impression or anything.

"I am Hala, the Kahuna of Melemele Island," the man began, giving her hand such a powerful squeeze that the girl nearly kneeled over. "Welcome to Alola! Young Kukui had told me of your coming, and I'm glad we got the chance to meet today."

"Um, hello, I'm - uh, Kahuna. No wait. I mean, greetings, Kahuna Hala, Selene - er, my name is Selene. Uh, yeah." The girl bowed as low as she could in hopes of apologizing for how her brain had decided to utterly fail her.

"No need to be so formal, Selene!" Professor Kukui chuckled, lightly tugging the girl's shoulder to pull her back up. "The Kahunas are just the protectorates of the Alolan Islands, people who have the honor of being of chosen by our Island Guardians."

Selene shot him a dirty look. Ah yes, the Kahunas were  _just_  incredibly important people. No need to worry about looking like a complete idiot in front of one.

"Kukui is right," Hala laughed, giving her a reassuring, fatherly sort of smile. He really did remind her of Mr. Fuji. "No need for formalities here, Selene. Hala is fine by me."

"So," the Kahuna began, turning to face the professor, "this young lady is why you said you'd be arriving late?"

Professor Kukui offered the older man a nonchalant shrug. "Well, I promised her mother that I'd help them settle into their new home at the base of the hill, so it couldn't be helped."

"Does this have to do with  _that_  thing you'll talking about later?"

Selene immediately looked up at the professor. What thing?

If the girl didn't have Hala in her peripheries, she would missed the chilling sight of the old man cracking an eye open, regarding the professor with half lidded menace and a now terrifyingly pleasant smile. Immediately, the girl remembered that dark look on Professor Kukui's face when they had talked about the PC system earlier.

Suddenly, the girl felt sick to her stomach - what she had seen then and what she was seeing now weren't just tricks of the light.

"Maybe," Professor Kukui finally said, at the end of a long stare off between him and the Kahuna. "Maybe not."

"Selene, I see you eyeing the food over there," the professor said casually, pulling Selene a little closer to his side. "Why don't you go grab some while I talk to the Kahuna for a bit?" The man gave her a polite smile, and had the girl not on the receiving end of so many lovely smiles that had made her heart hurt, Selene may have thought that he was actually unfazed by the hostility that Hala had openly directed at him.

But the gesture didn't reach his eyes. In fact, his eyes had gone shut in a way that reminded her of the Kahuna, and  _that_ reminded her of the fact that the Kahuna was with them right now.

The girl felt herself eagerly nodding, not wanting to get caught in the middle of an argument between two adults about things she didn't understand.

And she  _really_ didn't want to know what the professor looked like when angry.

"Now, now, young Kukui," Hala said lowly. "As the protectorate of this island, I'd like to get know its newest member."

"Don't worry," Selene weakly laughed, desperately shooting a look over at the tables full of trays of food. Maybe if she stared hard enough, she'd magically find herself over there right now. "I'm n-nobody imp-p-ortant. You'll pro-probably forget I'm here in n-no time."

The lines around the Kahuna's eyes softened tremendously, and when the man spoke up this time, his voice was much kinder and full of appreciation.

"Not at all! It'll be nice to have someone else roughly Hau's age around here. He told me earlier that he wanted to make friends with you, and -" Hala smiled fondly, the gesture full of love. "- I think you can already tell how my grandson is."

"Well, there's always Lillie," the professor quietly cut in.

"But you always have that girl holed up in your lab!"

A long, drawn out sigh. "She insists on doing chores around the house as rent for letting her stay over... I'm not forcing her to stay."

"I'd be more than willing to let her stay here in the village."

The professor actually narrowed his eyes at the Kahuna's offer, the deep scowl on his face making it clear that this was one particular issue he wasn't going to give an inch on. "She's fine with the current arrangement. There's no need to change it unnecessarily."

"Ha," Hala darkly chuckled. "Change it unnecessarily, you say."

Selene paled considerably as she looked back and forth between the two men, mortified to see that people were now starting to whisper and point in their direction. Unconcerned about the attention on them, the professor moved a hand towards his glasses, the dark eyes behind them coldly looking down on the Kahuna. Hala regarded the gesture with a wicked smirk, slowly crossing his arms as if to say that he was going to wait and see what the younger man would do next.

Overcome with a unfamiliar feeling of terror, Selene all but forgot that she had two feet that she could use to get as far away as she could. Fortunately, her stomach let out the loudest growl she'd ever heard in her life, and the sound immediately made the two men to turn back to her.

"You starvin'?"

"Hungry, young lady?"

The two men exchanged almost sheepish looks, the tense air clearing almost immediately. In any other circumstance, Selene probably would have wished that she were dead right now, but the girl was so utterly relieved that she boldly reached for Professor Kukui's arm and gave a tug in the direction of the banquet.

"I came here because  _someone_  told me that there was going to be great food," the girl said as firmly as she could. "And Professor, you better be right. I'm going to make you carry me all the way back down the hill if I'm disappointed."

The absurdity of the threat, especially since it had come out of her mouth, made Professor Kukui shake his head, though Selene could see the grin on his face.

"Kahuna, let's talk about this later. I need to make sure Selene gets fed. Otherwise her mom's going to kill me in the morning."

"Oh my! You're right! I'm so sorry, young lady! Go put some meat on your bones!"

"Will do, Kahuna, sir," the girl said coolly, only remembering afterwards that the Kahuna said that he would be fine with just "Hala." Oh well. "Now, if you don't mind me, I'm going to go have my first Alolan meal."

With that, the girl dragged the professor by the arm over to the food, relieved to find that no one was longer looking their way now that there was no chance of drama starting up. The moment that she had deemed that they were now safe behind the many, many tables set up with deliciously smelling food upon then, Selene dropped the man's arm, all previous confidence evaporating into the air.

"I panicked," she said, now sorely regretting her previous behavior. If she wasn't out in public, curling up into a ball on the ground wouldn't have sounded too bad. "Sorry about that."

"No," he responded quietly. "The Kahuna and I should know better than to have those kinds of conversations in public, especially where kids like you can hear us."

Grabbing a paper plate, Selene scanned the table before them, dimly realizing that she didn't recognize a single one of these dishes. The girl made a face - she didn't know whether that annoyed or terrified her.

"Yeah."

"You okay though?"

Selene paused for a moment, debating the merits of being honest or saying whatever the professor would rather hear. Right now, she wanted to deal with as little as she could, so…

"No big deal," the girl said shortly. "It's just adult talk."

Selene watched as the professor thoughtfully plopped bits and pieces of food on her plate, wondering what he would say next. The girl tried not to blush when, after taking a second look at her, the man decided to put a little more meat on the plate.

"Hey, Selene, you trust me, right?"

The question made the girl's brow furrow, and she looked up at the professor, wondering what on earth had gotten into him. Though the man seemed preoccupied with the trays of food before him, the unsettling, downward curve of his mouth made him look… troubled.

As far as Selene was concerned, it wasn't a good look on the professor.

"Of course," she said without a moment's hesitation. "My mother trusts you enough to let you take me here by myself, I'm letting you pick out my food, and you singlehandedly helped us move here when you could have just let us do all the paperwork."

The girl stopped to give the professor most serious, sincere look she could.

...Not that she knew what that looked like.

...Or how to actually make it.

Whatever! It was the thought that counted.

"Why wouldn't I trust you?" she asked with an air of finality, daring the man to challenge her conviction.

"Thank you, Selene," the professor said softly after a long pause. "You have no idea... how much that means to me." The almost wonder on the man's face was so strange, so unfamiliar that Selene had to look back down at the table.

"Hm," the girl hummed, casually swatting the professor's hand away from her plate. "Don't think I didn't see you trying to sneak sour flavored berries onto my plate, professor. How dare you."

"Yeah," Professor Kukui said distractedly, not really paying attention to how Selene was now picking out said berries and placing them in his hand. She wouldn't dare put them back into the trays.

A sad, almost remorseful look passed over his face as he considered what the girl had said.

"...How dare I."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Decided to split this planned chapter in half (you're going to be hearing that a lot...) because I don't think anyone wants to trudge through 20K words worth of dialogue heavy content. I'd like to apologize for my abysmally slow pacing... we're getting close to 50K and not even close to getting out of SuMo's cutscene hell. It's probably one of my most glaring flaws as a writer. I've also gone back and rewritten the prologue because it wasn't really up to my standards. I'll try and fix the format of the other chapters, but we'll see.
> 
> Nevertheless, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I didn't get to the Hau introduction that I planned, but he's still the star of his own first pokemon ceremony. I also think popplio's the most fitting starter for him, for uh, reasons... Take a look at brionne's entry.
> 
> As for the scene between Hala and Kukui - I have emphasized that politics will play a major role in the plot. How, you'll find out next time. But hopefully, you can see where the pieces are beginning to move.
> 
> And finally, Selene's personal issues. There should be enough hints to guess what pokemon she previously owned. I'll reveal it soon, but I'm curious to see how well I conveyed it.
> 
> story notes:
> 
> Environmental and pokemon conservation are among some of the most important Alolan values, and a lot of it has to do with how this affects Alolan traditions such as the Island Challenge and the whole Alolan motto of being a friend to all pokemon. Thus, messing with the Alolan ecosystem is one of the highest crimes you can commit in the region. I've messed around a little with breeding terminology, and the existence of breeders dances an interesting line between respectability and controversy. Given how many restrictions Kukui implies that they're under, yet their important role in the existence of the PokeRide and pokemon conservation, breeders are an important part of the Alolan culture.
> 
> It's canon that Molayne is the PC developer in Alola, but for the sake of expanding his role in the plot, he's actually got quite the hefty resume - with feats such as the moveset comparison check and the current PokeRide pager (comparable to a mini PC) under his belt. As a close friend of Kukui's, you can probably guess what he'll be doing in this story.


	6. firelight (2)

**o5. firelight (2)**

* * *

"Hey there!"

Selene jumped from her seat on the wooden bench, her plate of berries flying off her lap.

"Ah..." the girl managed, watching with a faint sense of disappointment as the food that she had meticulously picked out for herself tumbled across the dirt.

Her two pokemon didn't share that sentiment whatsoever. The rowlet and grubbin let out delighted cries before diving for the fallen berries, shamelessly stuffing their faces even though they had only finished eating minutes earlier.

"You two… slow down… please…" the girl mumbled, unsure of what to do when her pokemon did not respond.

Would it be a bad idea to pick them up? After all, they were her pokemon, surely they wouldn't…

Tiredly, the girl pinched the bridge of her nose and let out a sigh.

Then why was she so afraid?

Raising pokemon was so much harder than one would think. Neither Watmel nor Liechi were particularly rowdy by nature, but that only made Selene dread what would happen if they deliberately began to misbehave. She'd heard horror stories about how some pokemon completely changing dispositions after evolving, and it made her very… afraid.

Would she have what it would take to handle them then?

She… she wasn't sure.

"Oh man, sorry! Didn't mean to scare you. Ehe."

"It's… it's all right," Selene mumbled, forcing herself to look up at the young boy standing before her.

The boy was now sheepishly scratching his head, popplio held close to his chest with his other arm. The moment Selene made eye contact with the pokemon, it began to nod frantically as if to reinforce its trainer's point, a supportive gesture that elicited a smile from the girl.

"It's just so  _cool_ to have a new face around here!" Hau said excitedly. "I overheard Gramps and the professor talking about how someone moved here all the way from Kanto - you know, almost-halfway-across-the-world  _Kanto_!

The boy paused for a moment, considering something. "...It  _is_  you, right? Man, sure would be awkward if you weren't, heh." Hau looked down to his popplio, and the pokemon began clapping vigorously. Reassured by this, the boy continued. "Also, I'm Hau, the Kahuna's grandson! Nice to meet you!"

Hau shot her an enormous, almost blinding smile, as he held out a hand. Selene almost had to look away, resisting the growing urge to pinch his cheeks.

What an adorable kid.

"Selene," she confirmed, trying to maintain eye contact as she shook his hand - a suprisingly difficult task. "Was… was it obvious?"

"Well, I've been looking aaallllllllll over town for you," Hau replied, exaggeratedly gesturing with his free arm at the entire village. Selene tried not to giggle at how his popplio copied him, dramatically waving its flippers around. "And I just noticed you sitting right over here! I guess your two Alolan pokemon helped you blend in because it took me a moment to realize that you were the one unfamiliar face!"

"Also, sorry about your food... heh." Hau looked faintly embarrassed about what he'd done, though Selene felt inclined to tell the boy that it was no big deal. "Let me make it up to you."

With mild confusion, Selene watched as Hau set his popplio down on the ground before making a break for the banquet. After a minute, he ran back, balancing a plate stacked to the brim with berries, somehow not dropping a single one.

Before the girl could ask Hau what he was doing, the boy unceremoniously dumped the contents before the three pokemon, giggling a little as the tiny pokemon let out happy cries and attacked the pile of berries with renewed vigor.

"Wait!" Hau exclaimed, immediately getting all three pokemon to look his way. Selene squirmed, feeling as if something had pricked her skin. "Can you do me a favor and eat a little slower? We don't want any accidents like this!"

With that, the boy dramatically plopped onto the ground, rolling from side to side. "Choke! Can't breathe! Throat full of! Choke! Berries! Choke!"

Almost immediately, the boy's popplio and Watmel hopped onto the boy's chest, bouncing up and down as if to try to save him. The boy broke out into hysterical laughter, and once he calmed down, he squeezed both pokemon in a big hug.

"Hehe," Hau giggled, nuzzling his face against his popplio's. Watmel let out a mildly annoyed chirp, not happy about being left out. "So you still remember me, Rowlet?"

Watmel paused from its spot on the boy's torso and chirped happily. Careful to not tear his shirt, the rowlet waddled closer to the boy's shoulders, allowing itself to be pet on the head. It was definitely a cute sight as far as Selene was concerned, but for some reason, the girl felt a little on edge.

"Oh, you two know each other?" Selene asked, trying to work out the odd sensation in her chest.

"Yep! Tutu raised her himself!" the boy proudly proclaimed as he sat up, the two pokemon settling comfortably into his lap. "I was the one who regularly fed and played with her though."

"That's nice," Selene politely replied, taking in this information with a mix of respect and… disquiet. She held back a frown, knowing fully well that Hau had done nothing that should logically garner any negative feelings. So why on earth did it bother her? "Is that one of your grandfather's duties as Kahuna?"

"Yeah! You see, the rowlet, popplio, and litten lines are very important to Alolan culture! Like  _thiiiiisssss_ important." Hau threw his arms wide open as far as he could, and Selene couldn't help but smile at what a nonsensical visual that was.

"Long ago, the people who were the ancestors of the Alolan Royal Family fought alongside our Island Guardians to defend Alola from powerful invaders! Not only did the Guardians treat them as equals, but these people were also really talented trainers who used those then rare pokemon lines in the battle to protect Alola!"

_Damn_ , Selene thought. Cute, kind, and articulate? What doesn't this kid have going for him?

"And guess what?" the boy said eagerly, almost shaking with excitement.

"What?"

"They won!" Hau shouted with glee, not all concerned about how he turned a few heads in their direction. He jumped up and down, as he'd been there to see the victory himself. "In the wake of their victory against the attackers, those people and their companion pokemon were held to the highest of honors - they were perhaps the first of our royal family. So, the rowlet, popplio, and litten lines used to be pokemon reserved for just royalty, but...!"

Hau dramatically paused, looking over at Selene to gauge her reaction.

"Go on," Selene said, genuinely curious about where this story was going.

"But it turns out those three lines struggled to have offspring. Was it because the battles were too incredible, and it affected the pokemon? Was it simply natural and they were endangered even back then? If you ask me, the first one sounds more epic, but it's probably the second."

"So!" Hau continued with the same vigor. "Since those pokemon lines have had low population numbers for as long as we can remember, eventually, our Kahunas, the people highest in authority after the royal family, were given the honor to help raise them. After all, the Kahunas are people chosen by  _the_  Guardians. Breeders, on the other hand, would need tons of clearances, tests, and paperwork to do the same."

With this the boy finally took a few seconds to catch his breath, having been so excited over his own story that he had almost forgotten to do so.

"Though right now," Hau added thoughtfully," I think Gramps is the only Kahuna has any time to do that. Authorized breeders… probably one or two on Akala Island?"

"Wow," Selene said, trying to take in all that information. To think that there was that kind of history behind her rowlet - it only made her more grateful that they had been able to meet in the first place. "Wait, then how come we can have them?"

"The past few decades, the royal family hasn't been doing so well," Hau said a little more seriously. "A few years back, Gramps decided to start handing a few of them out so that they'll at least have trainers to care for them. Because they were raised specifically for royalty, these pokemon, by nature, are used to having humans around, so they don't do well on their own. In fact, there have even been extreme cases where the passing of the trainer means…"

Hau looked sad almost as he looked over at his popplio, who was happily clapping as Watmel patiently sorted berries by flavor. The rowlet puffed once as it took the leftovers, leaving its fellow pokemon to devour the ones they preferred the most.

"But hey!" he said too cheerily. "We've both got pokemon worthy of royalty!"

Selene gave both Hau and Watmel a weak smile. "Well, when you put it like that, I feel a lot more special than I actually am."

Noticing how the boy looked ready to protest that comment (that was going to be a very short argument she wasn't going to win), the girl quickly changed the topic. "You seem to know a lot about this stuff."

"Well, it's sort the same ol' things I tell visitors whenever we get any, so I'm kinda used to it," the boy began, looking a little shy. Selene was almost floored by how adorable that was. "I'm the Kahuna's grandson so it, uh, happens. But I love playing with pokemon - I've always wanted to join a pokemon conservation group when I grow up, so…"

Hau pumped a fist into the air before shouting at the top of his lungs. "I'll save so many pokemon and make more friends than there are stars in the sky!"

Selene found herself smiling in spite of how she actually felt. The "me too" that she wanted to say, that remained stuck at the tip of her tongue died there, the girl finding herself unable to speak up. Against such sincerity and love, it just didn't feel right to piggyback off the boy's comment. Her own reasons for wanting to go into pokemon conservation felt… so insincere in comparison.

Pokemon conservation had just sounded like a good idea because she had been so used to helping around at Mr. Fuji's. The work wasn't bad - it was rather fun and didn't really stress her out since the pokemon Mr. Fuji normally let her work with were docile and easy to get along with.

However, if she really did want to do conservation work, she'd definitely have to work with difficult pokemon, and if she could barely get her own pokemon to behave, there was a good chance that she wouldn't make it.

Especially when there were people like Hau, who…

"That's a really nice thing to want to do when you grow up," Selene said politely, realizing how much it discomfited her that the younger boy seemed to be strides ahead of her. It'd take her years to get to his level, and by then…

He'd already be so far ahead.

That thought… it… it made her feel…

Frustrated. Angry. Inferior.

Perhaps it was wrong, but Selene couldn't help but look back on the life she'd lived, and, and -

All the tears she had shed, all the fear that she forced herself to swallow, everything she'd ever done -

Meaningless!?

When she looked at Hau, her heart burning with rage and hatred, his eyes shining with hope for the future, Selene felt like scum. No wait, she  _was_ scum for -

"Hey, Selene! Nice to see that you're already making friends!"

Selene looked up to Professor Kukui casually ambling his way over to her and Hau. Selene felt her heart ache with even more guilt - the professor had so much hope for her, when in reality, she was probably going to disappoint him.

Especially if… especially if she was going to be like...  _this_.

"Hau probably is the one doing all the talking though, isn't he?" the professor said knowingly, pretending to covertly wink at the girl.

"Yup!" Hau chirped without a hint of shame. Selene wasn't sure if the boy had noticed or ignored the professor's teasing gesture.

"Of course," the man chuckled, shaking his head. "By the way, have you seen Lillie?"

Selene noted with faint interest how Hau immediately sat straight up. "Lillie? I haven't seen her since I got Marmar." At the sound of its name, his popplio paused from eating to happily bark at the three humans.

"Same," Selene said quietly, keeping a close eye on the professor's face, which for reason, seemed a little more stiff than usual.

The man let out a soft sigh, though for a moment, the girl saw the professor's lips twist into a grimace. "Well, if you see her, let me know. She... has a bad habit of wandering off and getting lost."

"Will do!" Hau said, shooting the man a big smile.

Selene offered the slightest nod of her head, more preoccupied with wondering what was bothering the professor. If it had to do with Lillie, why on earth was she his assistant in the first place? In fact, now that she thought back to what Lillie had said and the Professor's conversation with the Kahuna earlier -

There was definitely something strange going on here.

The girl blanched. She… she wanted no part in that. Getting involved in someone else's business didn't seem like a good idea, but… this was the professor she was thinking about… and… and…

And what? It wasn't like she had the power to do anything in the first place, the girl thought bitterly.

"Selene, you okay?"

Selene blinked, jerking back upon finding Hau's face much too close to hers.

"Y-yes," she muttered, shrinking in on herself as much as she could. Scooting away would be too obvious and rude, so the girl forced a smile on her face. "I'm… I'm not used to the Alolan timezone yet."

She looked over at where the professor had previously been standing, mortified to find that he wasn't there anymore. "Um, where's the professor?"

"Over by the platform," the boy said excitedly. "He said he's going to be giving a speech! Oh man oh man  _oh man,_  I wonder what he has to say to us!"

While Hau quickly became caught up guessing what the professor's speech could be about, Selene found her eyes drawn to how the man had straightened himself to his full height, the crowd parting before his slow, purposeful walk.

Whispers followed the man's menacing ascent up the wooden stairs like the sound of waves rushing up and down the shore. The professor stood atop the platform with a strangely grave look on his face, eyes seemly directed at the Kahuna, equally serious in expression. The sight brought about another rush of whispers ( _Noisy, loud, unbearable_ , thought Selene) until the professor opened his mouth.

"You guys know why I'm up here, talking to you all."

A sudden hush fell across the crowd, and Selene shivered. She found it almost impossible to tear her eyes away from the professor and his unsmiling face, a faint sense of fear, apprehension settling into her stomach.

"It began seven years ago. The day that I challenged Lance, the still reigning champion of the Kantoan and Johtoan leagues, the day that I and my pokemon faced one of the powerful trainers in history and gave him a battle worth remembering, remembering the Alolan might -"

The man took a calculated pause, letting the tension stretch out into the cool air.

"That was the day that, before the Kantoan media and countless eyes of people across multiple regions, I confessed a hope that Alola could one day have its own Pokemon League to present as a challenge to the rest of the world. I had experienced alongside my beloved pokemon the thrill of the League Challenge, the pride that it had instilled into myself as a trainer and my partner pokemon, and the unwavering, loving spirit that Alola had fostered in me.

Back then, to the rest of the world, I was just an upstart Professor of Pokemon from some tiny region in the middle of miles and miles of ocean. I was proud to show everyone what an Alolan could do - that I, a young man whose entire career as a trainer was shaped entirely by the Alolan Island Challenge, could achieve so much."

"But," the man continued in a soft, almost bitter tone, "Alola was not proud of me."

The professor went silent, a distant, sad look on his face which made Selene's heart ache.

"...I know it very well. The whispers and things that people wouldn't say to my face. The shouting and spitting and things that they did."

"'You blasphemous disgrace, the Guardians will strike you down…!'" the man almost snarled, words dripping with an unfathomable hate and scorn.

The professor's face softened and let out a bitter chuckle. "Do you all remember that one? That infamous interview had gone on air about a month after the appointment of Ulala's current Kahuna."

Selene looked around, suddenly feeling incredibly uncomfortable. For once, it seemed like everyone around seemed to agree, averting their gaze and murmuring to each other under their breaths, faces set in an unsettling mix of grimness and shame. The Kahuna, in particular, had his lips pressed together in a thin line, his tense face otherwise impassive.

At her side, Hau made a little choking noise, and the girl worriedly found that the young boy looked as if he was desperately holding back the urge to throw up.

"Hey," Selene whispered. "You... okay?"

The boy stiffly nodded, though at this point he almost looked ready to cry, an appearance which almost made Selene's stomach churn. Hesitantly, she reached out a hand as if to comfort Hau, but realizing that it wasn't her place, Selene quickly withdrew it, having mixed feelings about the spectrum of emotions the boy so easily elicited from her.

"It's ironic and so painful to witness these sort of things because the people outside say such wonderful things about Alolans - that we are cheerful, full of spirit, friendly, kind."

"I… I want to believe it," the professor said softly, longing lingering in his eyes. "...I really do."

His face darkened, and when the man next spoke, his words were so cold, so full of disappointment, of a hatred that had been left to ferment for years (Decades, even? Selene wondered).

"Yet, nowadays, all we Alolans do is drag each other down into ruin." He shook his head. "No, perhaps it would be more accurate to say that we heard the pleas of our fellow Alolans, turned a blind eye, and let them die."

Selene flinched as gasps ran through the crowd, neither expecting such a blatant accusation from the otherwise agreeable professor's mouth. The Kahuna, on the other hand, let out a dark chuckle, faintly amused almost.

_What are you doing_ , Selene wanted to scream. She didn't like this. She didn't want this.  _You're a good person. You don't need other people's validation for that. Professor, stop, please -_

"Alola is dying," Professor Kukui said firmly. "Do not deny it."

"Over the course of decades, members of the royal family died one after another, and all we did was whisper that the Guardians had abandoned them, that this was their fate, when in reality, all we did was damn them to certain doom by our own inaction. All that remains of the royal family is a fourteen year old girl, a girl who grew up without a mother, a father, a family, swarmed by the older aristocracy like mandibuzz, people who treat the final legacy of our hero ancestors like some macabre trophy to be won.

Can you sincerely tell me that Princess Acerola deserved to watch her own father wither away, trapped in his own bed, at the age of four? Or that our late king, beloved up until he got ill, deserved to die because his illness was incurable?"

"No," Hau hiccuped besides Selene, sniffling profusely. The girl let out a sigh before lightly resting a hand on the boy's head.

The professor paused, unshed tears swimming in his eyes, a hand pressed firmly to his mouth.

"And this is how we treated our _royal_  family," he continued, half in disbelief, half in despair. "We treat each other with even more blatant fatalism, and Alola suffers because of it."

"Our ways of life are not perfect - we only pretend that they are. Because for every successful youth who passes the Island Challenge, there is another who failed, whose existence their family now refuses to knowledge. We may scoff at Team Skull, but its foundation is built upon the crushed hopes and dreams of so many Alolans, who suddenly found that their loved ones had left them to their 'fates'."

"But what fate?" Professor Kukui asked exasperatedly. "No, it was not one determined by the Guardians as we all like to say. It was one we shaped ourselves."

"Slowly but steadily, Alola as we have known it, as we have prided ourselves in being children of, is dying, and we only have ourselves to blame. But what do we do? We turn to the Tapus, simmering in our deteriorating Alolan pride, helplessly waiting for the Tapus to fix Alola even as it breathes its last breath."

"However, the Tapus will not save us this time," the professor lamented, shaking his head tiredly. "Tapu Fini has been silent for years to Poni Island's fervent pleas for a new Kahuna, and you all know very well the controversy that surrounds the change of Kahunas on Akala and Ulala Island. Hala, our very own Kahuna of Melemele, is perhaps the last person to have seen Tapu Koko in decades."

The professor cautioned a look over to the Kahuna, as did many others in the crowd, curious to see how the man felt about the speech. Selene, on the other hand, found that she couldn't look anywhere but the professor, Hau's soft but pained whimper of "Tutu" barely reaching her ear.

"We cannot afford to wait any longer - this is not the time for old ways of pride. If we want Alola's heritage to pass on to our children, we must give them a future first. We must face the problems that have plagued Alola in recent years and put an end to them once and for all."

The professor suddenly began to pace, as if he couldn't bear stand still any longer.

"The no longer self sufficient Alolan economy, the rampant tourism industry that encroaches upon our hallowed trial grounds and the Alolan land we tried so hard to preserve, the countless youths we've lost to scorn or cynicism, the helplessness we're left with without the Tapus to guide us -" He paused to slowly move his gaze across the crowd, as if attempting to reach out to every single person.

"These are the reasons why I want to build a league. I have no desire to replace the wonderful Island Challenge that made me into the man that I am today, but I do not love blindly. I have seen how our current system is archaic and failing the very youth we hoped it would nurture. And you have too, as much as you may not want to admit it."

Selene shivered, anxiety settling into the bottom of her stomach. What was she doing here? She didn't belong here.  _She didn't belong here in this fake paradise turned nightmare_.

Maybe she could leave before it was too late, maybe if she told Mother they could get out of here, maybe -

(Camera in hand, the couple gave her a quick thanks for the advice and made off the Pokemon Tower, and Selene just couldn't understand.

What was so good about a place where the dead slept and answered to no one, where the living forced themselves through motions of normality, where that invisible oppressor loomed everyone as if it had never left?)

No.

There was nowhere she could run and find what she want - because in the end, it wasn't the location or people at fault.

It was only hers, and she'd have to own up to it - force herself to accept the past few days and deal with it, no matter how much her mind screamed it wrong.

_Breathe,_ the girl told herself, trying to pull herself out the dangerous cesspool that was her own thoughts and back into reality.  _You can do this. You will make it out of here alive. The world is not out to get you._

Against the rapidly sharpening dark and warm hues of the town, the pale white and blonde that shifted at the edge of Selene's vision immediately caught her eyes - Lillie, standing at the gate which led into the Melemele wilderness. Every few seconds, she peered into her bag every once before glancing past the town boundaries and shaking her head frantically.

Selene couldn't help but frown, failing to notice the visible distress on the young girl's face. How could the professor's own assistant be wandering off in the middle of such an important speech?

The girl turned to Hau, his tears now dry and his eyes only faintly red, and tugged at the boy's shirt to get his attention. The way he turned his sad gaze upon her, mouth in a small pout, eyes wide with grief, almost sent the girl reeling.

"Lillie," Selene whispered, pointing at the blonde girl with one hand while turning away to avoid Hau's face.

"Again and again we may turn to the Guardians, hoping for an answer, but time and time again, they remain silent. When have we Alolans become so weak? Helpless? When did we start to think that it was okay to leave our fates in the hands of someone else?"

Quietly, Hau rose from his seat and returned his pokemon to its pokeball, prompting Selene to do the same. Her eyes anxiously scanned the crowd to make no one had noticed the movement. For a moment, the girl found herself looking back up to the professor, his eyes blazing with passion and determination, and Selene found it almost painful to tear her eyes away from the scene. Guilt welled up in her - she never did like it when her former classmates talked and played around in their seats when an adult was talking, and here she was doing the exact same thing.

But then again, so was Lillie.

"I want to Alola to thrive in all its beauty. I want Alola to surpass what it once was. We, as Alolans, should always be striving to be the best that we can be. ... I know what you may be thinking. That I'm mad for trying to shake the traditions that have persisted in Alola for so long."

The first step away was perhaps the hardest, but the moment Selene got moving, it got easier and easier, as if she was building up some sort of terrible momentum, helplessly rushing faster and faster towards her doom. Her face set by the grim, thin line of her lips, Selene followed Hau over to Lillie, mentally steeling herself to give the younger girl a small scolding.

Damn, she wasn't going to enjoy that either.

As Professor Kukui's speech slowly faded into the background, Selene finally began to hear bits and pieces of what Lillie was desperately hissing under her breath.

"...the ruins?"

"But a long time ago, traditions were once young, fresh ideas, waiting to bloom."

"...no, not now…"

"If my ideas really are sacreligious -"

"...expecting to find?"

"If my hopes and dreams are not truly Alolan -"

"... can't come out…"

"If my love for Alola has gone astray -"

"...Nebby, we'll get in trouble -"

"May the Guardians strike me down before I have lost my way."

In a slow, agonizing crescendo, the audience began to clap louder and louder, the noise causing Lillie tear her eyes away from her bag and look up, the last bit of blood draining from her face as she saw Selene and Hau walking towards her. The girl's eyes flashed with a flurry of emotions - confusion, fear, desperation even - as she cautiously shifted the strap on her shoulder to keep her bag out of their line of sight.

"Lillie," Hau began slowly, gauging her reaction. "What are you - wait, what the?"

Confused by the boy's words, the young girl opened her mouth, preparing to say Arceus knew what, when Selene noticed a tiny pokemon fleeing up the trail behind her.

Selene felt her face scrunch up in confusion. Didn't Lillie say that she had no pokemon -

"Ah…" Lillie finally managed to force out, having caught on to Hau and Selene's reaction. Looking at her now open bag then up at the trail, the girl paused for a moment, her lips pressed together tightly.

"Nebby!" Lillie finally shrieked. Without another word to either Hau or Selene, the younger girl turned around and broke into a sprint up the trail, a hand on her enormous hat to keep it from flying off.

"Hey," Selene began, a hand raised as if she could somehow stop the girl. Nervously, she looked behind her, finding that no one had even noticed the encounter. Instead they remained swarmed around the wooden platform, probably bombarding the professor with countless questions.

Speaking of the professor -

_Right!_ Selene thought.  _He wanted us to tell him where Lillie is -_

"Lillie! Wait!" Hau shouted, grabbing Selene by the hand as he finally decided to run after Lillie, completely obvious to the affronted look on the older girl's face.

Though Selene instinctively felt the urge to tear the boy's hand off of hers, she squashed it. There simply wasn't time for her to be childish - without a pokemon, Selene really didn't like Lillie's ability to protect herself.

Nevertheless, at the back of her mind, Selene could feel the dread piling up - dread that she'd made a terrible decision as she let Hau pull her along after Lillie.

Somewhat dumbfounded by the fact the Mahalo Trail was more stairs than actually trail, Selene almost did a double take when she saw that Lillie was already about three quarters of her way up to the top. Noticing how the Kahuna's grandson already seemed winded, Selene squeezed Hau's hand tighter, ignoring the boy's worried look, and promptly took the lead up the stairs.

As Lillie left Selene's field of sight, the Kantoan girl had managed to drag Hau up to the halfway point, clearly more used to climbing stairs than either of the younger kids. Impatiently, Selene tugged on Hau's hand to pull him up.

There was something very wrong here. The things Lillie had said didn't add up with what Selene had just seen. What was going on here? Did the professor know? Now that Selene thought about it, hadn't Lillie said something being the professor's assistant as a favor for letting her stay at his home? Did that mean he knew?

Ignoring how her legs burned and ached as she finally hit level land, Selene tugged Hau up the final bit of stairs, immediately letting go of the boy's clammy hand the moment his feet hit level land. Stopping to catch her breath with her hands on her knees, Selene watched as Hau ran towards the clearing surrounded by trees, where Lillie had come to a halt, facing away from the two new arrivals.

"H-hey," Hau panted, almost falling over as he stumbled to a stop. Lillie slowly turned around, her face pale. "Lillie, what's going on -"

"Help…" the girl murmured, her eyes flashing with brilliant green distraught.

Hau paused, before repeating what the girl had said in a more confused tone. "...Help?"

However, the girl gave no response, her expression contorting to fill her features with even more despair - brow furrowed, mouth shaped into a quivering o. When Hau cautioned a step forward, Lillie began trembling from head to toe, her increasingly frantic breathing making it clear that she was going to burst into tears at any moment.

"Lillie -"

"I… I…I-I c-can't!" the girl almost screamed, shaking her head profusely. Selene stared Lillie as if she'd gone mad, hesitantly walking forward anyways. "W-What I am doing?! N-no, you g-guys need to go back. I-I'm fine!"

Clearly in a sort of panic, Lillie moved as if to push Hau away, but the boy had already taken a few steps back, hands up in surrender. The gesture made the blonde girl flinch, her eyes closing as if she couldn't bear the sight.

After taking a few steps back, the girl began to teeter back and forth, her pale hair occasionally catching the moonlight and flashing an eerie white. There was a haunted look on Lillie's face as she looked from Selene and Hau to whatever was behind her, the girl regarding her surroundings as if she had found herself trapped inside a cage.

"Well, okay then," Selene said quietly, wondering if this was how she, herself was like to her - No, Selene didn't want to think such a thing. "C'mon Hau, let's go."

The statement immediately made Lillie's head turn, and the younger girl began to stammer nonsensically, as if to say no, she didn't want that either.

"Arceus, do you want us to help or not?" Selene snapped, suddenly feeling frustration simmer in her upper chest, digging deeper and deeper into her being until it actually began to feel heavy and weigh her down like the burden she was.

_This is what others have to put up with._

_This is what you've damned your mother to._

_This is you._

_This is all that remains once you've looked past all your egotistical self-pity._

_Does it make you angry?_

_Does it?_

_DOES IT?_

However, amidst the fury whirling around in her head, Selene could see how Lillie looked as though she'd been slapped across the face, a sight that instinctively made Selene blanche. That wasn't what she was going for at all.

_You screwed up again._

_You screwed up again._

_YOU SCREWED UP AGAIN._

The stagnation in her relationship with her mother -  _suffocating, frustrating, maddening -_  that had never meant that she wanted her mother lashing out at her.

And Selene had… she had…

Couldn't she do anything right? She should have felt empathy, should have been more considerate, should have done _anything_ but the one thing she knew that she shouldn't have done.

Taking in the grimace now on Selene's face, Hau turned back to Lillie and adopted a softer tone. "...Lillie, what's wrong? We want to help you, but we need  _you_ to let us do that."

Lillie looked between Hau and Selene, clearly struggling with multiple thoughts. After a tense moment, the girl loudly gulped and cleared her throat, though when she opened her mouth, nothing came out.

Awkwardly, the girl opened and closed it a few times, though Hau seemed content to wait for her to gain the confidence to speak. Selene, on the other hand, opted to not say or think anything at all, not eager to repeat her previous mistake.

After a few more seconds, Lillie finally shook her head, letting out a long sigh as she resigned herself to the decision she had finally made. "Never mind me… You… you have to help Nebby!"

"Where's Nebby?" Hau asked at the same time, a question that for whatever reason made Selene's face want to scrunch up.

"All right, we'll help," Selene added quickly, cautiously regarding how the glassy tears in Lillie's eyes threatened to break loose. "Nebby, right? Where's Nebby?"

Lillie's face immediately brightened, and she clasped her two hands together.

"Oh…" the girl murmured in faint disbelief, her voice sweet but oh so fragile. "Oh, thank goodness!"

The blonde girl took a step to the side, giving Selene and Hau a view of a rickety, wooden bridge that spanned an enormous ravine. Somewhere near its middle was that tiny pokemon from earlier, which reminded Selene of clouds and stars and galaxies and the night sky. It cowered fearfully as a few spearows circled above it, suspiciously regarding the tiny pokemon.

Selene couldn't help but narrow her eyes at the sight.

She was familiar with the spearow family - thanks to her mother having a fearow and the abundance of spearows in the areas around Lavender Town. The pokemon line was easily agitated by even the mere prospect of danger, and Selene had grown accustomed to the sight of spearows flocking along the town boundaries, eyes warily following any unfamiliar arrival to the place.

When news of Team Rocket's reemergence in Johto had reached Kanto few years back, a few members had attempted to overtake Lavender Town once again. Her mother had told her how one spearow's cry had led to another and another and  _another_  until it seemed as though the world itself was screaming in anger at the intrusion. Entire flocks had descended upon the intruders like dark, ferocious clouds, overwhelming them and their pokemon. Had the spearows not been stopped by the imposing presence of her mother's battle scarred fearow, the Team Rocket members would have been torn to -

The girl shuddered.

More importantly, Selene had never been afraid of spearows. Instead, she, like many other children of Lavender Town, had learnt to take note of what the pokemon became wary of for the sake of her own safety.

So the girl couldn't help but feel slight apprehension regarding the pokemon Lillie called Nebby - clearly, the spearow weren't familiar with the pokemon, so it definitely wasn't native to the area. And didn't the professor say something about there being especially severe laws against non-native pokemon?

No, it wouldn't do to jump to conclusions.

After all, the biodiversity among the Alolan islands was exceptionally high, as the professor had told her, so Nebby could just be native to a different island. Though that wouldn't explain why Lillie seemed to be hiding the pokemon in her bag - wait, Lillie had been hiding Nebby in her bag instead of using a pokeball and  _she seemed hellbent on keeping it there -_

"Yeah, I feel you Selene. It's not a pretty sight," Hau said with a low whistle.

Selene blinked several times, suddenly finding herself at the base of the rickety bridge. She opened her mouth to say something - what, the girl wasn't sure - faltering as her gaze drifted down and down and down -

Into sharp, jagged rocks that cut wicked, white scars through the roaring river below.

Already, the sight left the girl a little dizzy, reminding her of how it felt to look down from the top of the Celadon Department Store or even the Pokemon Tower. That tantalizingly horrifying thought of how easy it would be to slip over the railing, the wind tauntingly pressing against her skin as if holding her back from an adrenaline high, the idea of broken bones and pools of blood suddenly some kind of amusing, dark joke -

Selene stumbled back, quashing the faint urge to lean  _just_  so and fall to her death. Instinctively, she wanted to walk away, tell Lillie that there was no way in hell that anyone sane could do something like this.

But when she turned back to face Hau and Lillie, with words of treachery (hers or Lillie's, Selene wasn't sure anymore) just behind her lips, and she looked into younger girl's eyes -

Selene remembered.

Remembered those damned eyes.

Those eyes, so full of hopelessness and uselessness and worthless tears - eyes that she'd seen reflected in her mother's, that she'd seen barely in the glass that separated her from her father's final pokemon as it breathed its last miserable breath, that she'd been haunted by in the mirror for months after the incident.

Despairing that that she had not, could not do enough.

That if only someone else, someone stronger, had stepped in so that her father's dewgong wouldn't just be ashes scattered along an empty grave -

Selene bit back the urge to give up and carefully picked out what she said next. Right. Whatever Lillie had done, Nebby was not at fault for it.

"Hau, you know this area pretty well, right? Is this bridge safe?"

"Well, I don't think anyone's been across it in a while," Hau said, worry furrowing his brow as he tentatively poked said bridge with a foot. "My grandfather said the ruins have been closed off for a long time, as if it's been closed from the inside. No one likes to admit it, but Tapu Koko doesn't want visitors."

"Then it might be better to go get your grandfather," Selene said stiffly, suddenly feeling as though she was the one in charge. Maybe because she was the oldest and should be the most responsible. "I don't think this is safe."

A terrified squeak came from the bridge, and the three children looked up to see Nebby beginning to cry, shaking so furiously that Selene was afraid the pokemon might explode.

Lillie let out a horrified sob, and the blonde girl actually managed to take a few steps forward. However, she stopped short of the bridge, stumbling right back to where she had started, her legs shaking so badly that Selene nervously reached a hand out to steady her.

However, Hau had already done so, so Selene quickly withdrew her hand, feeling as though she had been burned.

"I'm so sorry," Lillie whispered, breathing so heavily that Selene was worried she would start hyperventilating. "I-I'm too afraid to go out there… M-my legs feel like they m-might g-g-give out…"

"Anyone would be just as afraid in this situation," Selene said quietly, hoping to reassure the girl that she hadn't failed. "It's okay."

After all, there was no way that anyone would willingly do this -

"Okay, I'll go," said Hau, his face set with an unsettlingly serious look of determination.

Selene stared at Hau in vague disbelief before catching the expression on Lillie's face, eyes suddenly full of hope and awe and  _oh Hau, you're amazing and brave and perfect and everything that Selene would sell her soul to be -_

Something in Selene  _snapped_.

Before the Kantoan girl had even registered it, Selene had shoved past both Hau and Lillie towards the bridge, pokeballs in hand. Red and white caught the moonlight, and Watmel and Liechi were been released. She said something to them, but she didn't know what - the thunderous sound of blood pulsing in her ears drowned out everything but the fact her head felt like it was screaming and blindingly white and burning like fire.

She didn't stumble as the bridge trembled under her weight, the girl pressing forward as if the old wooden planks beneath her feet weren't the only thing between her and death. As her rowlet flew ahead, the girl pulled at the silk now attached to the back of her jacket, collecting the slack so she could crudely wrap it around her waist - her grubbin would act as a tether just in case things went wrong.

The girl frowned. They wouldn't, if she had anything to do about it.

The spearows paused from circling Nebby to size up her and Watmel, letting out squawks at the unexpected interference. The wild pokemon flew to intercept her, only for Watmel nail one in the chest with a powerful kick that made the spearow spiral down into the ravine. In response, its two companions let out angry screeches before changing course for the little pokemon.

"Whatever you do, don't use Razor Leaf or Leafage!" the girl commanded, finding that it was taking a sizeable amount of concentration to keep herself steady.

If the bridge broke…

_Well, I'll definitely be dead_ , Selene morbidly thought.  _Heh._

Selene's eyes quickly shifted from her rowlet, dodging and weaving between the attacks of the two spearows, to the gaps in the rickety bridge that she was careful to step over, to Nebby, still shivering as it remained curled in a little ball.

_Don't look down_ , she told herself, knowing that her confidence would immediately vanish into thin air if she did.  _Don't look down._

A flash of movement happened at the tip of her vision, but as Selene turned her head, she heard Watmel shriek in pain as one spearow sunk its talons into the rowlet's back. The moment the rowlet turned its head around to try and fend off the wild pokemon, the other two spearow swooped in, sinking their claws into the rowlet's wings. Helplessly, the Selene watched as the spearow forcibly spread the little pokemon's wings apart, leaving Watmel wide open from all directions.

Selene grit her teeth, trying to think of something to say that would help her pokemon.

_I can't tell her to use Razor leaf or Leafage - it's not safe. But the only other offensive moves Watmel knows are Tackle and Peck, and the latter isn't working. She's in no position to even use the first one -_

Desperately, the little pokemon tried to shake off its assailants, letting out a horrible cry as the rowlet took a barrage of pecks from all three spearow.

_Damn it, think of something! You can't let your pokemon get hurt like that while you're watching, you worthless excuse of trainer!_

_Think faster, moron! THINK FASTER YOU INCOMPETENT -_

"HEY!" Selene shouted, catching the three wild pokemon's attention as she came to a stop. The spearows paused for a second, as if they couldn't believe that she had spoken up. Selene let out a frustrated growl, realizing that her tiny self was hardly threatening. Nevertheless, the distraction proved to be enough, as Watmel used that second of hesitation to wrench itself free from the spearows' grip.

Immediately, Selene broke out into a quick sprint - or at least she tried to. The bridge quivered violently under her weight, and the movement made her lose all previous momentum. Selene felt all her bravado evaporate as she frantically grabbed at the air for something to hold onto.

"Ah, shoot," the girl muttered, Nebby's shivering frame taunting her from the corner of her eyes. However, that few feet that separated her and the little pokemon suddenly seemed more daunting than the distance she had just crossed.

Selene found herself stumbling backwards, arms flailing as she tried to balance herself. The moment the shaking began to settle down, impatiently, Selene took a step towards Nebby, only for the bridge to jolt her forward with horrible timing.

Lillie screamed.

The thick silk cord around Selene's stomach painfully dug into her stomach.

Her palms burned as the coarse rope railing sunk into the soft flesh.

In the blink of an eye, Selene found herself - her hair, her stomach, her eyes, her head - being tugged down, down, down into the rushing water and pointed rocks below.

She'd almost fallen off, almost flipped straight over the edge of the rope railing to her death -

"H-Hau… you've… do something!"

Enormous and sharp and cold and unforgiving and  _she'd break like a million pieces if she fell, oh god._

"If I get on there… Selene might… Lillie… I  _can't_."

Or worse yet, she'd end up just like her father.

"Selene…"

Leaving her mother with no body and years of false hope -

"Selene… in front... Selene!"

The girl looked up, only to immediately struck across the side of her head. Too late, Selene threw up an arm to try and shield herself, already falling over from the impact of the strike.

All the weight easing off her legs.

The sound of claws tearing fabric.

Pain in her face, her arms, her stomach that stung and wouldn't go away.

She couldn't breathe. _She couldn't breathe._

Spinning, everything was spinning, and it wouldn't stop -

The pull of gravity, of vertigo, of the water between the cracks of the bridge -

So sharp - the froth of the rapids; the glistening edge of stone; the roar of water, of her blood, of death so loud in her ears -

Why wasn't she falling?

_Why wasn't she falling?_

A scream.

_LillieHauLiechiWatmelMotherWatmelMotherMOTHERMOTHER_ -

"Selene… it's okay…"

Sharp pains in her palms and knees -  _No, it's not okay! It hurts, it hurts!_

"Keep… forward…"

_Hau, what are you saying? How could you be so calm? Lillie, Lillie, she's screaming._

_And I, I, I'm -_

"Just a few more feet… Selene, you can… breathe..."

_Hau, I can't. I just_ can't.

_I'm scared, I'm so scared, I'm so scared -_

"You're right there!"

Selene blinked, her surroundings painfully coming back into focus.

She was on her hands and knees, her hair messily falling around her face like a curtain, which tunneled her vision so all that she could see were wooden planks and the cracks in between which -

_No, don't think about that._

The girl forced herself to gasp a few breaths, lungs aching as she tried to clear the lightheadedness and nausea that had settled just beneath her skin. Slowly, the girl tilted her head up, and Selene realized that Hau was right.

Nebby was  _so close._  All she had to do was reach a hand out and -

The angry cry of spearows and accompanying swooping noises made the girl fearly duck her head down. As the wild pokemon dived at her, claws scraped her jacket and caught her hair along the way, painfully yanking her forward.

"Nghh...!" the girl gasped as her hair fell free from the spearow's claws.

Her face hit wood with a painful crack, and while Selene could now taste iron on her tongue, the girl forced herself to continue on, only letting out a single sob as she dragged herself forward with her elbows.

"Come on," Selene half pleaded, half whimpered, extending her right arm out as far as she could in Nebby's general direction. "Nebby,  _please_."

Through tear filled eyes, Selene could not tell if Nebby had heard her, but after a little more strain, the girl could finally felt the pokemon on her fingertips -

Watmel went crashing through the bridge ahead of them, wood splinters flying everywhere. Selene immediately drew Nebby in, eyes clenched shut. Blindly, she groped for one of the wooden planks, trying to push herself back onto her feet, only for her right arm to fall up to the shoulder through a gap between two of planks.

The girl gasped at how painfully the two boards were pinching her arms, instinctively jerking back up in response but -

Nothing.

"Oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no…" the girl muttered in disbelief, trying to yank her arm free. The bridge shook furiously with every attempt, filling her with more and more panic.

"A-ah! Selene!" Lillie stammered.

Selene felt herself quiver along with the bridge, and she finally burst into tears.

"No. No, no, no, no, nonono _nono_ -"

"Try and stay still, Selene, we'll go get help!"

"H-Hau! We can't just leave her here!"

"Nono _nonoNONONO_ -"

"Lillie, if things get worse we won't be able to do anything! We need to get someone who can, like my grandfather or… or the professor!"

"I don't want to die I don't want to die  _I don't want to die!_ " Selene half sobbed, half screamed. Choking on her own tears and hysteria, the girl found herself alternating between frantic breathing and pained, gargled noises.

"Selene, deep breaths. You won't. You have to do your best right while we go get my grandfather - Lillie, we have to go now!"

"B-but -"

Renewed screaming cut Lillie off as the spearow dove down at Selene, continuing their attack. Selene desperately tried to tug her right arm out, too panicked to realize that she already had a free arm to protect herself with.

"You're making her panic even more - Selene! Other arm! Just hold out a little longer!"

"N-no, I c-can't!" the girl blubbered, drowning out the sounds of Hau's and Lillie's panicked footsteps. "P-please,  _p-please_  d-don't le-lea-leave me he-here!"

All Selene could do weakly wave her free arm blindly above her, trying not to scream when one pair of claws caught her upper arm and drew blood. She could feel the silk around her waist tug harder until it almost dug into her body and Watmel squawking angrily and the downwards pull of gravity that forced her eyes down to rushing water and ragged rocks -

The girl stiffened as she finally realized that underneath her, Nebby trembled and glowed, visible teal waves of energy and brilliant white sparks rolling off its body into the air. The light pulsed once, twice before expanding outwards, the girl's heart rate spiking as it crept through her pores and crawled under her skin. For a second, the cracking of wood echoed through the night air before drowned out by the girl's loudest scream yet as she and Nebby plunged down into the ravine.

The silk around her waist burned as it dug through her clothes into her flesh, finally giving way as the cord it was connected to snapped under her weight. Selene felt herself be flipped upwards, Nebby still in her arms. At the edge of the ledge, Liechi tried to aim another String Shot at its trainer, but the moment the silk attached, the little pokemon was yanked straight into the ravine by the momentum, its eyes widening with shock.

With a horrified shriek, Watmel shook off the three spearow, desperately diving down in an attempt to reach for Selene, chirping frantically as if it was pleading to whatever pokemon prayed to so that it could become more aerodynamic.

Watmel grabbed into the sleeve of her jacket, letting out a panicked squawk as the fabric immediately tore off, the rowlet's trainer continuing to fall.

_"...These pokemon, by nature, are used to having humans around, so they don't do well on their own…"_

Her rowlet's panicked eyes pooled with tears, and with a desperate shake of its head, it plunged once more in pursuit of its trainer.

_"...In fact, there have even been extreme cases where the passing of the trainer means…"_

Selene's eyes fluttered shut, but even behind the darkness of her eyelids, Watmel's distraught remained blindingly clear. She thought of her mother, kneeling before an empty grave as Selene stood off the side, heart unmoved; of the smell of ashes that lingered in the air, in her mouth as she took the urn from the channeler; of a sea of pristine white tombs lined in endless, neat rows.

She thought of the roar of water crashing against sharp, jagged rocks, the high pitched screaming that wasn't hers, and -

Nothing.

There was no burst of pain, warm blood blossoming from her person like some macabre flower. There was no bone chilling embrace from ice cold water. There was no endless darkness, as the girl had secretly wished for everytime night fell. There was only dizzying light and shifting colors that made Selene think of a diamond caught in a kaleidoscope held up towards the sun.

Breath trapped in her throat, Selene saw her hand reach out towards those beautiful colors, only to withdraw it as a strong tingling sensation shot through her bones. The girl inhaled sharply, sparks tickling her lungs as she realized that she, along with Nebby and Liechi still in her lap, had been saved.

Saved by a pokemon.

Selene couldn't find any words - her throat growing dry as she continued to stare into the mysterious pokemon's entrancing pupils, strikingly bright against its otherwise dark face. Her blood was throbbing under her skin, threatening to burst free from her arteries and veins, and frightened, Selene found her breathing speeding up. The pokemon regarded her with such intensity that Selene instinctively tried to scoot back, only to remember she was currently in its arms.

_What_ , the girl struggled to think, the world beginning to blur and spin around those hauntingly beautiful eyes. She felt like she was flying, higher and higher, yet… why was she so tired?  _What am I supposed... supposed to… to…_

A single cry, full of delight and relief, rung out through the air, and the moment shattered like glass. Selene immediately looked upward, met with the sight of Watmel diving down towards its trainer.

"Watmel, I can't believe it!" the girl shouted giddily, a wide grin forcing itself onto her face. "I'm ali..."

She trailed off, realizing that the mysterious pokemon was now but an inch away from her face, its eyes filled with a multitude of emotions Selene could not understand.

Without warning, the pokemon shot up out of the ravine, Watmel letting out an affronted squawk as the rowlet barely managed to move out of the way. Hovering at the clearinging where Selene had been with Hau and Lillie just minutes earlier, the unknown pokemon moved to gently set the girl down on the ground, though Selene immediately removed herself, Liechi, and Nebby from the pokemon's arms as soon as she could.

The girl nervously backed away, nearly tripping over her own feet several times, until her back hit a tree. Selene immediately went rigid, and apprehensively, she regarded the pokemon, whose gaze did not waver from her.

"Ah…" the girl began intelligently, struggling to hold onto a coherent thought.

She couldn't focus, not when her body felt like it would fall apart at every joint, the ends of all her bones tingling painfully. With horror, Selene found that her breathing had stopped, remained stopped even though she was now aware of that fact.

Hurt.

Liechi and Nebby fell from her suddenly limp arms.

It hurt  _so much_.

In the corner of her eyes, she could see that Watmel had flown out of the ravine, caught between its trainer and the unknown pokemon.

The mysterious pokemon let out a low rumble, a field of electricity gathering around its body in wavy arcs that spread further and further outwards. In fact, if Selene could just raise her hand, as heavy as her arm now felt, she could probably touch one -

Without warning, the field shot outwards, enveloping everything on the clearing including Selene. The girl let out a pained gasp, overwhelmed by the feeling of electricity coursing through every inch of her body as if it was her blood itself, and her knees hit the ground with a dull thud. With one hand, she clutched her stomach while the other shakily kept her from off the ground, retched repeatedly as if she could dispel the suffocating electricity from her body.

As if to kick her while she already down, her senses abruptly sharpened, and Selene crumpled on to her side, so overwhlemed by all the stimuli that she couldn't even think of moving, much less hope that she would black out. The girl's eyes refused to close, and helplessly, Selene watched as the unknown pokemon slowly began to hover towards her.

She didn't understand.

Hadn't it saved her? What reason did it have to stay? Why was it -

Somehow, above her own maddening heartbeat and breathing, she heard Nebby, now clinging to her back, let out a horrified squeak.

"Ngh… Nebby?" the girl managed, trying to pushing herself up onto her knees. Her arms shook furiously, and morbidly, she imagined her bones snapping under the pressure. She swallowed, forcing back the urge to vomit as blood from her cut arm dripped onto the ground in front of her face. "No, I won't… let you… hurt..."

The pokemon paid no heed to her words, coming closer and closer.

Selene grit her teeth and pushed down on her hands as hard as she could, begging for her body to work just this one time.

"Plea… se…" she hissed, muscles straining as the mysterious pokemon grew larger in her peripheries.

With a furious shriek, Watmel dove straight at the pokemon with a swift divekick. The latter had begun raising an arm in defense when a line of silk snagged said arm, yanking it in the other direction. Liechi clicked eagerly in response as its teammate tackled the unknown pokemon to the ground, the grubbin burrowing into the ground as Watmel landed on their foe and let loose with a flurry of pecks.

Selene, now shakily on her feet, barely had time to process what her pokemon had done when she saw multi-colored eyes narrow into cold, thin slits.

A low hum shook the humid, night air, getting louder and louder until it rumbled like thunder echoed in Selene's ears. Golden rays of light came down like a heavy shower around the mysterious pokemon, getting brighter and brigher. With horror, Selene realized what was going to happen too late.

The earth rumbled, and Liechi emerged from the ground just as Watmel confusedly looked upwards -

A brilliant column of light erupted around the mysterious pokemon, Watmel and Liechi letting out horrified cries as they were swallowed by the pillar and the lightning that hungrily followed. Thanks to quick thinking, Selene had squeezed her eyes shut and thrown her hands up to her ears, body already trying to turn away.

Still, her eyes almost stung from the brightness, and not expecting that, she gasped and staggered backwards into a tree. The taste of smoke and burnt ashes crept into her mouth and nose, making her hack as it filled her lung. When she finally found the courage to uncover her eyes, the girl could not help but shake from head to toe, rendered speechless.

Singed and smoking, her rowlet and grubbin lay unconscious beneath the unknown pokemon, who did not spare the two another glance as it continued towards her, looking no worse for the wear after what it had done. From behind the tree she was leaning against, Selene could hear Nebby crying, a whimper so pathetic that Selene felt compelled to stand her ground for just a little longer, even though she herself was on the verge of tears once again.

She took a slow, long deep breath, feeling her lungs prickle and sting with the electrified air as she resigned herself to what was probably going to be her final, most foolish decision.

"Nebby, go," she whispered, keeping her eyes on the mysterious pokemon. "Go to Lillie. I'll, I'll stall for time."

Stall for time? Who on earth did she think she was? What on earth did she think she could do?

She was just a worthless, powerless coward. A coward who refused to be a trainer. A coward who had let her pokemon take the fall for her, again and again. A coward so weak that all she could do was watch as everything precious to her was taken away.

And yet -

Selene gnashed her teeth, focusing on the horrible sound as she took a painful step forward.

Even if it killed her -

Lightning itself danced up and down her nerves with every step she took. Was this how it felt to burn alive?

She wasn't going to sit there and do nothing -

The edges of her vision began to fade white.

No, not this time.

Her heart was now beating so fast it felt like a scream, and her eyes and ears followed. Higher and higher and higher the crescendo went until her body could not stand it anymore; with faint disappointment, Selene saw her knees buckle, her feet stumble, her body pitch foward -

And as everything became a horrible white, all Selene could remember were unfathomable eyes that seemed to stare right into the depths of her shameful soul.

* * *

For a moment, she awoke.

She was descending down into a sea of warm browns and golds and oranges, familar faces bobbing up and down among the seemingly endless waves of human features she could not recognize.

Lillie's tear stained face, the redness of her eyes making her green pupils even more striking. Hau's relatively calmer one, in spite of the unsettling frown. Hala's wrinkled face, caught in a serious, unreadable expression.

_But where was the professor?_ Selene thought worriedly.  _Where was her mother? Nebby, Liechi, Watmel - where were they?_

She wanted to move, she needed to find them, she had to see them again; however, her body only let out an pained exhale, shivering as the breath left her body. The arms underneath her pulled her closer to a strangely boney body, and tiredly, the girl found herself leaning her head in an oddly small chest..

Se…

Sele...

Selene…!

_Mother,_  Selene wanted to cry out. She couldn't even turn her head at this point.  _Is that you?_

Selene, Selene, oh Selene…

_No,_ the girl thought sadly.  _It's not her. Mother doesn't know that my name is Selene._

Then the darkness came, as if it knew of her despair, and she passed back into unconsciousness.

* * *

Selene's eyes painfully fluttered open, the girl barely able to make out a high wooden ceiling cast in warm light and dark shadow above her. The girl let out a few labored coughs, only to realize that her pokemon, though covered in bandages, were resting upon her - Liechi lying on her stomach and Watmel nestled into her neck.

The girl tried not to gag as the bitter, overpowering scent of herbal medicine and Lum berry salve reached her nose. When her rowlet stirred in its sleep thanks to the slight movement, a hand instinctively came up to stroke it a few times, her arm dully stinging as she did so. Tiredly turning her head, Selene found her left arm wrapped snugly with bandages.

The girl grimaced as she remembered what had happened, amazed that she had somehow survived everything earlier.

She… she definitely was alive, right?

Going as still as she could, the girl closed her eyes for moment, trying to hear her own heartbeat. Selene could feel it beat in sync with Watmel's own tiny little pulse against her neck, and that realization, along with the gentle feeling of the rowlet's soft breath against her skin, made her heart ache in a strangely pleasant way.

"Thank you," the girl whispered tearily, even though her pokemon could not hear her. "Oh, thank you so much…"

Careful to not wake either of her pokemon, Selene turned onto her side, finding that she had been rested across the length of a couch. In front of her, Hau was half sprawled across the coffee table, half on the floor, softly snoring into his folded arms. His popplio lay besides him on the table, its head also resting on the boy's arms. Meanwhile, Lillie's light figure was curled up into a nearby chair, Nebby safely snug inside the enormous hat the girl held close to her chest.

That… that was also good.

Feeling her limbs ache and burned, Selene decided that there was no point in getting up. However, before she could try and coax herself into sleeping, low voices came from behind her, and a light flipped on in a room nearby cast strange shadows into the one she was currently in.

"I honestly don't know what to make of this. Tapu Koko hasn't shown itself so brazenly in front of humans since I was chosen to be Kahuna."

"...Do you think it's a sign?"

"Of what? Young Kukui, I don't know if I like what you're getting at here."

A low growl of irritation. "I don't like what  _you're_  trying to insinuate, Kahuna."

The professor paused before adopting a softer tone. "...Thea, please don't misunderstand things. I would never try to use your daughter to forward my agenda."

"I know you wouldn't, Professor!" Selene's mother giggled. "That's what  _I'm_  here for, no?"

A low choking sound from Kukui was followed by an amused chuckle from Hala.

"Well, if you don't mind how shamelessly forward young Kukui is about pushing for his league, I'm guessing you have no qualms in playing such a large role in building it?"

"It sounds wonderful!" Selene could see her mother putting her two hands together in delight, her kind smile on her face as always. "It happened to work out - I wanted to move to Alola, and the professor was offering such lucrative pay for helping him with his project…"

Selene shifted uncomfortably as her mother trailed off, suddenly sounding uncertain.

"Of course, getting involved in such an amazing project is thrilling, but… all I really want is for Selene to be happy…"

"That doesn't mean you can't indulge in yourself a little, Thea," the professor said gently, a hint of sorrow in the soft tones of his voice.

"I have to agree with Kukui. Being a parent and a grandfather myself, I can understand what it feels to worry over your precious blood, but that doesn't mean you can't live for yourself. Having heard your story, you deserve some happiness."

"Oh, thank you so much… It's just… it's just that I'm almost certain that there was a better way to deal with everything…"

Selene felt herself freeze up where she lay, almost petrified by the foreign, tearful quality to her mother's normally joy tones.

"After… after my husband… disappeared... all those years ago… I'm not sure if I did the right things as her mother. It… it was just so hard… Just me and a three year daughter… Sometimes I felt like a coward. I quit Silph because all it reminded me of was Team Rocket and how I'm certain that they… that they killed him!"

Her mother's voice cracked painfully, the horrible sound doing all sorts of unpleasant things to Selene's heart. A chair shifted across tile, and the girl could only hear the sound of the professor quietly murmuring something but not the words.

"And I know that he wouldn't want me to be like this... As a PI, his line of work was dangerous, and Team Rocket is dangerous but -" Here, her mother let out a gasp of a sob.

"I couldn't stand it!" she almost screamed, her voice dying out towards the end into a pained whisper.

"I… I had to take down every picture of him in my house because I'd just break down into tears every time I remembered and tried not to think about what we could have had. That… that wasn't the kind of mother my daughter needed. But in the end, I… I… I…!"

In a low, chilling whisper, her mother finally spoke once more. "I took her father away from her."

"The one time I showed Selene a picture of… of him, she looked at him like he was a stranger…!" her mother said with a choked sob, voice full of regret and remorse. "Even now, when I ask her go visit his grave, she just nods and goes along with it… but I don't think she really feels anything - It's not her fault! I've just…"

"She…. she even hates her own name, the name that, that he…!" the woman whispered in horror, her voice trembling with grief. " I… I should have known! But she always stays quiet about what's upsetting her as if it's her own fault and…!"

The woman softly began to cry, and Selene felt her stomach churn at how agonizingly tragic, disgustingly beautiful it sounded to her ears.

"...It's okay, Thea. I'll be here for you and Selene, and so will the Kahuna. Selene's still got a long life ahead of her, and this time, it won't just fall onto you. In fact, maybe…"

"Ah, are you thinking what I'm thinking, young Kukui?"

"Well," the Professor began slowly, carefully choosing his words, "I think the Island Challenge could do Selene some good. I honestly think it's in both yours and Selene's best interests to have a bit of time away from each other."

"D-don't take it the wrong way," he added quickly, sounding likely he sorely regretted how bluntly that had come out. "I've known you both for a year now, and while you two love each other very much, you also stress each other out because of that, and from there, it becomes a vicious cycle."

"Anyhow… where were we?" he asked tiredly. "Oh yes, island challenge. Let me reassure you that she'll be safe - I know that you're worried about the idea of her going off on her own, but there's dozens of checkpoints that offer a bed and food across all the islands. So even if Selene's not the most athletic person, she'll have a roof over her head most days."

He paused for a moment, probably to give her mother time to digest that.

"Most of the checkpoints aren't too far apart, and because we always have Trial Guides stationed around all official Trial sites - even the ones currently not in use - it's not like she'll be completely on her own."

"I can attest to the quality of the checkpoints we have here," Hala chimed in. "I must confess that that was perhaps one of your best ideas, Kukui - modernizing and improving them."

"Then why was everyone so against it when I brought it up back then?" the professor asked, voice thick with almost tangible frustration. "I had to dump so much extra work on Molayne to add in features like the moveset scan and all the additional security features to convince them."

"...Alola isn't in as great of an economic state as we may make it out to be."

The professor strangled a throaty, irritated noise. "And they complained to me about pushing for PokeRides as a source of revenue when most of Alola's money comes from tourism! I… I honestly don't understand what the older families want out of me."

"They're quite resistant to change," the Kahuna admitted after a long, thoughtful pause. "I can't blame them; change is not alway for the better. But in times like these, we need to prioritize outcomes over principle - which is why I'm going to lend you my support, Kukui."

Selene sucked in a breath, seemingly as surprised as the professor, if his lack of response was any indication.

"I know I've been giving you a hard time, but you've shown me tonight that you have really thought this out, that you're not just entertaining some silly delusions that you can just throw money at Alola in hopes of fixing it." Hala stopped to let out a relieved sigh. "...You really do love this region and its spirit, and I can see it with everything that you do. Of course, I can't publicly show my support because you know how people will react, but I understand."

"Kahuna…"

"After my own son left, crushed by the expectations of being my sucessor, I finally opened my eyes to that our Alolan ways are not perfect…" the man trailed off, voice tinged with wistfulness.

"There's a long road ahead for you Kukui. The older families have already taken issue with turning to tourism and development. If you really go forward with this, they'll be on you like Carvanha. And the new money… sometimes I'm not certain if they really care if Alola strays from its spirit. Admittedly, that's what I thought of you."

"...But unlike them, you stayed - you didn't leave like so many jaded young people do… Thank you."

"Hopefully," the professor said quietly, "I can bring them back."

"Well, you don't have to do it alone," Selene's mother said cheerily. "You've always got me! I may not fully understand the politics around here, but I am an Alolan citizen now, and so is my daughter."

"Oh?"

"I was  _quite_  serious about moving here, Kahuna," the woman giggled with a hint of teasing. Selene rolled her eyes. "I hope we can see a better Alola. If there's anything within my power that I can do to make this a better place for children like my daughter, then I'll do it."

"...Thank you so much."

"I commend your conviction."

"And as for the island challenge, I think that you're right. ...Admittedly, I am a little worried for her, but when I think back to my own days as a trainer-" Here, the woman took the time to let out a long, dreamy sigh. "- I really think it'll do her some good to be free from the house."

"If it makes you feel better, Hau plans on starting his Island Challenge too. I can ask him to travel with your daughter, so that she won't be alone."

"I can also ask Lillie to come along as well."

"Oh, you Alolans are so kind! I think that would be wonderful, though it depends on whether or not Selene is up for it. She hasn't really been in contact with kids her own age for about two years…"

Selene winced. Painfully true.

"I think it'll work out," the professor said confidently. "Your daughter is surprisingly mature. (Selene bit back the blush she felt rising in her cheeks.) Also, while Hau may not look like it, he's a pretty sharp kid when it comes to other people. ...Besides, if you're still worried, I've got a ton of inter-island business to take care of, so she'll always have an trusted adult nearby."

"Professor, you don't have to go so far…"

"It's no problem!" the professor chuckled. "She's such a cute, charming kid that I kinda feel like a father almost. There's amazing potential in her - I can just feel it like a Future Sight!"

"Oh, thank you," her mother said softly, sounding as if she had just heard of her daughter for the first time. " Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart. … Now if you'll excuse me..."

The shuffling of chairs and feet prompted Selene to relax and pretend to close her eyes, the quiet footsteps coming closer and closer.

She could hear her mother's skirt rustle against the couch as the woman most likely kneeled down, probably to examine Selene once before she went to sleep. Fingers gently brushed stray strands of hair out of the girl's face, Selene suddenly hypersensitive to every little twitch in her expression.

"Oh, Moon… Selene… whatever you want to call yourself, whatever you want to do in the future… as your mother, I will always love you."

Her mother pressed a featherlight kiss to Selene's brow, her warm, steady breath tickling the girl's forehead. Selene willed herself not to tense, to not ruin the moment -

To not betray herself any further than the quick, frantic pulsing of her traitorous heart that her mother could surely hear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone is still following this, I love you from the bottom of my cold, dead heart. (I didn't forget to crosspost or anything. Nope.)
> 
> I absolutely loved writing this chapter until I got the bridge part. That... proved to be surprisingly difficult. But everything else, whoo boy. I was really disappointed at how little of a role Tapu Koko played after the rescue scene, so I wanted to expand on the idea of Selene and Tapu Koko having this... odd relationship. I hope you're looking forward to that as much as I am!
> 
> And Professor Kukui joins the battle! I was also fascinated by this plot point, starting a league, though my own eagerness didn't match what the games provide... His struggle is the backdrop for the circumstances that lead up to Selene's crowning as champion, and what sparked this fic in the place. Though, as you can already tell, Selene's ascension will be... interesting.
> 
> Thank you for reading, and until next time! ... Hopefully, a sooner time. orz
> 
> story notes:
> 
> Selene expresses previous discomfort at the thought of choosing popplio as her starter, a thought process which should make sense now. Her past is becoming more and more clear, and while I don't want her to be defined by having a tragic past, it can't be denied that the girl she is was largely shaped by these things that were out of her control.
> 
> I honestly am making up a timeline that is by no means canon, whoops. Gen 1 happens ten years prior to this fic, Gen 2 three, four years after.
> 
> Alola's not really the land of sunshine and friendship and smiles that it's made out to be to the rest of the world. There are lots of problems that need to solved, and you'll see many of the important characters taking very different stances on these matter. Kukui's plans for a league is an especially divisive topic among the Kahunas and Trial Captains.


	7. shiver

**o6. shiver**

* * *

Selene awoke with a violent shudder as the morning light fell over her eyes. Her arms clumsily shielded her face as the girl half squinted, half glared at the offending window that had let the accursed rays in. The bitter scent of lightning and metal lingered on her tongue as she swallowed once, only for her face to twist into a pained grimace.

"Gross…" the girl murmured, propping herself up into a barely passable sitting position. A searing pain shot up her arm, and Selene let slip a pathetic whimper before she bit down on her lips in an attempt to will herself not to cry. The girl instinctively looked down, wondering why the hell she was in so pain when the sight of tightly wrapped bandages made her remember.

 _Right,_ Selene thought weakly. _Yesterday wasn't a dream. Nebby. The bridge. Spearows. My arm. All of that happened. And the only reason I'm still here is because -_

A wave of nausea shot up into the girl's mouth, the acidic burn of bile making the girl instinctively gag. Letting out a strangled sputtering noise, the girl repeatedly thumped her chest with one hand while clawing at the thin blanket on her frame with the other. A wild swing launched the measly piece of fabric an impressive two feet away from her person, though Selene was more preoccupied with how that action had not provided her with any relief.

The warm, humid air did little to ease how her flesh burned and screamed as if hell itself was trapped underneath her unbearably damp skin and clothes. Helplessly, a hand clung to her shirt, right above where Selene's heart was weakly fluttering against her ribcage. The frantic beat maddeningly pulsed under her skin, burrowing itself into the deepest recesses of her mind where it lingered like an incessant buzz.

_Arceus. What's wrong with me?_

Feeling uneasy, Selene found her eyes following the soft whistle-like snores of her two pokemon, both somehow still asleep pressed together in the cramped space between her own body and the back of the couch. After she had fallen asleep last night, Watmel and Liechi must have woken up and crawled under the blanket, Selene mused.

The thought coaxed a faint smile from the tired girl, for a moment overcome with a powerful sense of relief and gratefulness. Hesitantly, afraid almost, Selene's fingers ghosted across Watmel's face, the rowlet instinctively nuzzling up into its trainer's hand with a pleased hum. The feel of the soft, fuzzy down soothed the girl, reminded her that this time she hadn't failed her pokemon.

Then her pinkie brushed against the rough bandages wrapped snugly around the rowlet's wing, the texture an almost painful against her fingertips.

The white stood out against the bodies of her pokemon with such sudden glaringness that Selene couldn't help but flinch. She took in a sharp inhale, only to be overcome with violent shivers as the bitter scent of herbal salve lodged itself in her throat. The girl lurched forward and retched, but nothing came out, no matter how much she begged her body to rid itself of the guilt that seemed to fill her lungs.

Selene had willingly put her pokemon into a dangerous situation without any regard for the consequences. And for what?

Hau's face, childish and innocent and hopeful and  _maddening_ , came to mind, and somehow, the girl managed to stop herself from letting out a contemptuous chuckle.

How petty.

How childish.

How  _selfish_.

She hadn't tried to save Nebby out of the goodness of her heart. Selene had only been spurred on by a brief but powerful flash of envy. Desperately, blindly, she had been reaching out for something,  _anything_  to prove that she had at least a drop of worth, a reason for being loved. Wasn't it funny how in doing so, all the girl had done was prove that she was every bit as ugly as she had been two years ago?

Yes, Selene was every bit as horrible, responsible, deliberate as the accursed classmates who had brought about the death of her father's dewgong.

"No… I'm not like them… I'm  _not_ like them…" she tried to protest weakly. The quiver of her voice made it clear that she had already made up her mind, already given up, even as her heart tried to argue otherwise.

"We… we hadn't meant for her pokemon to die!" her classmate had insisted shrilly.

Eleven year old Selene had wanted to scream, shout, get angry. But when she looked inwards, searching for something scathing with which she could bludgeon the other girl, she had found nothing. She'd cried her heart out the day before when Dewgong had flatlined, when Selene had been left with only a dead, bloodied corpse and not a single drop of emotion. The girl had been hollowed out so thoroughly that even breathing and standing exhausted her.

Fortunately, Selene didn't have to say anything as the principal proceeded to shout at the trio of her classmates. However, as the man had raised his voice, Selene had been the only one to quiver.

It hadn't made sense. She was the undeniable victim in all this. If she didn't make sense, if she just cried when asked to speak, if she threw a fit - no one would blame her.

 _So why was it like this?_  Selene couldn't keep but thinking as she sideyed her classmates. Though they had a decency to look a little cowed as the principal yelled at them, the moment he stopped to let them speak for themselves, the other children immediately became angry, indignant, offended.

As if they were the ones that had been wrong. They tried to grasp at their last lifeline: they hadn't meant to do it, but, but, but -

 _What on earth did you think was going to happen?_  Eleven year old Selene had wanted to shriek.  _You handed over Dewgong to someone in a back alley, for what? Less money than you get from your monthly allowances!?_

Instead, the girl only sniffled a bit more before snorting down a sob. Helplessly, her shaking hands balled into fists. Her, speaking up. What a joke. The principal began to scream back at them all - yes, Selene included - about how the scandal would ruin the school's pristine reputation because Dewgong had killed at the hands of yet another rumored rebirth of Team Rocket. It would be practically impossible to hide such a thing from the media.

Nevermind that a little girl's pokemon had died. Nevermind that there had been so many moments where her classmates could have stopped to think,  _no, this is wrong._  Nevermind that not a single bystander had stepped in. Nevermind that it didn't take much effort to have basic human decency. Nevermind that lives couldn't be returned once they were lost. Nevermind that an apology didn't amount to anything against the reality already written, protected by onwards march of time.

Rage filled Selene from head to toe for a glorious second, only to sputter and die out when it found nothing left in her to fuel its hunger.

When the principal had impassively told her classmates that they would be expelled for their involvement, Selene had almost wished she could feel a sick sort of glee as the other children began to cry and beg as if their lives depended it on. But instead, she felt nothing, and it hurt.

What good were their tears, she had thought, if they couldn't bring the dead back to life?

A frown overtook Selene's face as that uncomfortable memory came back to her, much more vividly than she would have liked.

What would she have done if either or, Arceus forbid, both of her pokemon had perished the night before?

The girl would have to bury another pokemon and live with the fact that there were so many times where she could have stopped, that her petty, unwarranted rage at a boy who did nothing wrong that had done nothing but gotten her pokemon killed, that she had somehow managed to repeat the very thing that had forced the move to Alola in the first place.

Selene looked at her side, over at Watmel, taking the rowlet into both of her hands. The pokemon was so small, so trusting of her, that it would probably very easy for Selene to give the rowlet a powerful enough squeeze to -

She could almost hear bones snapping under the pressure, and in her morbid imagination, the sound was that of a tree's rattling death cry as its trunk slowly ripped in two.

Was this what her father's dewgong had experienced during that hellish hour?

The girl frantically shook her head, so sickened by herself that she almost threw up onto her lap. Selene gagged for a moment before swallowing the vomit that had made its way up into her mouth, grimacing at how the acidic taste stung and burned as it was forced back down the walls of her throat.

Why… why had she even thought of something  _so awful_?

Her eyes began to water, but before a single drop could land onto Watmel and potentially wake it up, Selene had turned away, putting a hand on her mouth to muffle her sobs. The other gently rested the rowlet back onto the couch, and the girl was thankful to find that the pokemon had not stirred.

Not even as the trainer it trusted above all else treacherously contemplated murdering it in its sleep.

Oh god.

The thought made Selene kneel over, a flash of white hot guilt screaming up her arteries and veins. Her heart felt like it was going to explode any second, and the fact that it didn't only prolonged the anxiety, only left her feeling more and more stressed, afraid, ashamed and oh god, oh god,  _oh god_  -

She really  _had_ done that.

_What the hell was wrong with her?_

She was the one who deserved to die.  _She_ was the one who deserved to die! But she was a  _coward_  who could never go through with such a thing even though better people, better pokemon had passed despite being  _so much more worthy of life than her_  -

A firm grip on her shoulder made Selene start, and she looked behind herself, only to have a water bottle nudged into her face. Her mother's hitmonlee, quietly regarding her with its dark, beady eyes, stood above her, holding her steady.

"It's nothing," the girl said stiffly, pointedly making a show of turning away to avoid making eye contact.

She moved to stand, but the pokemon gently pressed her back down. The water bottle pressed against her cheek, cool and pleasant. Selene let out a frustrated groan before swiping the water bottle, opening it so that she could take a clumsy, long swig. Water dribbled down the girl's lips, chin, then onto her neck, though she paid it no heed.

When her mother's hitmonlee swabbed her dry with the blanket she had discarded earlier, Selene was almost disappointed to find that she still leaned into the touch. Even though she'd done her best to avoid physical contact for two years, the girl supposed that the decade before then - when Hitmonlee had been her primary caretaker while her mother worked for hours on end - could not be erased so quickly.

But when Selene made a motion as if to stand, Hitmonlee moved to put its hand onto her arm to steady the girl. Though it only intended to gently pull Selene up to her feet, the girl angrily swatted it away.

"I don't need the help!" the girl snapped, taking a few steps before suddenly feeling quite disoriented on her feet.

Selene would have fallen over had Hitmonlee not caught her with an extended leg. While she refused to meet the amused "I told you so" the hitmonlee was probably shooting her, the girl suddenly felt very childish and ashamed of herself. A wave of disappointment washed over her, and as if she really had been struck by the ice cold ocean, Selene started to shake.

She wasn't getting better. She was just hiding behind her failures, promising improvement that wasn't going to happen. She was going to waste everything that her mother and the professor had done for her -

Selene took a deep breath and willed herself to halt that train of thought.

_Calm down. At the very least, you can stop yourself now._

After a few seconds of silence, she let out a long sigh and finally spoke.

"I'm sorry."

Her mother's hitmonlee only patted her reassuringly on the back, not bothered by the outburst at all. Selene thought of her mother, of the professor, of having to put up with an emotional wreck pretending to be a child, and she couldn't help but wonder how they even found the patience to even deal with her.

Out of love?

No, that didn't make sense. Maybe the her mother and Hitmonlee were obligated to look out for her because that was what family was doomed to do. But the professor, why would he even -

_"...Thea, please don't misunderstand things. I would never try to use your daughter to forward my agenda."_

Oh god.

Helping a family he didn't know personally with paperwork for Alolan citizenship when he didn't have to, when he was a busy man with research to do. A VIP cruise that she and her mother did not deserve that he probably paid for out of his own pocket. So many hours spent on getting to to know a girl who could offer him nothing towards his goal of building a league, giving an outsider a rare Alolan pokemon, treating a teenage shut in as if she was someone he genuinely cared about -

 _"I know you wouldn't, Professor!" Her mother had laughed. "That's what_ I'm _here for, no?"_

Oh  _god_.

"No," Selene said weakly, trembling from head to toe. She shook her head frantically, trying to dispel the treacherous thought.

She thought of the professor's smile, of the way his eyes had softened at the edges, of the laughter trickling into his voice, of the tilt of his head as it turned her way. He had been looking at  _her_  - Selene, Moon, a girl who was by no means special.

"It can't be..."

Or so she had childishly liked to think.

Selene thought of the professor's smile. Of her heart beating faster. Of all the promises that she had made over the past year, that she had been determined to keep because she had promised  _him_  that she would get better for him and her mother.

"That can't be it…"

The professor dreamed of building a league. Her mother was a single mother looking for work, boasting almost a decade's worth experience with the managerial branch of the Kantoan Pokemon League and almost five years with the illustrious Silph Co.

And Selene, Selene was -

Selene was her mother's daughter.

Tears collected on her lashes, balancing precariously on the ends as the girl weakly shook her head in denial. She wiped them away before they could fall, trying not to focus on disgusting they felt against her heated face.

* * *

Her mother's hitmonlee gave her five minutes to collect herself before it did its best to smooth out her hair and clothes, the pokemon's fingers too large for such a delicate task. Selene did not say anything the whole time, face blank and unchanging.

She continued to remain unresponsive even as her mother's pokemon gently tugged the girl to her feet, allowing herself to be dragged along by the hitmonlee down hallways and into a large dining room, where everyone - the Kahuna, the professor, her mother, Hau, Lillie, along with a few of their pokemon - seemed to be finishing up breakfast.

Selene froze up, suddenly feeling very unclean and self conscious.

"M-morning," she managed, nervously raking a hand through her hair. She tried to not shiver at the faint oiliness it left on her fingers, hoping that it would go unnoticed until the girl found time to shower later that day.

"Nice of you to finally join us, Selene," Hala said with a low, deep chuckle, looking up from the newspaper he was currently perusing.

She could see the professor's familiar hat slowly turn her way, and the sight brought with it an overwhelming sense of anxiety. To the professor, Selene thought with dim horror, the girl was probably no more than a bargaining chip, the best way to appeal to her mother and get what he needed. She wouldn't be worth his time otherwise. The professor's dream for a league was one that had persisted for a decade. Befriending a shy Kantoan girl was probably one of the easier things he'd have to do towards that goal.

And for whatever reason, that thought hurt so damn much. Logically, both the professor and her mother benefited from the arrangement. If things worked out, everyone involved would benefit. So why was her heart in a chokehold? Why did her lungs suddenly lose the will to keep going? Why did the thought of the professor succeeding in his goals make her want to cry?

_Don't think about it. Not now._

_Don't let him know. Don't let him know. Don't let him know what an awful kid you are._

She would have to face the professor sooner or later, but the girl wasn't ready yet. Surely, if Selene looked him now, her eyes would betray all her horrible, innermost doubts and treachery. At times like now, the girl couldn't help but curse the fact the professor seemed to read her better than she could herself.

"Selene!"

With the girl distracted, two colorful blurs rushed at her, causing Selene to start and step back. One managed to barrel right into her stomach, ducking under the leg Hitmonlee had extended to snag the other by the shirt.

Selene let out a very undignified squeak as Lillie clung tightly to her torso, stiffening more and more as the blonde girl squeezed tighter and tighter. Awkwardly, the older girl patted Lillie on the back, letting the younger girl blubber nonsensically and soak the front of Selene's shirt with tears.

"Oh, I'm s-s-so sorry, I'm so sorry…" Lillie sobbed. "I didn't… I d-didn't mean for that to h-ha-happen! I didn't want you to get h-hurt because, because…! W-when you got stuck, I was so scared and when Hau and I left we heard the most  _awful_ scream and I thought, I thought - oh,  _I'm so glad you're alive!_ "

The blonde girl let out a loud wail before burying her face back into Selene's shirt, incoherent apologies lost amongst all her blubbering. The shock of Lille's nose pressing into her chest made Selene let out such a violent shiver that even Lillie could not overlook it. When the young girl worriedly looked up at her, faintly crushed by what she probably thought was a rejection, Selene used that opportunity to gently pry Lillie off of her. The way Lillie's wrists felt even thinner, smaller, more fragile than her own unsettled the Kantoan girl.

"Sorry," Selene muttered with an embarrassed flushed. "I'm just… really ticklish is all."

Lillie nodded, and the way her furrowed brows almost instantly relaxed told Selene that the girl understood the sentiment. For whatever reason, that fact did not comfort her at all.

 _Well, it wasn't a lie_ , Selene thought bitterly. The girl really wasn't used to physical contact, so even the slightest of touches felt foreign and unwelcome. That thought process felt like a crime of sorts, however, especially in this situation.

"But it's all right," she continued. "After all, I was the one who decided to go onto that bridge."

"Still, that was like really cool of you! Shucks, I wish I could have been able to do that," Hau said cheerily from where he dangled a foot off the ground, his shirt caught on Hitmonlee's foot. The boy seemed unconcerned about his predicament, even as the pokemon eyed him cautiously. "I know I said I was going to save Nebby, but I don't think I actually could have stepped on that bridge."

Selene could feel trickles of heat rush up her cheeks. "It… it was really a silly thing to do. I even said we should have gotten an adult, but I went and did that."

"No, seriously!" Hau chirped, shooting her a thumbs up. He looked over at the adults, who were amusedly regarding the children from where they remained seated at the dining table, and began to gesticulate wildly. "Selene just walked down the bridge like she owned the place, and she threw her pokeballs like  _BAM!_  And she looked almost as cool as Tutu when she gave her pokemon orders and I seriously think she could have gotten it done had her arm not slipped - Oh, how's your arm doing? - and I wanna be like that too!"

Selene's stomach flopped a little, and she wasn't sure if it was a good or bad thing as tiny smiles wormed their ways onto everyone else's faces.

 _I could have died_ , Selene wanted to say, though she knew that would only ruin the moment and make things awkward again. Then again, holding her tongue wasn't a particularly new task for her.

"I'd love to give you a hug because I can't even tell you how happy I am that you're safe, but..." Hau smiled sheepishly. "If you're ticklish, then I shouldn't do it, as much as I want to!"

Selene could hear her mother coo adoringly at the youthful sincerity in those words, and it touched her as well. Even though the boy had said that, Selene was pretty sure Hau was itching for a hug. She wanted to give him that, though the girl wasn't sure why.

"Actually, since Lillie got a hug…" Selene began slowly, giving herself time to back out if she got cold feet, " ...you can have one too."

Awkwardly the girl opened her arms, not exactly sure what she was to feel when the boy looked more contemplative than she had expected.

Hitmonlee finally set the boy down, and after giving the pokemon an excited wave, Hau walked up to her. He looked up at her with big eyes that almost made the girl reel and look away. It had to be a crime to be that blindingly adorable.

"I won't hug you if you don't want it," he said. "But can I do this instead?"

He reached out his hands towards her, and with a confused nod, Selene hesitantly extended her own. Without warning, the boy quickly took her hands into his, giving them a gentle but firm squeeze before immediately releasing them.

"Wow," he said innocently. "Your hands are really cold. But I could still feel your pulse, so you're definitely alive! Hey, you all right?"

Unsure of exactly what face to make, Selene remained speechless until she heard snickers coming from the adults, prompting her to blush fiercely.  _That_  made her mother choke on her drink, and as the woman let out snorting and sputtering noises, Selene dimly thought she deserved it.

As for what Hau had done… it wasn't unpleasant. In fact, the whole thing was so innocent and sweet that the girl burst into uncontrollable giggles, joining the adults in enjoying the moment.

"H-hey," Hau began, startled by all the chuckling in the room. He looked from his grandfather to the professor with his hands up in the air in surrender. "Did I do something wrong? Is that a no-no back in Kanto?"

Selene wasn't sure why, but this… this was actually kinda fun. After taking a look at the rather scandalized look on Lillie, the girl turning from Hau to Selene in disbelief, the Kantoan girl revised that thought. This was actually  _really_  nice.

"You've left out poor Lillie," Selene said mischievously, trying not to kneel over with laughter at how the girl's expression became even more affronted. "Just… just look at her face!"

As Hau eagerly looked over in Lillie's direction, looking so genuinely hopeful that Selene had to lean on Hitmonlee for support, the blonde girl began stammered and frantically waved her hands, insisting to Hau that no, he don't have to. He walked over and did the exact same thing anyways, all while sporting that trademark Hau smile that only promised the purest of intentions.

Everyone else in the room burst into hysterics. Selene looked around at her mother pushing away her glass of water, a wide grin on her face, at the professor removing his glasses so he could wipe the tears away from his eyes, at Hala gripping at the dining table for support as he chortled heartily, at the light flushes on Lillie's and Hau's faces, and the girl couldn't help but wish that the moment could last forever.

But a horrified shriek came from the front room, causing everyone to pause. The sound of crashing and something shattering against the wooden floors made the girl flinch, and she did it once more as a frazzled rowlet flew into the room, panickedly scanning the room for its trainer. Upon spotting the girl, Watmel let out a relieved cry, flying into the crook of her neck, where its tears damped her skin.

"Watmel…" the girl said slowly, shocked at how overcome with emotion the pokemon was. The rowlet shivered as it let out a whimper, and the girl quickly brought a hand up to gently stroke the pokemon. At her feet, she could feel something poke at her feet, and Selene found her grubbin expectantly looking up at her. She bent down to picked Liechi up, quashing the ticklishness she felt as the pokemon's little legs wriggled against her chest.

"H-Hau," Lillie squeaked. "Y-you can l-l-let go now."

As everyone's attention was once again directed at the two younger children, Selene took the opportunity to swipe an empty seat at the table, plopping herself between the professor and her mother. The girl reached over for the pitcher of berry juice, eyeing the leftovers and deciding that she wasn't feeling particularly hungry.

A minute after she had poured herself a glass, her mother's hitmonlee shoved a plate in front of her with what seemed to be the last piece of toast, its narrowed eyes making it clear that the pokemon was not going to accept her having just liquids for breakfast.

"I'm good," the girl said weakly, trying to nudge the plate away. The hitmonlee held the plate in place, shooting its charge's child an unimpressed look. The pokemon's gaze remained on Selene even as her mother's meowth climbed upon onto Selene's chair, leaning over to try and swipe the toast.

"No, really. I don't think I'll be able to eat right now," Selene said a little more strongly. Hitmonlee automatically swatted Meowth's paw away before the latter could even touch the food. The pokemon let out an indignant meow in response. "Still not used to the Alolan atmosphere, hehe."

The hitmonlee regarded Selene for a moment before shoving the plate towards the center of the table, Meowth letting out an annoyed yowl as the food remained far out of its reach. Then, Hitmonlee roughly picked up Meowth and tossed it through the doorway and out of the room.

"The air feels a lot more humid…" her mother said thoughtfully, waving lightly at her meowth as it sailed through the air. "Nothing like last night."

Professor Kukui, who had been watching the incident with faint amusement, let out a derisive snort. "Yeah, right. It's the same as usual, Thea - you were just too busy making off with half the betting pool yesterday to even notice."

Selene choked on her juice, a hand immediately going for her throat. Hitmonlee pried the cup from her hands, patting her firmly on the back until the coughing subsided.

"Oh, don't give me that look Selene!" her mother giggled shamelessly, looking far too proud of what she had accomplished.. "I was just trying to keep in spirit!"

"Yes," Hala agreed with a wide smile. "Your mother insisted that it would be in your best interests to take the attention off you, so she urged that the celebration go on."

"Though I've got to say," the professor chimed in, "your mother sure is the life of the party."

Hala laughed heartily. "She gave young Kukui here a good run for his money in a three on three battle while giving most of the people betting a heart attack!"

Selene's mother began cackle deviously, a hand daintily going up to her mouth. "Oh, you're flattering me, Kahuna! I still lost, and if it was a full six on six, it wouldn't have been anywhere near as even!"

"Still, I guess that means you haven't lost your touch," Selene commented, taking a nice long sip of her juice to have an excuse to remain quiet. Professor Kukui sheepishly laughed, going on about he'd never seen a hitmonlee extend its legs  _that_  far.

Though she was loathe to admit that she could feel such a thing upon hearing that her mother had had fun the night before, the comments bothered Selene quite a bit. Back in Kanto, her mother had been lively, yes, but…

Selene felt a twinge of guilt. Her mother was usually so busy with work that free time was a rarity, even though she worked from home. After all, her mother was a single parent who had done everything she could to ensure that her daughter would live a happy life.

 _This is what you've taken away from her_ , she couldn't help but think, and this made her lose the ability to stomach drinking any more of the berry juice. Selene pretended to yawn, using that moment to innocuously stretch her arms forward and push her half empty glass away from her.

"Hey, Selene," the professor began, and Selene nearly jumped from her seat. For a moment the girl worried that the man could somehow read her mind, though Selene brushed that worry off as something a bit too paranoid for even her to believe.

The girl told herself act natural as she rested her head down on the table atop her folded arms, turning to her right as she lazily looked over at the professor. Selene had a pretty good idea about where this conversation was going. After all, she'd heard the adults talking about it last night.

"Yeah?" she replied innocently.

"How…" the professor paused for a moment, as if he was considering one last thing before he commit to his words. "...How would you feel about doing the Island Challenge?"

Behind her, Selene could hear her mother's chair scrape against the tile floor, and the girl could imagine the woman donning that face she always made when she tried to pretend as though she wasn't interested in the conversation. A face that look a little too uninterested, a posture that was a bit too stiff, a position that made it a little too clear that she was pretending to stare off into space. Coupled with some painfully deliberate hair twirls and fingernail examinations, her mother was no master of subtlety.

"Island Challenge?" Selene repeated slowly, pretending that she did not know what that meant. The words tasted bitter on her tongue, even more so when she inhaled through her nose and found the air gross in her mouth."What's that?"

"Well, it's not like the traditional gym gauntlet you'll find in most regions, though I can make a very basic analogy," the professor began to explain, a reassuring smile making its way onto his face. However, it only made Selene's blood run cold.

 _Remember the league_.  _You… you are only your mother's daughter. Nothing more. Nothing less._

"We have trial captains, not gym leaders, and trials, not gyms. And the biggest difference is that trials do not always involve battling the trial captain. Instead, you'll participate in other challenging activities that require you to work with your pokemon as a team."

"... I see," the girl said slowly, hoping the discomfort in her voice could be written off as her struggling to wrap her head around the idea. She couldn't bear look at the professor, lest he figure out her true thoughts, so Selene looked past him at Hau and Lillie, who were feeding Nebby berries by hand.

"So don't worry if you're not a good battler. These trials often require creative thinking and good teamwork! And because the Island Challenge is a rite of passage for Alolan youths, the trials aren't too difficult."

"Though," the professor added with a sly wink, "I think you don't have to worry on the battling front."

Nebby hovered back and forth on the table between the two children, mouth open wide to swipe berries from their fingers.

"I think you're flattering me," Selene said distractedly. Both Hau and Lillie were smiling ear to ear as they talked, which was mostly Lillie nodding and giving short responses as Hau excitedly waved his arms around, gesturing with his hands. How cute.

For a second, the Kantoan girl let her gaze drift back towards the professor. However, when she met his eyes, Selene found herself overcome with fear and shame, and so she retreated back to the comforting sight of Nebby, Hau, and Lillie sifting through a bowl of assorted berries.

The face that the professor had been making… She hadn't kept her eyes on him long enough to remember what it was, and the girl found that she didn't have the confidence to risk another glance. Selene had a feeling that no matter what expression the man had, it would hurt her all the same.

"So, how many?" she asked, thinking a little harder on what the professor had said. Battling was a bit too stressful for her tastes, but that didn't necessarily mean that the trials would be any less difficult. Who knew what they could throw at her?

The thought left Selene a little anxious because even if she didn't have to prove her battling prowess, she would have to make up for it in other areas. The girl liked to think she was relatively book smart. Creativity, on the other hand…

The girl grimaced, remembering how she had been told again and again that she'd probably never be the artistic type.  _Just keep up with your books_ , her teachers and classmates had said.  _Not all people have creative talent. It's okay if your imagination is a little lacking._

Selene thought of the thin glaze that veiled their eyes whenever they looked at her work. The pity. The acceptance. The disappointment

_No, it's not._

"Oh, don't worry!" the professor laughed. "You're not going to have to do like fifty trials or anything, cousin. There's seven trials open at a time on all of Alola, and once you complete all the trials on one island, you earn the right to challenge the Grand Trial of that island's Kahuna. There's four islands, so there's four Grand Trials."

"Mhm."

There was a drawn out pause, but the girl made no attempt to look up at the professor. It frightened her to confirm, much less think about, the expression that he would be making.

"Anyhow, once you complete all seven trials and the 4 Grand Trials, you'll battle all 4 Kahunas in a row. If you succeed, then you're granted the title of Island Challenge Champion."

That piqued Selene's interest. If anything, it sounded much like the Elite Four gauntlet in other regions, but -

"Doesn't that mean that most people are Island Challenge Champions?" the girl asked, instinctively looking towards the professor as she always did when she had a question for him. Her heart nearly stopped as Selene realized what she had done, but thankfully her face somehow remained impassive.

The professor blinked before remembering that Selene was technically an outsider to Alolan culture, no matter her paperwork now said.

"That's right!" the professor said with a proud smile. "Smart girl."

Selene did not blush at the comment, though out of habit, she turned her face away so she wouldn't have to look at the man. "That's interesting."

"How so?"

"Well, the title of Champion holds less weight." The girl blanched at how culturally insensitive that sounded, cursing the horrible choice in words. "I-I-I don't mean that in a b-b-bad way! I just think that sort of thing acknowledges every person's journey. In Kanto and, if I'm not being presumptuous, other regions, being Champion is like becoming a legend…"

"So," Selene explained, "when I hear the word Champion, I think of the greats - Red, Blue, and Lance."

The professor let out a low whistle. "Oh, I know what you mean. Lance feels like a battler on a whole 'nother level. Even with the lack of diversity on his team, I swear that man has a counterattack prepped for any plan you can come up with."

"So I guess, I'm not used to 'Champion' being used in that kind of context." She shook her head, almost wanting to laugh at the thought that she could hold such a prestigious title. "But it's nice. It means even someone like me can be 'Champion'."

Not that it held as much meaning as it did back home - no, back in Kanto. Still, the thought made the girl smile, albeit a little sadly. So many of her classmates had childishly declared that they were going to be Champion.

In the past decade, there had not been one person who had managed to beat Lance after Red and Blue.

How many dreams had been died slow, miserable deaths over that period of time? How long did it take for a trainer to give up? To finally realize that they didn't have what it would take? That they didn't have the talent, the personality, the luck to make it any farther than they currently had.

Besides, even if you did make it past the gauntlet of gyms, there were just enough people qualified to challenge the Elite Four - not so many that the feat could be trivialized but just enough so that it wasn't the sort of thing people would be bothered to remember your name for unless you were a local - that only those who made it to the Champion would receive any form of press.

And with the Elite Four standing in the way, those number of those hopeful prospects dwindled down to the tens each year. That was less people than your average classroom.

From a logical standpoint, dreaming of being Champion was asking for the impossible. So it was funny to Selene, how on this island region so far, far away from the rest of the world, Champion was a title that most of the public probably owned. It felt like cheating almost because Selene too had once dreamed of standing on that glorious stage before the eyes of everyone: powerful, confident, unyielding -

The professor began to open his mouth, seemingly troubled by whatever face Selene had been making in response to her thoughts, when distant, frantic knocking on the door at the front made everyone pause.

"Excuse me," Hala said calmly, rising from his seat to go answer the door. When he returned, he was followed by a young woman wearing a light blue shirt with four colored right triangles on it, arranged to form a trapezoid. She halted by the doorway, even when the Kahuna motioned for her enter into the dining room.

"Thank you for the offer of breakfast, Kahuna, but I must decline," the woman said breathlessly, looking quite agitated for whatever reason. "There's something that you must know."

The old man only raised an eyebrow. "What is it?"

"It's… It's Tapu Koko."

Selene felt her breath hitch. But why? What did that name even mean to her? Why did she suddenly feel the urge to get up and run far, far away?

"Ta-Tapu Koko?" she asked unconsciously.

"Melemele's Guardian," the professor whispered, his face unnervingly serious. "The pokemon that saved you."

Suddenly, Selene couldn't think. She could see Hala's mouth moving, the woman biting her lip, the way Hau and Lillie had gone deathly still but -

"...How strange..."

On her shoulder, Watmel had began to shake, nervously twittering in her ear. It nipped at her earlobe, trying to get its trainer attention. Liechi's feet wriggled against her bare thighs, the quiet bug pokemon uncharacteristically making loud clicking noises as it squirmed in her lap. Selene inhaled and almost choked on the lightning and thunder that had seeped their way into the air.

Just like they had the night before.

"Sorry," the girl mumbled, rising to her feet. She held her grubbin in her arms but found the pokemon had suddenly become much heavier. Why…? "I… I need to use the bathroom."

Selene stumbled out of the room before anyone could say a word, trying not to crash into the walls as she made her way down the hallway, desperately yanking open doors in attempt to find the right room.

On her fifth attempt, she was greeted to the sight of cool tile, marble, and porcelain, and the girl dove for the toilet.

Just in the nick of time.

Watmel let out a distraught cry as the meager breakfast Selene had sloshed into the water, and worriedly, the rowlet scooted close to its trainer's face once the girl was done. She quietly sobbed as a sole shaking arm kept her face an acceptable distance off of the seat.

Watmel raised a wing to wipe its trainer's tears away, only be stopped by the girl's other arm.

"I'm fine," Selene insisted. "I'm fine."

But when the rowlet moved to dry her face once more, she did not stop the pokemon, too caught up in the fear that had seized her in mind and body.

* * *

Iki Town was holding its breath, and the almost but not quite silence was driving Selene mad.

The girl couldn't help but fearfully let her eyes flit between the town residents, who whispered softly at Hala and the Guardian that preceded the Kahuna. Only he and Selene's mother kept their heads high in the group that was slowly being led through town by Tapu Koko.

Next came Hau, Lillie, and the Trial Guide, who had their heads pointed down towards their feet, seemingly too afraid to look up. At the end of the small group, on Selene's left side, the professor had inclined his head so his gaze reached just short of Tapu Koko. However, the girl swore she spotted his dark eyes shifting her way, and suddenly feeling a mix of shyness and apprehension, Selene nervously squeezed her mother's arm, hovering closer to the taller female on her right.

"Don't worry," her mother said gently, and Selene remembered how her mother had said that she would do anything for her daughter so long as the girl made an effort to voice it -

She thought her mother's crumpled body, smoking like Watmel's and Liechi's. A split second flash of lightning that would probably be quicker than the life leaving her body. The scent, the smell, the sight of death -

Arceus. She would have puked again had there been anything in left in her stomach.

Fortunately, no one was in the mood to point out the fact that Selene was looking more miserable than usual, too caught up in the almost oppressive pressure that radiated off of Tapu Koko. It felt even worse for Selene - additional dread and anxiety weighing down on the girl at the thought of being in the presence of the pokemon that had tried to kill her.

Yes, it seemed to everyone else that the Guardian Deity had saved her life before, but how else could Selene interpret what it had done upon the clearing? The thought made her quiver and shake, fearful of what it could do to her without protest from the town residents.

And then -

"The one saved by Tapu Koko is that one."

All eyes in the town concentrated on Selene, their gazes crawling over her like bug pokemon. It left the girl unable to breathe properly, unable to do anything but look at the ground, where there were nothing that could look right through her and pick her apart like some lab specimen.

Running wasn't an option. Where the hell could she go in this forest of strangers, their horrible whispers lingering like a hazy, thick fog she couldn't see past? Mouths moved, but their words, their voices were her own. It was a voice borne of contempt, dripping words of honied hate. And as eyes roved over her as if they were waiting for her to falter, slip up, fall to her knees so that they could tear her to pieces.

She was supposed to take it. She was not supposed to say anything. She was supposed to deny the way her body screamed in fear like it had the night before on the bridge and after on the clearing. There was no place for her to cry and beg for mercy like she had back then.

If Selene did those now -

(Children who looked at her as if  _she_  had been the monster. Who walked around her like she was shards of glass that would cut their feet. Who did not like a breathing reminder of their own bloodied failures as useless bystanders.)

Nothing good would come out of it.

"So Tapu Koko, what do you want?" Hala said, adopting a tone that sounded too friendly. It was if he was greeting a friend that he hadn't seen for a long time and not a powerful pokemon that had fought in battles beyond the man's comprehension.

The guardian pokemon eyed the Kahuna for a long moment, though the old man did not buckle underneath the intense gaze. To everyone's shock, Tapu Koko pushed past Hala, and to Selene's evergrowing dread, as Lillie, Hau, the Trial Guide, and even the professor moved to the side in deference, the Guardian of Melemele stopped just before her.

 _Why_? Selene wanted to scream. She was just a thirteen year old girl clinging to her mother's arm like it was a good was she to a pokemon to whom her entire lifespan was probably just a blink of the eye?

Selene's eyes fell to her feet as she submissively dropped her hands to rest in front of her, overcome with fear. Just the memory of those pupils - unreal, inhuman, unyielding - made the girl feel so insignificant, unworthy, helpless. Just one wrong move and she could be dead before her brain could even process it.

Without warning, Tapu Koko snatched her hands in a hard, bony grip, and the girl felt her entire body stop. Her limbs were unwilling to move as Tapu Koko lightly tugged her its way. Why the Guardian Deity wasn't using force was beyond her, but when a wave of gasps rolled through the crowd, Selene became more preoccupied with how her stomach lurch as if she had been caught in an actual wave. Desperate for even the smallest bit of comfort, Selene's eyes searched for her mother's flip flops, afraid to look up should that be a cultural taboo.

_Why is this happening to me?_

Tapu Koko let out a bone chilling rattle that shook the air, and before anyone could say or do anything, it released her hands, leaving behind deep red indentations that stung horribly. As Selene bit back a pained hiss, was she overcome with a sense of weightlessness, the pokemon swooping down to pick her up into its arms instead.

Selene felt herself go rigid, her heart beating helplessly beneath a frozen cage of bones. Her head shook uncontrollably as the muscles in her neck tensed up, an invisible pressure pushing against her skull from all sides. The girl thought of bones crackling like wood in flame, of blood smearing against skin like a thick paint, of a life ended as casually as plucking a flower from its stem.

_Don't look up, Selene. Don't look up._

But Selene could feel her body working against her, her neck slowly turning upwards against its will. So the girl forced her eyes shut, her face scrunched together to hold her eyelids in place as the blood beneath pulsed in time with the electricity that radiated off of Tapu Koko in invisible waves.

After what felt like an eternity of her holding her breath, Selene felt herself be set down on her feet, the Guardian placing her upon the ceremonial wooden platform where Hau had been chosen by his popplio the night before.

Selene shivered as the insidious whispers crept into her ear once more. Childishly, she wondered if she can pretend to pass out, just so that she could be free from this situation that she wanted nothing to do with. But every inch of her seemed to be screaming, as if her body had gotten its own mind and was refusing to let her run away any longer. Her joints felt like they should have given out the way they trembled, yet she here remained, precariously standing like a tower of cards.

She dared a look over where the people she knew were, even as a crowd began trickle into the plaza around the platform. All heads turned towards Hala, who had come to a stop just before the stairs leading up to the platform. The Kahuna thoughtfully regarded Tapu Koko, the pokemon not taking its eyes off the man it had worthy of the title decades ago. Slowly and deliberately, the Guardian drifted to the center of the platform before shooting up in the air above that point.

Hala angled his head so he could squint up at the Island Guardian bathed in sunlight, going silent for a moment before he let out a short but hearty laugh.

"It seems as though Tapu Koko would like young Selene specifically to offer it a battle."

The man shot Selene a big, encouraging smile, and like that, Iki Town let out an exhale full of incessant chatter and excited whispers that made the girl squirm from where she stood unworthily above everyone else. Where she had no choice but to take everything in without betraying a single emotion.

_What the hell. WHAT THE HELL._

She _,_ the not-even-a-pokemon-trainer, was supposed to provide a battle worthy of a Legendary Pokemon? Who was she supposed to battle? What would happen if what she offered was not deemed good enough?

She… she was going to be publicly humiliated…

All because…

All because she had given into a pride she didn't really have in the first. All because she had felt resentment towards a boy who had meant no harm. All because an act of goodwill had sparked a reaction out of spite.

"Has the guardian ever wanted repayment for something like this?"

_Stop._

"The last time the guardian supposedly appeared before people was when - oh my! - was when the Kahuna took his son with him to visit the Ruins of Conflict!"

_Please stop._

"I don't think Tapu Koko has ever been so… close to a human before."

_Shut up._

"That girl… she's not a native born Alolan, right? Her mother had a really strong Kantoan accent -"

_Shut up, shut up, shut up, SHUT UP -_

"Well a battle needs two trainers, right?" Hau's voice rung out, loud and pure amidst the gossip filled din.

Selene looked over in disbelief at the young boy, who did not cower as everyone's heads turned towards him. He let out a sheepishly big grin, one that actually managed to soothe the anxiety that had seized her whole. And just like that, suddenly, Hau was the one in, no, sharing the spotlight with her, drawing away much of the attention as whispers about the Kahuna and scandals and a father long gone went here and there.

A twinge of guilt struck the girl. So Hau had lost his father too.

It made the girl feel a little more ashamed for holding a grudge against the boy, a kid who was just… good all round. Selene found herself overcome with gratefulness, and for a moment, she thought she was going to cry.

 _No, don't_ , she told herself.  _Not in front of everyone. You'll just attract attention again, except this time, it's guaranteed to be bad._

_You are not a victim of unfortunate circumstance here._

_You have been chosen by a legendary pokemon._

_Do not anger it._

The younger boy excitedly jogged over and up the platform, the crowd parting for the boy. The way they regarded with him with reverence almost made the girl shiver. How unnerving. Unbothered by the attention, Hau gave her a huge thumbs up and a wide grin, coaxing out Selene's first genuine smile since the news about Tapu Koko had broke. She nodded once in acknowledgement but gave into a smile after seeing the delighted look on Hau's face.

Then, everyone grew silent.

Tapu Koko drifted down to circle around the Kahuna's grandson, the air growing heavy and crackling with electricity. Hau managed to keep a smile on his face even as the Guardian narrowed its eyes at the boy and made a show of nudging him around. Hau stumbled a few steps in random directions as Tapu Koko prodded him, sparks flying wherever it made contact.

Nervously, her eyes searched for any tell tale sign of that horrible column of light from before. Surely Tapu Koko wouldn't kill him here on the spot, right? Even if she did catch onto what the Guardian planned on doing…

Then again, what could she or anyone hope to do if that was what the pokemon willed?

Selene found herself tensing up again, thinking of smoking feathers and a faint burning scent.

 _Don't hurt him_ , Selene pleaded silently.  _Please, if anyone, anything is listening, please -_

Its eyes.

Arceus, those  _eyes_.

From over Hau's shoulder, for just a second, Tapu Koko snatched her gaze, forcing her to look right at it. Its pupils were the sky in its entirety - twilight, sunset, noon, daybreak, and everything in between, and the sight unsettled Selene, who was more used to looking down at the ground and the shadows casted by the light from above.

After a minute long inspection that lasted forever to Selene, Tapu Koko seemed to accept the volunteer, nodding once before letting out a sharp cry.

 _Thank Arceus_ , Selene thought tiredly, letting out a breath she hadn't known she'd be holding. A cheer rang through the crowd, a tremor that seemed to shake the platform they stood on.

Shooting back up into the air, Tapu Koko let out a powerful roar, tendrils of electricity shoot from its body in wide arcs, plunging down and around the platform. Selene stiffened, feeling a tingle of lightning on the back of her neck as she realized what the Guardian had created - a cage. Fearfully, the girl took the tiniest of steps forward, imagining herself dying a pathetic yet violent death should she be clumsy enough to trip and fall backwards through the electric barrier.

"Why, this...!" Hala said excitedly, a tone that did nothing to ease Selene's growing state of panic. Surely, this was dangerous, right? "It seems that Tapu Koko would like our youths to offer it a traditional sumo-style match!"

A powerful cheer rung through the crowd, charging the area with so much energy that Selene stumbled forward another step.

 _What the hell. What the hell!?_ The girl thought in disbelief.  _How can everyone be okay with this?_

Desperately, Selene turned her head, searching for the comfort of her mother's face. Her mother shot her a gentle, encouraging smile, but the girl's gaze was immediately drawn to how her mother's hands were weaved together, fingers squeezing each other so tightly that Selene could see the woman's arms tremble. Following the length of her mother's arm, the girl found a hand bearing a simple ring clasping the woman's shoulder, and it was like someone had dumped a bucket of ice water on Selene.

The professor -

"I, Kahuna of Melemele, am honored to act as referee for an battle of offering to our Guardian Deity Tapu Koko!" Hala boomed, his voice carrying superbly over the audible buzz of Tapu Koko's electric cage. Started, Selene immediately turned her head back to face Hau.

"The rules are as follows: two pokemon per trainer, switching will be prohibited, and a rounds will end when pokemon faints or is thrown out of the arena! Hau, Selene - do you understand?"

"Yes!" the two shouted in unison.

Hau shot her a wide grin. Gods, how could someone so young be so brave? "Let's do our best, Selene!"

"Same to you," the girl responded, already going for a pokeball with one hand.

"Now..." Hala said slowly, letting the tension build until it reached a point of no return. "Let us begin!"

In the time it took the two children to throw their pokeballs and release their pokemon, Selene realized three things.

First, there was no need to go to the trouble of rending the other pokemon unable to battle. Not when the fastest way to victory was to force the opponent out of the arena.

Secondly, this was the first time she would be battling against another trainer.  _Shit._

And finally, even from where Selene stood so far beneath the Guardian, the girl swore the pokemon had narrowed its eyes at her, as if threatening her to win… or else. The thought almost reduced Selene to tears, and she repeated to herself that she was only seeing things, clinging to the mantra for the sake of her nerves.

Liechi clicked its mandibles readily as its opponent materialized before it, small and yellow. Selene immediately recognized the pokemon as a pichu, the sight almost making Selene snort out loud. To think the Kantoan immigrant was the one using an Alolan pokemon while the grandson of the Kahuna had a pokemon best known as the baby form of the quintessential Kantoan pokemon, pikachu. How ironic.

"Pipi!" Hau shouted. "Keep away from Grubbin and use Thundershock!"

The pichu dashed towards Liechi, firing small bursts of electricity from its cheeks. The thin arcs of electricity seemed to skip across the platform, and while her grubbin did its best to move out of the way, the sheer volume of attacks was more than the bug pokemon could hope to avoid with its mediocre agility.

Though Liechi did not seem particularly bothered by the individual attacks, Selene knew better, gritting her teeth in frustration.

What a horrible match up. What the pichu lacked in firepower, it would make that difference negligible so long as it kept its distance and remained outside of Liechi's attacking range. And with the pichu's superior mobility and reaction time, it was clear Hau was probably planning on whittling Liechi down until the grubbin fainted.

The girl's eyes swept over the battlefield, searching for something she could work with to turn the tables. Dammit, her grubbin didn't even have the option of using Dig on this platform, and she couldn't even order the pokemon to try and hide underneath it because leaving Tapu Koko's field would count as a loss.

"String Shot, Liechi!" the girl commanded, not wanting to leave her pokemon hanging. "And don't stop unless you need a breather!"

The grubbin fired a thick line of silk, wildly swinging its body to follow its opponent. The pichu let out a surprised squeak as it narrowly hopped over the sticky material, sprinting towards the edge of the platform to increase the distance between the two pokemon. By the time, the pichu had reached the edge of the wooden platform, Liechi's String Shot was now missing by a laughably large margin.

 _And all this time,_  Selene thought in frustration,  _Hau's pichu has managed to sneak in countless Thundershocks. Dammit, Selene, focus on figuring out a counterattack while Liechi buys you precious time!_

Hau cheered, pumping a fist into the air. "You're doing a great job, Pipi!" The crowd joined in alongside the boy, and the sound drew forth a resentment in Selene that tasted like bile and smelt like blood. The girl suddenly thought of an audience rooting for the hero to finish the villain once and for all.

_Focus, focus! Think of Liechi, who needs you right now._

Right. Liechi.

The grubbin had paused the attack to catch its breath, clicking its mandibles impatiently as it eyed its opponent. Selene could tell that that Liechi was starting to be worn down from trying to evade the barrage of Thundershocks from how it seemed to heave with each breath.

"Aim where Pichu  _will_  be!" Selene offered, feeling pressured to say something.

Liechi paused for a moment, as if it hadn't heard its trainer correctly, before resuming its spew of silk, aiming ahead of the pichu's path.

The tiny pokemon let out a squeak of surprise, narrowly dodging the attack with a twist into the air. The pichu then ungracefully landed face first on the wooden platform, though it managed to throw itself out of the way from the continued Sting Shot and clumsily break back into a sprint.

 _How cute_ , Selene thought amusedly.  _Just like back on Mr. Fuji's Pokemon Volunteer House -_

_Of course! That's how we can take this round!_

"Keep going!" the girl shouted to Liechi. "Trust me - you're almost there!"

The crowd let out low murmurs, confused as to why she would insist on doing a strategy that seemed to not be working. A flash of panic shot across Hau's face, eyes looking from Liechi to his pichu in an attempt to figure out what the girl was planning. Quickly, he shook his head, doing his best to regain his composure.

"All right, Pipi! I don't know what Selene's planning, but make sure you stay  _away_  from Grubbin!"

The mouse pokemon let out a cry of assent, sticking close to the edge of the platform as Liechi slowly found itself centering itself upon the stage, trying to adjust the timing of its attack by firing from a consistent distance. The pichu continued to display impressive acrobatics as it flipped over, through, and beneath the flying lines of silk.

The crowd, judging from the murmurs, seemed to be of the opinion that Hau was still in the lead, and perhaps it looked that way, but -

Selene was grateful that Liechi had trusted her enough to follow her order, as strange as it sounded. The trap had been set.

This time, as the pichu landed, the platform was now caked with such a thick layer of silk that as the pokemon moved to jump upwards, its foot caught on a thick strand. With a shriek, the pichu tripped face first onto the silk covered platform, letting out little squeals as it entangled itself in the string. However, the more it struggled, the more it became trapped in the material.

"Wow! You sure are patient, Selene!" Hau whistled in admiration. "Cool plan, but Pipi and I can get through this!"

Selene did her best to hold back the urge to grin. Plans were about more than just the immediate situation. After all, this battle would be at least two rounds long, and thus, it would be important to think ahead as well. Even if a pokemon wasn't actually in battle, their previous efforts were always instrumental in leading up to the current moment.

If Liechi somehow lost this round, the stage was already set for Watmel to handle the rest. After all, neither Pichu or Popplio could fly, and by now the entire platform was covered in a respectably thick mess of silk.

 _Even in defeat, Liechi will do her part_ , Selene thought triumphantly.  _Not that I'm going to settle for defeat._

Hau raised a hand and pointed at her grubbin. "Pipi, let's finish this with Volt Tackle!"

 _Volt Tackle? Even better!_ Selene mentally cackled.

As the pichu began to build up electricity for the attack, the stray sparks slowly cut through the silk that had it trapped. The crowd cheered louder and louder, excited for what appeared to be the end of the round.

The little mouse pokemon enveloped itself all the energy it could muster, and with a determined cry, the pichu jumped to charge at its opponent.

Selene smiled. There it was, the opportunity to turn things around.

"Liechi, Electroweb!"

With its mandibles, the grubbin clamped down on the silk facing the pichu, charging it with electricity. The foreign current jumped with ease across the grubbin's conducive silk, crossing the distance between the pokemon in a blink of an eye.

The voltage overwhelmed the mouse pokemon, scaring it so badly that it lost its focus and sent all of its stored electricity flying in random directions. Panicked, the pichu jumped backwards into Tapu Koko's electric barrier, letting out a pained shriek as it crashed into the much stronger current of energy. All the nearby voltage seemed to concentrate on the pokemon as if it was a foreign, unwelcome object, but the pokemon ended up falling back onto the platform, the pichu shivering from the shock.

 _Huh_ , Selene dimly thought. She had thought that would have done the trick.

But no matter.

For a split second, Selene saw unfiltered surprise flicker across Hau's face, his smile dropping for a moment, but he shook his head and began to speak. "Pipi, use -"

"Toss Pichu out of the arena!" the girl shouted, startling and cutting her opponent off. With a nod of its body, the grubbin fired a String Shot that attached to the writhing pichu, reeling it in as fast as it could.

Futilely, Hau ordered his pichu to use Thundershock once more, but the pokemon struggled to concentrate enough energy to fire off an attack, much of the electricity dispersing into the air as tiny sparks. The weak bolts of electricity that it did manage to create went off in wildly random directions, fizzling out before they could get anywhere near Liechi.

"But how?" Hau sputtered. Closing his eyes, he shook his head and schooled his face into a more determined expression. "Pipi! Just give me your best effort!"

The crowd too seemed equally confused, and feeling a momentary burst of pride, Selene spoke up.

"Hey, Hau!" the girl shouted, making sure to speak over the sounds of his pichu's struggling. "Pichu are classified as baby pokemon for a reason!"

The boy's brow furrowed for a moment, troubled. Then, it hit him. His eyes were widening. His mouth went slightly open without him realizing it. His cheeks flushed lightly.

Too late.

Liechi had finished reeling the pichu in, the mouse pokemon now clamped tightly in its jaws with a powerful Vice Grip. The electric mouse squirmed and tried to discharge electricity to no avail, letting out a cry as the grubbin flung it out towards the electric barrier with one powerful motion..

This time, thanks to the force of the throw, the electric mouse instead went flying through the field, landing somewhere in the crowd as the onlooker roared with glee at the rapid turnaround.

Selene felt her face go red, but for an entirely different reason than she was used to. When was the last time she had felt so proud of something she'd done herself? When had there been so many people cheering her on for it?

 _You deserve this victory_ , she told herself.  _You managed a great strategy there._

Thankfully,Selene probably knew pichus better than the boy himself did. Though the girl hadn't ever owned a pichu, back at Mr. Fuji's home, she had experience working with one.

Baby pokemon, she had learnt in both theory and application, were species of pokemon that were distinguished by their limited developmental growth. This meant that reaching full maturity did not provide baby pokemon with full or effective use of the basic skills that would help them in battle. As a result, baby pokemon were typically poor battlers, held back by their inherent physical limitations.

Thus, species of pokemon classified under this category were most common in areas of the wild where their parent species or other benevolent species inhabited, relying on their presence because they were unable to defend themselves on their own.

Pichu, for instance, lacked the ability to effectively and efficiently control their electricity. At times, they even struggled to carry electric in their pouches without it leaking. Selene had learnt the hard way that foreign currents would terrify a pichu, disrupting its ability to concentrate and hampering its already poor handling of its power. On top of the usual crying, the pokemon could short out or continually discharge, both of which would only upset the pokemon even more. As a result, pichu were best raised away from other electric pokemon, lest they continually scare each other.

Selene had capitalized on these traits, putting her knowledge to excellent use.

"First round goes to young Selene!" Hala bellowed over the din. "She will go into next round with Grubbin while Hau sends out his second pokemon!"

Selene looked down Liechi, who had turned a bit to face its trainer, and managed to stop herself from grimacing. In spite of their victory, the grubbin seemed quite worn down, the steady stream of Pichu's electric attacks talking its toll.

"You did amazing, Liechi," Selene said gently, smiling as wide as she could for her pokemon. Her grubbin deserved all the praise in the world for not losing faith in her judgement. "Thank you. Now, let's keep it up, all right?"

The grubbin nodded eagerly, determined to win as it let out a stream of excited clicks. While the sight almost drowned the girl in the affection she felt for the pokemon she had only gotten last night, Selene knew that it wouldn't do to get her expectations up. It wouldn't do to underestimate an opponent, much less one coming in fresh against her already tired pokemon.

This round was probably not going to go as well as the last one, given the fact Selene knew absolutely nothing about any native Alolan pokemon other than her own. And while Liechi did have a supereffective move to use against Hau's popplio, Selene understood that battles weren't as simple as rock, paper, scissors.

"Let's go, Marmar!"

With a blinding flash of light, Hau released his popplio with a dramatic throw. The seal pokemon landed on its tail, spreading its flippers outwards in a grand flourish. With a delighted cheer, Hau began to clap for his pokemon, the crowd joining him when the popplio bowed in response.

Selene felt her stomach lurch, finally remembering that she was under the scrutiny of so many eyes. During the round, it was easy to get caught up in what was happening in front of her or in her head, trying to devise a plan of attack. The crowd was just that - a crowd. A single entity that could be pushed to the back of her mind as unimportant to the grand scheme of the battle itself.

But now, in this short interlude, she had become so conscious of their presence. Each and every one of them could be focused on her, scrutinizing her in even the most casual of manners, and she wouldn't be able to fix any mistakes before they were filed away in someone's mind, out of her reach.

Shit. Did she remember to smile? Was her posture okay? Oh god, her mother and the professor -

_No. Selene, focus on the battle in front of you. Any and every detail can help you end the match a second sooner._

Almost immediately, the girl's eyes caught on the way the popplio grimaced in discomfort upon lying itself down upon the layer of now electrified silk, propping itself up higher off the platform.

All right, that was a start. It would help even the playing field, and now that Selene observed the opponent pokemon more closely, the popplio appeared like it would be far less agile than a pichu. Maybe things could wrapped up soon if she was a quick thinker.

"Round two begins now!" Hala bellowed, and with that, Selene restricted her focus to everything on the platform with her.

"Liechi, go in for a Bite!"

"Marmar, Baby-Doll Eyes!"

 _Baby-Doll Eyes?_ The girl repeated incredulously in her head. _What the hell was that move?_

The moment Selene saw the popplio's eyes grow big and watery, the girl realized the move was probably similar to Fake Tears in distracting the opponent in preying on the protective instincts most pokemon were born with. She opened her mouth to warn her pokemon, but the grubbin had already made eye contact. Entranced by the move, Liechi came to a complete halt.

"Go!" Hau shouted, cupping his hands together.

Selene couldn't believe her eyes. A enormous water bubble formed from the popplio's nose, floating into the air. With a powerful leap, Hau's popplio twirled into the water bubble, while forming more to quickly fill up the enclosed space.

_What the hell!?_

"Liechi, focus!" Selene said, scrambling to wrap her head around what had happened so that she could move to figuring out how to retaliate. Hau's popplio was now safely swimming in the uppermost bubbles, far out of Liechi's reach.

With a violent shudder, the grubbin snapped out of its daze, looking up at the floating orbs of water with as much confusion as its trainer.

"Marmar, Bubble!"

A barrage of Bubble attacks went crashing down on the platform, and where they landed, the resulting sprays conducted the electricity still left in the silk, severely hurting her grubbin.

_Shit! How was I supposed to see this coming? Damn it, you wasted your chance! Selene, say something!_

_Say something, damn it!_

"Electroweb!" Selene managed to get out, having no plan other than to go for the super effective move.

This time, Liechi had to charge up the attack, which gave the opponent popplio an opening to fire a few more Bubbles at it. The grubbin fired an electrified web upwards, the attack crashing through the first few layers of bubbles before it faced enough resistance from the orbs of water and gravity to go plunging back down onto the platform.

With a shocked cry and nowhere to run, Liechi was trapped under its own attack, taking the full brunt of the voltage with violent writhing.

 _How ironic_ , Selene thought, having resigned herself to the situation she had put her pokemon in.  _Just like Hau's pichu._

When the electricity seemed to finally calm down, Liechi had yet to move from its spot, and like a tidal wave, Selene felt the air, the platform, the world shaking as the crowd roared with glee, the crescendo reaching through her skin and bones to grasp her organs firmly.

_Look at that._

In the corner of Selene's eyes, she could make out the proud smile on Hala's face as he spoke, the words falling upon deaf ears.

_It took you only minutes to bungle your lead up._

Hau shot a proud thumbs up to his popplio.

_You're not actually good at this, idiot. Why were you getting so proud last round when all you did was rely on niche and extremely situational knowledge?_

Liechi, where it still lay on the ceremonial platform, disappeared in flash as Selene felt herself return the grubbin to its pokeball.

_You told yourself you knew better than to think that mindlessly using supereffective moves would work in battle!_

A hum at the back of her head, beckoning her to look up. Eyes as endless as the sky. Lightning and thunder that tasted like blood and steel.

_Not all people have creative talent. It's okay if your imagination is a little lacking._

Selene refused to arch her head upwards, her gaze pointed down at her feet instead.

_Give up already. You're not meant for for stuff like this._

Her arm trembled, but as she went to ball her hand into a fist, it was stopped by something solid. Watmel's pokeball.

Right, Watmel.

Watmel, who had been given to her for the sake of helping out her slump. Watmel, who had always been by her side for as long as she had her. Watmel, who had looked at her tears and tried to wipe them away. Suddenly, she thought of the man who had brought them together, standing in the middle of the road, looking at her, bathed in the moonlight.

_"What makes you say that? Don't you have faith in your pokemon?"_

_"I think you and Watmel have the potential to be great battlers, but I won't force you into doing anything that you don't want."_

_"Well, you never know. The battle isn't over until one party can't fight, whether that's by choice or not."_

"Right," the girl breathed. Why did that memory seem so long ago? It was only yesterday. "Choice."

The word tasted of all the anger she had been trying to pretend didn't exist, that she had been disguising as grief, disgust, and self pity. At the Guardian who had put her under this damned spotlight. At the awful children who had ruined her childhood in under than a day. At the man who had broken her heart -

No.

At the girl who repeatedly smashed her own heart to pieces, only to cry when she stepped on the shards.

Selene hurled the rowlet's pokeball into the air, the motion a challenge to her urge to give up on herself as soon as she ran into anything resembling a difficulty, much less a failure.

_It's not over. Not yet. As long as I'm given a second, third, fourth chance -_

_I'll take it, even if I don't deserve it._

"Round three, begin!"

_The road to getting better is not supposed to be beautiful._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... I told myself I would have this chapter out on Monday. I write like a snail, and I'm not too great with my ability to write a lot in one sitting. /o\
> 
> Hau and Selene's battle based around details given the pokedex entries in the games, so I took creative liberties there.
> 
> You're also probably noticing the... interesting role that Tapu Koko is playing in this story, and well, let's just say that it's nothing like what happens in the games. I've made some drastic changes to how certain elements are portrayed in this novelization, the other big one being Team Skull. We'll actually be entering a Team Skull-centric arc in two chapters, if my outline is correct.
> 
> Next chapter should be shorter, I think. It'll round out this first sort of arc, so look forward to o7: my heart in your hand.
> 
> story notes.
> 
> The Guardian Deities are treated as the highest authority in Alola. As alluded to in last chapter, this has caused quite a bit of problems. You're going to see that much of this present in Alolan politics and debate, and Selene herself is going to experience a lot of culture shock around this in scenarios you wouldn't expect. The Tapus are exceptionally strong, and the people of Alola revere and do not question their power. The names of their ruins hints at what they were said to preside over - Conflict (Melemele), Abundance (Ulala), Life (Akala), and Hope (Poni). As for what they aim to do... let's just say they don't adhere to human expectations.


	8. my heart in your hand

**o7. my heart in your hand**

* * *

The senses cannot always be trusted. They will lie to you, do whatever they can to hurt you, and you will be helpless because how can you stop an enemy that is you and only you?

You see things that no one else will. (Hau's popplio lay unconscious on the wooden platform. Not moving. Unable to battle. Victory, by process of elimination, should then go to the opposite side.)

You hear things that you do not want to hear. (The hot, humid air quivered as the crowd let out a never ending roar, the sound crashing down like a waterfall plunging to its doom upon the unyielding rocks below.)

You smell, taste, touch - (Lightning. Blood. Sharp like a blade. Bitter like metal. A swooping feeling in the stomach like a constant freefall. A piercing gaze that reeks of scrutiny, approval not wanted or needed.)

You've won, Selene. You've  _won._  Yes, you've  _actually_  beaten Hau.

So why…?

Why doesn't it feel as great as you'd hoped?

.

.

.

Anxiety was something that Selene was far too familiar with, but here, at the center of far too many people shouting, moving around, looking,  _staring_  -

The girl's body was rattling so much that she felt like a soda pop ready to explode after being shaken like some kind of toy - the thought filled her with dread, skirting some breaking point that wasn't clearly defined. Back in Lavender Town, one of the more popular games involved taking turns pumping a balloon with air until it popped, and Arceus, Selene had hated how stressful it had been. What she had hated even more was how out of a pathetic sense of loneliness, the girl had forced herself to participate.

Now, as she stood before the entire population of Iki Town, Selene realized that it - chasing after any sense of belonging, trying to force yourself be what people wanted, confusing quantity for quality - wasn't worth it. It had never been worth it.

For all her dramatics, the third round had been handily won. It had gone by so quickly that Selene was embarrassed almost. Yes, she had the type advantage, but still…! All she had done was order Watmel to use Razor Leaf, again and again, not letting up even as the popplio plunged down onto the electrified platform, all of its bubbles popped with no means of creating more without her rowlet shattering them from a safe distance.

Selene let out a nervous exhale. If anything, the girl felt a little light on her feet, unsure of what she had just seen was good or not. It was a strange out of body sensation that she didn't like, her body tingling in a way that she did not know to interpret.  _That_  realization, on the other hand, unsettled her. Uncertainty regarding other people was inevitable, but to have doubts about her own being, the one thing she would never be able escape…

"No wonder Tapu Koko is doing so much for that foreign girl."

"Oh yes, she seems like a very smart girl for her age, giving Hala's boy a run for his money. Tapu Koko clearly knew of her talent."

"I heard that she and her mother plan on becoming Alolan citizens, and I had my doubts but -"

Then again, this sort of thing was pretty awful as well. Selene didn't like the attention, this kind of scrutiny at all.

Talented and her didn't go hand in hand. She'd seen the proof so many times. In grades that were never good enough. In people who became acquaintances but slowly faded out of her life as if they never existed. In a helplessness that began with a desperate search for instructions that did not exist and ended with nothing done and an anxiety that had become her lifeblood.

Even though she won, Selene can't help but find the battle seemingly not good enough for Tapu Koko. It wasn't anything like the TV recordings of the epic battles that she remembered watching religiously whenever she had finished her schoolwork. If the battle had been recorded, she would have plenty of ammunition to tear her own performance to shreds. The first match had been clumsy. The last two rounds put together had been won less than half that time. To look at it from an onlooker's perspective…

Mindlessly, Selene offered Hau her caretaker's license, having never really needed to make a battle related transaction. The girl watched with mild fascination as the Kahuna's grandson placed his card (a trainer's license, the girl noted) underneath hers, aligning the chips so that the minimum formal winnings fee would be sent to her from him the next time either of them went to an ATM or public facility.

_Urk_ , the girl thought with dread.  _How am I supposed to go about billing people if they owe me more than the minimum or if they try to rip me off? Do I just ask an adult? Isn't there too much sensitive information there though? Ah, that's going to be so embarrassing -_

"That card. It's a caretaker's license."

"How can you tell? There's no way you can read the text from here."

"It's the way it's formatted. Don't you remember the policy passed years back standardizing pokemon licenses to match the global standard form?"

"I honestly don't get the need to match up with the rest of the world -"

Selene felt her bones freeze up, and it took all of her willpower to not let her eyes dart around, looking for the source of that whispering. She could feel herself starting to tremble, but she contained it to her weak, fluttering heart.

_There's nothing wrong with not wanting to be a trainer. Nothing. Tell that to yourself again and again until you really believe it._

A loud cry came from Tapu Koko, and Selene felt the electricity dissipate from the air, an invisible weight lifting off of her shoulders. The guardian shot off into the air without any form of acknowledgement to any one, Kahuna and Selene included. There were a few whispers at the deity pokemon's lackadaisical attitude towards its people, but the girl felt relieved Tapu Koko was gone. It was already easier to breathe now.

People swarm around the platform, and Selene felt a chill crawl up her spine. She was going to have to take that back.

_Don't look at me. Forget me. Let's go back to the time where I was nothing more than a girl no one had to waste any brain cells on._

_Too many eyes. Damn it, you all have better things to do._

"That girl was chosen by Tapu Koko -"

"She's not from here right? She had a really strong Kantoan accent."

"I wonder what it all means -"

_Stop it stop it stop it!_

Selene looked for her mother and the professor, trying to focus on anything other than all the strangers who were now very aware of her existence. She found them overwhelmed by the jostling of the crowd, Professor Kukui seemingly too hesitant to try and push his way through as her mother trailed behind him, a hand on his shoulder to nudge him forward and part the crowd.

There was a wide smile on woman's face. A smile for her. Selene. And like that she could feel a trickle of pleasant warmth in her heart.

The girl unconsciously stepped forward, though she quickly reconsidered that when she saw how cramped the area around the platform was. The thought of having to jostle her way through that crowd… blargh.

"Come on!" she heard Hau say, and Selene turned to find Hau standing an arm's length from her. The younger boy extended a hand out to her, shooting her an encouraging smile that reassured Selene for whatever reason. And with that feeling emboldening her, she took it.

Hau gently pulled her towards her mother and the professor, the crowd parting for the Kahuna's grandson (and maybe her, Selene thought, judging by the almost unpleasant surprise of how she kept accidentally looking into people's eyes because they were looking at  _her_ ).

It felt strange to say the least, standing before the two adults whose opinions she cared most about, a crowd watching their every little twitch with bated breath. How unnerving.

Her mother, in her usual fashion blind to everyone but herself and her daughter, went in for a tight hug, gently guiding the girl's head into her chest. It was comforting how the woman was shielding her from everything else.

_As she always has,_  Selene though with a mournful kind of appreciation.

"You were amazing," the woman whispered, a beautiful sort of awe in her voice that Selene wished she could somehow frame the moment to have it forever in all its glory. "I'm so,  _so_ proud of you, Selene."

Even though the girl didn't fully agree with that sentiment, the words meant so much to her, and she savored the way they sounded. Full of love that did not leave a sense of sorrow in her heart.

The professor let out a low chuckle (her heart, damned thing, skipped a beat) at the display, and Selene could hear that he was about to say something when a force suddenly pushed her and her mother apart. The girl stumbled back a few steps, winded and confused. She looked up, only to find -

Oh no.

Tapu Koko. The crowd around them backed up in the presence of the guardian deity, whispers running yet again through the masses. Selene tried not to scream, the stress and anxiety coming back in full force.

_Leave me alone_ , she wanted to say, keeping silent out of fear of the public reaction. Much to her horror, the Guardian Deity then floated towards her, as if it had read her mind and had taken the thought as a challenge of sorts.

_What do you want with me?_

The girl almost backed away out of instinct but was fortunately quick enough to remember that there were people close behind her. She was trapped in a living, breathing cage.

_Why won't you just go away?_

The pokemon reached out with its claw like hands. Selene couldn't help visibly jolt at the amount of force in the unyielding grip that had seized her tiny, frail hands.

_What did I do to deserve this?_

Something hard and cool was pressing against her palms. Confused, Selene looked down.

A bracelet made of… some kind of black stone or metal? The band was enormous, with shallow diamond shaped indents spaced out evenly across the entire length, made clear by a thin line of white that framed each one. However, one indent was oriented horizontally instead of vertically, marking a clear front -  _was that gold leafing_?

Murmurs rushed through the crowd with an intensity, a lack of subtlety that had knocked the breath out of the girl. This was not good. It couldn't be good.

So many damned eyes. Voices talking about her.

_Don't look at me don't talk about me no more no more no more please -_

Selene knew she couldn't stop them, so out of desperation, she begged her body to give out. Because if all these horrible, unpleasant things couldn't go away, she didn't want to face them. She couldn't take it. Not any more.

So why the hell did she feel more awake, hypersensitive than ever?

Her breath caught in her throat. Lightning and blood and a heaviness that made her sick to the bone. Oh god.

The girl dared a look at Tapu Koko, suddenly having a feeling the guardian deity had something to do with it. The moment she made eye contact, the girl regretted it from the bottom of her heart.

Selene was struck with a powerful, ancient fear, an instinct buried so deeply within her that she didn't even feel herself fall to her knees. Tapu Koko almost immediately moved over to bring her back up her feet, not even hesitating to grab her by the arm. All Selene could see was black, gold, and orange. It took all the girl's willpower to not let out a horrified scream at such an blatant violation of her personal space.

It looked at her inquisitively, tilting its head to the side as if it was asking her what was wrong.

_No_ , Selene thought apprehensively. _No, no, no, no!_

Her senses had to be lying to her because the world was slowly falling apart. She was drowning in a freefall of stimuli. The only thing the girl was certain of were those eyes, the endless sea that was the sky, that did not move from hers, burning themselves permanently into her memory.

There was pain. Selene knew no more.

* * *

She hadn't even noticed Hitmonlee nudging the cool glass against her face.

"Sorry," Selene said stiffly, taking the glass of ice water from her mother's pokemon.

They had retreated back into Hala's enormous home, Selene falling back on the excuse that she felt overwhelmed by the crowd, that the attention was more than her heart could handle. She had collapsed because of the stress, so Hala had urged everyone to back off with their attention to let the poor girl feel safe and comfortable.

She appreciated the sentiment because it  _was_  true, but…

Selene thought of Tapu Koko and did not want to voice what could easily be a sacrilegious thought. How could it be okay, socially acceptable to subject a young child to that level of attention? How on earth did people like Hau not break under the pressure that came with it? How frustratin it was that people grew up accepting customs that seemed strange, illogical almost to an outsider, and here she was, forced to be quiet and subtle, afraid to ask questions lest she offend someone.

"Found it!" she heard her mother shout triumphantly from some other room, jolting the girl from her thoughts. The woman walked in the room, a small orange bottle in hand.

"Your blood pressure medication," her mother said, opening the bottle.

She gently shook it until one tiny tablet came out, offering it to her daughter. Selene popped the tablet into her mouth and swallowed it with a swig of water, deciding it would be pointless to note that the medication was supposed to be preemptive and not reactionary. If she could have a little less stress in her lifetime, she would take it. When her mother worriedly regarded her, the girl gave her mother what was hopefully a reassuring smile.

"Don't worry. In all honesty, this whole thing with Tapu Koko is just…" the girl sighed, trying to find the right word to put her mother at ease. "It's just hard to even believe. It almost felt like… a dream."

A silence fell over the two as Selene gave the almost empty glass back to Hitmonlee, the pokemon leaving to go put it in a sink.

"Were you afraid?" her mother said softly, sitting down so she could whisper the question into the girl's ear. Her mother could read her so well it was unsettling. Nonetheless, Selene knew exactly how to throw the woman off the scent of the truth. The girl had been doing long before she even had a reason to be hiding her true feelings from her mother.

Yes, even before that damned incident two years ago.

"Not really. I've read about how it can be difficult to stand in the presence of a legendary pokemon," Selene said slowly. Well, that wasn't a lie. "I didn't really take it seriously when I had read it back then, but..."

She visibly shivered, hoping the motion didn't come off as too artificial. "When Tapu Koko got close to me, I thought my skull was going to split open. It was just so…"

The girl trailed off, letting her mother's imagination fill in the rest. Also, technically not a lie, but…

Her mother nodded, satisfied with that explanation. Selene felt a twinge of guilt curl up inside her lungs at the sight.

"So," her mother began cautiously, "What did you think about doing the Island Challenge?"

Selene paused, realizing that she hadn't actually taken the time to ponder the matter. What  _did_  she think about the island challenge?

Admittedly, it frightened her - the idea of being on her own. Yet… The girl thought of lying in bed until noon. Dragging herself out of her room to eat breakfast at 1. Dinner at 5. Retreating under the covers by 9, 10 on a good day. Repeat, again and again until she slowly went mad.

For the past 2 years, that had been the dismal summary of her life, but was that what she really wanted? Of course not. Acting on that conviction however...

"Selene…"

The girl flinched upon hearing the name come from her mother's mouth so smoothly, as if the woman didn't know that her daughter had rejected the name her dead father had given her. Thinking about it a little more, hadn't her mother used "Selene" earlier too?

Recognition of this fact did not ease her heart.

"How'd you find out?" The uncomfortable question slipped out of the girl's mouth before she could stop it.

"About the name," she added quickly, needing something to fill the air. Silence was more than she could stand at this point.

Her mother looked at Selene solemnly, a troubled look passing over her face as the woman contemplated what she should say. "The professor told me just as we were on our way back up to Iki Town. He said it was 'ease your anxiety'."

Selene cringed.  _Damn you Professor and your good intentions._

"Selene… if it bothered you so much, if those kids had really gotten to you back then…" The girl saw her mother's lip quiver, and it was more than she could bear to see. "Why... oh, why didn't you say anything to me?"

"..."

Why  _hadn't_  she said anything? Even as the shame of her own name had built up and up. Even as she cried, wondering why her parents had given her a name that would only make her miserable. She had hidden, retreating into the comfort that was her father's dewgong, but then -

_"How unfortunate-"_

_"To think something so atrocious could happen at such a prestigious school-"_

_"Clubbed to death, just for the hide -"_

And she was forced to sit there, swallowing her tears as the adults flittered about her. And when she gave them her name, that flash of strangeness in the nurse's eye - the despair, the rage she felt... it... it...  _it!_

It was just easier to throw it away. Pretend it didn't exist like the rest of her life. Save herself the hideousness, the questioning, the grief that was interwoven into that accursed name.

"I just wanted a new start," she ineloquently mumbled. "So I took the chance when it came to me."

"Selene…" Her mother let out a single low sigh. Selene thought of workplace and work hours negotiations done over the phone, of seeing her mother's pokemon more than she did their trainer, of a woman who had to give up more and more to do what she had to for herself. For her child. "It never mattered to me what you want to call yourself. I'll love you, always."

Darkly, Selene wondered if that was really the case, wondered what she could do that would have her looking the girl as if she couldn't be redeemed, as trash and the horrible person that she truly was.

"Hey," Professor Kukui said quietly, coming up from behind where the mother-daughter duo had been sitting upon the couch. "Can I borrow Selene for a moment?"

"Sure," her mother replied, turning her head to look up at the professor. There was a gentle smile upon her lips, as if the whole conversation had been planned.

_Shit_ , Selene thought. For whatever reason, her mind was drawing a blank on whatever expression the woman had been making before that. The dark feeling had passed with the Professor's interruption, but Selene couldn't help but ask herself why she'd imagined it up in the first place. Then again, she didn't trust her body to not betray her true feelings.

Without realizing it, Selene had risen and followed the professor into the entrance room where Lillie and Hau were sitting, Nebby settled in between them.

"So, have you decided whether or not you want to do the Island Challenge?" the professor asked.

Everyone in the room turned to look at her expectantly, even a confused Nebby who only mimicked what Lillie and Hau were doing. Selene thought of how the eyes of the townspeople would be following her down the hill and into her home from now on. Of the sounds of her mother crying because she felt helpless. Of the pain she would have to endure because she would cause the people she loved to suffer. Of having to face that fact again and again -

"I'll do it," Selene said immediately, knowing well that she was agreeing for all the wrong reasons.

But here, where her mother, and the Iki Town residents, and Tapu Koko all happened to be -

No. She couldn't stand it.

The man did not press the matter further, and Selene found herself nervous. The professor looked… well, he looked as if he hadn't been expecting that answer for some reason. Or was that all just in her head?

Hau let out a whoop, shouting "Me too!" as he bounced up and down on the couch. Lillie nodded once, a small, shy smile creeping on her face as she looked between him and Selene.

The professor nodded once with approval.

"Your mother also thinks this is a good idea, and she told me that she's more than willing to help you pack for your journey."

Wait, journey? Right, she'd be leaving home and -

_Arceus, she'd be leaving home. She was going to die._

Professor Kukui continued on, not noticing her internal distress. "However, you will need a Trainer's License to qualify for Trial participation. Fortunately for you, I've already done the paperwork."

He winked at Selene because she had always accused of him of being irresponsible based on his everyday appearance. The girl was proud to say that she did not blush, only wilted a little inside at the sight.

"So now all you have to do is study, take the test, and pass!"

_Study?_  the girl thought incredulously. Surely, she could pass a test that ten year olds could.

After all, she'd simply chosen not to get her license. Or rather, she had content herself to the idea of not being a trainer. After all, you didn't need to be a trainer if you wanted to go into something like commentating or refereeing or maybe even being one of those people who did those amazing in-depth analyses of battles on TV -

But then the girl thought of blood and heaving last breaths. Of the pain of crying until you got a headache and couldn't even stand without falling to your knees. Of how gross it felt to have your face dripping wet with salty tears and the stains that clung for days after.

Selene wanted to laugh.

Three years ago seemed so far away, a lifetime ago.

"Studying's not the hardest thing out there," she said finally, still bothered by what the professor had just told her. "Besides, you and Hau will be able to help me, right?"

"M-me?" Hau sputtered, pointing at himself with a look of genuine shock. Selene raised an eyebrow, not sure what the problem was.

"Well, you probably took the test recently, so why don't you give me a few pointers."

For a moment, Hau did not say anything, his cheeks puffed out as he pondered something. However, in the end he gave her a big thumbs up and the wild grin Selene quickly growing accustomed to.

"All right! I'll be your teacher, and…" Hau looked almost mischievously over at Lillie. "...Lillie can be my aide!"

"H-Hau!"

"Well, you're really book-smart, Lillie! I'm sure we can have Selene ace that test if we put our two genius heads together!"

"Anyhow!" the professor said breezily, ignoring how Lillie had begun walloping Hau with a couch cushion. "If that's the case, here's the plan: once you get your license ( _Once, not if_ , Selene noted.) you and Hau and Lillie will travel as a group -"

"Wait," Selene cut in. "How will that work? Lillie doesn't seem to have a pokemon."

Cautiously, Selene raised her hands up in surrender, eyeing how the blonde girl stiffened at the mention of her name. "I don't think Nebby counts, right?"

Lillie winced as she spoke. "W-Well, I don't even have a Caretaker's License…"

"But you have Nebby holed up in a bag, that can't be -"

"I can't have Nebby in a pokeball!" the girl almost shouted. Selene flinched at the sound, even if it could hardly be considered anything like a yell. "If I put Nebby in one… I'll… I'll go on record, and there's..."

"Let's just say Lillie has her reasons for not wanting to have her information in the public system," the professor explained, his voice calm and quiet in that way adults did whenever they were trying to prevent any sort of escalation.

The tone kept Selene in check, reminding her that she had to be careful before she spoke. It hadn't been much a problem before since the girl had barely spoken to others about things she felt strongly about, but after the death of her father's pokemon… Selene couldn't help but scowl, just a little. The whole thing with Nebby was leaving her very uneasy.

Meanwhile, Lillie had drawn her knees up to her face, hiding herself behind a quivering curtain of pale, blond strands. When she spoke, the girl's voice made her sound like she was on the verge of tears. "I'm sorry… There's just someone… who's… I can't… I can't have her find me or Nebby…"

The girl could say no more, curling deeper into the little safe haven she had made for herself. Hau patted her on the back reassuringly, his face morphing into an expression of seriousness that really didn't fit him.

Selene felt a familiar pang of pain cross through her heart.

_"I-I don't want to see their faces ever again," her eleven year old self had sobbed._

_Her classmates had screamed and shouted as if they had been told "an eye for an eye". One of the children even had the gall to say that it was_ just  _a dewgong, and Selene had but lost her mind to hysterics as did the principal, through for completely different reasons._

"All right, you don't have to explain it to me," Selene said quietly, conceding to the younger girl. "It's your life, and I don't think you have bad intentions. And I trust the professor."

Lillie blinked as if she could not believe what Selene had said, the girl sitting in silence as if she was struggling to come to terms with how quickly that had been resolved. Clearly, she had been expecting more resistance.

"Me too, Lillie!" Hau cheered, throwing an arm around the girl as he pumped a fist into the air. Lillie stuttered and went pink, though it didn't seem like she had the courage to nudge his arm off her.

"Thank you," the girl sniffled, touched yet still in disbelief at how quickly Selene had changed her tune."So… please don't mention Nebby in public, okay?"

Got it."

Admittedly, Selene did have questions, but now that she thought about it, Nebby wasn't anywhere as important as her getting her Trainer's License. Besides, as long as Lillie didn't harm Nebby (and given the girl's demeanor, Selene doubted that the girl was even capable of that), there wasn't a problem.

"Now that we have that resolved, let's hit the books!" the professor said cheerily, plopping a workbook onto the table. With his other hand, the man was texting on his phone, preoccupied with whatever conversation he was having. "You've got a week to ace this exam. Let's get to it!"

Selene picked it up and glanced at the title:  _The Alolan Spirit - Of the Inseparable Bond Between Human and Pokemon._ Immediately, the girl flipped to the back of the book, noting that the glossary and index were about a hefty fifth of the thin book. At least it wouldn't be too long of a read. Then, a sudden realization hit her.

Selene looked up at the professor, squinting suspiciously. "Wait. When on earth did you register me for this?"

The man didn't respond right away, furiously typing out a reply of some kind on his phone. With a dramatic flourish, the man tapped once at the screen triumphantly.

"Just did!"

Hau promptly burst into laughter, clutching at his stomach. Lillie, on the hand, was just shaking her head, the assistant was far too familiar with the man's methods.

The sheepish look on the professor's face made Selene snort. "Of course."

* * *

There weren't many memories of school that Selene could fondly look back upon. If anything, her school life had been rife with a powerful sense that she didn't belong. Everyone knew because the truth cannot be changed.

Selene had not a single friend during her entire time at the academy. Just the way she carried herself made it clear that she wasn't of a higher, proper upbringing. Her grades weren't stellar enough (not perfect, a bit too short of perfect, good but not good enough) to merit her primary education scholarship at one of the most prestigious private schools in all of Kanto.

As she had grown older, Selene had begun to realize that the whispers that she thought she was only had been real. But what should she have said? She hadn't known the truth, much less been smart enough to figure it out herself back then.

By the time she did find out, it was far too late.

(" _A life for a life. It's your father's final gift to you, Selene. You should be grateful and stay enrolled, in spite of what has happened -"_ )

All of this had driven her to study religiously for the Trainer's License test, the memories crashing down around her like glass and china in an earthquake the moment she was face to face with her study material. She'd been homeschooled for two years, so while studying wasn't new to her, the knowledge that she would have to take her exam at the Trainer's School down by Hau'oli had left her… nostalgic.

Though, now that she thought about it, she'd studied way too hard for this test.

Selene quickly circled the answers to the multiple choice questions without a second glance at each question. All of this was basic stuff about battling and pokemon care, and the first section didn't even have anything to do with pokemon. If anything, it had been more like a personality test, which was strange.

The girl scowled. Why hadn't Hau hadn't mentioned that to her?

On top of that, Selene wasn't sure why the professor had been so insistent on testing her understanding of  _The Alolan Spirit._  She hadn't questioned the professor at the time, seeing as she was foreign born and thus unfamiliar with Alolan culture, but not a single thing had come up that required Alolan context.

She turned the page and felt herself recoil in slow motion, each twitch of her face muscles sharp and distinctive. What the hell?

_Define pokemon negligence and give an example situation that applies your comprehension of the concept._

_While the potentially rigorous life of a pokemon trainer means that pokemon will often receive severe injuries, what are the main categories of observations regarding a pokemon's status that justify trainer detainment? Give short definitions for each._

_How is intent to a) severely or b) permanently harm a pokemon determined?_

Selene certainly hadn't been expecting this from the short answer questions. No wonder the professor had made a big fuss about focusing on the treatment of pokemon. Though, when she had studied  _The Alolan Spirit_ , Selene had anticipated some more culture based questions. Reading what was actually before her, the girl felt...

The thought of having to answer these prompts was exceptionally bitter to say the least.

The girl glanced up at the clock, noticing that twenty minutes had passed for the hour long test. Forty minutes was more than enough time to answer three measly short answer prompts. Selene made a face, inhaled, then willed herself to quickly scribble what were hopefully acceptable responses onto the allotted space on her answer booklet, parroting whatever she could remember from her study sessions with the professor.

Then she flipped through the booket to make sure she was satisfied with her multichoice answers before bubbling them in with machine like efficiency. With a pained grimace, Selene forced herself to give all her responses one last onceover before neatly stacking the two booklets together.

It was over, thank Arceus.

Rising from her seat, Selene tried not to feel bothered by the fact she was the only test taker, walking through the almost empty classroom over to the teacher that the professor had introduced to the Kantoan girl as Ms. Emily. The woman was attacking some exams with a red pen from where she sat hunched over at her desk, surrounded by several unsteady columns of papers that left Selene… apprehensive.

Ms. Emily turned around in her seat to look at the clock on the wall. Twenty five minutes left. The woman raised one eyebrow delicately.

"That was quick."

"It wasn't too bad," Selene admitted, though the short answer questions had thrown her for a loop. Surely the younger kids here at this school wouldn't have knowledge on stuff like that, right? Or was that something actually taught, and she'd just completely forgotten it?

The teacher nodded slowly, and Selene nervously hoped Ms. Emily's comment was meant to be a positive (or at least neutral) observation.

"It'll take me about a little while to review this," the woman said tiredly, pushing aside the papers she was currently working on. "So feel free to join the rest of your friends and the professor outside."

The girl blinked, processing the fact that someone had used friends in relation to her. Right. Alola was very big on the whole friendship thing,  _The Alolan Spirit_  encouraging strong personal relationships to further enrich the bond shared between human and pokemon.

"Friends, huh?" It sounded strange coming from her mouth. The word had gone… unused, and the way it rolled off her tongue felt...

"Is something the matter?"

"No," the girl mumbled, quickly excusing herself and fleeing from the room as fast as she could.

She found Hau, Lillie and the professor out on one of the battlefields in front of the Trainer's School, the clear morning sky meaning that it was perfect conditions for a few practice matches. Hau was eagerly facing off against several of students, while the professor offered casual refereeing from where he was lounging on the ground, not at all concerned about the dirt he was getting all over his lab coat and pants.

_Poor Lillie_ , Selene thought, remembering how the younger girl had confessed to being terrible at all things housekeeping, including laundry and clothing repair. The blonde had delicately taken a seat upon a nearby bench, her duffel bag (with Nebby inside) resting upon her lap. Engrossed in Hau's performance, Lillie winced every time she heard a pokemon cry out, scooting to the side as she heard Selene approaching.

Just as Selene sat down, Hau let out a cheer of victory, and before the Kantoan girl knew it, Lillie was already at his side, applying potions to his popplio and pichu.

In the brief window of time before the next battle, Selene silently deliberated herself before reaching down into her backpack to fish out a battered notebook. It had been filled with her attempts to try and take notes of the League battles she loved watching so much, though she had given up on doing such things by the time she had been old enough to figure out television, internet. After all, there were other people,  _adults_  who were doing such an in depth job that…

Well, what was the point?

Selene felt a weak smile creep onto her face as she skimmed one of the last entries in her little battle journal. It had been on Professor Kukui's Elite Four Gauntlet run, and the sloppy font that gave life to her thoughts left her feeling nostalgic.

The girl almost snorted upon seeing noticing one note particular wondering why people were so fixated on his lack of a shirt.  _Did it improve battling somehow?_  her seven year old self had thought confusedly. Now she knew better.

Speaking of the professor, the man had finally noticed her. He excitedly waved over at the girl, still lying on his side, and with a soft smile, Selene drunk in the sight, happy to know that somehow, her presence had managed to brighten the man's day even a little.

Then, it all came back to her, crashing down like news that a loved one had died.

The conversation he had with her mother and the Kahuna the night Tapu Koko had saved her. The speech he had given about his decade long dream for a league. The way he had smiled at her when she was able to paraphrase the key points of  _The Alolan Spirit_.

He was an innovator, a man of academia, a dreamer, a teacher, a leader, and Selene -

Selene was just a child and nothing more.

_Well_ , the girl thought, eyeing her backpack apprehensively.  _Nothing more that I'm willing be._

The bracelet that the professor had called a Z Ring was apparently a relic from the times of Alola's founding. While Selene wanted nothing to do with an vaunted item like that, the girl knew that, given its significance, she could not turn such a gift down, especially from the guardian deity itself. Nevertheless, she tried to have as little to do with it as possible.

Selene had first put the Z Ring into a plain little box before hiding it away in the furthest corner of her closet, hoping that it would stay there for a long, long time. When she had awoken the next day, the bracelet had found itself onto her right wrist. The box and lid were scattered on the floor. The closet door and window were carelessly left open.

Selene had done the only logical thing: scream as if she was being murdered. Hitmonlee had come through bursting through the connected bathroom, years of experience making the pokemon adept at not tearing the door down off its hinges. Her mother followed close behind, but the two only found a thirteen year old girl regarding the Z Ring on her person as if it was a death sentence.

So, Selene tried to compromise instead. The Z Ring now had a place of honor on her bed stand, but the girl expressed no to put it on. However, whenever she had left the house, heading down to the professor's to study, the damned Z Ring would somehow be in her pockets, in her hood, in her backpack - just anywhere on her person.

At one point during the week, Selene had almost contemplated tearing her own hair out. Why was Tapu Koko going out of its way to harass her like this? What did it hope to gain from such a thing?

From the stories the Kantoan had heard, it had been considered a miracle that Hala managed to summon Tapu Koko one instance after the time it had chosen the man as Kahuna. For a Guardian Deity to go out of its way to do such things for her on a seemingly daily basis…

The girl shivered.

Selene didn't even want to know about, much less be involved with the pokemon's intentions. All the staring that she had gotten when she had made the mistake of visiting Iki Town had terrified the girl so much that she had collapsed when it had become too much to bear, only reminding her of that time two years ago. Tapu Koko had appeared almost right away, much to the girl's horror, and it only stressed the Kantoan out even more.

After that incident, Hala had told the residents of Iki Town that while they could speak of Tapu Koko's return, they could not reveal the girl's identity for the sake of her peace and mind. Selene had doubts that such an informal demand would have any impact, but for whatever reason, everyone had taken his request very seriously, even the children.

It was Tapu Koko, the professor explained later.

_"If causing you mild distress can bring Tapu Koko to your side, then no one will want to do anything that might provoke the guardian deity's wrath. The attachment that Tapu Koko has shown… is unprecedented to say the least in Alolan history, except for the very first Alolans, the originators of the royal family itself."_

Selene… didn't like the implications of that either.

As a result, the girl had spent the rest of the week hiding away in her room or at the professor's, studying for her trainer's license to avoid even thinking about the painfully constant presence of the guardian deity and all the grief that would come with its arrival.

Even now, Selene knew that it was best to keep the attention off herself. The girl rummaged through her backpack for a pen so that she could take notes on her previous battle with Hau and the ones he was currently doing. With her head buried in her notes, hopefully she wouldn't have to talk to any of the school children long enough for them to remember her face. Lillie, of all people, proved to be a better talking partner whenever a student did come over to their bench, even though the blonde girl often stuttered and rambled on in response to the attention.

Fortunately, Selene's meticulous note taking had warded off anyone approaching her, though the professor had stopped by once to grab a water bottle. He ruffled Selene's hair affectionately as he usually did, but over the course of a week, the girl had grown used to his presence and how the man entered and left her bubble of personal space seamlessly.

"It's not everyday that I see someone as studious as you around here, little lady. Are you a new transfer student?"

Selene jolted in her seat, startled by the new voice coming from behind her. She turned around, only to come face to face with the prettiest teenager she had ever laid eyes upon. Somehow, the boy made stylized pink hair, a patterned brown sweater, and crisp white dress shirt and pants look classy.

The girl didn't remember what she had said in response to his question. Hopefully, there had been something faintly coherent in the undignified sputter she had let out. Suddenly, the Alolan form of greeting came back to her, and in a panic, Selene jumped to her feet, bowing low in apology for her lack of manners.

Wait, she'd gotten the order mixed up.

"A-Alola," the girl sputtered as she shakily waved at the older boy in the customary way.

From the quirk of his brow, Selene could tell that her Kantoan accent, stiff and sharp, had been disgustingly obvious. The girl internally bewailed the fact that she hadn't understood what Hau and the Professor had said was off about her pronunciation. Did she really sound like she'd come across a dead body to them?

"To think that someone from a foreign region has come all the way  _here_  to study!" Excitement was rapidly building up in his voice, and Selene apprehensively regarded him like a dam ready to burst with water, unsure of what to say.

"So," the teen continued, voice dripping with so much unfiltered interest that Selene nearly choked on the sound, "what are you doing that's managed to command your attention over the battle in front of you?"

"Actually, I'm taking notes on the battle -"

The older boy suddenly took on the expression of a kid who had been told that he had won a lifetime's supply of candy. His resemblance to the children she had known back in Lavender Town - so full of the energy that they would run around like headless chickens for the rest of the day- was startling to say the least.

"Can I see them?"

Hesitantly, Selene scooted over on the bench so that the teenager could sit down next to her. Almost immediately, he leaned over so he could peer at what she had written, his dark eyes skimming over the words at a breakneck pace.

"So, you're taking notes on Hau?"

Selene wanted to raise an eyebrow but remembered that as grandson of the Kahuna, there was probably good reason for people to know the boy's name.

The older boy let out a pleased hum. "I have to say that I'm impressed. On top of transcribing his orders, you have speculation on what he intends to do versus how you yourself would have proceeded."

"Not to mention, you've been trying to figure out the plan of his opponent. A person like you…" The teen looked at her thoughtfully, something that weirded Selene out quite a bit. "Your solution to battles is to figure out what your opponent is thinking, their reasoning so that you can act to counter that. Most kids your age are more focused on the outcome of winning than what it actually takes to get there."

He paused for a moment, shaking his head as he realized he was getting a bit ahead of himself.

"Not that I'm trying to overflatter you of course. A trainer like you does well against strategies you can understand, but if you run into something you didn't expect, an element you didn't account for, you panic. ...Am I right?"

The girl winced, not sure how she felt about having her thought process read like an open book.

"Y-yes. Being able to focus on the small details is both a strength and weakness." Selene conceded, remembering how her confidence had crumbled to pieces the moment Hau's popplio revealed its unique Bubble attack. "Sometimes, you lose sight of the big picture."

"But there's no perfect strategy," the girl continued heatedly, not sure why she was feeling defensive. "Each one has its strengths and weaknesses, so a trainer should adopt the appropriate strategy based on the situation."

The older boy raised an eyebrow delicately. "Is there any trainer you're thinking of in particular?"

"Champion Lance," the Kantoan girl answered immediately, taking his question as a challenge of sorts. "Because he runs a monotype team, the weaknesses of his pokemon are much more consistent, which means he can focus on specific strategies on an individual basis to address them."

A thoughtful hum was his only response for a moment. "Definitely a good example, but…"

Selene looked at him apprehensively, wondering what he would throw at her next.

"Lance has his dragonites specialized for using specific types of moves so he counter certain pokemon. What happens, if say, a dragonite that he needs is already down?"

Selene was about to respond to that when an amused shout came from afar.

"Hey! Don't pick on Selene, Ilima! Come back when you decide to become a teacher before you heckle the students!"

Professor Kukui was now jogging over to the two, a pleased grin overtaking his face.

The boy the man called Ilima nodded once in acknowledgement. "Professor."

"So, what brings the Trainer's School Prince back to primary education?"

"I heard you that you would be coming down to the city so I wanted to get a chance to talk to you. You know, I heard rumors that Tapu -"

"Wait, did you introduce yourself to Selene?" the professor asked, shaking his head as if he was used to dealing with this sort of thing. "Knowing you, you probably were more interested in her notes."

Ilima gave the Kantoan girl an blinding smile, the brilliance of it making her wheeze. "Pardon my manners. As you already know, I'm Ilima, the sole Trial Captain on Melemele."

"Selene," she said awkwardly. "I moved here from Kanto."

"Moved?"

"Y-yeah?"

The girl was more than startled to say the least when the trial captain had scooted right over to her, eyes gleaming with glee. "Does that mean you're taking the Island Challenge?"

Professor Kukui swatted Ilima with his hat, using his other hand to gently nudge the teenager away to give Selene some space.

"Slow down, you battle maniac!" he chuckled lightly. "Ilima's a good kid, Selene. He's just…"

The man snorted as he paused to regard the teenager. "Well."

"I can't help it if I love battles so much," Ilima said with a dramatic sigh. "Which reminds me - I heard that at the last Guardian Festival, an offering battle was done with Tapu Koko as its audience. You were there, weren't you, Professor?"

"Ilima, focus! Anyhow, Selene and her mother are immigrating to Alola, so she'll be taking on the Island Challenge as an future Alolan citizen."

The boy smiled winningly at Selene, and she silently bemoaned the unfairness of Ilima being far prettier than she could ever dream of being. "It's always nice to have a new face around here, much less someone who seems to appreciate battles to the extent I do."

"I guess?" the Kantoan said nervously, now increasingly on edge at the mentions of Tapu Koko and the implications of Ilima's Trial Captain status.

The professor seemed to notice the girl's discomfort because he leaned down to whisper into Ilima's ear. The boy's face did not change from its easy going smile, but he nodded once without any protest.

"Well, if I'm not imposing," Ilima began eagerly, leaning over with much more respect for Selene's personal space this time. "Could I ask a battle of you, Selene?"

The girl blinked a few times, trying to process what he had said. In all honesty, Selene hadn't been expecting to be doing any battling, but she felt a little put on the spot, pressured to say yes.

"Selene Eglantine! Please come to the Ms. Emily's office!"

The blare of the PA now left the girl's blood running ice water cold for a far worse reason. Something about the whole test had felt off, but… this…

This seemed to be a confirmation of all the things that had been troubling the girl in the back of her mind the whole time.

"Well," Lillie said cautiously. "Did you do something to get yourself in trouble?" In the corner of her eyes, Selene saw the younger girl cringe at how poorly that had come out, but that was the least of her worries at this point.

"No, it's should just be my results."

The blonde did not seem reassured by that comment, and with concern furrowing her brow, Lillie watched quietly along with the Professor and Ilima as Selene slowly rose from her seat. Lillie's thinly veiled doubt didn't trouble Selene.

After all, Selene herself didn't particularly believe what she had said either.

* * *

"You know why I've called you up here, right?"

Selene stiffly nodded, feeling her whole body go numb. Standing before Ms. Emily's desk brought back bad memories of two years ago.

But this time, she was alone. There was no else at fault here. Mistakes are a part of life but -

It can be  _so_  hard to have them pointed out by others.

"That test was administered because -"

"Because of my record," Selene finished quietly, the words less painful coming from her own mouth.

The teacher sighed, regarding her with pity almost. Uncomfortably, the woman pushed at her glasses, trying to build up the courage for what she was going to tell Selene next.

"The pokemon death on your record has been established as not your doing, intentionally or unintentionally, but -

Selene couldn't help but grimace. Wherever a "but" was involved, the girl had learnt to disregard everything that came before it.

"I am required by Alolan law to information you that, due to strict native policy regarding the ethical treatment of pokemon, it will remain on your permanent record."

_Why does it hurt._

"... Even though you've changed citizenship and are applying as an Alolan pokemon trainer."

_You know this was going to happen._

"Even though you're a minor."

_You have no right to cry._

"Do you understand?"

"Yes," the girl said hoarsely, looking past Ms. Emily. The woman's expression of unrestrained pity did nothing to ease the turmoil that had been dug up from its grave. "I… I understand."

_I wish I didn't._

"Um," Selene began slowly, an unsettling realization coming to mind. "How bad would that sort of thing look on my record?"

The woman didn't say anything.

_She can't say anything without it hurting me even more_ , Selene realized bitterly.  _That bad, huh?_

Miss Emily looked at her sadly, and it only made the girl internally simmer with something akin to a sorrowful flavor of resentment. "Given the circumstances that were described, I know it may seem to you like you're being punished, but -"

"No. It makes sense."

"...Would you like to talk about it?"

Ms. Emily only meant good, Selene could tell that much. Rationally, she knew it.

Nonetheless, Selene thought of a principal who cared more about the school's reputations than the students. People who had bigger things to worry about than a child whose grief they would forget in weeks, days, hours even. Pity and sympathy that was only meant as a polite formality.

"No."

"Well, I just need your Caretaker's License," the woman said quietly. The glare of the lights shining off her glasses could not adequately hide the mournful tinge to her eyes. Selene felt something stir within her - this couldn't be easy for the teacher either.

"Give me ten minutes, and you'll have your trainer's license."

Selene bowed lowly, a vestige of her private school upbringing that she had never been able to rid herself of. "Thank you so much for helping me."

"Now, if you'll excuse me…" the girl mumbled distantly.

Selene turned right around and made a beeline for the door. She shoved her way through, doing her best to ignore anything else that Ms. Emily tried to say. She didn't want to hear any of it. She didn't need any of it.

Selene descended the stairs, footsteps getting heavier and faster. She was falling, even though she was still standing. Her eyes could barely make sense of her surroundings, which remained unfocused and disorienting. Selene felt so suffocated in this damned building, just like when -

"Selene!"

The girl froze in her tracks, her heart impaled upon a spike of increased blood pressure. Oh  _no_.

Professor Kukui. A face full of distress as if he had been informed she had a legitimately serious condition. Running towards her as if his life depended on it. As if she was more to him than a means to the end he wished to achieve for Alola.

What… what was wrong with him?

Much worse.  _So_  much worse than two years ago because she didn't have any friends then. But now, the professor was here, and he could see all her shame and foolishness and -

_They were all staring at her. The students she kept passing in the hallways. Why?_

_Why why why why were they looking at her like she had blood on her hands she was the victim she had been harassed why didn't you guys do anything you knew it was wrong bu was the monster for getting 3 students expelled why am I hideous what did I do wrong tell me tell me tell me dammit what did I do to deserve I'll apologize I'll repent so please stop looking at me like that I'm so lonely help me help me help ME -_

Selene did the one thing she wished that she should have done back then: she broke into a mad dash towards the back door. The professor let out a shocked shout, but the girl ignored him, nearly falling over as she throw herself at the double doors and forced them open.

There were a few students messing around with their pokemon on the playground. Selene ignored them. They didn't matter. The crazy girl they had seen at school wouldn't matter to them for longer than a week. They would forget her eventually, just like everyone back home had.

_"Young lady, are you considering transferring to our prestigious school?" the man had asked, eyeing the exotic rowlet perched on her shoulder in a way the girl found very uncomfortable._

_Twelve year old Selene did her best not to stare in bewilderment at the man who had been her principal only a year before._

_She looked away._

_"Maybe," she lied. "If I can get in."_

There was a forested area just beyond the boundaries of the playground, no fence separating the school grounds from the wild. Selene stumbled over the enormous root of a tree and proceeded to trip over her own feet, taking a nasty fall that scraping her exposed knees and arms.

Blood began to pool where the skin had peeled off, stinging painfully as the flesh underneath was exposed to the air. Selene stared at the sight with a unpleasant, familiar kind of terror.

_When the police had found her father's dewgong, the eleven year old girl had all but thrown herself at the pokemon before anyone could stop her. Selene was confused to feel something dampen her skin and clothes, and when she pulled away, the girl found herself stained from head to toe with dark, dark red._

_"What… what is this?" she had fearfully asked, unable to process what she was seeing._

_Someone had said it was blood. Selene wasn't sure who because after that, the girl had begun to scream as if she was the one who was being murdered._

Something was dripping from her face.

Why… why was she crying?

She deserved this. She was horrible, pathetic, worthless -

Selene helplessly watched as her tears dripped off her chin, mixing with her own blood on the dirt. It was a sight that she'd had the misfortune of experiencing firsthand years before.

That revelation plunged the girl further into hysterics. She cried even harder, unsure of what she was crying for anymore. It became a scream for just a second before the girl bit down on her own forearm in a desperate attempt to muffle the disgusting sound.

No. It wouldn't do to attract more attention. Worthless piece of shit. Waste of time.

She let out a gross sob, even trying to turn away as the professor had finally caught up to her. The man hesitantly knelt besides her, one of his large hands reassuringly stroking her back. Even so, Selene childishly shook her head as the man gently touched her chin over and over again, trying coax her into relaxing her jaw's bloody grip on her arm.

The sharp, pained inhale he let out when she finally released it struck Selene in a way the girl couldn't understand. However, the unfamiliarity of the gesture (full of sorrow and shock that only made Selene want to cry even harder) had somehow convinced her that, in spite of how much she felt herself quiver, it was all right for the girl to lean in closer when he pulled her into a tight hug.

* * *

"You all right?"

Selene blinked, and when her vision came into focus, she found the professor kneeling before her, gently swabbing the drying blood off her knee and calf. Instinctively, she felt herself tense up, but when the man paused, still not looking up at her, the girl forced herself to let out a slow, long breath.

_He's doing it because he cares, even if it's not for the reasons you want -_

From her seat on the infirmary cot, the girl crushed the disappointment she felt underneath an immense feeling of shame. The simple silver ring on his finger that should have chased her off like a spiritual ward. Fifteen years.  _Fifteen years_ that drew a wide, painfully clear line between them - child and adult. Kindness that she had greedily, selfishly used to fuel the delusions in her heart.

_What I want is not what I actually need. What I want is... not even right._

"It's all right," Selene mumbled. "I can do this myself. You've already done enough carrying me here."

It was silly. What would even come of her feelings? All Selene could see and feel were the way her clothes and hair clung to each other as she tried to reassure herself that she looked acceptable, the way her skin burned like she had stepped out into the sun, and the childish joy that fluttered beneath her ribcage like a bird in a cage yearning to be set free.

All Selene could do was repeat the past and present over and over again in her head, because she knew deep down that for everything that the professor had brought out of the girl, there was no future. And in spite of knowing this, she was selfish, childish to let herself be hurt later just because she was weak. She was aching now and couldn't bear it.

Again. She was relying too much on the professor. Was he just another worn out crutch she was going to cling to for the rest of her life? Had she just traded her mother for the professor?Was she just refusing to stand on her own because she was afraid, weak?

The man did not respond, instead rummaging through the first aid kit for bandages to wrap around her knee. Selene glanced down at where the skin had peeled off her knee, raw and pink. The girl shivered, faintly thinking of her father's dewgong, heaving painful breaths. Abandoned and having paid the price for it.

Oh how she didn't deserve this.

"Professor," she said a little more loudly. "You don't need to do this for me."

This time he paused to look up her, a strangely grave look on his face. It startled her, the deadset determination in his eyes, as if somehow she had told him something very wrong.

"But what if I want to?"

Oh.

Selene immediately broke eye contact, discretely biting down on her lip to distract herself from how her body traitorously let slip the feelings she'd condemned herself for again and again. This was no good. If this happened anywhere, else, the consequences would be -

The professor sighed guiltily, taking in the distress that had shot across her face. Arceus, the man could read her so easily. "Don't get me wrong. I'm not trying to toy with your feelings -"

"You're not," the girl said quickly, horrified that he would even come to such a conclusion about himself. He wasn't the one at fault. He had done nothing wrong. It was all on her, and she knew it.

It's why she had stuck to calling him professor and not even dare let slip his name from her lips. Because she had no right to it, because the act was a sin in itself, because she trusted him more than she could ever trust herself, because he had more faith in her than she ever could herself.

"I know better than that," Selene insisted, even though she knew her actions, her thoughts taunted the line of propriety with feinted willful ignorance. "Besides, it's…"

Underneath the professor's gaze, the girl felt herself falter. After all, she had let the feelings fester even if she did her best to not reveal them. She had not done what she should have.

Even so, it hurt so much more than she was expecting, when she forced the words from her lips, which had been bruised by the horrible part in her that still wanted to cling it. After all, it had made her happy.

"It's just a silly little feeling that'll come to pass."

Nevertheless, Selene was supposed to be ashamed of it. It wasn't supposed to mean anything. In the eyes of everyone else, at best it would be a joke. Something to not take seriously. They were right. So why did she feel like crying all of a sudden?

The professor was looking at her oddly, and the girl wanted to scream at him, to tell him to stop, because she was finally starting to get sick of the torture she was putting herself through.

"Well, to me, your 'silly little feeling' is something amazing, beautiful, and precious," he said almost defiantly, in spite of the softness in his voice. "It makes me feel really happy, Selene, to be your first love."

Selene choked before staring at the man as if he had suddenly gone mad.

"Wait," the professor began, suddenly sounding a lot more sheepish, "am I not your -"

"Don't say that again," Selene squeaked in mortification, covering her face in her hands as a desperate last resort. "Oh, this is so embarrassing…"

The man laughed, ruffling her hair. For whatever reason, the way his fingers threaded through the strands felt so much better than whenever she did it herself. "Say what you want, but I like seeing this kind of Selene - a Selene who isn't sad or putting herself down like she usually does"

"And," the professor continued cheekily, "this'll make good teasing material in the future."

Overcome with horror, Selene panicked, and before she knew it, she was bashing the professor over the head with the thin pillow that lay on the cot.

"Professor!" the girl shrieked as she aimed the pillow at the man's head. "You can't! You can't!"

"I kid, I kid!" the man cackled deviously, an arm up to fend himself from the childish assault. "But it's nothing to be ashamed of."

He paused to snort at the utterly confounded, are-you-pulling-my-leg look that flashed across the girl's face before she renewed her attack with even more vigor.

"H-hey! It's just a part of growing up. And one day, you'll see it. You'll see that you're someone who can inspire that kind of wonderful feelings in others."

The girl halted mid swing, stiffly sitting herself down and resting the pillow back at the head of the cot. Almost apologetically, the girl patted the pillow, as of asking for forgiveness for the abuse that she had put it through.

"I don't know about that," she mumbled after a long pause. She wasn't sure what to say because as much as Selene wanted to believe what he had said, she just… couldn't.

He paused and gave her a crushed look that made the girl want to wilt. "... How so?"

The girl nervously tugged at her hair as she was put on the spot.

"Well, it just feels like everyone is expecting something great out of me, but really, I'm just some girl from Kanto who came here to run away from her problems. It's a lot more complicated than that but..."

The professor gave her a look as if to tell her to go on.

"I don't know why Tapu Koko saved me. I owe it my life, yes, and I am grateful to be alive, but…"

"...Where am I even going with this?" she asked herself frustratedly. "I don't think there's any other meaning to it. As the guardian of Melemele, Tapu Koko did what it should. So earlier, when everyone looked at me as though I was something special…"

"It felt wrong!" Selene said angrily, gnashing her teeth. "I… I haven't done anything like that! I did my best to win the battle because I was afraid of being the object of disappointment, because Tapu Koko chose to save me. Afterwards, it almost felt as people were…"

The girl groped for words that could adequately capture all of the foreign frustration she had felt since she had arrived in Alola.

"...As if people were expecting me to be someone worthy of being saved," she finished tiredly.

"Selene, I don't want to cut in, but have you ever… have you ever... " The man grimaced as he forced out the next few words. "Well, I can't put this delicately but... have you ever contemplated… suicide?"

"On paper, the idea of not existing sounds nice…"

She could see the the man grow pale, and Selene could hear the distant sounds of her mother's crying from nights ago. The girl looked away, unable to face the pain she had caused head on.

"But when I think about what it would entail - the actual process itself, the consequences that others would have to shoulder for my selfishness… I can't wrap my mind around it."

"I wouldn't be able to do it because I remember how miserable I was when my father's dewgong died. And I couldn't do that to the people who care about me. Regardless of whether or not I think I deserve those kinds of feelings or what not, I can't control those things."

"And that's why I'm afraid," Selene finally confessed. " The rumors will come out that Tapu Koko has returned, but… but..."

She felt herself wilt in defeat. "I'm… I'm just a girl who wants to make sure the people who care for her don't need to worry. It's not a particularly grand dream, but right now, it seems a long way off."

"I'd be happy just to get that far and live quietly." Selene glanced over at the professor and chuckled quietly, as if he had just told her a joke. "Yeah, I'm boring like that."

"Nah," the professor said lightly. It came out as a relieved exhale, and Selene could feel the stress dissipate from his voice. "It's a surprisingly thoughtful look on life, though I'm starting to expect that from you. You've still got years ahead of you to change your mind, but there's nothing wrong with what you want."

Selene looked down, feeling as though she had been chastised for her behaviors. Grown ups were so…

Sometimes, Selene felt that they just didn't understand. Then again, at other times, that frustration was only a shield that the girl used against her own personal failures that she wanted nothing to do with. No one ever wanted to be at fault.

"You're probably nervous about the island challenge, aren't you?"

"No," the girl said quickly, "not at all -"

"Really?"

"Y-yes, I'm scared," she reluctantly admitted beneath the professor's skeptical gaze.

"That's perfectly normal; don't look so ashamed of yourself." The man was looking at her as if he had seen her for the first time, as if he had finally begun to understand the extent of emotional damage the girl had brought on herself. "Of course you're worried. you're going to be gone from home for a long period of time, relatively on your own."

"This is a huge change of scenery for you! It'd be setting off a lot of warning bells if you had no misgivings about this."

Selene nodded stiffly. The professor did have valid points, as much as she refused to see them.

"Just by choosing to go on your Island Challenge, you're taking a huge step forward. I'm so proud of you."

"Hey!" The man said with a bit of indignation, pointing accusingly at the disbelieving face Selene had been unconsciously making. "I can see that fire of protest lighting up in your eyes! We need to get that passion burning with love for yourself and not self hate, so -"

"Right! I've got something for you!" The professor began to furiously rummage through all of his coat pockets. "One sec."

For a full minute, Selene watched with faint amusement as Professor Kukui revealed that his outfit had a lot more pockets than she had been expecting. With a triumphant shout, the man finally fished out a wooden charm of sorts from one of his coat's inner pockets.

Selene wasn't sure what she was supposed to say. "That's a …?"

"An Island Challenge amulet that you'll need for access to the Trials," the professor finished for her. "Normally, you would request one from the Kahuna, and he'd give you a professionally crafted one…"

The man nervously scratched his head, an almost boyish grin on his face. "I thought I'd… Well, I think I did a pretty good job in about a week."

"You… you didn't have to," the girl said slowly, eyes roving over the handcrafted item. While the surface was carved rather smoothly, she could still see slight rises and a few nicks in the wood.

How long had this taken? Had it been hard for the professor to make it?

"Just think of it as... a good luck charm," the professor said, sounding a little self conscious about the amulet's quality. He was running his fingers (Selene realized just then that about three of them had bandages wrapped around them.) over the token's surface again and again.

A childish part of Selene wanted to ask why the man was acting like he was carrying out a school love confession, but this whole thing, Selene finally realized, was something far different.

Something far better, in fact.

Selene thought about what she heard that night a week ago. Of her mother willingly coming over to help the professor with his dream. Of all the things the professor had done for them. Of eyes that had truly shown interest in her, which was more than anyone in Kanto other than her mother had give her.

This charm, it was -

It was the culmination of all the hope he had in her. Professor Kukui met her eyes and smiled at her, and… and…!

Her breath caught in her throat. Her heart missed a beat. Her flesh flashed with fire. Her skin tingled as if something underneath was trying to break free. For a moment, her body was reacting as though the world had come falling down around her like a sudden rain shower, even though her eyes told her otherwise.

"All right, all right," she said, a faint smile creeping onto her face. "But if things go south, I'm blaming it on your shoddy craftsmanship."

A low chuckle rumbled through the air as the man gave her the Island Challenge amulet, his hands so large as they held hers. He paused, and Selene felt her breath stop, more and more freaked out by the warmth skittering through her arteries and veins. The familiar rush of blood to her cheeks made the girl look down at her lap.

"One last thing."

"Y-Yes?"

"Promise me that you'll do your best on the Island Challenge, okay?"

"I won't lie to you- the Island Challenge isn't a cake walk. You'll stumble. You might feel like you should give up. However, if that ever happens... " the man squeezed her hands gently, prompting the girl to look up into his eyes. "If you can't believe in yourself, I want you to know that I believe in you."

"You're capable of wonderful things, Selene. You may not be the next big thing, but I assure you that you can live a life that is undeniably worth living. So please, believe in me."

"All right, just one condition."

"Promise me that you'll do the same for your league, okay?"

Professor Kukui smiled at her, and Selene thought that for the first time, she finally understood why the professor had been so insistent on trying to help her. It felt like the sun was shining down upon her, and the warmth made wonder why she had spurned the outside for so long back in Kanto.

She wanted to see his dreams come true - that's how much he meant to her. So, to the professor, it was simply like that as well. No ulterior motives. Just something far more… Selene didn't even think there was a word to describe what she was feeling right now, but whatever it - this silent thing that had been born over the past year - was, it was beautiful beyond compare.

"You've got yourself a deal, kiddo."

"I can do this," Selene declared to the professor, to the world, but to herself most importantly.

For the very first time, the words were spoken without any fear or doubt.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> author's comments.
> 
> One day, I will figure out how to adhere to a consistent writing schedule. Today is not that day. I'll be entering finals hell for this semester so I don't think there's going to be an update before June.
> 
> As usual, at anyone reading this, thank you so much!
> 
> Have fun figuring out what Tapu Koko's deal is, heh.
> 
> Say hello to Ilima! He'll be having some story presence as you'll find out next chapter, so look forward to that! Hopefully, I've done him justice.
> 
> Lillie's comment about not wanting to go on the electronic public record is my attempt at explaining why she doesn't just keep Nebby in a pokeball if she doesn't want it running off. Having the benefits of having trainer status will be coming up quite a bit for … reasons.
> 
> Selene's last name being "Eglantine" is a reference to flora, following the naming theme of the main cast of SuMo. Eglantine means "I wound to heal", so uh, make of that what you will. Any future OCs will also follow this pattern, as you'll see next chapter with the appearance of Team Skull. Please look forward to my take on them!
> 
> Until then though! o/
> 
> story notes.
> 
> Pokemon licenses have been discussed, but it's been implied here that the Alolan spirit cultural notion is why Selene's exam was far different from what she was expecting. The personality test was meant to judge her disposition as a trainer and search for certain red flags that may implicate her as an abusive trainer. The short answer questions are… pretty straightforward. Alola is exceptionally hard on the mistreatment of pokemon, and a pokemon death is something that just can't be overlooked. Whether or not this is fair to Selene, given the circumstances...
> 
> The Alolan spirit is basically the cultural philosophy for the region - the idea that people and pokemon should coexist as equals. Thus the nature of Island Challenge Trials, which is meant to foster better cooperation than through just battling alone. This is one of the big reasons Kukui's idea for a league really hasn't caught on, because the nature of the league in other regions had lead to an Alolan pride that the Island Challenge is inherently different. It's a cultural preconception that has been around for a long time.


	9. you, me

**8\. you, me**

* * *

There wasn't a single person in Kanto who didn't know the names Red and Blue.

In the years after that legendary battle for the title of Champion, their stories had become bedtime fairy tales. Fantastical promises of adventure, freedom, and glory tempted countless children who didn't understand what reaching the top entailed in the first place. Selene had seen so many other children try to "start" their journey as soon as they were of age. Whether they ran away or actually made their intentions known, all those young boys and girls were always unaware that their parents fully expected them to come running back home before it got dark.

Foolishly, Selene had liked to think that she had known better. On her fifth birthday, the girl had thought herself a genius for asking her mother if she could go to a Trainer's School. If she learnt the basics of being a trainer beforehand, if she asked all her questions now, surely her own pokemon journey would be a breeze, right?

There were many things five year old Selene had not thought about.

She didn't stop to question how her mother had gotten her enrolled in the most prestigious private academy in Saffron City. She found out six years later that the price of her schooling had been her father's life, the Kantoan League providing a scholarship as compensation for his disappearance while investigating Team Rocket.

She didn't realize how hard it would be live on site, where no amount of luxury could serve as a replacement for the physical presence of her mother. Selene had cried herself to sleep for nights on end when it had finally sunk in that home was supposed to be a boarding house and not the house where her mother would be.

She didn't know that other children could be so cruel. The alakazam that the school had provided to her for teleporting between school and home often had its pokeball hidden by other students who wanted to see her panic and potentially lose that privilege as well. Selene hadn't found out about this until after  _that incident_ , but it validated a sentiment she had tried to convince herself was only paranoia: People did not think that she belonged there.

Selene didn't believe so either.

If the girl could travel back in time, she would have gone back to that moment when her five year old self was trying on her new school uniform for the first time, her mother cooing about how cute she looked. Back to when she still had hopelessly optimistic dreams for the future. Back to when she naively had thought she was taking the first, more realistic steps towards her own fairytale journey.

Selene would have ripped that damned uniform to shreds. Would have begged her younger self to reconsider. Would make the five year old cry in front of her mother if it would spare the girl the pain of losing her most beloved companion since birth.

In the end, Selene hadn't known better. The proof lay in her father's otherwise empty grave, the ashes of his dewgong the only connection she ever felt she had with he man she could not remember.

Maybe that was why Selene wanted nothing more than to run away now as soon as the word "shop" had come out of her mother's mouth. The past always found a way to come crawling back, doing its best to reach out and drag her back into the hell that she had somehow survived.

But as her mother triumphantly strode by holding a massive pile of clothes two decades too young for her, the unrestrained glee on the woman's face reminded Selene of why she had let herself get dragged around the shopping district of Hau'oli. Her mother's newfound freedom and joy were so real, so beautiful. That was worth enduring her worst fears and doubts.

However, now Selene knew that there was even more to fight for. Fingers ran over the uneven surface of the Island Challenge amulet that the professor had gifted her.  _She_  had the power to bring happiness to other people. The brand of horrible childhood memories, the fear that ran through her veins like blood - it was worth braving all of that.

The Kantoan girl had settled herself down on a bench by the fitting rooms, "guarding" everyone else's purchases. Selene had found everything she wanted in the first store they visited, though the others had yet to be satisfied.

Her mother was fully embracing the move to Alola as a chance to start fresh, given the fact she had bought almost a wardrobe's worth of clothes yet showed no signs of tiring. Hau, much to Selene's surprise, had spent a considerable amount of time in the fitting rooms, making the Kantoan girl wonder what had made the cut in the single bag he was carrying around.

On the other hand, Lillie hovered indecisively along the racks of clothes, leafing through clothes with a rather perturbed look clouding her face. She had a bag full of clothes, though Selene knew that Lillie would end up picking maybe one or two pieces in the end like she had in the other stores. Selene was a little curious as to what was going on in the younger girl's head, having seen Lillie wistfully regard some more colored pieces. In the end, she always appeared to retreat back to the safe choice of white.

As for Ilima…

Selene wasn't sure what business Melemele's trial captain had being there in the first place. Given his position, Selene was sure he had better things to be doing than chatting with store workers as he went about examining clothes with no pattern to his preferences.

But here he was, seemingly oblivious to the way heads turned in their way thanks to his presence within their group as they walked through the city. The whole thing made her stomach churn in an uncomfortably familiar way for some reason, but ultimately, Ilima wasn't doing anything that merited a legitimate complaint.

No, she couldn't say anything. After all, the Professor had asked Ilima to show her and her mother around the city, Hau unceremoniously declaring that he and Lillie would join them. There wasn't a place for protest. She could trust the professor, so why was it so hard to extend that trust to people he endorsed? The tips of her fingers tingled uncomfortably as her hand clenched into a fist.

One other thing bothered her.

When Selene and Kukui had returned from the Trainer's School infirmary, both her mother and Hala had been there, though for very different reasons. Amidst her mother showering her with an embarrassing amount of attention to make up for the inevitable time that would be lost while she was on her Island Challenge, Selene had heard snippets of the conversation going on between the Professor, Hala, and Ilima.

"I take it that you're not coming with us, young Ilima?" Hala had asked, making somewhat of an attempt to keep his normally booming voice low.

The trial captain only had chuckled before shaking his head.

"According to my parents, I won't need to attend for a few more years. Fortunately or unfortunately, depending on how you look at it."

The professor had snorted. "Trust me, it's an inconvenience at its best. I still can't believe switching to web conferences was almost unanimously voted against during the last Grand Council. I swear they're doing this in hopes that I'll give up."

A low rumble had come from the Kahuna at this remark.

"Don't laugh," the professor had grumbled. "I remember you voted against it too."

"You have a lot to learn about navigating politics, Kukui. The Old Families don't like you for a reason."

" _Politics_ ," Kukui spat venomously. "That's a rather nice way of saying -"

"Things that shouldn't be said while in vicinity of young kids," Ilima lightly had piped in, smiling thinly in Selene's direction. The girl had not so subtly had her head turned their way as the conversation progressed. Fortunately, neither Hala nor Kukui had noticed, but…

"You're looking troubled."

Selene started in her seat, shocked to find Ilima sitting on the bench next to her.

Oh shit.

Oh  _shit_.

The older boy shot her an relaxed smile that was probably meant to reassure her, but Selene's sick mind saw the taunting smile of a person dangling a bottle of water out of reach of someone on the ground dying of thirst.

"Where did the Professor and Hala go?" she said quickly while turning away. She was praying that Ilima was neither a mind reader nor a face reader.

"Somewhere," Ilima breezily replied, appearing quite amused at how Selene whipped her head back to shoot him an utterly unimpressed look.

"Well," Selene huffed, "what are they doing… somewhere?"

"That's, ah, confidential." Ilima paused as two shoppers walked by, the women stopping to acknowledge the trial captain with a customary wave and an "Alola". Once the shoppers were out of earshot, he began talking once more in a lower voice.

"Well, the Kahuna calling for a Island Council - which is exactly what it sounds like - isn't sensitive information, but nothing more than that gets released to the public."

Selene scowled, trying to wrap her head around that. "Wouldn't people want to know more? I can't imagine the Kantoan League doing something like that without serious backlash."

"People have unshakeable faith in the Island Guardians and thus those chosen by them, the Kahunas," Ilima explained. "It might seem a little strange to an outsider, but Alola has a more intimate and recent history with its revered pokemon than other regions. In the eyes of the people, the Tapus have yet to fail us."

"I see," Selene replied in a neutral tone, not sure what to think.

The trial captain had made a good point about how entrenched and active the legendary pokemon appeared to be in Alola, which was a far cry from how sightings of the Kantoan legendary birds were treated about the same as allegedly spotting a UFO. Yet all the same, Selene couldn't help but agree with Professor Kukui's gripes about such an attitude. It was so helpless and dependent and so much like herself that she just had this feeling that disaster would strike one way or another.

"What about the Old Families?" Selene found herself asking before she could stop herself.

_Shit._

"So you were listening in," Ilima chuckled when she grimaced a little.

"When you're moving to a new place, 'Old Family' sounds like the kind of stuff that would be important to know," the girl hastily said in her defense. "It's just… scary being in a place where I might not understand customs that everyone here just grew up knowing. Messing up is just..."

"Completely understandable," Ilima said gently. "There's only so much you can learn from secondhand information though. You need to experience a culture to understand it."

"Well, it's a bit old fashioned, but you could call the Old Families the aristocracy of Alola who take pride in upholding Alolan society and spirit." The trial captain made a perturbed face. "…Just don't call any of them that to their face, though."

"So, you're a part of them?"

"Mhm."

"But you're not attending the Island Council?" Selene coughed awkwardly. "N-no offense, but I thought… well, that you had better things to do."

"That's not an unreasonable assumption for you to make. Anyhow, each family is required to have a representative at Councils. Because my parents are attending the meeting, there's no need for me to join them."

"That's why you're showing us around?"

"Yes," Ilima said coyly, a smile on his face. "Something like that. I don't find them particularly interesting, so I might as well enjoy my youth while I can."

Selene couldn't help but feel that there was a bit more to the situation than Ilima avoiding having to attend Council for as long as he could, but she didn't want to push her luck.

"Also, as a trial captain, it's my duty to serve the community - a creed that my parents have heavily emphasized even before I took on this role. You can actually learn a lot about the quality of living by talking to the average citizen or just looking at the product being sold."

He stopped to laugh a little. "Well, that and the professor was really insistent on it. He must really have high hopes for you. Normally, he just runs around doing research or working on his league dream without, pardon my manners, giving a damn about what anyone thinks of him."

Selene tried to maintain some form of dignity by holding back the urge to flush.

"Now that I think about your situation," Ilima continued thoughtfully, "I have to admit it's rare to have people immigrate to Alola."

This Selene couldn't wrap her head around. Alola seemed like an island paradise with friendly locals and an amazing relationship with the native. Sure the professor seemed to think otherwise but… "Alola seems like the kind of place you'd never want to leave."

Ilima smiled once again, but this time, Selene swore it felt a little …strained.

"In a sense, you're right. There's a lot of things in Alola you won't find anywhere else. In fact, I heard you were at the Melemele's Guardian Ceremony a week ago. It must have been quite spectacle to -"

The boy paused as something finally clicked in his mind.

" _You_  were at the ceremony! Is it true that Tapu Koko made an appearance before the people?" he whispered, eyeing some movement a few racks down.

Selene looked dubiously at him, not sure what to say. After all, the Kahuna had strongly warned the Iki Town residents that leaking anything about the parties involved would have consequences, largely to put the stress off of Selene. As one of the parties involved, she wasn't sure if she was exempt from that request, but surely Hala had a good reason for the silence.

But Ilima was clearly a person of high authority in Alola, if the way he had been greeted by various Hau'oli citizens had made very clearly. If she said no and lied to him, only for him to find out later, the consequences could be -

"Not a simple no, hm?"

Selene froze.

Shit. Because she hadn't said no immediately, like any person who hadn't seen anything out of the ordinary, of course Ilima would jump to conclusions.

"The Kahuna asked for silence, I bet," the trial captain continued thoughtfully. "Doesn't surprise me, given the political climate."

Selene felt her hands shaking. She had let the Kahuna down by letting slip such confidential information, and who knew what Ilima would do with such information. The unpredictability of people terrified her.

"It's all right," she heard him say gently. "It's hard to be in a situation like this, especially when you're just an innocent bystander. I didn't mean to scare you or make you think I'm trying to take advantage of your age for some information. I already knew though, so it's not your fault. I just wanted confirmation from someone who was actually there."

Selene froze. So how  _did_  he find out?

Ilima let out a disappointed, dramatic sigh. "I'm just mentally beating myself up inside!"

"I was tempted to go to the ceremony this time since it's not everyday a Kahuna's grandson is part of an offering battle. However, the battles are basic in nature and more symbolic if anything." He paused, looking like a kid who had been told him Santa didn't exist. "Then I found out that Tapu Koko itself had appeared to judge the ritual battle itself! I can't believe I missed it!"

"Just because of a decision I made on a whim, I missed out on witnessing a key moment of Alolan history!" Ilima groaned dramatically. "I honestly don't care about all the other stuff... But to see our Guardian in action? You're so lucky!"

Selene squirmed uncomfortably at that remark, though the trial captain was still caught up in regret.

"Though," he muttered conspiratorically, "I wouldn't want to get on the Kahuna's bad side nosing around for information he wants to keep quiet. But  _still!_ "

Selene smiled thinly. If only he knew one of the major parties was right next to him.

"How'd you find out… since Hala told no one to tell?"

"Rumors have their way, I guess." The older boy shrugged. "I wouldn't dare try and go against Hala's will, but someone else did. They must have done it for money because among the Old Families, it's spread like wildfire. Hala caught wind, so there's another reason to avoid attending this Council. That could be considered directly undermining the authority of a Kahuna."

"Fortunately, this isn't knowledge known to the general public." Ilima shivered as something came to mind. "Guardians know what Hala would do to the perpetrator then."

"I see," Selene said quietly, trying to process everything. "By the way, is there anything else I should watch out for-"

She was interrupted by the sound of her mother cackling like a madwoman with a another pile of clothes in tow. Hau was following close behind, mostly likely perked up because her mother was practically radiating energy.

"I don't get why we have to go to all this trouble." Selene mumbled, losing the courage to ask her previous question. Upon second thought, it sounded like a touchy subject. Instead, she looked over at the small bag of clothes she had picked out from her mother's offerings.

Her mother had been insistent on making sure that her daughter would be the cutest trainer out there. Selene, on the hand, had been utterly confounded by the lack of long sleeves and jackets. Not in fashion in Alola apparently, though it made sense given the humid, warm climate.

Still, the girl couldn't help but balk at how short the bottoms were, a far cry from the standard dress in back in Kanto, Lavender Town being a little more conservative than average. It was the product of an atmosphere caused by having a tower of the dead looming over the town, she supposed. The route south of the town met the sea, yes, but the shore was ragged and rocky, better suited for fishing then any kind of beach fun.

Selene had made the most of the situation, picking out some sportswear geared towards being breathable and comfortable. Even if her mother had been crushed by the plainness of the pants and long-sleeve shirts she had stubbornly marched up to the register, that was what she wanted.

With her own daughter done shopping in thirty minutes by the first store, Selene's mother had turned to showering Lillie with maternal affection instead. The girl seemed intimidated by the assortment of clothes available to her in each shop, unsure of what she wanted. Selene's mother had encouraged Lillie to pick out whatever she wanted, offering to pay for everything, which seemed to overwhelm the girl even more.

"So," Selene's mother giggled, "did you find any clothes you liked dear?"

"Um," Lillie began nervously. She held out a tiny bag full of clothes to everyone, peering into it apprehensively. "I guess all this stuff looks nice, but I don't know if they even go together."

"...Or if they'll suit me," she mumbled.

"Of course, it'll suit you dear!"

"You'd look great in anything, Lillie!"

Selene did her best not to facepalm at how her mother and Hau had practically shouted those things out loud in the otherwise quiet boutique, hoping that they hadn't caused enough of a ruckus to merit being kicked out of the store.

"Well, why don't you try out a few possible combinations?" Ilima chipped in, not sounding concerned at all. "Might be good to get several different opinions."

Lillie nodded, seeming a little more relieved. "All right, I'll just… head off to the fitting rooms then."

As the girl walked away, Selene heard her mother let out an excited cackle.

"Oh, I just can't  _wait_  to see what Lillie has in mind! I bet it'll be really cute, just like the precious, little doll she is!"

"Since the professor asked her to travel with Hau and me around the islands, something a bit more practical would be preferable," Selene couldn't help but argue. "Hopefully, it's not white either -"

"Lillie looks great in white though," Hau added thoughtfully.

"Definitely, but it's going to get dirty easily."

Her mother let out a sigh. "Honestly Selene, you need to learn to live a little! A little extra time with laundry is worth looking and feeling amazing."

"When did comfortable clothes become a crime?" the girl muttered as Hau proudly declared that his clothes were comfy and awesome all at once, a statement that Selene's mother couldn't find in her heart to refute.

Ilima then jumped in with his thoughts on what the best products considering comfort and appeal were, but Selene felt herself tune out of the conversation that they were now having. She... didn't have anything meaningful to contribute.

It was a sobering thought, to say the least, but it was something that could be fixed with time.

_Right_ , the girl thought,  _I don't have to let things be like this. I can change._

Her hands began to tremble where they rested on her lap.

_...Then why didn't you do it earlier?_

"..."

_Maybe you don't have what it takes._

"Shut up."

"...Hey Selene! Did you say something?"

The girl looked over at Hau, the urge to throw and smash something to pieces irrationally boiling up in her upon the sight of the young boy. Resentment crawled up and down her skin like invisible hands grabbing at her.

She shook her head and shot him a polite smile. This time, Selene wasn't sure if it was actually Hau who was causing a bitter feeling to line her insides.

* * *

By the fifth outfit, Selene resolved to  _never_  agree to go shopping with her mother, Ilima, or Hau ever again. Or at the very least, all three together.

The girl covered her face with her hands in embarrassment as her mother continued her very heated debate with Ilima over how to properly pair clothes together, Hau occasionally chipping in with appalling opinions always that seemed to unify the other two in complete protest. Selene was starting to think he was doing it on purpose, and that was a rather terrifying thought.

"H-how's this one?"

All heads turned in Lillie's direction, and the first thought that Selene's mind helpfully supplied was an emphatic  _damn_. A change in wardrobe really could do wonders for changing a person's image.

As far as Selene was concerned, a shirt and skirt was roughly equivalent to a dress in everything but ease of wearing, but for some reason, the clothes made a huge difference for how they framed Lillie's demeanor. The blonde girl's stiff posture now felt endearingly awkward and not so much like a doll propped up for display, and the white and pastel blue of her clothes looked crisp and fresh. Perhaps because neither skirt nor top were lined with intricate lace and delicate embroideries like Lillie's usual dress and high socks, which Selene couldn't help be feel was a little too… fancy a professor's assistant to be wearing out in the field.

It was impressive, to say the least, yet…

"I don't care what anyone else says." Selene heard her mother say. "I'm buying that for you, dear."

"Honestly, it's perfect," Hau chirped, Ilima humming his agreement.

Lillie shyly bowed and thanked them for their kind words, her eyes trailing towards Selene with anticipation and perhaps anxiety.

"Hm," the Kantoan girl said finally. Everyone's voices conveniently died out just as she had spoken, and the girl couldn't help but reflexively cringe upon seeing heads turn in her direction.

"What is it?" her mother asked gently. "If there's something you'd like to say, don't worry. You're with friends here."

"Don't worry. Lillie, I, I think you look great," the girl said quickly, blushing furiously under all the pressure she suddenly felt. "Given the fact you're going to be dragged around Alola by Hau and me, it's actually more practical than your usual wear."

"It's just that, well, I think there's something missing that would really complete the look."

The others thoughtfully considered this for a few moments when an idea struck Selene. With that, she started to rummaging through her shopping bag, pulling out a pack of black hair bands that she had decided to buy along with the rest of her clothes.

"Maybe you can use one of these," Selene suggested, fishing out the bonus white hairband to hand to Lillie. "A ponytail would look cute on you."

Lilie nervously regarded the band, the level of anxiety present on her face at odds with the small item in her hand.

"I don't know," the girl mumbled, fingers playing with the end of her braids as she stared down at the hairband as if it was a bomb. "It's just that, well, I'm not sure if I really should -"

"I'll do it for you, so don't worry!" Hau piped in helpfully.

In spite of what he said, the boy merely extended a hand out to Lillie, leaving the choice up to her. If it had been anyone else, Selene imagined that the blonde girl would have felt pressured into handing over the hairband. However, this was Hau, a boy who didn't seem capable of even thinking a malicious thought.

Noticing her hesitation, the boy gave her a sheepish smile, but before he could open his mouth to apologize, Lillie defiantly placed the band in his hands. The girl puffed up her cheeks in embarrassment, offering no further explanation.

Hau took the situation in stride, eagerly running behind Lillie to get started. Selene couldn't help but be impressed by how gentle Hau was running his fingers through the girl's long blonde hair as he gathered it together, the level of concentration he was exhibiting was a far cry from his usual carefree self. Lillie flushed a little as she saw everyone else smile in amusement, unaware of how Hau was unconsciously sticking a little bit of his tongue out as he meticulously went about smoothing out her hair.

Lillie's reaction spoke for itself once the girl was free to examine herself in a mirror, the girl blinking slowly as she looked over the person reflected back at her. Hesitantly, she spun around once, her eyes flitting from the sway of her new ponytail to the rustle of her skirt.

"I can't believe this is me," she said finally, her face somewhere in between grimacing and crying.

"You look great, Lillie!" Hau reassured her, shooting her a big thumbs up. "The light hits your hair and eyes without the hat, and it makes you about as bright as a star in the night sky!"

Selene snorted at the cheesy compliment, though she had a feeling she would be a lot more receptive if she was on the receiving end of one.

On the other hand, Lillie only nodded, oddly not flustered like she usually was. Instead, she seemed uncertain. Nervously, the girl played with her ponytail, looking lost in thought… distressed even. Then again, maybe Selene's eyes were playing tricks on her. The Kantoan girl was starting to think that maybe (highly likely,  _definitely,_ some part deep down in her knew) she was just projecting her own worries and insecurities onto Lillie's, yearning for anything to validate the distress that Selene herself had felt back in school.

If her distress had been obvious, then someone should have noticed. Someone should have done something.  _Someone should have been there for her, and the injustice of it all hurt._

_And yet_ , her mind treacherously (rationally) supplied,  _the person who failed you most was -_

Selene did not want to think any further on that.

Instead, Selene moved to grab a hairband from the pack, pulling her hair into a low, short ponytail. She then stood up, tossing an arm around Lillie and Hau as she looked directly into the mirror. On her left was a girl so different yet so like herself, a girl as distant as the moon. On her right was a boy almost too dazzling to face head on, a boy as constant as the sun.

And Selene would be content with being the stars, the supporting role to the sun that blotted out their lights entirely and the moon for whom they were merely the pretty backdrop.

"Now we match," the girl said, feeling at ease.

As long as Selene could be part of that same sky, there was nothing she could complain about.

"And honestly," the Kantoan girl said with an attempt at a devilish wink, "I think we all look pretty good."

"You're right" the blonde girl murmured, shyly smiling somewhere towards her feet. The smile on Selene's face grew wide at the sight, Hau also beginning to grin from ear to ear.

"Still, the braids don't feel right…" Lillie commented, experimentally twirling one around. "The weight feels weird with the rest of my hair pulled back."

"Then maybe pull the longer strands back," Hau suggested. "You'd have to get rid of the braids, but it might feel better."

"When did you become a hair expert?" Selene asked drily.

"Tutu, of course."

As Selene considered in faint disbelief that the fact grandfather and grandson did have the same hairstyle, Hau nudged her in the side.

"If you want to look younger, showing the forehead does wonders."

"Why… would I want that?"

"Discounts at food places! Duh!" the boy said, looking surprised. "Kids are eleven and younger!"

"Most places check pokemon licenses, Hau." Selene frowned as she considered what Hau said a little more. "Hey! What does that make me?"

Hau gave her one of his innocent Hau smiles. "Two years too old for discounts, I guess."

"I await your twelfth birthday with much delight," Selene grumbled, shooting the younger boy a half hearted glare. "Enjoy it while it lasts."

"Nah, I'll still have a beautiful forehead, even without the discounts."

"...You going for the Kahuna of Melemele look?"

"Nah, I'll probably just clip a bit of it back! It'll look  _really_  cool."

Selene squinted dubiously, trying to visualize what Hau was saying. She had absolutely no clue what he meant, but she definitely wasn't going to admit that out loud.

"How about we take a bet on it?" Hau said, shooting Selene a smile that was somehow  _incredibly_  teasing even though it was exactly like all his other smiles in appearance. The Kantoan girl frankly wasn't sure how he did it. "Give it five years."

"H-Hau!" Lillie stammered indignantly, having finally worked up the courage to speak up.

"Deal," Selene said immediately. "Remember we're talking about just the hair. Puberty isn't going to save you."

"Lillie as judge?"

"Sure."

Lillie looked over at the older girl in faint horror, most likely confounded by the behavior of the other two children. "Selene!"

"You're one of us, Lillie, part of the ponytail club!" Hau said with a huge grin. "We can't just leave you out!"

"Yep," Selene added helpfully as Lillie began to look more and more confused.

"Hey, do you think we should let Ilima into the ponytail club?" Hau conspiratorially whispered. From the mirror, Selene saw Lillie's eyes wander over to the trial captain, who did have a bit of hair tied by the hairband his trial captain's pin was attached to. He was talking to Selene's mother, hopefully engaging in discussion about clothes that wasn't so barbed with aggressive opinions.

"I don't think that counts," Selene said dryly, only for Hau to dramatically gasp.

"How could you! His ponytail is about the size of yours!"

"It's a pigtail if anything."

The two paused as they heard a sound, looking towards the blonde girl with them. Lillie was giggling uncontrollably now, and with that, the other two children couldn't help but laugh along as well.

* * *

"Your mother's so nice, Selene."

Said girl looked oddly at Lillie from over her ice cream cone, not sure what to make of the out of blue comment.

After the bout of shopping, the group had decided to get some refreshments, Lillie and Selene opting for ice cream while Hau, Ilima, and Selene's mother were off getting something cold to drink. The latter three had yet to come back so Selene and Lillie were sitting at public table with an enormous blue and white umbrella, shading the two helped from the orange tinted afternoon light.

"What do you mean?" Selene said finally, preoccupying herself by squishing the melting ice cream with her spoon.

Out of the corner of her eye, Selene could see Lillie's hair shift back and forth like a curtain in the breeze, obscuring her face from sight. However, the way the younger girl shifted uncomfortably in her seat besides Selene made things clear. Not that Selene blamed her - this was the first time the two girls had ever been alone together since they had met a week ago. Given their relationship, things would be awkward, of course.

Selene scowled. How would one go about defining their relationship anyways?

Friends didn't seem right. They didn't really talk all that often, even when Selene had been studying for her trainer's license exam over at the professor's lab slash home. Occasionally the blonde girl did pipe in with some helpful tibbit if she happened to be doing chores in the living room, but other than that, Hau had done most of the teaching.

Selene couldn't help but feel really stupid. How the hell  _were_  you supposed to make friends with people? And asking someone - no, anyone - about that was just…

"Your mother… she didn't have to pay for me."

Lillie looked down at the small bag that held the outfit from before, abashed as Selene found herself unable to do anything other than blink confusedly.

"That's just how mothers are though. If you felt pretty wearing those clothes, of course she'd buy it for you."

Lillie had gone silent, the top part of her face shaded by her large hat that obscured her from Selene's vision yet again. Was she lost in thought? ...Had Selene offended her?

"...Right."

Selene coughed awkwardly, not sure what to make of that response. "Well, if you wanted a dress embroidered entirely with diamonds, maybe there'd be a problem but… if it's within a reasonable price tag, there shouldn't be an issue."

"That... makes sense."

Lillie smiled absently, and it was a strikingly perfect smile, if only because the rest of her face failed miserably to do the same in hiding her apparent confusion. The vacant look in her eyes unsettled Selene to say the least, even more so as they were cast in shadow by the girl's bangs. This was an expression crafted by years of use, so who had let such obvious discontent slide without saying a word?

In the back of Selene's mind, something stirred. The reason Lillie did not keep Nebby in a pokeball was to keep herself and Nebby off the electronic records available to the public. Could it be that the person Lillie was trying so desperately to hide from was…?

"I just wear the clothes that my mother says I should wear," Lillie confessed, looking down at her lap. "I know I'm at an age where I should be choosing things myself but…"

The girl's hands trembled. "I don't know what I look good in. Mother says I look fine, so it… it should be enough..."

Lillie trailed off before looking over at Selene, not directly into her eyes but close enough.

"Do I look… pretty in this?"

Selene stared blankly back, wondering if it was a trick question. She'd never really put too much concern into her own appearance unless it involved presentability. Her own taste in clothes wasn't the flashiest or most appealing, but she always felt comfortable and socially presentable, and to her, that's all that mattered.

Of course Lillie might have completely different priorities so -

Damn, she was overcomplicating things again.

"I think you look pretty, but my opinion and your mother's opinion aren't important." Selene said finally, putting some conviction into her voice. "Do you  _feel_  pretty, Lillie?"

"Feel?"

"You're the one wearing the clothes, so I think you should get the most say in it."

There was a long silence. Selene tried not to squirm.

"I… I don't know." Lillie said finally. "I just… I'm sorry."

"There's nothing to be sorry for," Selene said. The girl scowled. "I don't think I know myself either."

"But it's okay. We have all the time in the world to figure that out. It might be hard to imagine your life changing so drastically. Well, I didn't think I'd be going on an Island Challenge two years ago. Life's full of twists we didn't expect."

"I know what you mean," Lillie murmured.

Maybe Selene was being overdramatic or perhaps romantic, but she couldn't help but wonder what the younger girl had experience. The Kantoan swore she could hear a lifetime of sorrow behind that voice, which was far more than any girl deserved to experience at such a young age.

Selene thought of white lights, antiseptics and blood, and salty tears. Life could be unreasonably cruel. However, a brief moment, she could hear youthful, mocking laughter in the back of her head. A sudden change in heart. Now the voices were groveling, weeping for forgiveness like their lives depended on it. The Kantoan girl wasn't sure what was stewing in the pits of her stomach, despair or resentment. People could be equally cruel, if not moreso.

Selene was struck by a strong, almost desperate desire to know anything about Lillie's story. She wanted to know why the younger girl felt such palpable grief because…

What was Selene going to do with that knowledge if she ever got it? What on Earth could she do?

No, it didn't matter. Selene wanted to see Lillie happy, wanted to see her smile, wanted to how she looked when she thought she was pretty. It made her think of how much she wanted the Professor to succeed in his dreams, and she had only known Lillie for about a week. Maybe, just maybe, she was slowly becoming friends with Lillie? Since Selene had spent years keeping people her age at an emotional arm's length, she had absolutely no clue.

The paranoia in her cautioned her from making assumptions that might not be true in the first place. For all Selene knew, maybe Lillie was just putting up with her because the professor had told her to or out of some obligation for what had taken place on the bridge. She thought about her talk with the professor. She thought he had known more about her than herself, but even then, he had expressed uncertainty and worry about not knowing what she had been thinking.

_That's right_ , Selene thought, mustering up resolve,  _I won't know unless I ask._

"Hey, Lillie," the girl managed to ask. "Do you think we could be friends?"

Lillie blinked, quietly pondering the question as if she wasn't sure where the two girls stood with each other as well. The girl flushed after a moment.

"Please don't take the silence badly. I-I don't really know how to make friends… actually…"

"I don't either." Selene admitted with less than shame than expected. "I think we might need to go to an expert on friends."

"..."

"..."

"Hau?" the two girls asked at the same time, bursting into giggles.

"Honestly," Lillie began, a hand daintily going up to her mouth to hide a giggle, "I think 'friend' might just be Hau's state of being. He gets along so well with everyone he meets."

Selene shot her an amused grin. "Don't forget about pokemon. Remember that time the professor let us have a break on the beach? Hau had pokemon following him around like the princesses in those fairy tale movies!"

"All we need is for him to break out in song," she added. "Knowing him, he could probably do it."

At that comment, Lillie almost choked on the spoon of ice cream in her mouth, a sight that made Selene burst into laughter. And as karma for laughing at her companion's misfortunate, Selene realized too late that her ice cone cone suddenly was a scoop of ice cream lighter. There was a beat of silence as the two watched the sugary treat melt over the ground.

"Man," Selene grumbled, "I should have asked for a cup instead."

A  _completely_ unladylike snort made Selene look up at Lillie, though the blonde girl suddenly seemed preoccupied with her own ice cream. Selene waggled her eyebrows (at least, that's what she was going for) at her companion the moment she looked up, trying not to snicker at the utterly mortified look on the girl's face.

This was actually pretty fun.

And as if something higher up had heard her, it was then that her mother returned, Hau and Ilima behind her animatedly chatting about battles from the sounds of it. Selene enviously eyed the smoothies they were holding, just imagining the cool sweetness on her tongue.

"Don't laugh," the girl grumbled, seeing how her mother had a knowing smile on her face and  _that_ pose, the one with a hand cradling her face. That pose that she'd do while leaning back in her chair in amusement, watching as Hitmonlee unceremoniously hoisted Selene's toddler self up in the air with one foot. It had always been an attempt to shame the small child for whatever trouble she had caused that time.

"It's all right," the woman said before throwing in a short laugh in just to get a sputter from her daughter. "I'll just get you another one."

Selene wanted to protest since the ice cream store was a bit far away by her standards, but her mother winked at Ilima, who was probably the closest equivalent of adult supervision.

"Keep an eye on the other two for me, would you?"

The trial captain nodded once, a look of amusement flitting across his face as he turned around to find that Hau had already managed to rope Lillie into their conversation. The blonde girl seemed a little more preoccupied with how he was gesticulating wildly with both hands, smoothie sloshing around precariously in its clear cup.

With that, mother and daughter walked off, struck by a heavy, pervasive silence.

It was strange to say the least - her mother was usually such a talkative person. The girl couldn't help but nervously glance over at the woman, who seemed preoccupied with thoughts Selene wasn't sure of. It unsettled Selene because her mother was the kind of person who wore her heart on her sleeve for everyone to see.

No, that was the kind of person that she  _thought_ her mother was. Selene remembered how her mother had broken down after the incident at the bridge. How her mother, who acted like everything was all right with the world, actually had so many worries and fears that she didn't express to anyone until she finally caved beneath them.

The whole thing upset Selene. That she didn't known better than to think that her mother's own struggles began and ended with her. That her willful disconnection with her late father meant that her mother quietly grieved all by herself. That she had essentially put her mother's life on halt for over a decade. That her mother was always there for her but the other way around not so much.

"...Have you ever wanted to get your hair done, Selene?"

Selene stopped to process the sudden question. Out of the corner of her eye, Selene registered the neon lights of a salon sign so that explained it, she supposed.

"It's kind of pointless to have a fancy hairdo right now," the girl said finally, not sure what had spurred on the question. "I wouldn't be able to maintain it on my journey."

"Yes, I suppose you're right…" her mother said distantly, coming to a stop before the salon's window, which had pictures of people modeling different hairstyles plastered unevenly across it. "I just wish I knew what fancy hairdo you would have like before you went off on your journey..."

"There really isn't a point in thinking about something that won't happen."

Her mother suddenly let out a laugh, startling Selene. The sound was pleasant yet...

"Erm, did I say something funny?"

The woman turn to face her daughter, a wistful mist to her eyes as she looked over Selene.

"You just… reminded me of your father." She let out another laugh, soft but filled with a faint longing. "You really did inherit most of your looks and personality from him."

"...I see," Selene said stiffly, not sure what else to say in this situation.

If that response bothered her mother, she made no indication of it. Instead, the woman pointed at a photo of a woman with all her hair pulled back to weave a single elegant braid, stray strands of hair falling loose to add a sort of softness to the appearance.

_How beautiful_ , Selene thought.

"I had my hair done something like this for my most memorable date with your father." Selene stiffened. Her mother had never really spoke about her father to her in such a way before. "I felt like the prettiest girl in the world at the time."

"It wasn't a good idea, though. We were going on Cycling Road on one of those silly tandem bikes, and it suddenly started raining. I spent quite a bit of money prettying myself up, but it won't ever compare to what your father said to me when we finally made it to a checkpoint."

"'Wow, you wear dirt like glitter and sequins, Thea!'" she giggled girlishly.

Selene made a face. "That's horrifically cheesy. And a sin to oral language."

"And absolutely hilarious coming from your father," her mother cackled. "He was always a bit of a loser deep down."

A soft, nostalgic smile made its way onto the woman's face as she thought back on that moment. "He was always so worried about maintaining his 'serious' image… almost comically so."

"But yes, it was so unlike your father that I thought he had gotten horribly ill from being out in the rain. I panicked and dragged him over to the checkpoint while in hysterics."

"...And then?" Selene found herself asking. It was strange, hearing about a story that seemed so far and away and removed from her. Even her mother sounded so different, like another person entirely. Like a fairy tale, the story captivated Selene in a way that refreshingly childish.

"The checkpoint lady just looked at us like we were idiots and gave us a key to one of the overnight rooms. Your father was so embarrassed he buried himself under all the blankets and pillows and refused to show himself." The woman paused. "...Probably didn't help that I couldn't stop laughing at him."

Never mind. There was the mother she knew.

The woman turned back to Selene, a wistful look on her face. Selene would have called it the expression of a person in love, had it not been for the lines between the woman's eyes and mouth that made the girl think of Selene herself. Of the times when the girl would stare at her tearstained reflection in the mirror and wonder what was wrong with herself.

"It's moments like those that I cherish the most," her mother said softly. "I… I just want to have a memory like that with you, dear."

"It's a bit too late for that now though, isn't it?" Selene asked, wincing at how dismissive that sounded. "After all, I'm going to be doing my Island Challenge now."

"You're right," her mother said mournfully, resigning herself to a sad smile. "I… I should have spent more time with you than with my work."

That admission hurt Selene more than she had expected. It was one thing to overhear her mother confess that she felt a distance between them, another to have it be said to her face. But what choice had her mother had? Alone in supporting her child, the only thing the woman could do was work.

Trying to keep a grimace off her face, Selene pointed at another photo, the model's hair done in a simple romantic tuck. It was a pretty hairstyle that Selene would have called princess hair back when she was five. It still had its charms years later, but the girl knew she wasn't adept enough to do it herself.

"My hair's not long enough for this yet, I think," Selene said quietly. "But by the time I'm done with my Island Challenge, I think it should be."

Selene looked up at her mother and mustered up all her determination. This was her mother, who she knew loved her so much. Who perhaps loved her a little too much. There was no reason to be afraid in front of her.

"Would you... would you do my hair like this when I come home?"

Her mother only stared at her, her dark eyes shining with white stars. One fell from that glassy sky, streaking down across her face as a shooting star. And then the rest came crashing down in a brilliant shower, the sight so surprising Selene found herself frozen in place.

"Oh, Selene…" her mother whispered, "...I'll be looking forward to that day."

With that said, the woman wiped away at her cheeks, a quiet laugh spilling from her lips. "You aren't even gone yet, and I… I-I already miss you. I can't b-believe this."

"Mother, I… I…"

_You're what? Sorry?_

_You're going on this 'Island Challenge' because you can't help but run away at the first hint of failure so that others can clean up your mess for you. You said you were starting off fresh when the move to Alola happened, but guess what? The moment things get uncomfortable, you suddenly want another redo._

_Are you going to keep promising to yourself "next time, it'll go perfectly for real" every time something goes wrong? How many more times are you going to lie to yourself and everyone else around you?_

"I'll miss you even more," Selene managed to say, head swimming with self doubt and other treacherous thoughts. Since this was probably going to be the last time she got to spend with her mother before she went on her journey, the girl would savor every second of it. "I mean, I'll be the one going without your cooking."

"Arceus," her mother muttered, her face darkening with worry, "I planned for that, but I'm still worried."

Selene stilled, not sure where the woman was going with this. "...What?"

"Oh, I uh, repacked your things for you while you were asleep in the morning," her mother sheepishly admitted. "I wasn't trying to avoid unpacking our things. Definitely."

The girl looked at her in exasperation. "Meowth's done more unpacking than you."

"Guilty as charged, haha," Selene's mother laughed, scratching her head. "Anyways, Mommy - don't give me that look - has some important trainer tips for you, dear."

"I've put a few extra pokeballs in the smallest pocket of your backpack. They're carrying some of your heavier things, and while I don't know if that's legal here in Alola -"

" _Mother!_ "

"I'm kidding," her mother chuckled. "It's perfectly legal here. Just remember not to throw those out in battle. ...I mostly certainly did not do that a few times and break my gear beyond repair, hehe."

Selene felt a little book be pressed into her hands.

"Because your mother  _really_  wishes she had bought some of these when she was your age, here are some puffy stickers that can help you tell pokeballs apart so you don't send out the wrong pokemon or break someone's nose with a flying portable stove."

"You  _what_?"

Her mother winked at her. "It got me an adorable daughter I wouldn't trade for the world, but let's try to be on the safe side here."

"Are you saying that you met Father by -"

"Speaking of safe side, remember to use pokemon centers, okay? I know you might think you're a big girl now, but that license of yours means you can use them free of charge as many times as you would like for room and healing."

Selene blinked, realizing that there was actually a whole lot that she hadn't considered about going on a journey and  _shit_  how on earth was she going to remember all of this without it being written down somewhere for reference?

"...Trust the wildlife, okay? I heard that you can find spearow on this island, so watch out for them like I taught you. And even if Alola is foreign to you, remember to trust your pokemon's instincts. They'll usually sense danger before you can."

"And finally," her mother said, pausing to catch her breath, "I've got a little gift for you. Can't let the professor try to steal my one kid with his cheesy, homemade charm."

Selene did her best not to choke on air at the comment, even though she knew that her mother wasn't exactly aware of her… erm, crush. Preoccupied with fishing something out of her skirt, Selene's mother didn't notice.

In the woman's hands was a carved wooden talisman with a few feathers attached to one end, the highlight being the much longer and vibrant red and blue tail feather of a mega pidgeot.

"I know you don't really have too many good memories in Kanto, but you still lived there for thirteen years of your life."

Selene couldn't help but gape as she took the trinket in disbelief. "Where… where on earth did you get the mega pidgeot feather? Aren't these supposed to be really hard to obtain?"

Her mother let an amused chuckle. "Look a little closer."

Selene ran a finger over the barbs of the feather, coming to a slow halt upon noticing a section of barbs that were discolored white, a distinctive feature of the pidgeot owned by a certain...

"No way…" Selene sputtered, blinking rapidly as if she expected the talisman to vanish in her hands. "T-there's no way! How on earth did you get the tailfeather of  _Blue's_  pidgeot in mega form?"

"Mr. Fuji thought you'd appreciate something like that," her mother explained, overjoyed to see how her daughter was on cloud nine for receiving something so closely connected to one of her idols. "Apparently, Blue didn't even think twice about doing Mr. Fuji a little favor given Lavender's help in debunking  _that_  story once and for all."

Selene made a face, remembering how a few years back, the tabloids had caught wind of a potential scandal between the Viridian gym leader and his rival that had to do with the supposed death of one of Blue's pokemon after a battle, leading Blue to take a detour toward Lavender Town on his original pokemon journey.

Between the tourists who didn't listen to residents and insisted that there had to be a secret grave somewhere and the intrusive journalists hungry enough for a profitable headline, serious fears that someone would be bold enough to try and break into a few of the tombs had run rampant among Lavender locals. The campaign led by Mr. Fuji in response had been harsh but completely warranted, even if it soured the reputation of the town for years after.

"Asides from the feather, it was a simple matter for Mr. Fuji to ask one of the channelers to craft this for you."

Selene held the talisman up to her face, recognizing the swirling lines carved into the wood as part of the calligraphy the channelers would write onto paper charms. If the girl remembered correctly, the intricate characters spelt out "fear". This talisman was specifically meant to chase away the owner's worries, and the revelation made Selene's bruised heart ache.

"Thank you," the girl said quietly, overcome with emotion. "...This is the Kantoan equivalent of what the professor gave me though."

Her mother puffed in defeat. "Technically, I came up with the idea first. Just saying."

"Yeah, yeah," Selene snickered.

Movement by her mother's waist caught the girl's eyes, and the girl found herself staring at one of the pokeballs upon the woman's belt, the capsule shaking rather furiously. The girl scowled; something felt off.

"Oh, that reminds me," her mother said with faint surprise, "I can't believe I forgot the most important thing!"

As the woman detached the pokeball from her belt, the light caught the object, so Selene could finally see what had been bothering her. The lack of scuffs and scratches meant this pokeball was brand new.

"A... pokemon?" Selene said slowly, not sure what to make of this. "Um, I think I'm good-"

"Wait, wait, wait!" the woman said hurriedly, rummaging through her personal bag. The sound of the contents "Let me just... find part  _two_ of this gift from me and the professor."

Selene's hand almost immediately drifted towards the charm the professor had given her earlier. He'd already given her what she thought would be his parting gift, so the thought of another one left her feeling …surprised to say the least. The girl couldn't help but wince at the sound of her mother jostling the contents of her bag, wondering what kind of item would be able to survive a prolonged onslaught in that cluttered, bottomless pit.

"Here we go!" her mother exclaimed, showing Selene a -  _Was that a pokedex?_

Selene blinked once. Twice. This couldn't be real. On top of being a  _very_  high end pokedex, this gift had to be the one she had seen the professor fiddling with earlier.

"This is...!"

"A good to honest pokedex, yep," her mother said mildly, as if she wasn't handling state of the art research equipment but some bauble to hang around at e home.

"I can't have this! The professor said, he, he said -"

An eyebrow was casually raised at those words. "The professor said?"

"...It's a new model that he ordered for himself," the girl indignantly sputtered.

"Dear, check the back."

Selene took the device and flipped it over, snorting almost immediately upon seeing what was engraved there.

_You better take the gift, so help me._

"Wait." Selene looked at her mother in muted horror as it dawned upon her. "Because it's engraved, this can't be returned or resold."

"Nope," the woman said cheerily, completely unconcerned by the appalled look on her daughter's face. "Honestly, I don't know how I gave birth to a kid so afraid of free things. Now, let me set this up for you…"

Selene's mother began to press a few buttons on the screen, a delighted grin making its way across her face.

"Oh boy," the woman cackled as the device hummed to life..

_She must be happy to get her hands on such an expensive model_ , Selene thought with a faint smile.

Her mother had seen a few schematics for different kinds back when she was working for Silph Co., a time when only Red and Blue had been the only civilians in possession of functional ones. After Team Rocket's takeover of Silph Co., the woman had quit for… personal reason, but it hadn't killed her mother's passion. Recently, basic regional pokedexes had been made standard for trainers in Kanto, and her mother had spent so much time dissecting hers that she probably knew every single piece by heart.

Many times, Selene had hesitantly poked her head past the door of her mother's bedroom to see her mother window shopping online, wistfully looking at things like pokedexes that were probably far out of the budget of a single mother.

Selene now got a closer look at the pokedex, finally noticing the odd shape of the device and the screen.

"Why is the shape so funny?"

"Oh silly me," the woman sighed, lightly slapping her forehead. "I'm so scatterbrained… I almost forgot the most important part."

Unclipping the new pokeball from before, Selene's mother breezily tossed it into the air, releasing the pokemon inside with a loud crackle. Selene was proud to say that she recognized the pokemon right away, the orange and blue electric pokemon the topic of many documentaries and research studies for its ability to inhabit manmade electronics, a feat that had later been replicated by the creation of the artificial porygon line in Kanto.

"Say hello to Rotom!" her mother said cheerily. "This little fella is a special feature that comes along with that fancy pokedex of yours."

"Hi," Selene began awkwardly, "though I don't think I need another pokemon -"

"No, no! Rotom here has been specifically bred to inhabit your pokedex. It's a new thing that's all the rage in the scientific community nowadays: 'the ability for pokemon and human to work together has been revolutionized by the power of technology'!" the woman said, using obvious air quotes and what sounded like her terrible impression of Professor Oak's voice.

"But basically, with an pokemon capable of integrating itself with a pokedex and the intelligence to make use of that ability, your pokedex can be more than just an electronic encyclopedia! Rotom naturally provides power to the device which means the pokedex can be built to focus on other features to make it the multi tool of research with features such as -" The woman paused, realizing that she was getting swept up in her usual gush of technobabble when she saw the overwhelmed look on her daughter's face.

"Well, what you need to know is that this sort of integration had been legalized for about a year, but it was only recently approved in Alola. ...You might be the first Alolan civilian who has access to one of these, though," her mother said thoughtfully. "If things go well, maybe in a few years, everyone will have one. I still remember getting my pokedex in the mail like it was yesterday."

Selene nodded, still trying to process the deluge of information her mother had dumped on her. "So, uh, how much did this pokedex cost…?"

"I'm not telling," the woman snorted. "And if you ask the professor, I've already warned him to not tell you either."

"That's…!"

"Why, hello!"

Selene started upon hearing a foreign voice, jumping as she found the talking pokedex eye to eye with her. It was uncanny to say the least, seeing something electronic blink at her and speak in a voice that was too electronic to be a human recording but far too emotive and smooth in euniciation to be computer generated speech.

"The hell?" the girl blurted, shaking her head as she desperately tried to backtrack. "I mean, hi?"

"Rotom, this is Selene. Selene, Rotom," her mother explained, shamelessly grinning at the spectacle. "You'll be inhabiting my daughter's pokedex, so please be a dear and keep an eye on her for me, would you?"

The pokedex (pokemon?) buzzed happily. "But of course!"

"Erm, isn't this a  _little_  much?" Selene said weakly.

"Well, it was the professor's idea," Selene's mother said with a shrug. "He might worry for you more than I do at times, heh. He thinks that having Rotom with you will provide you with some support without pressuring you to feel like you have to rely on other people."

"I see," Selene mumbled, wondering why she didn't feel as happy as she was expecting. Maybe it was just dread at how close her journey actually was. Yes, that had to be it.

"Bzzt! I'm not good at battling, so please don't try to send me out in battle!" the pokedex chirped. "I can't even hurt a caterpie!"

Selene chuckled at that. "Thanks for letting me know. Well, I guess I should introduce you to the team…? Even if you aren't going to be battling…"

In a flash of light, her two pokemon found themselves perched on their trainer's shoulders, putting them eye to eye with their new companion.

"This is Rotom, our new friend," the girl explained slowly. "Rotom will be coming along with us on our journey so try to get along okay?"

"Call me - bzzt - Rotomdex!"

"Rotomdex, it is then."

The Kantoan girl could see her rowlet squint suspiciously at their new companion before turning its head to its trainer, the tilt of its face a silent question for reassurance. Selene nodded once, and that was enough for Watmel, who quickly lost interest in the flying pokedex and went about preening itself.

On the other hand, Liechi seemed more excited than normal, clicking its mandibles rather energetically at Rotomdex in a way that had the pokedex-pokemon hybrid on edge.

"No! I'm not - bzzt - delicious! Neither is the pokedex!" the pokemon buzzed indignantly, to which the grubbin responded quickly. "N-no! We are  _not_  testing either!"

* * *

After having a good laugh over how Watmel and Liechi were lightly bullying Rotomdex, her mother urged Selene to go head off on her own. The girl had initially hesitated because surely she should say goodbye to Hau, Lillie, and Ilima, but her mother had given her a sly wink.

"I may not know you as well as I should, but as your mother, I could tell how antsy you were feeling during all that shopping." The woman regarded the visible guilt on Selene's face with a sad smile. "It's okay… I'm pretty sure Hau and Lillie will be staying at the pokemon center, so I'll tell them you can just meet them there. Feel free to leave me a call using your fancy Pokedex if you need me!"

"But -"

"Good luck sweetie." The seriousness in the woman's tone made Selene falter "I.. I know you can do it."

_I don't know if I'm ready_ , Selene wanted to admit. However, at the cusp of her journey, the words halted at the tip of her tongue. Her anxiety did not ease as her mother quietly took in the girl's silence and expression.

"Go have some fun exploring the city on your own," the woman suggested gently. "There's some tall grass in between the buildings, so you can feel free to hunt for a pokemon in relative safety."

Reassured by having the structure of guidelines to tell her how to begin, the girl gave her mother a nod and determined look before running off on her first steps of her Island Challenge, lit by the late afternoon sun. She made an immediate beeline for one of the gates that fenced off the tall grass within the city, already knowing what pokemon she wanted to capture: an Alolan meowth.

Selene ran into some familiar sights, much to her surprise. While the pichu wasn't really a surprise, spotting abra and magnemite so near civilization (in the latter's case, unabandoned civilization) was strange to say the least. Occasionally, the girl swore that she had seen black rattata (the Alolan variant, perhaps) scuttling through base of the grass, but it was hard to tell as the grass reached as high as midthigh in some places. The Kantoan girl was grateful that she had stuck to covering as much skin as she could bear in the Alolan heat, because wherever the blades of grass made contact with skin, Selene was torn between laughing and screaming.

After thirty minutes, Selene was starting to feel a little discouraged, wondering if her immense desire to catch an Alolan meowth was actually scaring them off instead. Feeling worn out, the girl plopped herself onto the ground, not caring about how the contents of her backpack jostled around.

Then a bright idea hit her: she should use Watmel to scout from above! Since Selene now had a second pokemon, she could have Watmel be her second eye without being in danger.

Sending out her rowlet, the girl wondered if the rowlet would understand her request.

While pokemon had the intelligence to understand human language to an impressive extent, their knowledge did fall short in some areas. The subject was a topic of fervent debate, one with no conclusive answer but countless, interesting documentaries that made for good bonding time on the rare occasions that her mother had the time to join her on the couch for bingeing the science channel until they conked out.

From what Selene remembered, more technical terms were hard for pokemon to understand, and tenses were also something many pokemon had trouble grasping without some instruction. Selene couldn't help but think back to her previous battles in Alola and how her orders has proved confusing for her pokemon in a few instance.

Knowing how to give orders to your pokemon was actually more complex than it looked. The art of battle had countless languages - each one crafted by an individual trainer and their pokemon. Well, that's what one of Selene's favorite documentaries, guest starring  _the_ Professor Oak, had emphasized, though at the time, Selene had been a bit more captivated by the footage of Red, Blue, Lance and other high profile battlers.

With faint anxiety, Selene realized, she would have to craft one for her own pokemon if she wanted to be anything more than a mediocre battler.

_It should be easy_ , she tried to tell herself. However, the girl had come across so many things that others did as thoughtlessly as breathing that she struggled to grasp. There  _was_  that possibility that she would struggle.

Then again, it wasn't a guarantee.

Yet.

_No_ , the girl thought, shaking her head.  _I should only worry about the outcome if I actually get around to doing what I set out to do. And right now, I want Watmel to help me find an Alolan meowth. So let's think._

_Most pokemon can usually figure out the human name for a pokemon though context. Battles are simple like that. But I'm not sure if Watmel would know what an Alolan meowth would look like. Since Watmel is familiar with Mother's meowth, she might be able recognize a pokemon that looks very similar so -_

_Wait._

"Hey, Rotomdex?"

The girl's heart almost stopped when she felt the pokedex wriggle its way out of her backpack, jostling around the contents. The abrupt feeling of hard objects being pressed into her back was going to take some getting used to.

"What is it, bzzt?" the pokemon asked, waving around two solid arms that had definitely not been a part of the base pokedex.

"Could you bring up an image for an Alolan meowth?"

"Easy!" Rotomdex buzzed, turning its screen on to display a purplish meowth with a very round, ovalish head, the pokemon shrugging nonchalantly at the viewer. The smugness the image emanated almost made Selene snort - her mother's meowth had been born the wrong variant from the looks of it.

"All right," the girl began. "That's the pokemon we're looking for." Watmel nodded eagerly from where it was perched on her shoulder. "Try to stay around here. Got it, Watmel?"

The rowlet chirped once in assent before taking off into the air, hovering a little above the height of the nearby buildings. Its narrowed eyes roved intently over the ground.

"See anything?"

The pokemon shook its head.

"Well, let's keep looking for now," Selene said. "If you find one, don't make any noise and come back to me, okay?"

Watmel fervently nodded, and with a smile, Selene shot her pokemon a thumbs up as it flew off.

_All right,_ Selene thought, confidence renewed.  _Time to get back to searching._

"Rotomdex, you can help me down here," the girl whispered. "Just be quiet, okay?"

A nearby rustle in the taller grass made trainer and pokemon pause - something was moving in there. From what Selene could tell, it had to be a pokemon a shade of green less saturated than the grass it was hiding in, which meant it was one the girl had yet to encounter.

"What the?" Selene found herself asking, flinching how harshly the words cut through the silence.

At the sound of those words, the pokemon poked its head through the grass, revealing itself to be a grayish green grimer, its snaggleteeth emphasized by the yellow stripe beneath its mouth.

"Oh my," Selene gasped. "Forget the meowth. This one's adorable."

"...Adorable?" Rotom said slowly. "You mean 'inspiring great affection, delightful, charming'?"

"Yup."

"...You sure?"

The girl was about to shoot the pokedex a glare, when she saw the grimer look from her to Rotomdex before immediately turning tail and fleeing back into the taller grass.

"Shit," Selene said eloquently. "Watmel! Follow that rustling grass right there!"

With a sharp cry, the rowlet flew in pursuit, Selene following after as best as she could while wearing shorts in tall grass and carrying a backpack that wasn't packed so well. It was awkward, to say the least.

The girl squinted as she struggled to make out movement in the sea of grass ahead of her, shocked to find that the grimer had managed to put sizeable distance between itself and the girl. Gritting her teeth, Selene unclipped Liechi's pokeball and released the grubbin onto her shoulder. Maybe it wasn't fair to double team a wild pokemon, but Selene had absolutely no qualms about abusing every advantage she could get, especially in an unofficial setting.

"Liechi! String Shot the pokemon in the grass!"

The grubbin fired a line of silk, managing to latch on. However, just a second later, Selene registered something close to a shocked squeak by her right ear as she felt, not saw, her pokemon go flying after the line that it was attached to.

"Hold on, Liechi!" Selene shouted, suddenly feeling short of breath. "I'm, I'm coming!"

The rustling in the grass was now a lot more violent with her grubbin being dragged along by the grimer. Selene ran after the the movement as best as she could, wishing she could dump her backpack without regretting it later. Much to her excitement, the grimer had now run itself into a dead end - the back end of a building. However, it seemed like Liechi's silk line had snapped somewhere along the way, the grubbing somewhere in the tall grass.

Watmel let out a triumphant cry as it dove towards the grimer ahead of Selene, but seconds later, the rowlet was flying back frantically with a loud shriek.

"Watmel, what's wrong -"

Selene cut herself off as she spotted wilt in the nearby grass, a faint purple haze dissipating into the air. Instinctively, the girl covered her mouth and nose with one hand while fanning the air away from her with the other.

Poison Gas. Knowing her rowlet, an inexperienced battler, it had instinctively backed away before the poison attack. In general, pokemon were generally hardy enough to take a few attacks of a supereffective nature, but out in the wild, where pokemon typically didn't pick fights they couldn't win, avoiding supereffective attacks was a reflex all pokemon were born with, barring dispositions characteristic of certain species.

"It'll be okay, Watmel," Selene urged gently. "Go from above and try a Tackle!"

The rowlet hesitated, a nervous look on its face, before it flew up to prepare its attack. The grimer's eyes followed the grass pokemon, an action that made Watmel flinch. Before Selene could say something else, the ground beneath the Alolan grimer broke up, Liechi knocking the grimer into the air with a Dig.

Unprepared for what its teammate had done, Watmel let out a surprised squawk, abandoning its attack as the grimer flew up at it. The wild pokemon reached out with a slimy arm, its reach extending further up into the air than the rowlet expected. It only skimmed one of Watmel's wings, but the rowlet still panicked all the same.

As the grimer plunged back down to the ground, Liechi attempted a Vice Grip. With a formlessness that surprised the grubbin, the grimer managed to slip out of Liechi's grasp, the wild pokemon's body twisting impressively to squeeze through the grubbin's mandibles. Before grubbin or trainer could retaliate, the grimer shot an arm up and over its opponent's mandibles to smack Liechi in the eyes with a pound attack.

Selene gaped as Liechi recoiled back. Simultaneous offense and defense? How was she to counter that?

The grimer shoved Liechi away from it, asserting the grubbin as the primary threat. It paid no heed to the rowlet above, who seemed incredibly reluctant to attack the opponent before it.

Liechi burrowed into the ground once again, but this time the grimer intently focused on the ground. Selene, realizing that she hadn't said a thing since she ordered Watmel to attack, found that she wasn't sure what to do.

_Maybe it would be best to have Liechi deal with the grimer. I don't think Watmel will be able to overcome its fear of its own disadvantage in the next few seconds._

However, this time, the grimer was ready, and as Liechi shot out the ground, the grimer did not attempt to avoid the attack or the grubbin's mandibles. As Liechi latched on, Selene saw its eyes widen as the grimer began to envelop the grubbin with its liquidlike body. Liechi immediately released the grimer, though it found that it could not wriggle out of the wild pokemon's grasp, clicking its mandibles in frustration.

"Electroweb, Liechi!" Selene said quickly, hoping to take advantage of the pokemons' proximity to each other. The grubbin opened its mandibles, preparing to fire an Electroweb, only for the grimer to clamp them shut with one slimy hand.

...Selene honestly didn't have an inkling of a plan for that one.

The grimer then proceeded to nibble on Liechi, prompting the grubbin to struggle even more.

"Watmel, you can do it! You can help Liechi!" the girl said frantically. Expecting the rowlet to hesitate again, Selene was crouching down to set her backpack in front of her. Maybe if she threw something at the grimer, it would let go of Liechi…

But at the top of her peripheries, Selene saw Watmel divebomb the grimer, grabbing the wild pokemon with its talons and lifting it up off the ground. The grimer dropped Liechi, not anticipating the attack from the rowlet. Watmel shivered as the grimer grabbed at its legs but did not let go, swooping down once more to slam the wild pokemon into the ground.

Backing away immediately, Watmel fired off a quick Leafage that the grimer blocked with its arms. The grimer opened its mouth, as if challenging the rowlet to take it on in close quarters combat.

"Don't back down!" Selene shouted, full of pride for her companion. "I'll be here for you! Liechi, support Watmel!"

With a emboldened cry, Watmel went in for a flying kick, not wavering even as the grimer moved into a stance to counter. It was at that moment that Liechi came from behind with a powerful Bite, taking the grimer by surprise and leaving it open wide. The rowlet knocked the grimer to the ground before firing a point blank Razor Leaf to knock the grimer flying into the nearby wall.

"String Shot, Liechi!"

Just as the grimer came to its senses, it found itself pinned to the wall by a thick layer of silk. The wild pokemon struggled for a moment, though it relaxed upon seeing Selene pull an empty pokeball off her belt, resigning itself to its fate.

Selene held her breath as she tossed the capsule, relieved to see that she had hit the mark on the first go.

The pokeball plopped to the ground with a dull thud, and Selene braced herself for the grimer breaking out the capsule. However, the almost immediate click of the pokeball rung through the air instead, and the girl took several moments to stare in disbelief at the sight.

"Did that really happen?" she said finally, tiredly plopping herself onto the ground.

"Yes," Rotomdex supplied helpfully.

"Is there anything I should worry about?" Selene asked, only now realizing that maybe it wasn't the brightest idea to catch a grimer if it would be hard to take care of. "Does it…" Selene winced, feeling a little bad. "...Well, do Alolan grimers have a strong odor?"

"Alolan grimers do not smell. In fact, take a whiff of the air right now!"

Selene dubiously regarded the pokedex before doing just that.

"...You're right," the girl said slowly, trying to process the fact she hadn't gotten the horrible rot she had been expecting. "That's so weird… Admittedly, grimers back home might smell just bad because they're found in the sewers of larger cities…"

The girl paused as something occurred to her. "What would an Alolan grimer eat? I guess it's a little surprising to see a grimer running around in broad daylight without being chased away."

"Garbage, mostly," the Rotomdex supplied with a soft hum. "Grimers can digest almost all non biodegradable materials. The bad smell of the Kantoan variants is attributed to the lack of diversity that comes with a wastewater diet."

Selene scowled, not sure what to make of that comment. "So, would it be unhealthy to feed this one berries and pokemon food?"

"Nope! Feel free to give her typical pokemon food. Just don't be surprised if she prefers the bowl to the chow in it!"

"Her, huh…" Selene mumbled, mildly impressed that Rotomdex had already determined her new catch's gender. The girl then realized that she probably give her newly caught pokemon a nickname. "Anything else I should know, like for battles?"

"Alolan grimers are also dark type!"

Selene blinked. "Really? How'd that happen?"

"Weeeeell, the change in physiology is theorized to have happened when -"

"All right, maybe another time," Selene said quickly, not exactly in the state of mind for an intensive lecture. "But thanks for giving me an idea for a name."

Selene released the grimer, the pokemon calmly taking in its new situation.

"Um, hi there," the girl said eloquently. "I'm Selene, your new trainer." Selene coughed awkwardly, realizing that this was as awkward as talking to another person. She racked her brains for whatever she had said when she had caught Liechi, now feeling self conscious.

"If you want to be set free, now's your chance."

The grimer did nothing to indicate such a desire, something that relieved the girl.

"All right then…" the girl mumbled with a faint smile on her. "I think I'll be calling you Payapa."

"A berry? But why?" Rotomdex cut in.

"Payapa berries help reduce the damage caused by super effective psychic attacks," Selene explained. "So I thought it sounded fitting, given the fact the Alolan variant is heavily resistant to psychic attacks."

"And it sounds cute," she added thoughtfully.

"...I still don't think that an Alolan grimer would be cute by human standards"

Selene rolled her eyes. "You're not being cute, Rotom. Unlike a certain other pokemon I know."

Selene raised an eyebrow at the grimer, who suddenly tackled her into a hug and knocked her back onto the ground. Watmel let out a worried chirp, landing on the grimer to hesitantly tugging at its ooze.

"I'm fine," Selene wheezed. "Well, I  _am_  feeling a little squished…"

The rowlet immediately began to chirp incessantly at its new teammate, perhaps trying to assert its dominance. Payapa didn't seem particularly bothered, turning around to face the rowlet. Watmel nervously began backing off, jumping off grimer and trainer. The little bird pokemon shrieked as the grimer successfully threw itself at the rowlet, and Selene couldn't help but laugh as she sat back up. Liechi patiently nudged her in the side, waiting to be picked up.

Selene let out a yawn as she did so, noting with surprise how tired she already was.

The fight with Payapa was definitely exciting but the sun was only beginning to set. A hand unconsciously drifted for the pokeballs attached to her belt, patting them down.

Wait a damn minute, what on earth was she looking for? All her pokemon were already out.

In her mind, an image of her mother's fearow appeared, and like that, Selene immediately covered her nose and mouth.  _Sleeping Powder!_

She tried to prop herself up, though her muscles protested the effort. In her lap, a now sleeping Liechi felt incredibly heavy.

_Stay calm_ , Selene tried to tell herself, even as a strong wave of drowsiness struck her. She should have recognized the faintly sweet scent in the air.

After all, in spite of their rather harmless appearance, the powder attacks of pokemon like oddish and bellsprout could cause permanent damage to humans. The doses that they used in self defense against other pokemon were more than the average human could handle.

Nevertheless, it didn't stop the younger children of Lavender Town from wandering south in Route 12, where dangers lurked in both the grass and the ocean, separated by a small strip of beach. All parents could do was arm their children with their experienced pokemon, her mother's fearow being a prime candidate for keeping Selene and the rest of the kids safe.

It had been that unconscious reaction on Selene's part - seeking the pokeball that was not there, that made her catch on to the gravity of the situation.

After all, a band of spearows was among the most formidable natural phenomenon in Kanto, especially given how far a single spearow's cry for help could reach. When led by a fearow, the apex predator of Lavender Town and its surrounding areas, most wild pokemon would be hesitant to strike, lest they face the coordinated wrath of the most vicious pokemon family on the region. And so long as her mother's fearow was around to assert its dominance, the spearows wouldn't dare harm any of the children.

Most importantly, in the very rare case someone did get an overdose of a powder attack, with Fearow, they could be flown to the pokemon center as soon as possible.

But she didn't have Fearow with her. She was alone.

_Wait_ , the girl thought tiredly.  _I'm not._

"Watmel! Payapa!" the girl hissed, settling into a higher sitting position to keep her from inhaling the most concentrated air near the ground, where the powder would begin to settle. The reason people got any form of powder poisoning is that they would collapse to the ground from the fatigue of the initial inhalation. There, they would lie helplessly, unable to do anything other than take in a dangerous dose.

The rowlet, already tired from the battle with Payapa, blinked a few times before hopping over.

"Help... me up…" she said, voice muffled by her own hand. "Sleeping... Powder in the air…"

The rowlet weakly fluttered its wings as it tugged on its trainer's arm, though Selene wasn't sure if that was doing any good. It took a gentle push from Payapa to get to the girl to her feet, though Selene didn't have much confident in her ability to stand on her own. She swayed back and forth a little before stumbling backward into the building wall behind her.

"What's wrong?" she managed, noticing how Rotomdex looked like it was on the verge of overheating, flitting around erratically while making strange noises.

"There's no pokemon in this area that should be capable of using any powder attacks!" Rotomdex buzzed frantically. "Stay here! I'll go get help -"

"I don't think so."

Selene looked up and immediately froze up. Standing in Rotomdex's way was a male teenager dressed like a punk for a lack of better words - black tank top, tattered pants, a gaudy chain necklace completely with a flashy stylized S hanging at its lowest point. Though the lower half of his face was covered by a black bandana, he had the angriest set of eyes and eyebrows the girl had ever seen on a person, his expression causing the girl to press herself back against the wall in hopes that she would melt through it.

Rotomdex let out a noise that sounded like an "eep" before immediately flying back to hide behind Selene.

"Who… who are you?" the girl asked, her voice cracking on the last word.

He also sounded exactly like a punk, or at least Selene's image of one. It was the kind of voice that could hurt a person. Could hurt a pokemon. Just like -

Team Rocket. Her father's dewgong. Dead.

A storm of spearows with human screams as their thunder. Blood. So much blood.

Old memories bubbled up Selene's throat. Fear and despair tasted a lot like bile.

"Please don't hurt me," she added pathetically, trembling furiously.

At this, Selene swore the young man cringed, though it might just have been her brain failing her, thanks to the sleeping powder in the air.

"Not from here, eh?" he grunted, noting her accent. "Gotta be a tourist."

He took a step forward, the reddish light of the sky making his messy brown hair take on an almost bloody tint. Selene bit back the urge to cry at the thought. His gaze drifted over to the pokemon by her side, his eyes narrowing at the sight of one in particular.

"Why the hell do you have a rowlet? I sure as hell don't remember Hala handing out sacred Alolan pokemon to tourists like cheap souvenirs."

Selene shot the young man a confounded look, not sure if her brain was capable of piecing together a coherent response. He didn't take her silence well, umber eyes flashing with unadulterated rage.

" _You stole it?_ "

"N-n-no!" Selene stammered, vigorously shaking from head to toe. The action only seemed to reaffirm her guilt in his eyes, his face twisting into a vicious, almost animalistic snarl. He took several menacing steps towards her, and the girl felt an enormous spike of fear.

He hesitated as all three of Selene's pokemon (Liechi must have woken up some time ago) moved to their trainer's defense, standing between her and the apparent threat. Much to the girl's surprise, the punk began to slowly take a few steps back, not taking his eyes off of her pokemon.

"You really gonna to do it?" he asked in disgust. "Attack a defenseless human with your pokemon?"

Selene squirmed uncomfortably. Even pokemon deemed unfit for battle could kill a human if they really wanted to.

Of course, it wasn't a common occurrence. It seemed as though most pokemon regarded humans as weak and nonthreatening, so much so that there was speculation in the scientific community that pokemon found people as cute in a sort of pet like way. Even if a pokemon was trained to ignore such inhibitions, the collective wrath that would follow…

"Not if you leave me alone," Selene said, mustering up as much courage as she could. It wasn't much. "Get any closer, and I'll order my pokemon to attack. It'll be self defense."

Admittedly, Selene didn't believe she would be able to set her pokemon on another person without thinking about what happened to her father's poor, poor dewgong. But he didn't know that.

The punk's hand slowly went for one of the pokeballs on his belt, but Watmel twittered angrily, causing him to pause. Much to the girl's surprise, it seemed as though the older teenager only had three pokemon like her.

In one quick motion, the punk managed to snatch one of his pokeballs and hurl it in front of him. His eyes widened as he dove out of the way of a Leafage Watmel had fired in his direction, looking in faint horror at the ground where he had been seconds before.

Selene snapped her head over to her rowlet, appalled.

"W-watmel!" she sputtered in disbelief. "I, I didn't tell you to  _attack_  him!" She too eyed the damage that the rowlet had caused, and while Selene could gauge the attack had been deliberately weakened, it still didn't change the fact that… that…!

Selene shivered. She didn't even want to think about it. She couldn't even look at her own pokemon, afraid to imagine another one of her pokemon drenched in blood. Especially, for an entirely different reason.

"You know what?" the punk said finally, having recovered from his shock. "I was just going to shake you down, but that rowlet. Hand it over, and I'll go on my way."

Selene shot him a horrified look before shaking her head furiously. "N-no. Watmel's my pokemon."

He snorted as if he didn't believe her. "Can you  _really_  be trusted with caring for a pokemon if it doesn't think twice about harming a human?"

"Stop right there," Selene growled, suddenly incensed by his words. "I've had Watmel for little over a year, and I've never seen her lash out at a person before. Maybe it has something to do with you."

For some reason, the punk did not speak. He seemed to be considering something; though after a moment, he only shook his head.

"You haven't been in Alola that long - your foreigner's accent's a dead giveaway. There's no way the Kahuna would let  _you_ have such a precious pokemon. You're even dumber than I thought if you think he'd let an outsider raise one outside of Alola. So, nice lie."

"I am not -"

"Honestly, it's for your own good. If someone from the Old Families sees you with it, you'll be wishing you had just let me take it off your hands." He slowly inhaled and spoke in a calmer voice, though it sounded like it pained him greatly to do so. "I don't like hurting kids. But those pretentious fucks don't give a  _damn_  about one extra body, little or not."

Selene shook her head, even if what the teenager was saying did scare the absolute shit out of her. She wasn't going to hand over her pokemon because someone threatened her. No, not again.

The punk closed his eyes for a moment, gnashing his teeth angrily.

"Look, I'm trying to be nice here, you shitty little thief," he snarled, patience gone. "We can both go along our merry way if you cooperate, and no one has to get hurt."

At this point, Selene wanted to point out that he was more of thief than she was, but she had enough of her wits together to not say that out loud. Then again, she was so tired from the dose of sleeping power earlier that talking was almost much effort.

The young man let out a dark chuckle as he rolled a shoulder, several bony, cracks cutting through the silence. "Why do kids  _always_  do their damnedest to get themselves killed?"

Selene noticed the way the muscles of his bare upper arm flexed and wasn't sure if she was horrified or impressed.

"Don't think too badly of me, but I'll have to make you go to sleep the hard way." His eyes softened just the slightest. "Trust me, I don't enjoy this either."

That, for whatever reason, caused an indescribable anger flare up in Selene. Acting like he was the victim here when he was the one planning on mug her? What the hell? Did he really think he was going to be able to lay a finger on her after their earlier?

"Try me," Selene said with as much venom as she could muster. It wasn't much but better than nothing. Cautiously, she eyed the pokemon he had sent out earlier. It was pink and heart shaped, reminding her of an enormous luvdisc.

"That pokemon…?" she mumbled quietly, speaking only for Rotomdex to hear.

"Alomomola, the 'Caring' pokemon. It's a water type with whose stamina almost matches that of a wailord. It has superior defensive capabilities though."

Selene couldn't help but grimace, knowing fully well that a drawn out battle of endurance was one that she was least prepared for, especially in this situation. Of course there was no reason to fight fairly here, but all three of her pokemon were worn out from the chase from earlier. She hadn't taken the time to heal her pokemon, assuming earlier she could run to a nearby pokecenter.

It was a decision she was severely regretting. One or two solid hits would probably do in all three of her pokemon. Even if she triple teamed the punk, the odds were still stacked against Selene.

The young man looked at her with contemptuous amusement before letting out a low laugh. "If you want a battle, sure. Though I don't know if your pokemon can handle one in their current state."

As if in protest, Selene saw all three of her pokemon tense up. Watmel angrily began to chirp as it flew forward a little, Liechi and Payapa silently taking up spots behind the rowlet.

"Just as loyal to their trainer, huh?" the punk said darkly. "Cute. Points for spirit."

The rowlet lunged, dodging the Hydro Pump the alomomola had fired without much difficulty. The attack spurred Selene's grubbin and grimer into charging at the water pokemon as well.

"Watmel, no!" Selene shouted. Much to her horror, the rowlet ignored the opponent's pokemon and went straight for the trainer. What the hell was going on? Why did her otherwise docile rowlet suddenly have no inhibitions about attacking humans?

To the Kantoan girl's secret relief, a burst of energy came flying out of the tall grass behind the punk and nailed her rowlet dead on. Watmel let out a shocked cry as it crashed into the ground, though its warning failed to stop Liechi from launching out of the earth at the alomomola.

The moment the grubbin became airborne, another attack from the grass knocked it flying higher into the air, where the enemy alomomola promptly picked it off with a single Hydro Pump. Liechi fell to the ground with an unceremonious thud, narrowly missing Watmel.

"In the grass, Payapa!" Selene ordered, scrambling to account for the fact the battle was now a two on two as opposed to the three on one she had been expecting. "Watmel, use Razor Leaf on the alolomola!"

Payapa ducked with ease under its teammate's barrage of leaves, slinking into the tall grass behind the punk with little resistance as the alomomola was busy enduring Watmel's onslaught. The unseen attacker let out a surprised cry, but while the grass shook furiously during the scuffle, it was over quick.

Only one pokemon emerged, a pink pokemon with the most haunting smile Selene had ever seen. A thin arm trailed behind it, and with one powerful swing, it tossed Selene's unconscious grimer forward. The new pokemon seemed unharmed, a fact that caused Selene's opponent to chuckle.

"You're a few years too young to try and challenge me. It was a solid effort. I'll give you that much."

Watmel let out an angry cry, diving at the new enemy with reckless abandon. Barreling around the balls of energy the eerie pokemon lazily fired at it, the rowlet prepared to dive at its opponent -

Selene fell to her knees, shivering as she felt her rowlet crashing into the wall behind her before tumbling unconscious to the ground. Only then did the girl register how fast the alomomola's direct Hydro Pump had sent her pokemon flying, both attack and rowlet narrowly missing her ear.

She felt her jaw go slack, open a little. Nothing came out.

The punk let out a low, dark chuckle. "To think a pokemon would fight so fervently for the person who stole it. I just don't get it. It's just sickening."

The contemptuous, hateful glower directed her way made Selene's head swim. She was starting to have a pretty good idea of why her to be mugger was taking so much offense to her possession of Watmel, but if so, then…  _then_ …!

Old Families. Worse than him. If they saw a Kantoan, no,  _foreign_  girl with one of their precious Alolan pokemon, they would… they… really would…

So why…? Why had Hala… why had the professor…?

They wouldn't…

They had promised her mother that… that...

_They wouldn't!_

Suddenly, Selene felt like she had caught fire beneath her skin and all the air in her lungs was burning, burning but she was cold, so cold and everything was shaking, tumbling, crashing and the darkness creeping into her thoughts felt so inviting  _-_

She inhaled, and the world came into blinding clarity around her, her fingertips tingling as if she had been shocked.

"...Pot calling the kettle black much?" a familar voice rung out.

Selene exhaled in relief, though it came out as a pained hiss. There was an unbearable, sharp stabbing pain in her lungs as she breathed, causing the girl to claw at her upper abdomen.

"Shit," the punk hissed, whirling around to see the Melemele trial captain approaching, the pink haired captain's peaceful smile at terms with the cold edge to his voice.

Ilima put up a hand to his face as if he was trying to obscure a laugh. "Oh my... To think Team Skull has its young adults jumping children now." With the slightest tilt of his head up, his gray eyes grew cold and dull as they regarded the person before them. "How  _terrifying_ …"

The punk gave Ilima a disgusted once over, eyes coming to a halt upon the pin in Ilima's hair. He snarled; Selene couldn't help but think of a provoked wild pokemon. "Greetings,  _trial captain_. Surely you take offense to a foreigner being in possession of one of our sacred pokemon, right?"

"She's immigrating permanently," Ilima retorted almost immediately. "She'll be as good as a natural born Alolan in a few years."

Almost. Selene had sworn she had caught an involuntary blink from the trial captain at the punk's last words, and the girl found that irrational paranoia trickle into how she was viewing Ilima.

As good as a natural born Alolan  _in a few years?_  Did that mean that right, Selene was…?

No, that had to be projecting the xenophobia she was looking for onto the other person, even though the girl was starting to be convinced that her Kantoan differences would make her stand out in less positive ways.

"Cut the lip service," the punk snorted, rolling his eyes. "Who would want to stay here for anything longer than a vacation? You can get all the pretty little sights..." Here, the teenager dragged his thumb along his throat in a crude throat slitting gesture. "...While cutting out all the  _bullshit_  this island hellhole has to offer."

All the while, Ilima made a show of examining his fingernails, giving the punk a far less impressed gaze when the trial captain finally looked up.

"Call it lip service, but any insults you sling at Alola don't necessary improve the quality of your own drivel," Ilima said drily. "As Melemele's sole trial captain, I won't stand for thieves, especially ones who have the nerve to do it out in public."

Ilima then shook his head, letting out a sigh.

"Clearly, you're not going to listen to me, so why I don't speak the only language you people happen to know?" With a practiced elegance, the trial captain plucked an ultra ball from his belt in one smooth move, a slight frown upon his face. "You will lose."

The punk only laughed; though to Selene, it sounded frighteningly (familiarly) hollow. "Try me then."

Selene wanted to say something. Do something. Do  _anything_. The helplessness felt unbearable, but suddenly, it felt as though the ground behind her had vanished. And then she was falling, and it was like plunging back into that ravine from that day upon the bridge, and then -

* * *

Selene woke up to the sound of stream - a stream of curses, that is.

"Shit," the punk muttered. Selene could hear him returning two fallen pokemon as she pushed herself off the ground and into a sitting position. " _Shit, shit, shit._ "

At the sight of movement, Ilima nodded her way, though his eyes steadfast remained upon his opponent.

"You still have one more pokemon," the trial captain stated coldly, arms crossed.

"...Not in battle condition either," the punk snapped. "So do me a favor and  _fuck off_."

Ilima's eyes narrowed, making his usually relaxed smile that much more menacing. "If you say so. Gumshoos, take over for me."

The punk let out a strangled noise, backing away as one of Ilima's pokemon stepped forward. Selene almost had to do a double take. This gumshoos hardly seemed like a pokemon that would… erm, match the trial captain's high class image.

"Now then, pay up," Ilima ordered. "Pay up to her since you thought it was a good idea to attempt a felony in broad daylight. Attacking a person with a pokemon is a heavy crime already, but powder attacks fall under lethal force."

The young man made a face, looking like a wild pokemon cornered - unpredictable and dangerous. He turned from the trial captain to Selene, and the girl almost had a heart attack on the spot. Memories of what her rowlet had almost done flashed through her head.

_No, there's no way that Ilima would believe him over me_ , the girl thought. She grabbed a bit of her hair in one hand, anxiously twirling it around the finger of the other.  _But then again… maybe Ilima doesn't think I'm a fit trainer for Watmel._

_What am I going to do then? Lie to a trial captain's face? Could I even pull that off?_

The punk didn't say anything, only letting out a frustrated exhale as he shook his head. It seemed like he didn't like his odds either. Stiffly he rolled a shoulder, if he was contemplating lunging out at the trial captain, eyes flitting back and forth between Ilima and the gumshoos who stood with its hands behind its back.

"If you lash out at me, it's within my legal right to defend myself with my pokemon," Ilima said cooly. "Are you willing to risk severe injury over what started as a petty mugging?"

Selene almost frowned, something about the trial captain's statement feeling off.

The punk laughed, the sound more like a pained bark if anything. "How awful. Severe injury? You said that one crime doesn't justify committing another. So it's okay if  _you_  do it?"

Ilima remained impassive. "Don't think you can get out of this by twisting my words around. My own actions do not exonerate you from the crimes you have commited."

"Then it's okay because I'm one of them,  _right?_ " The punk snarled, suddenly incredibly incensed. Selene could actually hear the sound of his teeth grinding together, the sound so uncomfortable she physically cringed. "Just another damned stepping stone for your precious future. Oh wait, I'm not even worth a speck of fucking  _dust_  to your career."

"Admittedly," Ilima said, voice devoid of sympathy, "you're looking more a lot like a rattata at this point."

A very strange noise came from the punk, whose wide eyes immediately shot to the trial captain's gumshoos. The pokemon made no attempt to acknowledge the teenager, and only then did Selene notice how tight the punk's muscles had become.

He violently shot an obscene hand gesture gesture the trial captain's way. Selene felt every inch of her conservative upbringing wither.

"Go ahead, captain. Give me your  _worst_." If it weren't for the bandana covering his mouth, Selene imagined that spit would be flying by this point. "Or are you too worried about your reputation to stomp me out like your duties demand of you in front of a tourist kid?"

Fearfully, Selene looked on, expecting something terrible to happen.

"Calm down, Basil."

A new voice, velvety soft yet commanding, caused everyone to turn towards Ilima's direction, the trial captain starting when he found a tall silhouette shading him in shadow. This new person seemed older than either the punk or Ilima - Selene pegged him to be a legal adult at least.

He was dressed much like the punk he had called Basil - black shorts, shirt, bandana around his mouth - though demeanor made all the difference. His dark hair looked to be tinted green, and his eyes, so dark that they were almost black, seemed to bore into whatever they were looking at. A black jacket hung casually from his shoulders, billowing in the light breeze as he walked.

In fact, the newcomer didn't even bother walk around Ilima, instead knocking the trial captain aside as he walked right towards the punk - no, Basil. Basil completely stiffened at the sight of the person, the unobscured part of his face draining of blood.

"You're -" Ilima began, a hint of indignation in his voice.

"Yew," Basil managed, looking, much to Selene's shock, towards his feet in an almost submissive guest. "Where the hell did you come from?"

The older male softly hummed as he put a finger on his chin, not bothered by the gumshoos that began to growl as he passed it." You know, a little bird told me…" Suddenly, he reached over and smacked Basil upside the head with a gloved hand, something no one else had been ready for. "...Are you an idiot? Did you really think I wouldn't keep tabs on you?"

"No," Basil grumbled, not sounding sincere at all.

"Well, a little bird did tell me that the companion I trusted not to cause trouble did  _exactly_  that…" he said, eyes crinkling amusement. "I'm disappointed."

Basil offered no retort, looking anywhere but at the young man he had called Yew. Selene couldn't help but feel secondhand embarrassment as though  _she_ had been scolded like a naughty child, and she too looked away for a moment.

"You lost," Yew stated. "Don't make this into a scene."

"But -"

Yew's eyes narrowed. "Remember what we're here to do."

Basil shut up immediately. However, Ilima visibly bristled.

"What  _you're_  here to do? I can't just let you go after hearing that!" the trial captain said, a hint of strain to his voice. From where it stood, his gumshoos let out a low growl that made Basil cringe. "It's my duty to keep the peace on this island."

The older punk paid Ilima no heed, waving a hand halfheartedly in his direction. "If you run along, I won't press the matter any further."

Ilima stared at him in disbelief, fingers tapping at one of his elbows. "...I'm sorry?"

Yew paid him no heed, instead let out a sigh directed towards Basil as he moved to sling a shoulder around the tense punk. "Do me a favor and calm down. You're more than capable of handling a trained gumshoos."

"Besides," he continued, "it's not like our trial captain here has any idea what he's doing. Melemele doesn't have a Skull problem because of Kahuna Hala's guidance. And as someone appointed by the Kahuna, anything he does will reflect on Hala."

Yew's eyes narrowed into a mirthful gaze. "And anyone with a brain knows that Hala's the only thing keeping Alola from falling apart right now. Sure would be a shame if  _someone_  undermined his authority."

" _What did you say?_ "

"It was hypothetical, relax." Yew's eyes crinkled into a smirk as Ilima took a deep breath, though the trial captain was now gripping tightly at his crossed arms. "And maybe I wasn't speaking about you. In fact, I've heard mostly praise for your political ability."

Selene looked between the three, astounded by how Yew oozed authority through his demeanor alone, his body language indicating completely ease while everyone else had tensed in some way. Ilima was doing a much better job than either her or Basil, but even the trial captain's perfect posture and neutral expression was coming off as stiff and forced.

"I'm just saying now would be a really bad time for people to lose faith in Melemele's Kahuna, especially with all these rumors going around lately and Professor Kukui tearing Alola apart with his league plan." Yew explained with a lazy handwave. "Just let us go on our way. We aren't here to cause trouble."

"Really," Ilima said drily.

"If it makes you feel better," Yew hummed, tightening his hold on the silent Basil. "I'll be giving Basil here a stern talking to."

The trial captain put a hand on his cheek, as if he was seriously considering what had been said. "It doesn't, actually. In fact, I'm growing weary of that tongue of yours."

Yew shrugged nonchalantly, letting out a tired sigh as he released his comrade. "I mean, if you really want a battle…" He tossed his jacket back into Basil's face, completely ignoring the affronted noise the teenager made. A flash of dark green on his pale skin brought Selene's attention to a stylized S tattoo on his right shoulder. " _Are you sure about that?"_

"A tattoo does not a competent battler make," Ilima said, though the frown on his face suggested otherwise. "It could be fake, and even if it wasn't, why should I care that your 'great leader' thought you were worthy of recognition?"

"I suspect you're in a better position to follow the news. Tell me, did Ula'ula finally fill in poor Arty's trial captain spot yet?"

"...No," Ilima conceded, though the look on his face made it clear that he really did not want to admit it.

"Unlike my more…  _energetic_ fellow Skull Admins, I don't feel the need to posture by flaunting a title or…" Yew rolled his eyes here. "...Picking pointless battles to inflate my ego."

His voice grew bone chillingly soft yet venomous. "So let's spare both our pokemon the trouble of a battle whose result is obvious."

"All right." Ilima said with a pained grimace, returning his gumshoos. "Just go before I decide to do something I'll regret later."

"Hah, the mighty trial captain is afraid?" Basil laughed.

"I will be informing the Kahuna of your presence here," Ilima said, ignoring him completely. "I have a duty to this island, and as much as I would like to stop you here, I must put the safety of all Melemele inhabitants first. Your friend gave that girl powder poisoning."

For the first time since he had arrived, Yew's dark eyes fell upon Selene, narrowing in a cold way that made the girl shiver. "...Thank you for informing me of that. I'm quite disappointed in you, Basil."

"Don't think lightly of the Kahuna," warned Ilima, scowling profusely. "He won't let you people roam freely and cause havoc here."

"Kahuna Hala is honestly the last person anyone should ever think lightly of. If it makes you feel better, it's just us two here looking for something. Completely harmless, I promise."

"...We'll see about that."

"All right," Yew said coolly, draping an arm around Basil. With his free arm, he sarcastically saluted Ilima. "Goodbye, Captain."

Minus the sound of the two punks walking off into the tall grass, all was silent. Then Ilima let out a long exhale, as if he had been holding in a breath that entire conversation. Quickly, he moved to kneel by Selene, worriedly looking the girl over. Selene did her best not to turn away, as uncomfortable as she was with someone being in her large bubble of personal space.

"Would you let me check your temperature and pulse?"

Selene nodded stiffly, unwilling to say anything given the close proximity. The trial captain silently looked at her before he moved to hold her wrist, placing two fingers on the underside. After a moment, Ilima seemed satisfied, moving to place the back of his hand on the girl's forehead.

"...You seem all right, thankfully," the trial captain said with a relieved sigh. "Doesn't appear to be any powder poisoning. Can you stand?"

"I'm… not sure," Selene said finally. She wasn't sure if she could feel her legs or now. From behind, Rotomdex tried to hoist her up, but Selene shivered at the cold feeling of the pokedex's appendages touching her sides, slipping out of its grip.

Ilima hesitantly propped one of her arms over his shoulders, and when he stood up, Selene shook her head. Nope, her legs felt like sacks of potatoes.

With that, the trial captain set her gently back down on the ground, settling down into a cross legged sitting position. "Well, how about you return your pokemon then?"

Selene blinked, realizing that her pokemon were still sprawled across the ground. With a shaky nod, the girl fumbled for her pokeball. She had been so caught up in all that happened that her pokemon had a been a second thought.

The girl was now fully convinced that she  _needed_ an additional explanation about Alolan customs. Throughout the entire exchange between Ilima and the punks, Selene could tell that there was some sort of second conversation woven between those verbal barbs. And whatever it was, it had reeked to dangers that the girl knew she was painfully ignorant of.

But more than that, it frightened her the way anger practically intoxicated the teenager called Basil. It was like being witness to a horrible plague of madness, and yet, yet…! There was something in there that Selene felt that she could understand, and that misplaced empathy for someone who tried to harm her had… unsettling implications to say the least.

All the while, it reminded Selene of the anxiety she was beginning to feel around Ilima. The girl had felt some sort of kinship with the older boy, a person who could appreciate the mechanics of battle without the need to participate in one. However, his position of authority was not a comfort to Selene; no, it only left her more afraid and paranoid.

"Okay, it looks like you don't need medical attention," she heard Ilima saying. "Your fatigue has just been heightened by sleeping powder, so let's just rest here for a few minutes."

"Who… who were they?" Selene found herself asking, though even the mention of before had her shaking from head to toe.

"Nobody important," Ilima muttered. "They call themselves Team Skull, but they're just… well, hooligans."

"Hooligans," the girl repeated, voice tinged with disbelief. "I'm from Kanto. The word team brings up bad memories in that context."

The trial captain grimaced, realizing his poor choice in words. "Honestly, they're no big deal. Nothing like Team Rocket."

Selene scowled. There was no way she could let a flimsy argument like that slide. "Hoenn didn't think Team Aqua and Magma were a big deal, and now it'll take the region a few decades to ecologically recover from those instances of ultra-extreme weather. Kalos  _tries_  to tell the rest of the world that Team Flare's worst crime was being fashion disasters, but everyone knows better."

"I know," Ilima cut in tiredly. "I was studying abroad in Kalos during that time. Just trust me when I say that Team Skull is nothing like that. At worst, they're petty criminals who cause a little trouble. Honestly, they probably call themselves a team to make themselves feel better about their current situation."

Selene paused, trying to process this information."...What do you mean by that? Their situation that is."

"It's the other islands - Akala and Ula'Ula - that really have a problem with Team Skull. You don't really see any of Team Skull around here because of Hala." At this, Ilima looked down at his lap with a faint look of shame, his hands laced together. "That admin from before was right. I don't know how to deal with them. And even if I did know, the whole story is... "

Selene opened her mouth in complaint, as he hadn't addressed her question, but then the trial captain shook his head.

"I'm sorry. I won't say anymore right now. ...I don't want to nudge your opinion on them in the wrong directions."

He went silent for a moment.

"You're going to hear a lot of things about Team Skull." His expression turned mournful for some reason. Given his behavior with Team Skull earlier Selene found it odd. "...But don't ever forget that they're people too. Alolans just like you."

"Anyways, I'm sorry I let this happen to you," he said, shifting the topic. "I should have been there earlier."

Selene shook her head. "That you arrived when you did was pretty amazing."

Ilima gave her a faint smile, one that seemed more sincere given the exhaustion in his entire expression. "That's the least I should be able to do as Melemele's trial captain. And just so you know, you'll be staying over at my home for the night -"

" _What?_ "

"Sorry, should have started with the explanation," Ilima muttered, sounded frazzled. "Professor Kukui was insistent that he speak to you as soon as possible. Something must have come up at the Island Council, and given the political climate, he's probably looking out for you."

Selene felt her blood run cold with paranoia. What if they found out. What if they found out.  _What if they found out!?_

Her having rowlet seemed tantamount to a crime. It had to be, given the way it had all but distracted Basil from his original goal of mugging her. The Team Skull member had even said that there were people out there who were far less forgiving than he about the matter.

_So why on earth had both the professor and the Kahuna approved of my ownership of Watmel if outsiders weren't supposed to have one?_ Selene's mind wracked for answers that she just didn't have. Instead, her mind helpfully went back to the moments where Watmel had moved to intentionally harm a human

_Arceus. What if someone found out about that?_

The incident could only be taken as her own glaring failure to properly raise her own pokemon, but it didn't make sense. Watmel had never exhibited such behaviors before. Watmel's disposition was far too mild for such a thing, so why -

_It doesn't matter._

_They'll take Watmel away from you and probably the rest of your pokemon too. You'll lose your trainer's license. It'll be the end - your end. That's not something that can be handwaved when they look at your record._

_Or even worse, maybe they've found out about you and Tapu Koko._

_You know that the upper classes are in an uproar about one of their guardian deities finally breaking its silence. What do you think they'll do if they find out a foreign child accomplished something that one of them could not?_

_They will definitely find out as long as you stay here._

The girl thought of that accursed Z ring resting in her backpack. A permanent reminder of the being that had all but ruined her plans for a quiet new life in Alola, that essentially had her fleeing from what was supposed to be her new home, that seemed to think it was worth the effort to harass a child with a sacred relic she had no qualifications to own.

Selene wanted to laugh. To think that there were people who would probably kill to be in her place.

She didn't understand it, never had actually. Stories about Red and Blue are so full of glory and triumph that after a certain point that it felt more myth than truth. More entertainment than reality. They had both only been ten, a full  _three years_  younger than she was now. It might as well have been impossible on paper.

Somehow, they had made past it hurdles that should have completely and utterly ruined what were mere children.

_But they did it, they survived_ , people spoke dreamily.  _Don't you wouldn't wish to be in their place?_

Had Red or Blue known what would lay in store for them all those years ago? Had they known that the path they chose would lead them to recognition beyond people's imaginations? No, they hadn't.

Like stars in the night, the prospect of that kind of future was a brilliant light that captivated people. But there was a vast emptiness that lay in between, an uncertainty hidden away under the allure that had stolen away hearts and dreams.

Selene found that her gaze had always fallen short, and all she could feel was a profound sense of dread thinking about what she would find there.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> author's notes.
> 
> It's been a while, so I hope the length makes up for it. Though at times, I can't help but feel that I get distracted by any chance I get to worldbuild.
> 
> ... I can't offer a particularly eloquent explanation for the long update time other than "life happened". A lot of things have happened, and it took a while to adjust. To anyone reading this, thank you for putting up with me. :)
> 
> Moving on, Team Skull is here! For people leery of OCs, I will say that I will be using a few to fill in the narrative roles that I need, especially with Team Skull to better flesh them out and move away from the comedic role they had in SM. Yew and Basil follow the flora naming theme, and they're two of three Skull OCs I have created. I'd like to think that I gave hints to some of their depth because first impressions are a powerful thing. Feedback would be appreciated.
> 
> Watmel's behavior in this chapter is the beginning of a plot line that will stretch out through the entire fic. Look forward to it.
> 
> But until next time! I swear it won't take as long, haha.
> 
> story notes.
> 
> The Old Families represent the highest class in Alola, second only to the Kahuna and royal family in political influence. As their name implies, their power comes from their lineage and their ancestor's association with the Tapus and original members of the royal family. Thus, Kukui's plans would undermine their prestige.
> 
> Given the apparent age difference between Molayne and Sophocles, Molayne left the trial captain role long before Sophocles would be old enough to qualify for it. Thus the presence of this "Arty", who seems to have met with a terrible fate. Whoops. All I can say is that he was the ice type trial captain on Ula'Ula until recently, and his vacancy is causing a lot of problems.
> 
> Team Skull has had a lot of reworking done. They are misunderstood and wrongly scorned, but at the same time, they aren't entirely sympathetic people. Yew and Basil take the place of the two skull grunts you see on this island, and you'll be seeing a lot of them in the coming chapters. What happens will vary greatly from the scenarios in the games, however, so I hope you'll enjoy the more serious spin.
> 
> Yew is one of three Team Skull Admins, distinguished by the fact Guzma acknowledges them as worthy opponents and the Skull S tattoos they have. For various reasons, much of Team Skull are far less competent battlers so the Admins are highly respected. Gladion, on the other hand...


End file.
